It’s finally here. The most amazing Bachelorette finale ever. (No, really, it might be true this time.) Who does Emily Maynard love more - Jef Holm or Arie Luyendyk, Jr.? Will Emily’s chosen one propose? Chris Harrison welcomes us to the three hour finale of the Bachelorette. (Three hours!) Grab a drink, a snack, and a box of tissues, because Chris promises good stuff. He better not be lying.
Emily‘s parents and brother are in Curacao to meet Jef and Arie.
First up, Jef! Suzy, Emily’s mom, asks Jef how his family feels about Jef looking for love on this crazy show. Jef’s family is skeptical, because Jef’s family is smart. But, of course, they were completely sold on the idea after meeting Emily. Suzy and Jef sit down for a chat. Jef wants to be a good husband and father. He’ll accept Ricki as his own. Jef wants to marry Emily, she completes him. Suzy thinks Jef is a good fit for Emily.
Emily’s brother Ernie is the next one to grill Jef. Jef asks Ernie if Emily is ready to settle down with somebody. Ernie says, oh, no, Emily does not settle. If Emily doesn’t feel right about it, it won’t happen. Jef thinks what he and Emily share is special. He’s excited about a future with Emily. Ernie thinks Jef’s intentions are good. Ernie loves that Jef talks like he’s reading greeting cards.
Jef is nervous about talking to Emily’s dad. Jef is mentally preparing to ask for Emily‘s hand in marriage. Jef wouldn’t feel right taking the next step with Emily without Dad’s blessing. Lucky for Jef, Dad isn’t a hard sell. He hands it right over.
On last night’s Big Ang, we were treated to house parties and dog shows, with a little emergency care mixed in for good measure.
Ang takes Louis to be groomed. He is adorable, but he turns into a little gremlin when they put the hairdryer on him. He’s trying to bite people left and right. Ang needs Louis to be a beautiful pooch because she’s planning to enter him in a dog show.
Janine was able to get Ang her dream house, but moving and Big Ang don’t get along. Lil Jen is helping her get settled, but her stuff seems to be multiplying. As Jen says, Ang has enough furs to start a zoo.
On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey (brought to us by the Bravo Home Shopping Network) the ladies brought home the bacon while the menfolk sat around the kitchen table gossiping and snarking like old biddies. I applaud the progressive feminist nature of these industrious girls. Except for the one whose husband said he owned her. Yeah, that one needs to take a women’s studies class, stat!
So things begin with Teresa Giudice - or is Joodichee? Our favorite Jersian wordsmith has apparently, once again, forgotten how to pronounce her ever-shifting last name. Teresa’s newest venture is branding herself – I think she should start with having a consistent pronunciation of her own name, but that’s just my suggestion. “Branding” means adding Fabellini to her ever-expanding product repertoire. I swear Teresa makes up these words, Fabulicious, Fabellini, etc because she can’t actually pronounce any real words!
Teresa is in the car with Joe Goodouchée and they are headed to a vineyard, she thinks. Despite the fact that she is now in the wine making business, madame Giuhoochie has no idea where wine comes from or where one goes to taste wine.
Last week on Big Brother, Willie Hantz’s reign as HoH was a success royal mess. Not only did he manage to “embarrass” his coach Britney Haynes (Seriously, shut up, Britney!), he went The Shining levels of crazy paranoid, got messed up with a few lying snakes, and turned the entire house against him. Willie went from HoH to house pariah to Have Not faster than you can say, “Seriously, shut up, Britney!”
Willie‘s head of household ended with Kara being evicted from the Big Brother house by a vote of 5 to 3. Shortly after, Frank, Willie’s number one enemy, won the head of household competition.
Coach Janelle Pierzina convinced her team to vote against Kara. As long as Frank and Willie are going after each other, her players stay safe. Dan Gheesling thinks he’s still in a good position in the game, even though Kara was the second person from his team of three to be evicted. Frank, the new HoH, belongs to Mike Boogie Malin, so prepare yourself for a week of Boogie’s ego.
Nora is crying to the point that her make-up is running so she makes a quick exit. Renee is quoting Forest Gump. Christina can’t believe that none of the women are even slightly siding with Nora. Has she watched any of the episodes?
Pia decides to hash out the party antics with her fifteen-year-old daughter. Pia wants her daughter to hear their crazy family history before she hears it on the mean streets..or at school. Bella is very mature, but she sure didn’t need to hear that her mom punched someone in the face. Just let this poor girl navigate high school sans the drama! Pia is doing an ugly cry, but her daughter is a stellar and mature fixture. Should she get her own show?
Last night was the premiere of Project Runway, Season 10 and since nobody cares about anything but the clothes, Reality Tea is providing you a snap-judgement photocap. C’mon you know that’s how you watch the show, too!
The Challenge: Take a garment that defines you as a designer and make a companion piece for an over-the-top Times Square Project Runway Promotion fashion show and have it judged by wacktastic former Sex And The City stylist, Patricia Fields and guest judge Lauren Graham (aka mute drone with no fashion pedigree).
Also supplying commentary, but no actual critique is Michael Kors (once innovative American sportswear designer – now PR sound-bite drone), Nina Garcia (once important and relevant fashion magazine editor), and Heidi Klum of the crotch short minis and crisp German accent.
So, that was a bust wasn’t it? Ok, let’s trash discuss some looks!
Welcome to the first live show of Big Brother 14. It’s day 13 for the hamsters, and, oh my gosh, has it been crazy in the Big Brother house!
But first… 12 brand new houseguests came into the house to begin the best summer of their lives and a surprise (not really) brought four legends – surely Big Brother meant to say, “3 legends, plus Britney” – into the house to coach the newbies on how to play the game. How in the world did anyone get through the game of Big Brother without Big Brother manipulating the game? Oh, yes, that’s right – just fine! Grrr.
The final 3 arrive via ferry and Nookie assures us that if it comes down to him and Liz Garrett, he’s confident that Avery will choose him. Avery meanwhile lets us know that since she’s the sole provider for her kids, she’ll do whatever it takes to win this thing.
The team gets off the boat and is met with their first challenge – they have two hours to purchase ingredients (from the three shops listed) and prepare a traditional Uruguayan dish. The contestant to impress the chef with their dish will earn the exceptional ingredient. Liz thinks the two hour timeline is insanity.
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