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Well, I have some unfortunate news, so I hope you’re all sitting down. The Kardashians will definitely NOT be leaving our TV’s anytime soon – or our pop culture lexicon. Despite Kim Kardashian‘s sham wedding (with accompanying very public divorce) and the tremendous negative backlash from the media and the public, American’s favorite famewhores have just inked a $40 Million three-year reality television deal with E!. So, if this doesn’t confirm that Kimye is a publicity stunt – really, I don’t know what would!

Yes, despite petitions, and threats, and absolute proof that their shows are staged crap – they will be back whether we like it or not!

According to TMZ, the attention-seeking family behind Keeping Up With The Kardashians will continue airing all their dirty laundry – real and created – for our viewing consumption with the lion’s share of the massive deal being split between Kris Jenner, Bruce Jenner, Khloe Kardashian, Kourtney Kardashian, and of course no 1 paycheck, Kim, all of whom will receive equal salaries!

Ironically the numbers for last season’s KUWTK averaged only about 3 M viewers per episode – on par (or below) with most Housewives, but apparently the Kardashians’ scandals and drama are worth their weight in gold for the network; which basically exists purely to broadcast the family’s lives. The deal does not include any new shows! So when Kim and Kanye West start pimping out their totally authentic romance, they will iron out their own deal. Which means more ka-ching!

The less famous and thereby second-rate family members, Rob Kardashian along with Kylie and Kendall Jenner will receive considerably less. Scott Disick and Mason also get a cut of the profit, but they have a separate deal with the network. You know Kris was trying to insure against any possible break-ups!

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Also, getting in on the action is former NBA star Lamar Odom, who landed himself a package deal to participate in both KUWTK and Khloe & Lamar. So much for that reality television stuff interfering with his basketball career! And his threats to leave reality television behind! I guess Kris is carrying his balls in her Chanel handbag after all!

And speaking of Lamar and that little basketball stuff he used to do, apparently, Kris has been pressuring Lamar and Khloe to continue with television to avoid letting the family down! “Kris is eager for Khloe and Lamar to do another season of their reality show, but Khloe has been telling her that she is not sure yet,” a friend tells HollywoodLife.

“Kris thinks doing another season will help their relationship, but the real reason she wants them to do another season of Khloe & Lamar is because she thinks the show keeps them relevant. Plus, if Lamar doesn’t get picked up for the NBA, the focus of the next season can be about them starting a family and undergoing infertility treatments.”

“Lamar should get the shows out of his system now, because nobody wants to deal with the headache it will bring to the locker room if a team signed him,” the source adds. “Teams have to deal with enough, and these outside distractions will not be welcomed. Teams are now worrying about younger and cheaper players that are not headcases who do reality shows — they are against it.”

And finally, Kim recently lauded praise on her favorite thing in all the world – the media! Specifically the internet, which she directly credits for her success. And truly it is, because when that sex tape she made went viral, everyone started paying attention!

“I think that the internet has brought on a different kind of celebrity. We are very well aware of who we are, and what our place is,” Kim gushed to Paper Mag. “We are so active on Twitter, on our Facebook pages — we are writing back, we are connecting. We enjoy it.” Kim certainly enjoys posting lingerie pictures, I’ve noticed!

Ryan Seacrest was like, ‘You’ve got to get on Twitter. Just try it. Please.’ So I went to Mexico, and got the craziest sunburn. I tweeted a picture of it, and within an hour it was on CNN in Mexico. I was like, ‘I don’t understand this,’ but I’ve been addicted ever since.”

Kim also admits she’s not opposed to confronting her haters and other juvenile pranks via the tweeter! “I love writing them back. People will write me, ‘My phone battery lasts longer than Kim Kardashian’s marriage,’ and I’ll write back, ‘Oh, which phone is that?;’” Kim claims. “When people are so stupid, you just have to have fun with it. Someone [without a profile photo] will say I’m fat, or a hairy Armenian, and I’ll write back, ‘Oh, that egg picture of yours is so gorgeous.’”

Kim is so witty and clever isn’t she! And she certainly doesn’t have too much time on her hands – not at all!

ARE YOU SHOCKED? WILL YOU BE WATCHING? IS LAMAR THROWING AWAY HIS BASKETBALL CAREER FOR REALITY TV? DID THE INTERNET HELP MAKE THE KARDASHIANS FAMOUS?

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