Recaps

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The Mexican adventure continues for the ladies of Little Women: LA, with part two of Briana Renee’s bachelorette party melting down into a pile of broken friendships – and swimming with dolphins! The tension between Terra Jole and Briana still hangs thickly, metaphorically symbolized by the torrential rain pouring down during the ladies’ hike on Day 3.

Although Terra claims she wants a friendship with Briana again, Briana is wary of her motives. Briana is also exhausted from Tonya Banks’ lecture about her “not looking happy” as a newlywed. But how exactly is Briana supposed to look when she’s endlessly being browbeaten about her marriage by her frenemies? It’s all just too much. 

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dance moms abby

After allowing Jill to watch over Kalani in Los Angeles, on last night’s episode Kira returned to Dance Moms. Is it bad I’d forgotten she’d left? She and Ashlee pretend that the other doesn’t exist while they speak horribly about each other just a few feet away from the other. Jill is happy to have Kira back as she considers Ashlee to be a giant bully. Oh really? Abby Lee Miller is in rare form, cheering for last week’s group win. This week isn’t a pyramid, and Abby plans to go backwards. The sisters Ziegler are sharing the top spot…Maddie for winning her solo, and MacKenzie for garnering a scholarship to the Pittsburgh chapter of the ALDC. There’s still a studio there? Nia, Kalani, Kendall, and Brynn share the second tier, and Abby shares they are evenly placed. JoJo is on the bottom because someone has to be.

At this week’s competition, Abby will be entering two trios which means one girl be dancing. Abby crowns both Brynn and Maddie as the captains of their trio, making the choice who will be part of their routine. Jill interrupts to determine how Abby chose the leaders, and Ashlee tries to quickly quiet her. Brynn picks Kalani and MacKenzie while Maddie chooses Kendall and JoJo. Nia tries to pretend that it doesn’t bother her, but she’s clearly crushed. Abby promises that if Brynn’s solo wins, she’s secured a spot on the ALDC team. The group routine this week will be based on a commercial she has signed up the girls to team, and the girls cheer at the return of Todrick. The mothers are a tad wary. Abby doesn’t often play well–or collaborate–with others. The moms know that Abby can’t focus on more than one task (if that), so if she’s freaking out about the commercial, the competition routines are sure to suffer. 

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Dubai

Last night the ladies of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills went on a journey! First they hitched a ride on Yolanda Foster‘s journey and they traveled to the center of Lymes, past the lemon groves and through the gardens of delusion and deceit, landing themselves at Cipriani. Afterwards they spent 24 hours on a plane hurtling through the night skies to a faraway land where they slept with the sharks, but alas my favorite part was Lisa Vanderpump putting on Kyle Ricahrds‘ signature kaftan and looking so damn good she put Kyle to unholy shame! 

After 14 months living deprived of earthly comforts like concealer, Yolanda has finally rejoined the living. Is it me or every time Yolanda provides a ‘fact’ about her ‘journey’ the math inflates? I see someone studied Econ at the Federal Reserve!

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Vanderpump Rules Reunion

Last night was the beginning of the Vanderpump Rules reunion. Lisa Vanderpump is dressed like a “school marm” but it’s really quite ridiculous and hideous. Lala Kent got her makeup done at the circus, from the elephants who can paint – it’s pink, sparkly and reminds me of Tammy Faye Baker. 

BTW: When is Kristen Doute gonna admit to getting her boobs done? She’s got them out every 15 seconds just waiting for someone [ANDY COHEN] to notice and comment, but alas the satisfaction is not being given.  

The major topics up for discussion are James Kennedy‘s drunken excesses and the mysteriously unexplained reasons Jax Taylor despises him. Kristen’s apology tour, and lastly Scheana Marie being the worst wife in the world. Apparently she’s just not educated on addiction – which is why she never bothered to you know CALL A THERAPIST or Google NA meetings! 

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Teen Mom 2 recap

Last night was the season premiere of Teen Mom 2. New season, new criminal charges against Jenelle Evans, new custody battle (this one with Nathan Griffin, the battle with Barbara Evans continues), and new lips. Leah Messer is anxiously waiting for the court to decide on Corey Simms’ custody petition, but it looks like Leah could use a break three nights a week and every other weekend. Chelsea Houska is probably too stable and happy for this show, but she provides a breath of fresh air after Jenelle and Leah segments. Meanwhile, Kailyn Lowry, Jo Rivera, and Vee Torres are trying to turn their co-parenting triangle into a square, but Javi Marroquin doesn’t want any part of that.

Do Jenelle’s lips really look good, or is it just that they look good compared to Farrah’s? Now if she could learn to keep them closed, that would be a real improvement! Speaking of improvement, or lack thereof, Jenelle hasn’t learned much from her previous encounters with the law and we find out she has been arrested AGAIN. This time for assault against Nathan’s new girlfriend Jessi, who looks like an older (tamer?) version of Jenelle. According to Jenelle, “the judge is gonna be like, ‘this is stupid.’” DUDE, all she did was throw water at the girl and the glass slipped! Likely story.

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Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion - Kandi

Last night was part one of the Real Housewives Of Atlanta reunion. Phaedra Parks was most certainly on the hot seat. That must explain why her gown was bathed in golden embers! When Phaedra wasn’t being bathed in the fruits of her shade, Kenya Moore was being read for the filth by everyone – even Andy Cohen! And I have to say YES, Bravo, YES! Finally and thank you. It was time. 

So it begins with the drama that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends… between Phaedra and Kenya. Phaedra is deemed the shadiest of them all, but some people aren’t appreciative of such witticisms. Like Kenya “Oatmeal Pie Face” Moore. She complains that Phaedra was “attacking” her looks, therefore putting down all women and their respective chocolate-ness. 

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After Ashley Darby’s husband Michael broke up the last night of their girls’ trip, lines have been drawn among the Real Housewives of Potomac ladies. Karen Huger threw the biggest most pointless fit of all, so it looks like she’ll be the one Ashley has to squash the beef with first. That is, until Karen sends her own protrusion-in-his-pants representative, hubby Raymond, to do her dirty work. 

But first, Gizelle Bryant is at the “Skincare Chemist” – whatever that might be! – to discuss starting a makeup line. She says being a light skinned black woman doesn’t mean she can’t address the skincare needs of all African American women. Natasha, the specialist, suggests offering at least seven shades. Gizelle is well versed in shade, and can throw seven of them together in her sleep. In order to launch the line, she will need to gather a focus group, develop a name (Caramel Cutie? Just Buy It?), and brand her product. Gizelle ponders the idea of using the ladies as her focus group. Yes! Let’s go ahead and release the seven shades of hell all over that.  

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Little Women: Atlanta finale recap

On last night’s season finale of Little Women: Atlanta, Minnie Ross turned over a new leaf and Amanada Salinas took the first step in independence from her twin.  

The trip to Savannah was anything but relaxing for the ladies, who had to endure an entire weekend of Monie Cashette arguing with Minnie. Now back in Atlanta, everyone realizes they need to make positive changes in their lives. For Amanda that means moving out with her boyfriend Jordan, who finally got a job (in a tire shop!). Amanda is afraid to tell Andrea Salinas that, for the first time in their lives, she wants some space. 

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