Since we’re starting out with the worst, Andy replays footage of James Kennedy getting eaten alive by SUR hostess Lauren, then coming to work proudly showing off his battle wounds. He’s a survivor! Lisa Vanderpump was unimpressed. The best part was learning that Lauren’s boyfriend, hot bartender Anthony, dumped her over the incident. Ouch – getting dumped for James has gotta hurt!
Last night was part 2 of the Real Housewives Of Atlanta reunion. The conversation was all about sex and who’s having it with those they shouldn’t be! Thank you Bravo for giving me d–k in a box for Easter. Or should I say d–k in a basket?
Andy begins by asking Cynthia Bailey and Porsha Williams about their boat brawl. Despite spending the season pretending to be friends, Cynthia and Porsha now dislike each other for some mysterious reason, so MONTHS later they are now arguing over who’s at fault.
Kandi Burruss admits that the other ladies convinced Porsha to go and talk to Cynthia after she walked away from their verbal fight.
Robyn and Gizelle meet for lunch to review the future of Robyn and (ex hubby) Juan’s relationship. Gizelle spoke with Juan recently and was suspicious of his intentions with her bestie. Are they in it for the long haul? Will they reconcile? Robyn loves Juan (and he, her), but she doesn’t trust him 100% yet. His cheating past haunts her. Gizelle thinks that no matter what Robyn and Juan do, they need to stop lying to their children – who think mommy and daddy are still married.
The Mexican adventure continues for the ladies of Little Women: LA, with part two of Briana Renee’s bachelorette party melting down into a pile of broken friendships – and swimming with dolphins! The tension between Terra Jole and Briana still hangs thickly, metaphorically symbolized by the torrential rain pouring down during the ladies’ hike on Day 3.
Although Terra claims she wants a friendship with Briana again, Briana is wary of her motives. Briana is also exhausted from Tonya Banks’ lecture about her “not looking happy” as a newlywed. But how exactly is Briana supposed to look when she’s endlessly being browbeaten about her marriage by her frenemies? It’s all just too much.
After allowing Jill to watch over Kalani in Los Angeles, on last night’s episode Kira returned to Dance Moms. Is it bad I’d forgotten she’d left? She and Ashlee pretend that the other doesn’t exist while they speak horribly about each other just a few feet away from the other. Jill is happy to have Kira back as she considers Ashlee to be a giant bully. Oh really? Abby Lee Miller is in rare form, cheering for last week’s group win. This week isn’t a pyramid, and Abby plans to go backwards. The sisters Ziegler are sharing the top spot…Maddie for winning her solo, and MacKenzie for garnering a scholarship to the Pittsburgh chapter of the ALDC. There’s still a studio there? Nia, Kalani, Kendall, and Brynn share the second tier, and Abby shares they are evenly placed. JoJo is on the bottom because someone has to be.
At this week’s competition, Abby will be entering two trios which means one girl be dancing. Abby crowns both Brynn and Maddie as the captains of their trio, making the choice who will be part of their routine. Jill interrupts to determine how Abby chose the leaders, and Ashlee tries to quickly quiet her. Brynn picks Kalani and MacKenzie while Maddie chooses Kendall and JoJo. Nia tries to pretend that it doesn’t bother her, but she’s clearly crushed. Abby promises that if Brynn’s solo wins, she’s secured a spot on the ALDC team. The group routine this week will be based on a commercial she has signed up the girls to team, and the girls cheer at the return of Todrick. The mothers are a tad wary. Abby doesn’t often play well–or collaborate–with others. The moms know that Abby can’t focus on more than one task (if that), so if she’s freaking out about the commercial, the competition routines are sure to suffer.
Last night the ladies of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills went on a journey! First they hitched a ride on Yolanda Foster‘s journey and they traveled to the center of Lymes, past the lemon groves and through the gardens of delusion and deceit, landing themselves at Cipriani. Afterwards they spent 24 hours on a plane hurtling through the night skies to a faraway land where they slept with the sharks, but alas my favorite part was Lisa Vanderpump putting on Kyle Ricahrds‘ signature kaftan and looking so damn good she put Kyle to unholy shame!
After 14 months living deprived of earthly comforts like concealer, Yolanda has finally rejoined the living. Is it me or every time Yolanda provides a ‘fact’ about her ‘journey’ the math inflates? I see someone studied Econ at the Federal Reserve!
Last night was the beginning of the Vanderpump Rules reunion. Lisa Vanderpump is dressed like a “school marm” but it’s really quite ridiculous and hideous. Lala Kent got her makeup done at the circus, from the elephants who can paint – it’s pink, sparkly and reminds me of Tammy Faye Baker.
BTW: When is Kristen Doute gonna admit to getting her boobs done? She’s got them out every 15 seconds just waiting for someone [ANDY COHEN] to notice and comment, but alas the satisfaction is not being given.
The major topics up for discussion are James Kennedy‘s drunken excesses and the mysteriously unexplained reasons Jax Taylor despises him. Kristen’s apology tour, and lastly Scheana Marie being the worst wife in the world. Apparently she’s just not educated on addiction – which is why she never bothered to you know CALL A THERAPIST or Google NA meetings!
Do Jenelle’s lips really look good, or is it just that they look good compared to Farrah’s? Now if she could learn to keep them closed, that would be a real improvement! Speaking of improvement, or lack thereof, Jenelle hasn’t learned much from her previous encounters with the law and we find out she has been arrested AGAIN. This time for assault against Nathan’s new girlfriend Jessi, who looks like an older (tamer?) version of Jenelle. According to Jenelle, “the judge is gonna be like, ‘this is stupid.’” DUDE, all she did was throw water at the girl and the glass slipped! Likely story.