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After last week’s blindside, last night’s Survivor episode assured us that finally-FINALLY-the remaining castaways are playing the game.

After Kat gets the shaft, the women (and Tarzan) are laughing on the beach about her final words.  Tarzan has a master plan he’s unwilling to share, but he approaches Kim about her strategy.  He promises to get the jury to vote for her if she ends up in the final three with Alicia and Christina.  Of course, that means that Kim has to vote off her biffle Chelsea.  Tarzan is all about the mind games.

Chelsea believes the game is three-on-three:  Chelsea, Kim, and Sabrina versus Christina, Alicia, and Tarzan.  Chelsea thinks it is funny that Christina’s trio thinks that Kim is joining their alliance.  Poor Chelsea.  Chelsea tries to sway Christina to further her threesome, but Christina runs back to camp to relay everything she heard to Kim and Tarzan.  Kim, of course, tells Chelsea that Christina turned on her immediately after their conversation.  Chelsea is pissed, and Kim is getting exhausted trying to play both sides.

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Dance Moms: Miami, you never disappoint.  After a good showing in Michigan last week, Victor and Angel are focused on Nationals.  It’s time for the list!  Jessi has moved her way up from the bottom of the list to the top.  Kimmy scores second due to her technical skills.  However, they want to see more emotion in her dancing.  Lucas is safe in third, and Hannah places fourth.  Debi is beyond thrilled to see that Hannah has beaten Sammy.  Victor is quick to tell the young girl that he thinks she should have been last as she didn’t trust her partner.  Angel thinks that Hannah had a rough week and worked hard.  Sammy is confused as to why she’s at the bottom, and while Victor thought she should have garnered fourth, her mother’s lack of respect for questioning their choreography lands her in last place.

The group is heading to Orlando.  Jessi and Hannah will have solos, and Kimmy and Lucas dance a duet.  The week’s theme is “survival,” so this should be good.  Sammy is relegated to just performing in the group dance.  The children tell Victor and Angel which animals they would be if they lived in the wild.  Back in the mom room, Abby is appalled that they women were chastised in front of their children.  Debi agrees…Hannah’s behavior was picture perfect during rehearsals for the duet.  Furthermore, Debi never threatened to pull Hannah from the duet.  Abby continues that she was perfectly happy seeing the girls dance together.  Her main concern is that the girls didn’t have enough time to practice because Victor stormed out of rehearsal.  Brigette is beyond exhausted of listening to the women pretend they were happy with the duet.  They hated the fact their daughters were forced to dance together.  We all remember…it was just last week!

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On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County I finally was able to see discernible evidence that Briana Wolfsmith is indeed Vicki Gunvalson‘s daughter. Last night, there were boobs and people acting like boobs, there was wine and people whining, and there was cheese and Brooks Ayers and well…it doesn’t get anymore cheesy than him! I don’t even know what to say about that one – except he isn’t dabombdotcom!

Things began with Vicki and Tamra Barney shopping for new bras. Tamra is excited to get sized for her new titties and is completely disheartened to learn she’s still a D. Apparently European sizes are failing her. whaaa-whaaa. Even more upsetting, Vicki is a DOUBLE F. Yes, FF! For Freaking Frazy!

Vicki and Tamra are in a tizzy until they see how sensational their boobies look in the new bras. Vicki scoffs that she hates really huge boobs, which is why she chastised Tamra for getting a reduction?

Tamra races over to the bridal lingerie section and practically bellows, ‘LOOK VICKI – FOR BRIANA!’ while Vicki is like, ‘shhhhh shhhhhhhhh – I don’t want anyone to know! I’m so embarrassed!’ Tamra reveals Vicki has told her about Briana’s elopement and she understands why Vicki is upset. Then Vicki starts freaking out about how HER life is ruined because SHE doesn’t get to throw a wedding or a shower or buy a dress. And the wedding is about HER! Tamra worries Briana may have made a mistake.

Vicki intones that if she doesn’t support Briana, she will lose her so she has to pretend she is OK with these surprise nuptials. Even though she wants to strangle Ryan – but only once she convinces him to get an insurance policy in Briana’s name. Ok, I made that last part up. Vicki would never strangle anyone. Coto Insurance providing your family and loved ones with IRAs and all your insurance needs!

I can understand Vicki‘s point; a wedding, whether anyone wants to admit it or not, is more than just the bride and every mother does want to plan a dream day for her daughter. Perhaps Vicki is shell-shocked, but I do think she’s over-reacting just a tad. Especially since Briana told her she did in fact want a wedding. Vicki needs to pay a visit to her shrink, get a Xanax Rx and go sit by the pool for a while downing some WinesbyWives approved libations. Then when she’s ready to act normal-ish she can return to society and be supportive.

Moving on, Slave Smiley is strapping on some spandex – hot (not!) – and going for a bike ride with Gretchen Rossi‘s dad. One needs a full-on racing ensemble to cruise around the local park? Good to know… Slave has something very, very important to ask Papa Rossi.

Gretchen is also preparing – she’s been doing so since 8am when she woke up and it’s now lunchtime. She’s getting ready for lunch with Tamra. Good lord – how long do you think Gretchen spends applying make-up and styling her hair each day? It must be in the double digit hours. It takes a lot of time to look that cheap! Gretchen has something to talk to her new bestest friend and closest confidante about.

And she hopes Tamra and Slavey will become close as well. When hell freezes over, friend, when hell freezes over. And ironically that’s about when Gretchen is going to shimmy into a big white dress and waltz down the aisle to bid her ‘I Dos!’ to Slave!

