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Christine Brown

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Last night was a Sister Wives' road trip from hell.  I got totally stressed out just watching it.  Kody Brown's behavior rivaled that of his youngest children, and we learned that Meri Brown and Robyn Sullivan-Brown's great-great-(and great) grandfathers were both hanging out in Nauvoo, Illinois at the same time.  Perhaps that's why they have such a connection?  Christine Brown fancied herself a Chris Brown with her impromptu stand-up routines during the sofa interviews, and I think that Janelle Brown said maybe three words.  She was probably still traumatized from the road trip. 

The episode begins as the family is celebrating Logan's birthday.  Kody announces that everyone is going to file into two RVs for a road trip to Nauvoo, Illinois which is where the Church of Latter Day Saints gained popularity.  While the Browns aren't a part of that denomination, they are looking forward to learning more about their Mormon forefathers.  Needless to say, the teenagers aren't super thrilled at the idea of driving three days to Illinois to learn their church history, while the younger kids just hear "RVs." 

Hunter and Logan manage to get out of the pilgrimage thanks to prior plans and football camp.  The teen girls are beyond jealous of their brothers' good fortune.  Logan and Hunter aren't even pretending they're upset to missing this debacle.  Christine and Robyn will be staying in hotels while the other ladies will be bunking in the RVs.

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Last night we were treated to a double dose of Sister Wives, but it wasn't really more of Kody Brown's lion mane.  TLC just gave us two thirty minute episodes instead of one hour-long program.  There's drama and Kody tears…it's not funny.  So why am I laughing as I type?  Perhaps because when I typed it, I didn't realize that Kody was crying over the loss of a dog…I am a horrible person.  I am so saddened that the Browns have to deal with putting down their twelve-year-old family member. 

On the first episode, the family meets to go over the different options for the homes.  Granite countertops?  Christine Brown is quick to pick her back splashes and cabinets, but Meri Brown and Robyn Sullivan Brown are slow to make a decision.  Meri is willing to get another job so she can have what she wants in the house.  Seriously, Meri?  You're too good for sliding glass doors?  She really isn't willing to budge on what she wants in her home even though she's over budget.  I love that Christine won't offer up any of her extra cash even though she comes in under budget.  I totally get that Meri shouldn't be punished budget wise just because she wasn't able to have more kids, but on the flip side, she should be thanking her lucky stars she's getting a ginormous home for herself while her sister wives will have kids doubling up in bedrooms.  I normally really like Meri, but she needs to get over herself.

Thanks Meri, for making me tear up by showing me an aging, sick dog.  It breaks my heart.  I'm such a dog person, and I've lost two dogs when I was growing up to old age, and one who was hit by a car as an adult.  I just let my four-legged child get up on the sofa with me to watch this show because all of this dog story line is so sad.  Meri and Kody call in all the children to say good-bye to Drake, and the kids are bawling crying and taking pictures with the sweet pooch. 

Over at Janelle Brown's house, it's time to hit the gym.  She is up at quarter till five in the morning, and she's heading to meet with her trainer.  I think it's very brave of Janelle to share her weight loss struggles.  Christine is very proud of her sister wife's dedication.  Janelle's trainer is is not only working on her body, but he's also trying to help her change her eating behavior.  She is very determined.

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The teens on last night's Sister Wives got a bit of a reality check.  Maddie, Logan, and Aspyn are volunteering for an organization that helps families who want to leave the polygamist lifestyle.  They are traveling back to Utah to paint a house for a family to move into after leaving the LDS community.  Kody Brown and his hair hope that Aspyn will remember that plural marriage is a good thing.  Christine isn't on board with this trip because she wonders if there are times when people are are "helped" when they really don't want to necessarily leave.

Kody and the wives are optimistic that the teens will remember how different their family is from the families they are about to see.  Maddie can't fathom the abuse that some people in plural marriages suffer, and Aspyn is worried that she won't be able to relate to the victims.  Right away they meet a polygamist escapee Kollene who readily admits she wants to take out some of her anger on the Browns.  Kody is upset that Warren Jeffs has painted his lifestyle in such a bad light. 

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Oh, Sister Wives!  Thank you so much for introducing me to the Dargers.  TLC, what do you say about a Darger spin-off?  Kody Brown would be livid!

We started last night with Kody going over plans for each of the four homes.  How are these people affording these homes?  The wives, except Janelle, are all getting totally greedy with their need for extra bedrooms and wet bars and offices.  I am predicting this season doesn't end well for the Browns.

After squaring away the blueprints, the family can look forward to their family vacation with some polygamist friends…because that's normal!  The Dargers aren't the same faith as the Browns.  Instead they are "independent polygamists" which must be some kind of code for dude who wanted to marry more than one lady.  Joe Darger married two women, Alina and Vicki, on the same day, one of whom looked to be about fourteen at the time, and then ten years later married Val who is Vicki's twin sister.  Talk about sharing everything!  I'm more than a tad skeezed out because not only will they actually be SISTER wives, the kids will be sibling-cousin hybrids…and among the three of them, there are twenty-three children.  The double marriage was arranged by Joe's mom.  Lovely.

