Phaedra

Last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta Secrets Revealed episode may has well have been our official goodbye to Phaedra Parks. Her swan song, if you will. At one point she even licked a peach-shaped candle and mocked it for not being a real peach. Art imitating life!

Obviously there was much ado about the drama between Kandi Burruss and Porsha Williams, which we now know was all initiated by Phaedra. Ergo, it was quite funny when Phaedra and Sheree Whitfield visited a book store to see Sheree’s new book, and discussed Kandi and Porsha’s argument.

Phaedra guffawed that she needs to hook up a lie detector test up to some vaginal lips – and isn’t that so ironic?! Girl… you need one here, down there, and everywhere… from your tiny baby toe, to your eyebrow!

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Phaedra was also quite surprised to learn that Porsha had experimented in the lady pond, but don’t worry – Frack never tried to get into Frick’s crack!

Sheree

Later Phaedra meets all the girls except Kandi for drinks to discuss her disastrous ‘friendship re-connection dinner’ with Kandi at the beginning of the season. Kenya Moore muses that sometimes she seriously thinks Phaedra is pretending to be a human who is absorbing information or ideas, then she just goes ahead and robotically continues doing the same ol’ thing! Basically Phaedra cannot admit when she’s wrong, and she’s not empathetic to other’s situations. Oh, isn’t that the case!

Also ironically, was how ardently Porsha and Phaedra defended their friendship. In unseen Maui footage, Phaedra visits Porsha’s room to flirt with Todd2, and learns the chocolate in the centerpiece is edible – and quite sweet – yet the fruit bowl is fake as all the Georgia peaches she tries to take a bite out of. Isn’t this great imagery for this this show and Phaedra’s portrayal? Porsha and Phaedra claim to have a deep friendship behind the scenes, which to my understanding involves lots of sound effects, twerking, and speaking in some kind of special language. Poor Todd has found himself sandwiched inside quite a menage-a-trois!

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Then Phaedra took her sons to the dentist where Mr. President (aka Ayden) threw a tantrum at being prodded and poked. Phaedra compared him to Apollo, but made sure to explain that like all good Commanders In Chief, Ayden wants to make all the executive orders. Which means if he wants to throw a fit at the nicest and fanciest pediatric dentist office I’ve ever seen, then secret service – stand by!

Sheree published her book and put in a liberry (did we ever see the one at Chateau Sheree?!), then Kairo left for college, and miracle of miracles, Bob moved him to school. Only because Bob hoped to mack on some co-eds. Seriously. Sheree notes that this is actually (sadly) a step-up from the Bob of yore … the one who didn’t call her, or pay child support, and let their kids be evicted from the home. Bob is a big ol saggy boob! Uck.

Noelle confronts Cynthia Bailey about how underhanded and sneaky the divorce is – like one day Peter didn’t ever come home again, but Cynthia failed to officially sit-down and discuss this with Noelle. She too was blindsided by Cynthia’s need to be free of Peachter, Peachter Bank Account Eater. Strike while the iron is indisposed in Charleston, I s’pose!

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Later Peter and Cynthia discuss their divorce (again). Again, she is devastated to learn that Peter won’t continue to pine for her once those papers are signed! Cynthia wants to have her brownie, and eat it too, which means she wants to be rid of Peter on paper, but still keep all the good parts of their union – like him being her bestie, listening ear, and scapegoat. But Peter isn’t interested in friendship – he will only invest in relationships with women where he gets something in return. And that something is not a divorce decree, but I’m pretty sure he’ll stick around for any future trips to Maui, or wherever.

Why is Cynthia so incapable of being an adult? I mean, she will talk about her down-low lesbian experiences with Noelle, but not mention that Noelle’s step-father is moving out? Mmmmkay.

Then the ladies celebrated Father’s Day which, well, meant that only Kandi and Todd were truly celebrating. Leon is in Cali and all he got was a FaceTime, Apollo is in prison… Kenya is mothering her post-adolescent man child by installing nanny cams all over the house so he doesn’t break the fine china. Apparently Kandi needs some of those too – she admits to actually forgetting Ace at home one day, and not realizing until she was at the end of the street.

So Father’s Day… Riley is sad that Block is absent, and Kandi doesn’t know what to do, so she contrives new ways to help her children become moguls. Ace, aged 6 months, now has his own “lifestyle brand” company called Raising Ace, and Kandi has him doing around a photoshoot on a potty chair. Luckily Cynthia arrives to inform Kandi of child labor laws! Kandi just wants her children to know that all opportunities are another way to make money. I’m not sure I co-sign that attitude, but I’m also sure that I’m not a multi-millionaire and neither are my children.

