Last night was the second installment in the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion. Andy Cohen started off by exonerating Bravo from liability by repeating like a broken record that they do not condone violence. Why? Because Porsha Stewart was sent home like a naughty schoolgirl. I wish someone would have actually sent Porsha back to school, but that's an entirely different story…
Remaining on the stage is hair-tug victim, Kenya Moore. She feels vindicated and not at all responsible for Porsha's outburst. She was just having a little fun with her props. She actually said she was just having a good time. Krayonce's definition of "fun" is just as crazy as the rest of her.
"We fight with our words, I am one of the best at it," Kenya boasted. So good you got beat? Literally. Kenya cites last season in Anguilla when she launched into a tizzy of shrieking 'Gone with the wind fabulous!' as evidence of her masterful UN diplomat-level discourse. Miss Twirl On This obviously forgot the part where NeNe Leakes literally held her back during that altercation. Detail, smetails!
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On the other side of the stage, the facial expressions are hilarious. If this were the Housewives Olympics, and the facial expressions of Phaedra Parks, Kandi Burruss, and NeNe marked the scores, Kenya would be getting 1's and 2's all day. Anyway, despite Kenya's inspired paraphrased "Color Purple" monologue about inspiring women who must come together (hire me Kandi!) no one was giving her a pass.
NeNe, Phaedra, and Kandi stood firm insisting, Kenya instigated and pushed Porsha's buttons. NeNe called it a violation of personal space and was adamant that Kenya was just as responsible as Porsha. Next year, Kenya's prop should be a warning sign that reads, "Does Not Play Well With Others"
Meanwhile, our fair host, Broken Record Do Not Sue, sat there stuttering through 'We do not condone violence'. I wish someone would have shoved a bullhorn or a scepter in his face.
Enough about this! Phaedra and NeNe again discuss whether or not they knew each other in high school. The bottom line is this: NeNe knew OF Phaedra, but for some stupid reason denied ever hearing her name until they were on a TV show together and now she's going to spend forever digging herself out of that hole. Phaedra shades NeNe by stating she was an honor student and didn't hang out with people "like NeNe" in school – and she was certainly not a head doctor, despite it being mentioned in court documents pertaining to a trial (according to Krayonce). I need to be in this court room. Lifetime's Calling!
Phaedra sniffs that Miss Barren will never be a housewife because she can't get a husssband. As if Phaedra's is any prize. Refund? Kenya insists she could get a husband any day – although I'm not sure I believe her. The supporting evidence speaks for itself: Rent-a-Walter, Man for Hire, Prince Invisible, Silicone Baby…
And then Mama Joyce comes out! Mama Joyce's wig is um… not Derek J's best work but it's her personality that is a true masterpiece of the devil. Either that lady was on something or I was cause there was some bat-shit shenanigans happening. I think Mama Joyce was sipping on gin and juice backstage – with her mind on Kandi's money and Kandi's money on her mind.
Mama Joyce claims she is not mad at Bravo for putting her on blast, except when they showed her trying to set-up and blackmail Todd Tucker. That was too much reality for MJ. She denies disliking Todd, she's just annoyed he's only a "hundredaire" instead of a millionaire. In fact Mama Joyce says she's suspicious of Todd because he's too good and too nice and treats Kandi too well.
Poor Kandi was dying of embarrassment right there on that sofa, melting, and trying to disappear. All the other Housewives laughed at Mama Joyce politely for Kandi's sake. Mama Joyce keeps messing up the date of Kandi's wedding, saying she's getting married in two weeks instead of next week. I can only assume Kandi gave her the wrong date on purpose…
The crazy keeps coming – maybe MJ should adopt Krayonce – after all her antics and lies against Todd, Todd's mother called MJ a "bitch" and Mama Joyce had to be held back by Kandi to avoid jumping over the table. (Please let this be filmed!). "I can still wrap up a good weave,"Mama Joyce declares, while twirling her arm in the air. Kenya better watch putting that scepter around Kandi's Mama!
It appears the real reason Mama Joyce doesn't like Todd – Kandi cut down her allowance. So, Mama Joyce had credit cards out in Kandi's name (only one according to Mama Joyce) and Kandi had to pay a bunch of her debts from gambling and home shopping network, so Kandi cut her allowance down to $700 a month! And Mama Joyce feels she's owed that money because she did everything for Kandi and worked hard to support her kids. That was rough – poor Kandi!
Lastly, Andy checks in with Cynthia Bailey - poor mute, and deactivated Real Cynthia Doll. Kenya flicked a switch and she sputtered to life jerking through a monologue about how NeNe is a disrespectful friend. Whomever programmed her script (must have been genius, intelligent, super-human, wordsmith fighter Krayonce! Another prop!) did a great job.
Cynthia explains that she realized NeNe didn't value their friendship the way she did, and it came down to NeNe treating her with a lack of respect. Cynthia was also frustrated that you can't have an honest relationship with NeNe – it's all all about NeNe all the time and you can't ever call her out or point out that she did something hurtful.
NeNe stonewalls Cynthia and has no emotion, other than anger, on her face. Meanwhile it seemed Cynthia was being really honest and forthcoming about how breaking up with NeNe hurt her. She certainly has a mature perspective in recognizing that NeNe probably used her and never valued her friendship in the first place.
Cynthia's voice cracks and she tears up as she shares that she misses her friend and their friendship, but knows it's over. For now. I hope she has a good lawyer to get her out of that friendship contract! Never rush into things, kids, never rush in. Maybe NeNe and Kim Zolciak can start an 'I Survived NeNe Leakes' support group?
Next week is the final part of the reunion where the husbands take the stage.
[Photo Credits: Wilford Harewood/Bravo & BravoTV.com]
TELL US – WERE YOU EMBARRASSED FOR KANDI? DID NENE DISRESPECT CYNTHIA AS A FRIEND?