Oh good lord with this show. I really think the cast of Vanderpump Rules should just bottle their tears and sell them as a cocktail at SUR. I mean someone is always crying! In every scene: sob, sob, sob, sob… If Diamond Water can become a thing, Teary Vodka can.
So last night Jax Taylor proved that he is just as self-absorbed as Stassi Schroeder (what did we expect from a male model!) when he dumped rebound girlfriend Laura-Leigh of the Minnie Mouse helium voice and meth addiction after her AA meeting. Yep, that happened – although he told her they could keep having sex.
And in the same episode Stassi showed why she has no friends and is always getting shizzed upon by boyfriends; because she treats people like CRAP! And we all know you treat people how you expect to be treated. Stassi, Princess of Low Self-Esteem. She wears transparent well, doesn't she?
So where do we begin with this mess of a show that is Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? It was just a blur of white noise. Splits Richards decided there hadn't been enough drama as of late so she decided to host her annual White Party. I mean screw P Diddy and Cannes, this is THE event of the season. Bust out your white swim suit cover-ups, get ready to twirl your hair round your head like a helicopter (one of these days Kyle is going to take off!), and then go threaten to sue your friends! Open bar on the left.
In other happenings,Kim Richards got a nose job. I mean, what else has she got to do? Kim's nose job – not big news in the real BH, I imagine, but in the RHOBH it's cause for celebration. And why not? Kim has never entertained anyone not even us on this show so perhaps it's time for her to do some party hosting. Isn't that what these broads do with their spare time when they're not hiring lawyers because their girlfriends talk shit about them?
So anyway, Kim's having a re-done nose party (I hope she got a ton of cards that said: 'Congratulations on your re-done nose!'). She has this sweet little coffee bar set up and she's rocking a Mrs. Roper mumu as she swans around the pool. It was all very seventies. I've noticed a lot of what Splits and Kim do is circa seventies (hello… THE White Party, y'all!).
Speaking of Splits, she shows up towing along two adorable little girls and one orangey blob in a scarecrow wig. Yeah, Faye Resnick was there, but by the blessed gods of Bravo she barely spoke and stayed mainly off camera. Perhaps they wanted to keep the party focused on decent plastic surgery.
Our favorite reality TV stars can’t get enough of the spotlight during their regularly scheduled time slots, so they take to Twitter to share even more of their daily lives with us. And we love them for it! Here’s a roundup of some of our favorite photos from the Twitterverse this week! Enjoy!
After Lisa recently shared, “She’s not a friend of mine and I wouldn’t [have] invited her,” Faye wants to extend her extra long fifteen minutesset the record straight. Speaking to Wetpaint, she whines, “I was asked exactly the same way the rest of the cast was to Lisa’s tea. Lisa knew I was coming, which is why there was a place setting for me and for Kim [Richards]. She acted like I ran in and stole Kim’s seat. That’s not true at all.”
On Monday's episode Faye was an unwelcome, uninvited guest to Lisa's tea party from hell round 2, and luckily for her Kim Richards didn't show up so Faye got both a seat and a goodybag. Isn't that conveinent…
Sometimes it's the most random of pairs that make for the most interesting television. Who would have thought that RHOBH'sLisa Vanderpump and Brandi Glanville would have become biffles? Not this girl…but how hilarious are they to watch? While we're at it, let's list some more unlikely couples that have had viewers glued to their TV screens.
Somebody needs to revoke Jax Taylor's Food Handler's card because our pretty male model made a serious faux pas on last night's Vanderpump Rules with ladylove of the minute Laura Leigh!
Everyone's favorite little reincarnated Minnie Mouse whose voice floats and squeaks with aplomb christened SUR with Jax in a little late-night bathroom hooking up. ON THE FLOOR. Of the VIP bathroom. According to the security guard, he walked in and saw Jax and Laura Leigh trousers down, getting busy. He promptly phoned Ken, who promptly called a PR meeting where he informed the flabbergasted Lisa Vanderpump about extracurricular activities in the workplace. Oh dear – what. a. mess. Literally and figuratively.
I have two things to say about this: 1) Does LL seriously want to be thought of as the gross desperate girl who gets busy on a public restroom floor? Even Britney Spears isn't that dirty.
2) Did Lisa seriously let that get featured on television? Image problem is right! And apparently this is a bit of a trend with LL because the next night she and Jax are out to dinner and they slip into the employee bathroom to reenact their magical moment. Where are the police with public indecency citations when we need them?
Well if ever there was a reason to recklessly abandon tea and convert to coffee, last night's episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was it! Does tea just bring out the worst behavior in everyone – or is that wine? Or is it actually just that 3/4 of the people on this show are hideous specimens of humanity?
So Lisa Vanderpump tried to make amends last night. She took all her fancy British etiquette and tried to apply it to unscrupulous famewhores. Logic fail! She began with Splits Richards, whom Lisa had always believed to be a fun person, a friend, but underneath all Kyle's layers of caftans and hair lie a woman possessed. Possessed with the desire to be important and relevant – and most importantly famous. Enter Reality TV.
Then Lisa tried with Adrienne Maloof who was let out of the cryogenic freezer before her face fully thawed to socialize with the ladies. Adrienne's equally unappealing friend (and Kyle's Doppelganger) Faye Resnick was also hauled out for the unappetizing occasion. More on that thoughtless and repulsive decision later.