Have you ever watched a TV show and had absolutely NO idea what happened? Yeah, that was pretty much my experience watching last night’s boring episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta. So, Phaedra hosted a dedication for Ayden and I don’t know what all that pomp and circumstance was about, but it was very cute. Sheree, at the behest of Bravo, tried to force Damon to propose to her daughter, and Kim and Cynthia had the meekest, tamest showdown in RHOA history. Where’s NeNe when you need her! So, let’s get this recap started!
Things begin with Phaedra running around the church, planning Ayden‘s dedication. Phaedra’s white jeans are distracting me, I hate white jeans. I initially thought it was a baptism and became alarmed, because Bravo’s track record with christenings is not so hot. Bravo certainly likes to use children’s religious ceremonies to create drama, doesn’t it? Anyway, this was a dedication. And it involves the baby being carried on a floating sled thing called a palanquin, surrounded by other children in white, who are ringing bells. Or, maybe that’s just Phaedra’s take on the situation. By the way, did anyone think Phaedra’s pastor was Bobby Brown for a second?!
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Sheree is going with future son-in-law, Damon, to pick out an engagement ring for her former assistant, Tierra. I like things that are elegant and sophisticated; which is why I don’t like Sheree. Whose intro should say: ‘I like things that are desperate and tawdry – just like me.’ Sheree is picking rings that cost as much as a mortgage, and Damon is wisely not taking the bait. I love how he reminded her he was not marrying Sheree! Sheree likes things out of her price range and tacky, and if she is so concerned about Tierra having a huge rock, maybe she should contribute. Oh wait…
She by Outofwhackpriorities needs to get it together. Damon should actually be saving that money for a house. There’s a reason Bob waited 10 years to propose and then made her sign a hefty prenup. I ain’t saying SHE a gold-digger, She by Shebroke just ain’t messing with no men in her own income bracket! To make a long story short, Damon decides on a modest, appropriate, and lovely $6,500 ring that Sheree thinks he should sleep on … with someone else.
At Kim‘s, she’s preparing for Kroy‘s homecoming by cooking him a delicious meal of microwaved wig. Poor Debbie, or Courtney, or Gazelle (or whatever the EFF that poor hair scrap’s name was) died a tragic death after being nuked into flames. Thinking about Kim lighting human hair on fire in her microwave was a little Jeffrey Dahmer for my taste. Totally disgusting. And unsanitary.
To celebrate Kroy‘s return from the Odyssey, aka a month-long football camp that is footing the bill for the rent-a-mansion, Kim has hired a chef to come over and make lasagna with no-boil noodles. Kim can’t slap what is essentially a casserole together? Seriously, what does this woman do all day? Seriously, what? Kim, look closely at Sheree and recognize her as your future!
NeNe is making guacamole with Brent and having a heart-to-heart about the divorce. Strangely, the nanny is also there to supervise the dicing of avocados. NeNe is trying to draw an emotional response out of Brent about the divorce, but he is your typical teenaged awkward boy in response. Mama needs screen time, Brent! Brent admits that everyone is happier now that they’re apart and he’s ok with his parents being separated. Brent is a sweet kid. He got so big overnight! He’s almost as tall as NeNe!
Sheree and Damon are planning the big proposal party. I didn’t know this was a thing people did – throw a huge party to propose. Was Sheree planning to invite Bob? Damon’s only consideration is the bar and he admits he needs to be toasted in order to propose, because he’s nervous about doing this in front of a big crowd. This sets off red flags for Sheree, who is flabbergasted that Damon has any sort of reservations about being stuck with her as a mother-in-law for the rest of his life. Damon was probably imagining supporting Sheree’s shopping habits for all eternity and pushing her butt around Neiman’s in a wheelchair while she returns things.
I do think Sheree was making some fair points. If Damon is not ready to be married – don’t propose, and I do think on some level she was concerned about Tierra‘s well-being.
Later, Damon comes over to Sheree‘s apartment to discuss the engagement. Look! Furniture. That was rented that afternoon so Damon had a place to sit. Sheree is dressed to the nines in full make-up, despite Damon’s arrival being unannounced. Ok, to be fair she could’ve been going somewhere or just gotten home. Damon declines a drink, sits She by Sheneedsastoryline down and basically tells her he’s not ready to propose, and since he doesn’t believe in divorce, he’s not letting Bravo dupe him into asking for Tierra’s hand in marriage when he’s not ready – financially, emotionally, or otherwise. Very honorable and impressive. Damon seems like a pretty mature young man. Sheree is accepting and immediately after he leaves, calls her producer for Plan
F B suggestions. Maybe she can take Bob back to court…
Phaedra and Apollo are doing a photo shoot to celebrate Ayden‘s dedication. It involves a throne, a leopard print gown, and the crown jewels, but sadly no pickles! I need a pickle with all Phaedra photographs. Hopping in the make-up chair, Phaedra is practically pickled by the too-tight dress and nearly rips it. Oopsie. Phaedra’s on-shoot stylist describes her as looking like “Old Money” which is interesting. Nonetheless, Phaedra and the fam look lovely and I adore her for being ostentatious.
Kroy is finally home! Yay! Ariana is so excited, she cries and it was really sweet. Kim‘s girls really love him and are probably so happy to have some stability in their lives after dealing with her Big Poppa mess. Does anyone else find it a bit odd that they call him “daddy” though? Kim gives Kroy a tour of the house. And the decor… oh the decor… Good Lord – I shrieked when I saw it! It totally consisted of enormous nude or nearly nude pictures of Kim and Kroy. Kim explains that having naked pictures of himself in every room makes Kroy feel like he actually lives in the house. Um… so when they have guests isn’t that awkward?
