So, Love & Hip Hop has its own resident Kim Zolciak. Last night’s episode was hair-raising for sure! I’m not sure which is worse…the cheating men or the women who put up with them! Um, is this Chrissy woman trying to be the next Rashadah Ali with her horrible wigs? This frizz nightmare is so distracting…as is the side boob and sagging cleavage. She’s meeting with Cyn at a hookah bar so they can complain about the craziness that is Erica Mena. Cyn looks fabulous from the shoulders up, but her jean shorts just look like heavy diapers. Cyn shares that she’s been working on her vocals, and Chrissy suggests she enlist the help of Rich Dollaz for an album. Chrissy feels very diabolical at the idea of bringing together two of Erica’s exes.
By the skin of his teeth, Peter Gunz makes it back to the States from Barbados just as Amina Buddafly goes into labor. In the delivery room, Amina questions Peter about his trip. Now that Tara Wallace has basically told him to hit the road, Peter reveals that he’s spoken to Tara and he wants to make things work with Amina. He reveals he’s happy to have closure with Tara, but he isn’t ready to admit that he was with Tara in Barbados. He doesn’t want to stress out Amina any further. However, he tells Amina that Tara his ready to move on, so–Congratulations!–he’s ready to give more energy to their marriage. Of course, all Amina hears is Tara kicked him to the curb so she’s sloppy seconds, which is what she should have heard because it’s basically what he said.
Oh, Love & Hip Hop! Anything for a story line, right? If this is how we’re going to play the entire season, I’m going to need Mona Scott Young to invest in some serious acting classes for Diamond Strawberry. She is far from believable. She’s anticipating (and responding) to Cisco’s baby mama drama before he can even get the words out of his mouth. Last night’s episode begins with Diamond flipping out over the news that Cisco has a six month old child with his other child’s mother when he and Diamond have “been together for two years.” He defends his baby mama to her outcries of “that ho” and “that b!tch,” but he feels horrible to upset Diamond at her own party. Diamond can’t believe this turn of events. Doesn’t he know she left her friends and family back in L.A. to make this work? By God, her daughter misses her. No one feels badly for you stupid decision to move away from your child for some cheating man, honey.
Peter Gunz is still walking a fine line between Amina Buddafly and Tara Wallace. Peter shares that he’s been tapped to be the face of a new energy drink, and they need him to fly to Trinidad for a photo shoot. I think he meant to say he was taking a family vacation to Barbados with Tara and his boys. Amina is floored that he could possibly miss the birth of their child. She is, after all, due in two weeks. Peter guarantees that he won’t miss the birth unless there’s a hurricane. He guilts her by saying that now more than ever they need the money. I wonder what’s going to happen when she finds out he’s spending money on Tara instead of making it. He feels bad lying to his wife, but a guy’s got to do what a guy’s got to do, right?
So who wants to place bets on whether Love & Hip Hop becomes more believable in 2015? As if! I am so far over the messy love triangle of Amina Buddafly, Peter Gunz and Tara Wallace. And, lesbihonest, there is nothing genuine about Erica Mena’s relationship with Cyn…except perhaps a fondness of Chipotle. Even the extremely likableYandy Smith is making me yawn with her tired story line regarding recently released from prison’s Mendeecees Harris. I think the only thing that is remotely real is the lack of Diamond Strawberry’s maternal skills.
Last night’s episode begins with Amina confronting Peter, Tara, and their kids after he stood her up on date night. She’s sobbing over the fact that her husband keeps sneaking around on her with his ex, and he’s yelling that she shouldn’t have come into the restaurant knowing he was with his kids. When Amina sits on the curb to cry, the always classy Peter stomps off embarrassed. Tara decides to go comfort Amina, and Tara tries to explain that Peter is a part of her family. Amina begs her to just take Peter back instead of continuing to make a fool out of her. Where do these people come from? Idiots, every last one of them! Tara then walks a grateful Amina to her car.
I don’t know about y’all, but I think this season of Love & Hip Hop is one of the most authentic and real examples of VH1’s reality show offerings. The Peter Gunz/Amina Buddafly/Tara Wallace love triangle? Totally believable! The relationship between Cisco and Diamond Strawberry? It’s the epitome of true romance! And Chrissy? Talk about the ultimate business woman! Mona, you have truly outdone yourself this time! Last night’s episode reconvenes with Yandy Smith and Mendeecees Harris fixin’ to get hitched in Vegas…except that Yandy just can’t do it. She tearfully explains her desire for a big wedding with family to the officiant, and Mendeecees seconds her assertions as the poor officiant cheerfully nods in the background. I never saw that coming! I truly thought they would be man and wife after last night. Meanwhile, Amina is working on a new album with her sister who is in town from Germany. I feel like the only thing genuine about this show is the talent. You know I’m right! Amina admits that she doesn’t really trust Peter and that he’s not around often.
Erica Mean and Cyn are starting a business together, but Cyn is more involved with her girlfriend’s Instagram drama with Chrissy. Cyn isn’t buying Erica’s elusive attitude when it comes to why Chrissy is coming for her on social media. Speaking of being elusive, Diamond has finally arrived in New York, but Cisco isn’t quite ready to open his home to his new girlfriend. Instead, he’s found a friend who will let her crash at her place. No worries, though. He’ll be by to visit. That seems reasonable.
