Last night was the first installment of the Real Housewives of Orange County reunion – was it me, or was that kind of lack-luster? After a season of serious hysteria and drama I expected something with a little more oomph, but it all felt watered down. Maybe they made a pact that they wouldn’t argue as loudly or as crazily just to spite Andy Cohen? Hey – stranger things have happened!
Can we just be done with Brooks? Talk about beating a deadbeat! He’s smarmy, he’s scummy, no one in Vicki’s life likes him, but for some inexplicable reason she likes him. A lot. So much so that she pretty much imploded her marriage to Donn over her “emotional affair” with Brooks, and she had to shell out big (in massive check form) to finalize her divorce. Tamra can’t forgive the recording of Brooks calling Vicki a “whore” and threatening to beat her (truly unforgivable) and Vicki has forgiven and is moving forward.
Woo. I can’t even. Last night’s Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta reunion was a lot to digest…and even then I barfed it all back up when I watched the finger sucking scene again. The good news? It was the first of three crazy installments! The bad news? It was the first. Of THREE. Mona Scott Young, you are an evil genius, my friend!
The cast arrives, drinks in hand and prep people in tow as if they are walking the red carpet for the Oscars. Perhaps Mona will win an Academy Award for promoting bad acting and ratchet behavior. I think it would be a great category addition to the awards show, don’t you? Erica Dixon, Karlie Redd, Mimi Faust, and Ariane are all getting ready in the same room. Karlie admits she has some secrets she’d like to share, and Erica shares that there are some “animals” she doesn’t want to see. Momma Dee threatens anyone who threatens her family, while Yung Joc nods in agreement. People who wear sunglasses inside always look super douchey. Case in point? Nikko. Bambi tells Lil’ Scrappy that Stevie J. posted a picture on Instagram the morning of the reunion which shows a nekkid The-The on her Knee-Knees about to pleasure the Stevie J. bus. Something tells me his friendship with Benzino isn’t going to survive this train wreck!
This week’s episode of The Real Housewives of Melbourne kicks off with Chyka Keebaugh and her husband Bruce getting away for romantic date night out and it’s adorable how in love they are after 25 years of marriage. These two are best friends and I can’t get enough of their authentic relationship. Chyka briefs Bruce about Jackie Gillies and her husband Ben’s alcohol line idea and he graciously notes how tough the business is but wishes them the best of luck (Chyka and Bruce are a class act!). Following dinner, Bruce surprises Chyka with a rented out carnival park so they can enjoy the rides like they did back in the day. Again, I love Bruce.
Next we find Janet Roach visiting her jeweler to pick up her melted down old engagement rings into one ginormous ring. Here’s the thing with her bling that confuses me a bit- it looks like an engagement ring. I thought her goal was to get this ring that signified her life of independence and a new start. I just didn’t think getting a replica engagement ring was her angle. It strikes me as odd.
This week’s Game of Crownsbrings us to the main event itself: “Legends of the Crown.” Legends is a pageant in which only previously-crowned beauty queens can compete. Since last week’s restraining order was issued (by Leha Guilmette to Lynne Diamante) the question now is who can compete against whom and…who’s gonna get arrested? Let’s see, shall we.
We begin at Lori-Ann Marchese’s house one day before the pageant where she’s prepping with the following mantra: tone it, tan it, strut it. Her husband is brushing bottled bronzer all over her in solidarity. She’s sick of the other ladies’ advice to “tone it down” in competitions, so this time Lori-Ann is bringing her true (orange) self to the stage. Woot woot!
In a boxing ring in RI, Leha is unleashing her pent up rage by working out with a coach. Picturing Lynne’s face each time she punches him helps Leha stay fit and pageant-ready. Leha reminds us that Lynne has messed with her for the last time and she’s hitting back now.
On this week’s episode of Don’t Be Tardy, it’s a beautiful morning for the Biermann Family! Kim Zolciak lets us know that she loves the sound of the FedEx delivery truck (aka Santa Claus) as they can only mean posh, luxurious gifts waiting for her to devour. After ripping through her usual order of Louis Vuitton bags and what not, she opens up some odd items that Kroy has ordered. Solar showers and female urinals among them and oh, crap! Kim forgot she promised Kroy Biermann she would go camping in exchange for her high-end shopping spree earlier that month.
She tries to bail on the trip when she finds Kroy in the basement getting organized and ready to go for a fun time in the wilderness. Kroy wants her to unplug for a bit and detach from her hectic life and enjoy the great outdoors for a few days. Kim is all, “Ugh!! Fine!”.
It makes me feel warm inside that despite all the cast changes, Real Housewives Of New Jersey hasn’t given up the sleaze factor. I’m not sure if they reached a new low last night or not, but whatever – it keeps us on our toes right?!
The big drama is that Victoria Gotti, mentoress in all things badly-behaving criminal husband to our beloved Teresa Giudice, showed up and oh boy did she have some secrets stashed under that Barbie weave. (Kim D collection, y’all! Actually Kim gets her weaves from the VG Collection – real hair, scalped by the finest Italian mobsters in all the land!)
It turns out that Victoria has known Rino, husband of one Teressssssssssssa Aprea for quite some time. It turns out Rino used to have a thing for Victoria. It turns out Rino has a thing for older ladies of a certain Mrs. Robinson persuasion. More on that later…
This is episode 6 of LeAnn and Eddie, which apparently means it’s time to cover some of our favorite reality television storylines! Can you guess which ones? If you guessed doggy therapy or fertility issues, you win! Let’s get started.
This episode opens with LeAnn Rimes expressing concern to Eddie Cibrian about their little dog, Precious. LeAnn thinks she’s been acting different and seems depressed. Eddie hasn’t noticed, but suggests taking Precious to vet. This just won’t do because LeAnn believes it appears to be a mental health issue. This kind of situation requires a dog therapist. Eddie questions what the little dog will have to say to the therapist. I regret never having children? I don’t know my dad? LeAnn tells him to quit making fun of her and puts in a call to the puppy shrink.
But first, condolences to Josh Flagg for the loss of his grandmother, Edith Flagg. I enjoyed watching their scenes together. They really seemed to like each other’s company and you could feel the love between them. She was a spitfire and will be missed. Now back to the show…
Josh Altman has returned still engaged to Heather Bilyeu. As much as Josh was opposed to the idea last season, she is now working for The Altman Brothers but from the ‘home’ office in order to keep a separation of family (Heather) and business (Matt). He had no choice but to bring her into the fold. Money is money, right? I’m no therapist, but it doesn’t take one to see the writing on the wall.