Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills we got the answer to an important question: Who is Faye Resnick in this world? She is morally corrupt, desperate, ruthless, ill-mannered and really quite frankly a hot judgmental mess. Hey honey you got your camera time and you got to do it all while wearing a Barbie's Dream Collection seafoam Mother-of-the-bride inspired tacky-a$$ nightmare. No amount of borrowed David's Bridal will make you a lady!
I really wish I didn't have to discuss Fayded Retchnick at all on this blog because I don't want to give her any attention or satisfaction – which is exactly what people like her are looking for – but I suppose I have to. But before we are forced to contend with the horrible…
Things begin with Lisa Vanderpump and Ken planning their vow renewal. Lisa is nervous and cute about a public display, but she knows it means a lot to Ken. And most endearingly after 30 years of marriage you can tell they truly do adore each other and are blissfully happy.
Should I be concerned that Love & Hip Hop is going soft of me? Last night's episode was a veritable love fest with friendship, mended fences, and a long-awaited engagement. What happened to the screaming and hair pulling and drink throwing? Not that I'm complaining, it's just a foreign concept.
We begin as a frazzled Erica Mena meets with Yandy Smith to share that Olivia Longott is recording her ballad thanks to Rich Dollaz. She can't believe that her ex-boyfriend would use that against her. Yandy asks about what Erica wants to do with management. Erica still wants to ignore the fact having a manager is important for her career. Yandy reminds her that Rich was the only person in her corner…Erica needs Rich more than he needs her.
Tahiry Jose's mom is in town and loves seeing her daughter's rap magazine centerfold. Tahiry is excited that she and her mother finally have an adult friendship after a tense childhood. They discuss their past, including how her father juggled his twelve kids before being deported. Her trust issues do seem to come honestly, that's for sure. The duo is crying over her father's indiscretions, and Tahiry thinks that many of her past issues have contributed to her problems with Joe Budden. Her mother encourages Tahiry to talk things out with her dad.
Last night on The Rachel ZoeProject,Rachel Zoe faced her critics, struggled with buyers over Maxi dress madness, continued her journey to actually understand what her husband does within her company and used a fur hat as fashion Xanax.
The episode starts in New York on the terrace; Rachel and Rodger are having a breakfast whilst basking in the glory of her successful show. Rachel starts complaining she hasn’t slept in like 3-4 weeks because she has been so stressed about her show. Rachel may have forgotten that most moms also suffer from a lack of sleep, it’s not just something for fashion designing moms. Rachel is procrastinating reading her reviews, and after some encouragement from Rodger she takes the plunge. She is pleased with the response and annoyed at her husband’s Goosebumps.
What every mother wants to hear during breakfast, err, lunch time: Mom, rather than leave last night's party like civilized beings, we jumped out a window. Actually, we were so drunk, we kind of just fell out. (paraphrased)
What Virginia fears she'll see in the town's gossip column: "Inebriated Broke Down Baby Dolls Fall Out Window" or "Mama Goose's Daughters: Drunk And Out Of Control"
What Harvin and Meyer (probably) often hear during breakfast, err, lunch time: I hope nobody saw you do that.
I'm starting to wonder if a storm is brewing with the ladies of Mob Wives. So far, everyone has been very civil. Renee Graziano and Drita D'avanzo decided to take out their stress through good ol' fashioned physical exercise, while Big Ang gets enough of a work out holding up her giant jugs. Ramona Rizzo and Karen Gravano were actually cordial to Dave's new girlfriend. Of course, Love Majewski still wants to beat Carla Facciolo's behind, but the pair has yet to meet. Where was Carla last night, anyway?
Last night begins as Ramona and Karen are heading to Karen's brother's storage facility to see if there is any evidence which would allow Karen's father's case to be reopened. There are boxes of trial transcripts and taped conversations. This is not going to be an easy task.
Renee shares with son A.J. that she's going to get an attack dog. He wants to slap her when he hears the pooch could cost upwards of twenty thousand dollars. A.J. thinks that his mom's paranoia are humorous. He wants his mom to lighten up and relax. She's hoping that they can do some mother-son bonding in a Krav Maga class. Not only will it allow the pair to spend time together, it will be another outlet for Renee's aggression. Yeah, that's not going to happen. A.J. tells his mother he isn't going along for the ride as she channels her inner Jackie Chan. Renee then practices some of her wrestling techniques on A.J. in a cute family moment. He really seems like a good kid.