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It seems that Kody Brown has gotten some sort of hairstyle/hairdo/haircut situation since last week's Sister Wives premiere.  His bowl-cut/mullet hybrid seems more tame.  Is he not watching these old home videos of himself that we're forced to watch?  He's actually not bad looking with shorter hair.  I don't know if I'll ever get over his mane situation.  Kody drones on and on about how many polygamists don't raise their children in such a public manner due to the stigma of the lifestyle.  Of course Kody wants to be front and center with each of his bazillion kids so they realize how strong the family bond is.  

Kody and his wives are heading to the high school for a parent(s)-teacher conference.  Oddly enough, they opt for the mini-van instead of Kody's convertible.  Strange.  The first meeting is with Mariah's Spanish teacher.  Mariah reminds us that she was inducted into the National Honor Society…last episode year.  A little editing problem there, TLC?  That would explain Kody's haircut.  Anyhoo, the Spanish teacher is meeting with three of the kids moms.  It's funny watching the wives pretend like they understand Spanish.  Christine thinks that Senora Hess is hot.  She would totally learn Spanish from her…and there is next season's story line–recruiting Senora Hess as the next wife.

Next, the women meet with the P.E. teacher.  While she's only teaching Aspyn this year, she had many of the daughters last year.  Aspyn likes to skip P.E. a lot, but she's making up the work to increase her grade.  Christine allows Aspyn to skip school a lot because she's such a good student.  That's good…it's totally like that in the work force too, so kudos to you Christine for preparing her for real life.  Meri admits that Mariah often tries to skip citing Chistine's lax nature with Aspyn, but Meri won't stand for it.  However, like Mariah, Aspyn also wants to be in a plural marriage like her parents.

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Kody Brown and his Sister Wives are back, and the family seems to be feeling the strain of their Las Vegas move even more intensely than last season.  Even Kody's once fluffy, blonde mane is now straw-like with a dishwater hue.  Oh, the hairmanity!  Seriously, if I'm going to watch a show about a polygamist (and I do like watching, don't get me wrong), couldn't TLC have found one a little more Bradley Cooper and a little less Harry from Dumb and Dumber?

The family remembers how difficult the transition to Las Vegas was, especially for the older children.  There is definite tension on the sofa, that's for sure.  All of the wives blame being separated on the break down of their family unit.  The family is still trying to secure financing for their cul-de-sac village.  Christine is concerned that Robyn and Janelle's credit won't allow them to qualify for a loan.  If one of them can't get their home, no one will be able to move forward.

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There is no shortage of reality television to get us through the cold winter months.  Can y'all believe it's already November?  Along with the influx of new seasons of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Real Housewives of Atlanta, and Teen Mom 2, we have some other shows to look forward to in the coming weeks.

Speaking of housewives, Kody Brown, his hair, and his plethora of ladies will be returning for a fourth season of Sister Wives on TLC, and speaking of crazy manes, Jerseylicious will be back for more hair-raising antics (literally!) on the Style Network.

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I don't know what it is lately that I feel the need to put a disclaimer in all my blog posts, but here's another one.  I really do like the Sister Wives!  Actually, you need to take that statement literally.  I like the Sister WivesKody Brown and his golden mane I can take or leave.

It's almost as if I've started liking reality shows that don't provide the normal extravagant lifestyle, Botox, and Patron-infused escape.  Now, I truly enjoy watching the reality programs that make people think and make people mad…for a better reason than someone said something contrived in a cookbook.  Social issues, family dynamics, real problems…this is what I'm now drawn to these days.  I have to ask, WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?  I like to think I'm growing up…maybe?  Enjoying fluff and Cartier is so much simpler.  Being concerned about who got blackballed from the season's charity event is way cooler than worrying about how real people are actually perceived.  Am I right, or am I right?

That said, I think the Sister Wives are awesome.  Can we just have an understanding from here on out that when I say "Sister Wives" I mean Meri, Janelle, Christine, and Robyn?  We can leave the adult Simba out of my praise.  Regardless of how progressive his wives are, he's still a tad too controlling for my tastes.  Here's the deal.  Do I think polygamy is weird?  You can bet Annie's bottom dollar I do!  Would I share my future husband ever with some Midwestern hussy(ies)?  I think not…of course Ryan Gosling knows better (Eva who?).  But was I put on this earth to judge? No.  To snark?  Well, duh, but to truly judge?  Absolutely not.  Apparently UNLV shares my beliefs, as the Browns were recently the subject of a campus-wide panel discussion.

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