After the second episode back on Keeping up with the Kardashians, I believe that it has become clear this show should be retitled Keeping up With Kris Jenner – with cameo appearances made by relatives and ex-husbands. The episode kicks off with the ever adorable Penelope and Mason Disick. Oh Ryan Seacrest you know how to lure us in!
Khloe Kardashian is on a mission to get Miss Penelope to say her name. Naturally she decides to use food as a bargaining chip. Not just any food; she’s using ice-cream and sprinkles! Unfortunately for Aunt Khloe, Penelope suffers from selective mutism and shows no interest in Ko-Ko’s tactics. Miss Penelope has better will power than I do, that’s for sure!
Last night on Kandi's Wedding it was all out mommy wars! Interestingly, it seems no one in Kandi Burruss' life likes each other. Her Matron of Honor, Tan, and her Maid of Honor, Carmon cannot stand each other, Mama Joyce hates everyone and her new target is Todd Tucker's mother Sharon.
Since everything in Kandi's life is topsy-turvy and it's clear she doesn't use her words to communicate with people, she and Todd visit their pastor for some pre-marital counseling. Todd seems to be taking it seriously, but Kandi initially starts out joking around. Eventually the subject of Joyce comes up and the pastor instructs the couple not to let negative influences destroy their happiness. "Communicate before you disintegrate!"
As Kandi continues to plan her wedding, Carmon and Tan meet with her to test cakes. With all the testiness in the room, Kandi could have been tasting ice cream cake. She ignores it by scarfing down alllll the cake samples and practically licking the plate. I think we call that emotional eating. Basically Carmon thinks Tan is an uptight square who is no fun and Tan thinks Carmon is a flaky boozehound. In the battle of Carmon vs. Tan, I'm team Carmon because who doesn't like fun?
The ladies are still in Saratoga where Sonja's drunken meltdown culminates with a half-hearted attempt to flee wearing a shirt that does not count as a dress and absconding LuAnn de Lesseps' limo driver. Unfortunately a coveting of wine momentarily distracts her and Sonja decides to enact her payback by dropping some wine farts before forgiving the other ladies and hitting up the club.
Last night onLadies of Londonthe famewhores separated from the literal ladies (as in titled ladies) and the cream rose to the top, while the rest skimmed through the tabloids.
It's the seasonal opening of the Serpentine Gallery which is compared to the Oscars, as in the British version of, but I think it's mostly similar to our MET Gala. You know the one Kim Kardashian attended wearing a sofa from 1985. Anyway, she hasn't besmirched the British equivalent yet, but give her time and also there are many in her stead. For instance, Caprice who wore a dress bedecked with sequined cockroaches.
Oh Caprice. Caprice has found herself in an intriguing predicament. She is currently 7 months pregnant, but since she believed she was incapable of carrying a child she hired a surrogate in the states – and that surrogate is 8 months pregnant! At the same time Caprice got pregnant naturally. So Caprice is pretty much having twins from different mothers. She is thrilled for a couple reasons: 1) the obvious delight of having two children 2) the obvious delight of being able to sell these stories to the press for top dollar.
Last night on Real Housewives of Orange County a certain Heather Dubrow got a taste of her own medicine. No, I don't mean she was forced to wear Target clothing, I mean Tamra Barney shanked her with some petty, made up reasons to hate while at a party and Heather became the new Gretchen is the new Alexis. Stage an intervention to call someone fake, wind up in an intervention being told you're fake (and condescending!).
See, it's a dog eat dog world that Andy Cohen created and you have stab someone with storyline drama before they can stab you. Alas Heather considered Tamra her a 'real' friend. Boy was she wrong, because you can't teach an old dog new tricks. But at least Vicki Gunvalson behaved decently… for a change!
Last night's Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta highlighted the opening of Stevie J.and No-Neck's new venture…and I am going to venture a guess that we didn't even see the tiniest portion of the real drama that occurred that night! Sleazy and Zino's Bistro and Bar is becoming an actuality. Stevie and Benzinohave brought their ladies to check out the space. Joseline Hernandez has grand plans to perform at the club once a week–maybe nightly–because everyone loves seeing what she has to offer. She bonds with Benzino's new love Althea, warning her that KarlieRedd will be back for No-Neck's money given the opportunity. The women laugh over the fact that Althea used to "hang with" Mimi Faust's sex tape co-star back in the day. I just don't get what is so appealing about Nikko. Joseline has heard that Althea gets around, so this news isn't surprising to her. Across the space, Sleaze and Zeen toast to their nightlife endeavor, and Benzino reveals his grand plans to propose to Althea. I cannot get to Atlanta fast enough to belly up to the bar at this magnificent establishment.
Rasheeda's grand plans to make Kirk Frost jealous with a girls' trip to New Orleans are quickly deteriorating. Kirk doesn't think that his wife needs to be out partying when she should be home tending to their son. At least he's finally claiming paternity! Rasheeda can't understand why it was perfectly fine for him to have a threesome at Benzino's cabin, but she can't take off for Mardi Gras for a few days. The couple is taking son Karter for a check-up, and Kirk wants the doctor to tell Rasheeda just how bad it is for her mother to kiss Karter on the mouth. The doctor shares that young babies are definitely receptive to germs, and she discourages them from allowing anyone to kiss the baby on the mouth. Perhaps she should also warn Kirk that it is probably unsanitary for Karter to be chewing on his gold chain as well.
The episode starts with Khloe talking about her divorce and how she is handling it. Her description of how she is dealing with it sounds a lot like denial. Khloe decides jumping on her trampoline and hanging out at Casa de Kris is the best way to combat an ugly divorce, that and constantly referencing how her va jay-jay is trying to swallow her itty bitty daisy dukes. Yes Khloe, we’ve all seen your camel toe. Side note: did Khloe just say Kim looks like Paula Abdul? Poor Paula, she doesn’t deserve that.
Kandi Burruss' ideas about planning a wedding in 5 weeks are as crazy as Joyce's ideas about, well, anything – but most specifically Todd Tucker. Last night was illuminating because it seems Mama Joyce gave Kandi's father Titus 'The Todd Treatment' way back when they were married! So let's dive right in – it's juicy, but in the manner of a car crash or Lindsay Lohan wandering around Rodeo Drive sans panties.
Kandi meets her dad for dinner to see if he'd be willing to officiate her ceremony. He is of course in agreement. Kandi reveals that for many years following her parents' divorce Titus, now a pastor, was barely around and she did not see him for years. And it turns out that likely has everything to do with V For Vendetta: The Mama Joyce Modus Operandi.