So last week’s boat ride on Mob Wives was a success, wasn’t it? Last night’s episode began right where the last one ended…with Karen Gravano wanting Natalie Guercio served up on a platter for her to demolish. With friends like these, who needs enemies? Regardless, Big Ang keeps smoking her (is that a clove?) cigarette while trying to figure out where her loyalties should lie. It’s got to be exhausting!
At Drita D’vanzo’s Lady Boss store, she is working on promoting her store with a calendar that she hopes can showcase her make-up, skincare, and jewelry. Karen arrives to help Drita put together her “old Hollywoody meets mobster” vibe. Drita plans to put the proceeds from calendar sales back into the community. Speaking of, Karen wants to host a poker night, and she wants to invite the new Natalie. Drita thinks is a good idea so they can all see how Natalie 2.0 interacts with the crew.
So here we are at Eileen Davidson‘s house where Kyle and Brandi are sobbing, shrieking, and shoving each other in the driveway. I’m pretty sure we learned in kindergarten to use conversation to solve problems, not name-calling, cuss words, gift bags, hands, side-boobs, bracelets, wine, or pizza?! Or Eileen’s driveway!
And while Kyle and Brandi are arguing over who gets custody of Kim Richards, Kim is standing their like “Duuuuuuude… I’m high. Where’s my pizza?” Literally she asked Brandi what happened to the pizza slice – well Brandi threw at your sister, Kim. I would say go grab another one but you’re probably banned from Eileen’s home!
I’m just going to say it…JoJo needs to go-go. Her mother is grating on my last Dance Moms nerves, and that’s saying a lot. You know it’s bad if Abby Lee Miller thinks you’re kind of a crappy person! The episode begins with Nia and Holly arriving to the studio. Nia timidly tells Abby that her grandfather is in failing health. She tells Abby that she is looking forward to going to Los Angeles, but she may have to travel back home to visit him if he gets worse. Nia bursts into tears, and it’s nice to see Abby comforting her student. That’s a glimpse of the Abby I hope exists off camera.
In the pyramid, Abby chastises the second place group number and welcomes back JoJo for a second week. Geez. Holly speaks up, asking if sending the girls on auditions and opening a new studio may be too much on her plate when it comes to choreographing the competitions. Nia is on the bottom of the pyramid for being the leader of the second place group dance, followed by Kendall for sloppy foot placement. Kalani rounds out the bottom for failing to bring the girls up to her level of dance. Instead she’s gotten quite comfortable on their level. Maddie is the bottom of the second tier for not participating in last week’s competition. She tells her teammates what she got to do in her absence…which is basically hang out with a bunch of celebrities. JoJo is in the second spot, but Abby chastises her for being to sassy. Kira pipes up with an impression of JoJo, speech impediment and all. Yikes! Jessalyn doesn’t think that her daughter needs to tone down in the least. MacKenzie is deserving of the top spot after her victory.
If ever there was a reason for Sig Hansen to finally speak on Celebrity Apprentice, it was while captaining a booze cruise around New York City. Unfortunately someone had to walk the plank! I say I’m fabulous, but The Donald says you’re fired! Now Twirl. Twirl. Twirl. Twirl. Dizzy yet?
CA is moving full-speed ahead through a series of rapid eliminations as they prepare for their LIVE two-hour finale (when editing and producers cannot control the full-scale unleashed crazy of Kenya “Krayonce” Moore and Brandi “Boozdi” Glanville!).
So let’s talk Krayonce, shall we. Oooooh boy! Everybody knows I do not particularly care for the wheels off the underground railroad train that is Kenya’s runaway antics. As someone said on twitter (bless you) “TooFar” is Kenya’s middle name. While I have to appreciate her, shall we say, passionate nature, Kenya always goes OVERBOARD. Last night was the ultimate converging of “Real Housewives Of Atlanta Kenya” and “attempting to revamp my image sophisticated CA Kenya.” Somewhere, Donald Trump and Andy Cohen are in a PTSD clinic, known as WWHL, guzzling a much-needed drink. We’ll cover all the Kenyanigans later.