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While Kandi was protecting her assets, Kenya visited a security expert to protect Moore Manor as if the secrets of the ages were hidden beneath its walls. I guess Sheree does live next door and might steal some WiFi, or something…

RELATED – Moore Manor Has A Security Breech! 

Just in case, Kenya actually requested armed sentries and an electric fence to ward against intruders. $10 says one drunken night she’d shock herself twirling around the property line… And that she’d accidentally make an HD sex tape with those security cams the next time she and Matt got freaky in his truck! When your security makes you less secure, Atlanta we have twirled upon a problem.

Kenya secures Moore Manor just in time to leave town. First to summer camp with Phaedra, where happily we saw nice sides of both ladies. In the car on the way to MI, Kenya even let the devil Phaedra take the wheel while she fixed her scarf, and they had had an honest conversation about love, Phaedra’s divorce, and moving on. It was great! Moore of this please (pun intended).

Phaedra & Kenya camp

At camp, they served some tea together – like in an actual tea party, not in a gossipy shit-stirring way! This took place on a boat, and of course while the teabags were steeping it started to pour down rain and everyone was forced to take cover under the table. “Safety first!” calls counselor Phaedra – who also warns them to protect their hair (lol), but they were all having fun.

Phaedra and Kenya also delivered empowering messages about love, confidence, and not giving into peer pressure, by using good friends as “courage”. Which makes Phaedra’s decision to be a no-good veryveryvery bad friend all the more hypocritical and shocking! Phaedra certainly is awash in hypocrisy – and that rain did not rinse her phony falsehoods out of her hair to reveal a halo. Instead of holier than thou, Phaedra is hypocritical-er than thou.

RELATED – Phaedra Still Won’t Take Accountability For Her Actions!

This was some serious art imitating life here at camp. Phaedra gave a whole speech about negative friendships being a distraction which leads one down bad paths – she even figuratively beat away that ‘negative friend’ with a foodle – imparting that we must rely on true friends to keep us courageous enough to do the right thing. Was she directing this at Kandi? Or herself? Because Phaedra was simultaneously spreading out and out lies about Kandi, getting all distracted by her vendetta, and not being courageous enough to admit any of it! Girllll… you need to attend your own camp summit! And find those ‘real friends’ to beat you with a foodle! It’s like Camp Phaedra is the ‘real Phaedra’ and ‘RHOA Phaedra’ is her evil doppelgänger. Or maybe it’s the other way around? And Camp Phaedra is the good twin that sometimes takes over evil twin’s body? I’m extremely perplexed.

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We also saw Phaedra on a ‘date’ with her former prom date, and she seemed so relaxed and casual. Like who is this woman? Where did the scheming, conniving Ms. Parks go?

Anyway Kenya also gave a really touching talk about being abandoned by a parent, and reminding the kids that they are loved. Very sweet. The forgiveness and bonding seemed real between Kenya and Phaedra. So what happened in Maui?! Why was Phaedra so irked by the divorce party? Why not just roll with those punches and rise above as she instructed those kids to do? Practice what you preach Phaedra – literally! Actually, also practice what Jesus preaches, aka: thou shalt not lie!

Kenya sure is irritating though! In unseen footage from the glamping trip she terrorized the women by jostling the suspension bridge, even though several of them admitted they were afraid of heights. It’s because Kenya was bothered that Porsha was getting attention by taking a selfie and didn’t ask Kenya to be in the picture! Honestly, no one sane person (or Porsha) would want to be on a rickety, unstable bride with an unstable, rickety Krayonce, always needing her attention-seeking fix. Kenya and Porsha really aren’t that different, actually.

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Finally we end in Maui with Porsha and Peter arguing about her accusations that he cheated on Cynthia. Peter claims Porsha completely made up this lie that he was getting frisky with 19-year-old waitresses because she was angry with Cynthia, similar to how she made up a lie about Kandi. Porsha does admit that Peter was “collateral damage” in a Housewives feud, mostly because he inserts himself – literally – into Housewives business.

Why is Peter acting as if there are no grounds to believe he would cheat when last season Cynthia discovered the viral video of him canoodling with a young woman in his club?! Really, Peter? You’re reaching for that peach but I think it’s gonna wind up being made of wax!

TELL US -WAS THIS OUR GOOD-BYE TO PHAEDRA? WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE SECRET REVEALED?

[Photo Credits: Bravo]

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