Last night on Real Housewives of Atlanta we dealt with the ghosts of fauxlationships past when Bravo the ladies did everything in their power to force a confrontation between former business partners boyfriend and girlfriend Kenya Moore and Walter Jackson. Much to my dismay, that did not happen. As a small consolation we got several delusional talking head rants from Kenya and one Kenyantrum.
Before any of that happened Porsha Stewart tried to navigate the nearly impossible task of taking a pregnancy test. EPT stands for Error Proof Test… until Porsha gets her hands on it! Girl actually thought you had to pee for two whole minutes instead of waiting 2 minutes for the results.
Porsha and Kordell poured over the instructions in panicked frustration for about an hour like it was a map to buried treasure. And Kontroll doesn't want to hire a nanny? Lord help us all… And correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't Porsha pregnant before? She has definitely done the whole pee on a stick song and dance. Anyway, she's not pregnant. And poor Porsha looked really sad to realize that once again the yams had not worked. All she got for her troubles was some orange poop and one completely apathetic Kontroll. Worst. Reaction. Ever.
Season three of Duck Dynasty with the Robertson family is turning out to be everything I'd hoped for and more. We're treated to an endless supply of Si's one-liners, and Jase is still doing everything in his power to get under brotherWillie's skin. After all of these years, Phil is still hot for Kay, and there is no question as to how much love this family shares. Wednesday nights are great.
Last night's first episode begins with the boys comparing their beards in the warehouse. Who has the longest beard? Who has the thickest beard? Don't know? Let's ask Si who has an arsenal of beard jokes which reference 60 Minutes, Dora the Explorer, and Chewbacca. Si rules. Willie is going out of town for the day, and he needs his boys to make sure that business continues as usual. All Willie asks of Jase is that he signs for a package at 4 o' clock. We'll see how this goes!
At Phil and Miss Kay's, their grandson and his friend come by, but they are unaware that Phil has plans to teach them them the ways of the world. The boys are clueless as Phil whistles his words of wisdom. Meanwhile, in the warehouse, the guys are debating their favorite duck blinds to hunt. Si chuckles about Willie's absence, and Jase is happy to appease whatever dare his uncle is introducing. The men pile into Jase's truck and head out into the woods. The guys are in the wilderness debating wrestling lore. I adore the fact that Si travels with his own gallon of tea. Si spots a black cat cross the blind, and Jase finds it hilarious that most people think that black cats are bad luck. Si claims it's a panther. Wait, did the guys lock themselves out of the truck?
My new favorite reality family has quickly become the KardashianStanley Sisters. Gypsy Sisters has quickly found a special place in my heart and I can’t put my finger on whether it’s their general lack of a filter that makes them seem authentic and genuine or whether it’s because the strange and alluring life of a Gypsy that I have a general lack of knowledge on or maybe it’s because I have finally found a family that appears even more crazy and irrational than mine! Either way, these girls entertain the hell out of me with their hilarious one liners, over the top rituals and crazy parties! Move over Kevin Lee, Gypsy party planners are taking over!
So we start with a flash back to a miserable Mellie Stanley on her wedding day, falling down the aisle. Kaylagives wonderful words of encouragement starts placing bets on how long the happy couple will last. Kayla thinks Mellie won’t last 3 weeks let alone 72 days, snaps for Kimmie Kakes!
We now arrive at the hospital, Mellie has been sick for the past 2 weeks and that’s not all she’s sick of. Apparently she’s sick of her marriage, too. She announces that her marriage to Robbie lasted a grueling 6 days. I guess Kayla wasn’t actually too far off the mark with her prediction whilst she outlasted Nettie’s prediction of 24 hours. Mellie explains Robbie was going out partying and possibly cheating while she was at home living with her new in-laws, which you know, is a totally normal living arrangement. Call me crazy, but maybe these things like living arrangements should have been addressed before the holy moment of saying ‘I do’.