Another Tuesday, another two hour Dance Moms with Abby Lee Miller. In my opinion, last night's performances were out of this world, but I just can't take anything seriously when it comes to Kathy and her Candy Apples. She's playing a role…she has to be, right?
As the super-sized episode begins, the moms can only imagine how Abby is going to react to seventh place over all in the group number given how livid she gets when they get second. Not shockingly, MacKenzie is on the bottom for messing around on her "injured" foot, and Abby benches her for the upcoming competition. Paige and Brooke also land on the bottom for being good but not great. Abby doesn't think Brooke actually wants to dance. Chloe is called next, and Christi is determined to bite her tongue to make sure her daughter is able to keep dancing. Yet again, Maddie's eyes glass over with tears when she lands second to Kendall's new headshot. The moms, especially Holly, think Jill gets sneakier every week, but she doesn't dwell too long because she's estatic when Nia graces the top of the pyramid. Abby compares Nia to Beyonce and praises her facial expressions. I am so happy for Nia.
This week, the group will be competing in Cincinnati, and Abby is worried that Kathy and her Candy Apples will also be in attendance. The group routine it about Rosa Parks, and Holly hopes that Nia will get to play Rosa. Abby isn't giving out the lead role just yet, and she takes the opportunity to call out Holly's outfit. Kendall gets a solo, as does Maddie, but not before Abby can remind her that she keeps coming up short in her routines. Abby grants Paige the duet with Chloe that she's been wanting. She tells Paige she's been waiting for her to dance up to Chloe's level…and now, lucky for her, Chloe is dancing down to her level. Way to ruin the moment.
Rehearsal: Kellie, the roller-skating waitress turned American Idol hopeful turned award-winning country music singer/songwriter, is cute, funny, and spunky. And a natural dancer. Kellie says that she kids around a lot but definitely wants to take Derek's balls, err, the mirror ball home with her. Though, since Derek is the Dancing with the Stars golden boy, there isn't much difference.
Cha Cha Cha: The hips, the tassels, the legs, OMG. Kellie has an amazing body and knows how to move it.
Normally I would argue that seven episodes was not enough for a season, but the level of catastrophic drama that these women were able to squeeze in seven episodes, I think I would be kind of scared to think what we would have witnessed had anymore aired. I mean how can you top; weddings, pregnancies, teen romance, paternity scandals, bachelorette parties, jail sentences, hospital visits, violent outbursts, family in and out the slammer, MIA parents and annulments to name just a few of the standout moments.. But more than anything we have seen these Gypsy Sisters; fight, smack talk, threaten, cuss, bitch and bicker like they are at war with one another.. and nothing is off limits during a Gypsy feud my friends! Did I mention the cussing?!
I don't know about you, but I wish the producers of Teen Mom 2 would ban their little starlets from any type of social media and ban them from the tabloids…at least during the season. I'd be a lot more inclined to root for Jenelle Evans if I didn't know what a train wreck she's become. Also, I'd be more invested inLeah Messer Simms Calvert's love triangle and Kailyn Lowry's attempt to make Jo jealous if I didn't already know the ending. As for Chelsea Houska, I'm glad to see that beauty school is going so well…but that's the only surprise of the season!
Kailyn is finished with school for the summer, and she's excited to spend more time with Javi and Isaac. I'll give it to Javi…he's really great with Isaac. Of course, she's yet to set up any kind of co-parenting counseling with Jo. Kailyn is ready for Javi to move in since he's spent every night at her place for months. Let's break it down…she's ready for Javi to stop freeloading and help with the rent and the cleaning. Kailyn admits she doesn't want to hold against him the fact that she foots the bill should the two argue. Again, I find it hilarious (and I know I write this every week!) that she wants a live-in boyfriend, yet Jo's girlfriend can't even be on the same premises as Isaac. Kailyn is just ready to get married. At twenty, she isn't getting any younger. MTV needs a swift kick in the pants for glorifying these girls!
Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills we got the answer to an important question: Who is Faye Resnick in this world? She is morally corrupt, desperate, ruthless, ill-mannered and really quite frankly a hot judgmental mess. Hey honey you got your camera time and you got to do it all while wearing a Barbie's Dream Collection seafoam Mother-of-the-bride inspired tacky-a$$ nightmare. No amount of borrowed David's Bridal will make you a lady!
I really wish I didn't have to discuss Fayded Retchnick at all on this blog because I don't want to give her any attention or satisfaction – which is exactly what people like her are looking for – but I suppose I have to. But before we are forced to contend with the horrible…
Things begin with Lisa Vanderpump and Ken planning their vow renewal. Lisa is nervous and cute about a public display, but she knows it means a lot to Ken. And most endearingly after 30 years of marriage you can tell they truly do adore each other and are blissfully happy.
Should I be concerned that Love & Hip Hop is going soft of me? Last night's episode was a veritable love fest with friendship, mended fences, and a long-awaited engagement. What happened to the screaming and hair pulling and drink throwing? Not that I'm complaining, it's just a foreign concept.
We begin as a frazzled Erica Mena meets with Yandy Smith to share that Olivia Longott is recording her ballad thanks to Rich Dollaz. She can't believe that her ex-boyfriend would use that against her. Yandy asks about what Erica wants to do with management. Erica still wants to ignore the fact having a manager is important for her career. Yandy reminds her that Rich was the only person in her corner…Erica needs Rich more than he needs her.
Tahiry Jose's mom is in town and loves seeing her daughter's rap magazine centerfold. Tahiry is excited that she and her mother finally have an adult friendship after a tense childhood. They discuss their past, including how her father juggled his twelve kids before being deported. Her trust issues do seem to come honestly, that's for sure. The duo is crying over her father's indiscretions, and Tahiry thinks that many of her past issues have contributed to her problems with Joe Budden. Her mother encourages Tahiry to talk things out with her dad.
Last night on The Rachel ZoeProject,Rachel Zoe faced her critics, struggled with buyers over Maxi dress madness, continued her journey to actually understand what her husband does within her company and used a fur hat as fashion Xanax.
The episode starts in New York on the terrace; Rachel and Rodger are having a breakfast whilst basking in the glory of her successful show. Rachel starts complaining she hasn’t slept in like 3-4 weeks because she has been so stressed about her show. Rachel may have forgotten that most moms also suffer from a lack of sleep, it’s not just something for fashion designing moms. Rachel is procrastinating reading her reviews, and after some encouragement from Rodger she takes the plunge. She is pleased with the response and annoyed at her husband’s Goosebumps.
What every mother wants to hear during breakfast, err, lunch time: Mom, rather than leave last night's party like civilized beings, we jumped out a window. Actually, we were so drunk, we kind of just fell out. (paraphrased)
What Virginia fears she'll see in the town's gossip column: "Inebriated Broke Down Baby Dolls Fall Out Window" or "Mama Goose's Daughters: Drunk And Out Of Control"
What Harvin and Meyer (probably) often hear during breakfast, err, lunch time: I hope nobody saw you do that.