So last night was the return of Love & Hip Hop. Some old favorites returned (along with some of the more unsavory characters) along with a new crew. Joe Budden is gone (at least for now). I’m not sure how I feel about this! I am happy that Mendeecees is out on bail, and Yandy Smith is over the moon to have her fiance back in the free world. Speaking of couples, Erica Mena and Cyn are back together and sharing Chipotle (at least for now). Erica’s even made her breakfast in bed in hopes of convincing her to co-habitate. Cyn is still a bit jealous over Erica’s recent on-air kiss with Lil’ Bow Wow…little does she know! Peter Gunz and Amina Buddafly are back together and expecting a baby girl. Amina is still blinded by love and stupidity for still being with this jack leg. At the ultrasound he mistakes the baby’s leg for a “giant penis” just like his. Good gracious. Amina questions Peter’s recent outings with his sons…he drops his son off at school and then doesn’t return until late at night. #redflag
We meet Diamond Strawberry, and she’s an aspiring model. Oh, and she’s also the daughter of famed baseball player Darryl Strawberry. Diamond wants to pursue her dreams in New York (how else is she going to be on this franchise), but her Los Angeles based family is less than supportive. It’s a sudden and drastic move (per Diamond), but she’s hoping it will bring her closer to her music producer boyfriend Cisco. Cut to Cisco who is in town to wine and dine Diamond and talking about his hustle and his connections. The couple complains about how difficult their long distance relationship is, and Diamond is happy to move to New York after dating for two years. Wait what? Cisco likes the status quo. Sure, Diamond is his one and only…when he’s with her in L.A., but he’s enlisted a “don’t ask, don’t tell” clause in their relationship, and he needs Diamond to abide…and stay on the West Coast.
So last night was the Love & Hip Hop reunion part duh deux. Let's hope that Mo'Nique can salvage what was a boring first half. Right off the bat, Mo'Nique warns everyone to keep their seats. She resumes her conversation with Peter Gunz, Tara Wallace, and Amina Buddafly. Mo'Nique questions whether Amina is worried she'll be Tara in ten years. Amina reveals that after a year of marriage, Amina already feels like Tara as Peter is up to his old tricks. We are treated to a highlight reel of the love triangle. I hope that Tara is as grossed out by her language regarding sexing up Peter as I am. Amina reveals that she will never allow herself to become Tara, Peter made her look like a fool, and Amina isn't going to put up with his shenanigans. The women are actually making some mature points, which is a plus. Erica Mena gives Amina a round of applause.
Peter admits that if he'd known Tara had such strong feelings for him, he probably wouldn't have married Amina. He announces that he's too old to be acting like this, and he believes that both women deserve better. Peter needs to work on becoming a better person. Amina interrupts to remind the audience that she loves pulling surprises out of her bra (Mrs. Pansky's drivers' license anyone?) before throwing a positive pregnancy test at Peter. Yup, Urine. She says that unlike Tara, she didn't take the Plan B. Erica is beside herself. "Shiz just got real, y'all!" she yells as Peter storms off the stage. Erica goes to comfort Amina, while Tahiry Jose follows Peter, urging him to publicly apologize to Tara for humiliating her on national television.
Don't fail us Mo'Nique! We've been through enough piddly hosts, so I hope she's able to hold her own with the crazy crew of Love & Hip Hop! Last night was the first half of the reunion, and Mo'Nique started with a long-winded monolog about adventures and riveting stories. Yeah, not so much. Forget about the story lines, lets talk hair! I can't decide if Yandy Smith looks like a fabulous pin-up or if she's been playing in Hugh Hefner's closet. I never thought I'd want Tara Wallace to put back on the blonde wig–I know many will disagree with me, but that pixie cut isn't doing her any favors..not to mention that dress looks like a surfer's rash guard! She's a gorgeous lady, and that hairstyle makes her look mousy. Tahiry Jose's hair looks amazing in the blunt ombre'd bob.Joe Buddenis dressed like my best friend's five-year-old on Easter Sunday.
Okay, now onto the reunion! Yandy reveals that she talks to Mendeecees Harris on the phone about five times a day. Mo'Nique warns that those collect calls can get expensive! Do inmates really get that many phone privileges? We are treated to anErica Mena/Cyn make-out montage. We get, VH1, they're lesbians! Sure they are. The pair is still together (thanks to Chipotle!) as they are holding hands on the sofa. Rich Dollaz' jealousy is well documented in clips, and he looks just as stupid as I remember. Rich joins the twosome on the sofa, and he tells Mo'Nique that he didn't have any loyalty to Cyn in her relationship with Erica, and he's a self-proclaimed creep. He feels sorry for Cyn because he thinks she's a prop in his back-and-forth with Erica.
It's going down I'm yelling "timber!" on Love & Hip Hop as of late. Thankfully, last night marked the end of an extra long season, and man, was it messy! It begins with Erica Mena and Cynshopping for Cyn's pooch and rehashing Rich Dollaz' bad behavior at Erica's book launch. Why can't they all just get along, whines Erica…she just wants Rich and Cyn to be able to be cordial. While Cyn still finds "Bitch Dollaz to be corny as hell" (love it!), she agrees to play nice if he will. Meanwhile, Tara Wallace and Yandy Smith are shopping, and can I say how wonderful Yandy's hair looks? The bob is so sleek. Tara shares Peter Gunz' visit, and she's ready to move on after his apology. Yandy surprises her friend by offering her a role in her new movie.
Rich and Peter are meeting for dinner so that Rich can boo hoo about Erica and Cyn. He reveals that he and Erica have been doing the hippity dippity for the past week and making up for lost time. If Cyn runs her mouth to Rich at Erica's showcase, he has major plans to spill that little secret. He's so klassy. Peter knows that the Erica's show is going to be big…she's got quite a following, even if they are ratchet.
What the hell? Why is Nick Cannon making a cameo? Does he owe Mona money? Peter is seeking advice from Mr. Mariah Carey about his love triangle with Amina and Tara. Nick gives good advice, but I still feel badly that he had to make an appearance on this circus. Isn't Peter old enough to be his dad?