Afterwards, they have dinner and she tells him she made the lasagna. Kroy seems like a devoted daddy and while he is feeding KJ, Kim confesses that she fired Sweetie. Which apparently, she hadn’t told the girls yet – Brielle was totally shocked. Apparently, whilst Kim was on her computer for work (what work, you ask? See that is the eternal mystery – what work does Kim Zolciak do?) she found Sweetie in the pool with Brielle.
And to make matters worse, Sweetie burned KJ‘s breast milk! One might think that Kim, who has no job to speak of save for appearing on a reality show, and no household responsibilities, would be able to feed her own child and perhaps even warm up his milk. But no. See, Kim is very busy. Very busy… probably staring at herself in the mirror, asking who is the fairest one of all. Or maybe she’s listening to Tardy For The Party on repeat. How on earth did she sucker Kroy into marrying her – she is smarter than I give her credit for, I’ll say that!
Anyway, no one is too broken up about Sweetie being fired and it was surprisingly anticlimactic for Bravo. Kroy is glad she’s gone and the girls confess that Sweetie cussed at them all the time.
Finally, it is the day of Ayden‘s induction to sainthood. Dwight, who couldn’t stay away from the Bravo cameras if his life depended on it, is planning the reception afterwards. Phaedra‘s sister makes an appearance, as well as Apollo’s mom. It’s always exciting to see the family members who stay out of the spotlight. Ayden is strapped into his baby rickshaw or whatever that was and Phaedra pulls on her neon blue mesh gloves (I think I had those when I was in my Madonna phase; age six) and off they go down the aisle. I love Phaedra’s dress. Can we please talk about how Ayden is the most adorable little boy!? He has the cutest little face.
Cynthia and Peter are the only RHOA members representing. Peter is shocked by the proceedings and surprised that Phaedra‘s pastor also married them. Coincidence or not? Apparently, Sheree and Kandi were unable to attend. Phaedra’s parents are both pastors and they conduct the dedications. It was very sweet; Apollo and Phaedra seem like very loving, hands-on parents.
At the reception, Kim and Kroy arrive two hours late. Apparently there was traffic. Kim looked very pretty and thankfully borrowed a dress from a person with a competent grasp of decency. Unfortunately, Kim is seated at the same table as Cynthia. Oops. Phaedra claims it was merely a seating chart related issue. We all know Dwight hates Kim and wanted to make her miserable. I joke, I joke. Kim is still reeling from that black baby comment. And good lord – if I have to hear the phrase “black babies” on this show one more time, I’ll lose it.
Basically, Cynthia tries to make polite conversation at the dinner table, out of respect. Kim says she’s passive aggressive while being openly rude. Personally, I think they’re both being passive aggressive. Kroy ignores Peter and Cynthia. Cynthia brings up Africa – which was passive aggressive and Peter leaves the table in a huff after Kroy refuses to acknowledge him. I wonder how old these people are as I check the time left in the episode.
Cynthia is annoyed that Peter ditched her because she shouldn’t have to be the only one who suffers. Kim calls Cynthia a bimbo and explains that at least NeNe is rude to your face and will clock you, while Cynthia plays nice, smiles, and then calls you a racist on national television. Cynthia decides to leave, and coincidentally, a few minutes later, Kim does too.
Coincidentally Peter and Cynthia decide to loiter right outside the church, in 100 degree heat, discussing the party. Kim coincidentally decides now is the time to talk to Cynthia and confronts her. Cynthia immediately insists she never said “black babies” and there is some back and forth about what exactly was said and why. Kim cannot let go of this black babies comment.
Cynthia proves she’s slightly sane and not cut out for reality television, by admitting she doesn’t even remember what she said in Africa about Kim, and apologizes. Kim stands there flustered, takes a minute to recover from the lack of drama, and then walks away. So lame. So not worth an hour of television. Kim accepts the apology and stomps off to smoke a cig. I am impressed that these ladies conducted themselves with an ounce of class. Good job, Housewives. You get a glass of wine for your accomplishment. Which is behaving like a normal person in public!
Frankly, I don’t think Cynthia was passive aggressive, I think it was totally appropriate to avoid such a confrontation at Phaedra‘s son’s dedication. Although, I do think she hates confrontation.
Next Week: The drama continues as the ladies eke closer to the finale. And it looks like Kroy finally proposes!
Watch What Happens Live: Andy is back and he’s brought CoCo from Ice Loves CoCo! Also making an appearance in the clubhouse, is RHOA’s most passive aggressive – Cynthia!
It’s a butts-tacular evening in the clubhouse! Andy is totally making love to CoCo‘s butt. And she slapped him in the face with it. LOL. She is super fun and adorable. Cynthia officially puts her foot down on discussing the Africa/Black Baby comment that has dominated the second half of the season. She is over it, and frankly, so is the rest of America.
CoCo is up first for Plead The Fifth; she admits to being a total exhibitionist and confesses that she and Ice had sex while driving after leaving the club! Oh, lord. Uhhh… what?! CoCo then tells us we should bring fried chicken to bed to please our men.
The game is CoCo-T or CoCo-A and the ladies have to guess if it’s CoCo‘s butt or boobs we’re looking at based on her Twitpics. Ok, for some odd reason this game is really fun and silly! CoCo wins some dryer sheet,s which she gets right to sniffing. CoCo is a nut!
Poll Question: Whose Side are YOU on? Cynthia or Kim? 69%, are surprisingly on Kim’s side. At least Cynthia handled her loss well!
THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE? WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON: KIM OR CYNTHIA? WAS PHAEDRA’S DEDICATION OVER THE TOP OR ADORABLE?