Tom was loitering, casually constructed behind the bar at SUR, when a trainwreck of botched lip implants and an immobile face appeared before him! He jumped; he recoiled in horror. No, not because he saw who it was – Annemarie from Miami – but because she ordered a Cosmo (is this Sex And the City circa 2002?!) – then he bolted. From her vantage point across the restaurant, perfectly positioned so she could witness the showdown while guzzling wine, Kristen leapt from her seat and went running after him. This wasn’t supposed to happen – Tom was supposed to run TOWARDS Kristen, not away from SUR.
So now that we’ve set the scene, let’s rewind – Lord knows I did a lot of that last night to catch every wimple of drama.
Before we begin, may I congratulate Yandy Smith and Mendeecees Harris on the birth of their daughter? Mona, did you have your Love & Hip Hop cameras in the delivery room? Speaking of babies, the episode begins with Amina Buddafly and Peter Gunz returning home from the hospital after the birth of daughter Corie. Peter has decided to focus on his new family now that ex Tara Wallace has given him the boot. He chooses to come clean with Amina now that everyone is home safe and sound, and he admits that he wasn’t on a business in Trinidad, but instead he was on a family vacation in Barbados with Tara and their kids. She is livid to learn that she’s his second choice. Amina swears she’ll never be able to forgive him…at least not for a few hours at least. Peter doesn’t understand her frustration. Shouldn’t she be happy he’s finally telling the truth?
Despite Erica Mena’s protests, Rich Dollaz and Cyn have totally changed their tune when it comes to their relationship. They are finally in a place where they don’t want to kill the other out of jealousy. In fact, Rich can’t wait to introduce Cyn to his new artist Precious Paris to see if a collaboration could be in their future. Before the pair meets, he also wants Cyn to taste test his new liquor to see if she is still willing to be the face of his brand. Precious Paris arrives, and she and Cyn hit it off immediately. Cyn shares her desire to create a tribute song for her brother who recently committed suicide. Cyn feels like she failed her brother, but Precious reminds her that she couldn’t have done anything he didn’t want her to do. Cyn hopes she can reach others who are suffering through her music. Precious and Cyn toast their new collaboration with Rich’s liquor.
Last night on Real Housewives Of Atlanta no one wanted to grow up as they took good old fashioned road trips, flirted with the football players, and relived their glory days at Ridgemont High on the last day of senior year. Also, Cynthia Bailey wore a stupid hat in every scene. Are her edges thinning too?!
NeNe Leakes gets picked up at the airport by Greggum, her basement troll clamoring into the sunshine for the first time in weeks, sadly it’s an overcast day and he’s forced to linger in the parking garage until he catches sight of the shiny ring. Still – it is human contact! NeNe reflects on Puerto Rico and acknowledges that maaaaaaybe her comments to Claudia Jordan were crass and terrible, so she apologized. An apology Claudia did not want to take.
Then NeNe tells us her life used to be a Lifetime Movie and she worked her way through college stripping – basically living Kyle Richards’ dream as played by Tori Spelling circa 1992. Let’s just say, NeNe skipped English 101 in favor of studying Human Sexuality, which is how she knows about the amazing transitive powers of Clawdia’s clit.
I was strangely anticipating Christine’s mother’s addition to Sister Wives last night? The thought of another woman adding to Kody Brown’s misery makes me a bit giddy. It has the potential to be pretty amazing, although given how boring this season has been thus far, I won’t hold my breath. How many road trips can one family take? Oh wait? Another road trip on last night’s episode? The Browns should buy stock in U-Haul.
Mykelti and Aspyn are moving into their apartment, and Christine is devastated that she’s losing her free help and baby-sitters. She has a genius plan…she’ll invite her mother to come live with her to fill in the gap. How about actually taking care of your kids yourself? Nah, too easy. Her two eldest daughters are excited to be moving in together. The sisters have come a long way in their relationship from the fighting preteens they once were. Mykelti jokes that they can practice being sister wives. Aspyn wisely believes that actual sisters as sister wives is a terrible idea. Both girls agree that their half-sister Mariah would be a hard person to be sister wives with if they had to choose. You think?