RHONY Recap - Denim & Diamonds

One thing I’m really enjoying about this season’s Real Housewives Of New York is that all the ladies alternate bringing the drama. They also take turns playing the mediator or the good friend, which makes for a  relationship-driven show about real women. People have many sides to their personalities, and don’t always behave one way, good or bad, something Bravo often fails to demonstrate in its Housewives. Ironically, with EIGHT housewives and their personalities to parse out, Bravo has illustrated the humanity of these women better than it has in many seasons and returned RHONY to the show we all once loved. 

Bethenny Frankel is hot in the midst of finalizing renovations in her new apartment, which looks almost identical to the one she forfeited to Jason Hoppy – right down to the Skinnygirl red. I guess if it ain’t broke… (which it is broke). Since Bethenny is no longer homeless, she invites Carole Radziwill over to check out the new pad. Bethenny admits she’s using blowjob currency to get everything completed on time and suspects it may be worth it to pay some extra cash and switch to hand jobs instead. Such is life on the mean streets of NY – a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do to get a roof over her head and a clean place to not eat. 

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Carole tells Bethenny about what happened after she left the denim decorating party (I believe I attended a sleepover in the 6th grade of this very same theme) when drama erupted between Heather Thomson and Luann de Lesseps. Carole declares, “The Countess is back” and Luann made a “dreadful fool” of herself by over-reacting to Heather and Carole’s Caicos Inquisition. 

 

Bethenny is neutral on Turks and Caicos drama

Bethenny is playing Switzerland on this one – she understands Luann’s perspective: someone is always trying to catch her in the “uncountessy” act, plus a girl deserves a little privacy first thing in the morning after a hard night. But, on the other side, who wants to wake up to an unclaimed, unidentified naked male body (other than Sonja Morgan). Carole denies they had any schemes to catch Luann, but wanted to clear up what the hell was going on. 

The only virginal and pure person on RHONY is Kristen Taekman, who refers to herself as a “charity virgin” and is about to have her cherry popped by Ramona Singer speaking of dreadful fools. Kristen is hosting a Denim & Diamonds event, the proceeds benefiting SmileTrain. Heather donated tons of YummieTummie jeans to be auctioned off, as well as co-sponsored the event. Ramona brought a couple TrueFaith necklaces Avery “forgot” to bring to college, threw them on the table next to Heather’s jeans as the event was about to begin and then demanded she be listed as a co-sponsor and donor. 

You gotta hand it to Ramona, when she realized True Faith wasn’t getting any publicity from Kristen she caused a big scene at the party to bring attention to the lack of attention being paid to True Faith. Ramona is one helluva an evil genius – always able to escape the wrath unscathed. For instance: Why is NO ONE mad at her over Tits & C@ckos mystery meat? 

Luann arrives, and despite their very recent issues, is friendly with Heather and Carole, Carole who is wearing overalls she’s had since her days as a Jordache Jeans fit model. She’s young, you guys, she can prove it! Believing in yourself is one’s biggest uphill battle.

While Kristen is giving a speech introducing the auction and explaining the importance of SmileTrain – which included thanking Heather for her donation –  Ramona, in some sort of denim dress (YUK!), blames Heather for True Faith being left off the step & repeat as a sponsor and wants Heather to apologize to her. This makes sense how?

Carole interjects to explain that Heather has been coordinating with Kristen for months. Ramona lashes out and accuses Carole of being Heather’s lackey. “Do you mean my friend?” Heather snaps, incredulously. Ramona doesn’t comprehend this word “friend” and just continues arguing about how important she is and how relevant True Faith is to this event. 

Ramona is rude at SmileTrain

Everyone is here for SMILETRAIN – not the Pinot Singer Crazy Train. I’m surprised Ramona didn’t grab the mic out of Kristen’s hand to interrupt her speech with a TrueFaith promotion! Ramona needs to check her hubris at the door, or hobble on home in her 1992 stripper heels. Heather actually does instruct Ramona to “take a walk” and get away from her. Then Heather puts Truly Faithful Singer on blast by asking what charities Ramona supports. After a long pause Ramona is like uhhhhh… Pinot Foundation, for middle-aged women in desperate need of a good Turtle Time. And also, Ramona Singer Foundation, for Ramona Singering. Ramona complains that neither Kristen nor Heather support female entrepreneurship. Then Ramona eats snacks out of some guys jeans.  