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On last night’s episode of Bethenny Ever After, everywoman Bethenny Frankel continued to deal with marital drama, running an empire drama, and renovating a multi-million dollar apartment drama. In between doing everything she took a break to ball bust with friend Jake and do yoga with food blogger Nick Feitel. Who quite obviously would have rather been eating Bethenny’s falafel than doing downward dog.

Things start out with Bethenny and the team learning that meek little intern Maggie has quit. Bethenny probably insulted and embarrassed her too many times under the guise of keeping it real. Maggie likely turned in her two-weeks notice and raced on down to her lawyer’s office to start the lawsuit accusing Bethenny of disparaging her reputation on national television and forcing her into dangerous waters.

Bethenny is confused about how a paddle boat trip and a free vacation were the straw that broke the camel’s back but hey, no real loss there. Everyone kinda snickers about what a weakling Maggs is who can’t hang with the tough old broads and only Julie Plake seems to feel guilty for perhaps heaping too much pressure onto a twelve-year-old who has barely graduated from college.

Side note: I can really appreciate Bethenny‘s success and when she was basically running her one-drink wonder of a business out of her studio apartment and funding it with her Real Housewives of New York paycheck, I can understand hiring some just out of college kid to be an assistant. But now that this is a major business I just cannot believe she is leaving all of the administrative and executive assistant duties in Jackie‘s hands. Isn’t Jackie like 22 with not much experience?

I mean, clearly Bethenny worries about the level of professionalism since she has brought it up several times – and clearly that’s why she is hoping to include her husband into the business side of things, but I just do not understand why she does not have real professionals in her employ? Perhaps she does and this whole Skinnygirl at home business nonsense is just a storyline.

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Last week we said buh-bye to Jaleel White on Dancing with the Stars, leaving us with just six couples. Last night, the couples danced twice. First, they danced one-on-one and then later, as a threesome.

First up, Donald Driver and Peta Murgatroyd danced a sassy tango that Len absolutely loved. Bruno said he thought he’d have to call a marriage counselor because they were so convincing in their aggression.

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On last night’s Basketball Wives, the women headed to Tahiti where all hell breaks lose and someone’s anger management backslides…big time.  But first, a little daughter-daddy dramatics!

Royce, Royce, Royce.  We resume with Royce Reed bawling to her father.  She just wants to hear her father say he’s proud of her.  Is that too much to ask?  Can Royce please get a hug?  Geez, her dad was just trying to give her some fatherly advice on how not to look like she jumps from man to man for attention.  Yet here she is, begging her father for attention.  Daddy issues, perhaps?

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Have you ever said something and immediately after you said it, you wished you could take it back? I think it’s known as foot in mouth syndrome. You know, the awkward moment when something unguarded or rude flies out of your mouth and you’re like ‘ooohhh… oooohhh… that was a mistake. Why did I say that?’ And you try to backpedal. I dunno – maybe Teresa Giudice doesn’t have that radar? So, anyway that was the theme of last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey.

Teresa said something rude to her brother Joew Gorga about Melissa. She probably realized she shouldn’t have said it, but it was too late. The idea was out there floating around in the universe. And the problem was not that Melissa might leave her hubby for a richer man, but that Teresa thinks she would. So there you have it. Teresa, God help her.

We all love Teresa for her sense of unfiltered honesty, but sometimes you gotta know when to zip it! And sometimes you have to know when to pick and chose your battles. And Melissa is not the type of person to give up the opportunity to look like the blessed golden one; the innocent taken advantage of. So when she came at Teresa with the ‘YOU APOLOGIZE! YOU SAID HORRIBLE THINGS ABOUT ME’ stuff, Teresa should have owned it and said “sorwry, Meliss.” Now – that would have shocked the words right out of Lady Gorga’s mouth!

Now onto the recap. So last night everyone is at the shore except for Caroline Manzo and her fam. They’re back in Franklin Lakes talking about how fat Lauren Manzo is. The Manzos have poop in their pants – meaning they’re wet blanket miserable bores. I used to love Caroline, now I just count the minutes until she’s off the TV. Oh – did I say that out loud? Sorry, Caroline’s publicist! So everyone FUN – or even remotely fun – is at the shore where Teresa is having some gathering on a boat. It will be The Juicys, The Lauritas, The Wakiles, and The Gorgas.

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Last night’s Mob Wives seemed to be another calm episode, thank goodness.  Most of the women were dealing with their jacka$$y exes, but there were no screaming matches, no altercations, and no drama.  It was a bit weird, I’ll admit!

Drita D’Avanzo is playing with her new pup Lucky when she receives a call from soon-to-be-ex-husband Lee.  She shares her rap video/bank robbing debut with Lee, and he’s excited for her.  She drops the bomb that she wants to start dating.  Drita is confused at how supportive he’s being, and it makes her remember why she married him in the first place.  She’s thrilled the pair is getting along and can be friends, but she really wishes Lee had never cheated.

Ramona Rizzo and Karen Gravano head to a specialty grocery.  Karen wants to get Ramona’s opinion about reconciling with Drita. Ramona is not at all on board.  At. All.  Karen is only considering this treaty to make Renee Graziano happy.  Ramona warns that Drita will end up getting physical as she’s a “different breed.”  Karen is quick to say that the second Drita gets violent, Karen will end up in jail for rearranging her face.  Ahhh, mending fences…

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