The nonsense culminated when Luann made a joke to Sonja about how at least the guy she smuggled home in T&C was over 40. Sonja laughs and jokes about her 20-something fling, while Carole sulks defensively in the corner. Clearly the joke was meant FOR Sonja, but perhaps Carole’s problem is that SHE is embarrassed about dating Adam (and her own behavior) and is therefore projecting. Luann is many judgmental things but she really doesn’t seem to care who people date – so long as they are not the boyfriend (or veryvery recent ex) of her niece. 

Also Dorinda Medley wore press-on nails to the party because she as trying to keep up with the 1992 Singers. She also wore the same lipstick color as Heather, which was distracting as hell when they had some sort of heart-to-heart during which Dorinda described her life as the Crayola Big Box but she needs about 94 colors less in her rainbow of chaos. All of this had something to do with her ex-husband. Heather sort of, kind of accepts Dorinda’s apology. Let’s just hope Dorinda never uses the martini olive green crayon again – keep that one in the back of the box behind the Burnt Sienna. 

Then Carole, Dorinda, and Heather go to a Turkish psychic who reads coffee grounds and serves cookies. I need this woman’s number. She is amazingly accurate! She describes Carole confronting a love from her past (Carole is about to go to London to retrieve her late husband’s ashes), and how her relationship with her father, who has the same name as her late husband, parallels this loss. She tells Heather her son will have a surgery, which will be successful, and pinpoints his surgeon as being Indian. Heather cries. She sees a balloon – a brightly colored floating orb – in Dorinda’s cup, which is directly correlated to Richard’s death. It was amazing. The shell-shocked ladies stumble blindly for the nearest available bar which happens to be right next door and exclusively serves Ramona Pinot. (I kid). 

RHONY visits a Turkish psychic

Carole decides she must embrace both her past and her future by officially presenting her undefined coupledom with Adam to her friends. Carole hosts a dinner party in the apartment she remodeled to remove the kitchen from – the kitchen that is mysteriously STILL THERE and quite sizable, plus well-equipped. Is this more Turkish magic?

Carole cannot cook a lick, but Adam is a chef. They go shopping together and thankfully Carole has toned down the made-for-TV giddy romance-schtick of trying to be Carrie Bradshaw, in favor of acting like a woman who has seen a man before (unlike Heather). Carole and Adam are cute-ish together and she seems happy, although I do hope she did not obtain Adam through nefarious means and I do think there is something highly suspect about this whole thing (like Adam wanting to be on TV. Next season of Top Chef?!)

After dinner while Adam and Heather’s hubs are doing dishes in the Kitchen of Narnia, Carole discusses her trip to London. She’s a bit worried about traveling with Dorinda, who has a tendency to go RogueRed when her colors aren’t straight in the box, and she’s a little overwhelmed about the process of retrieving the ashes. Kristen, bringing the light-hearted funnies, quips that she can’t wait to meet Anthony

Carole & Dorinda head to London

Then Carole and Dorinda take off for London. In the airport, sipping Bloody Marys, they bond over young widowhood and have a touching conversation about how their lives have so drastically been changed. It was a great, honest, sincere moment of two women connecting over unlikely and obscure circumstances, but finding comfort in each other. And that is what RHONY is supposed to be about: true friendships. (Not True Faith). 

Which correlates to Bethenny meeting with Dr. Amador and relishing in the fact that she is no longer his couch surfer. Bethenny jokes that she’s writing a lot of big checks lately and is secretly paranoid they may not cash given Skinnygirl’s recent “lull.” Well – there’s always blowjob currency – I forsee a whole new division of Skinnygirl COCKtails.

Now that Bethenny is moving out, Dr. Amador has the cajones to get real with her about her behavior. Finally he’s acting like a real therapist. He informs Bethenny that the arrogance and domineering personality she projects is to over-compensate for a lack of confidence and she is bossy to mask insecurity. Bethenny doesn’t seem to be absorbing this – perhaps if Dr. Amador wrapped it in a Skinnygirl package or poured it in a Skinnygirl bottle she’d imbibe it better?

Then Bethenny has something of a revelation when she admits she’s actually been making friends – friends her own age – for the first time ever instead of hanging out with employees. These friends are the ladies of RHONY, who like her, have been through some really heavy shit and are survivors and good company and crazy and fun and silly and dynamic. See – Bethenny all you ever needed was to let a little love into your heart! 

TELL US – WAS RAMONA TRULY HEINOUS AT KRISTEN’S EVENT? ARE ADAM AND CAROLE LEGIT? 

[Photo Credits: Bravo]

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