Well, um, who needs a hot shower after last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta?! The ladies were on pu$$y patrol, but there was also slow motion stiletto strolls, butterflies, and some serious Diana Ross, the Studio 54 years, hairstyles.
After a dramatic ‘lesbian’ laden dinner brought the glamping adventure to an end, Kandi Burruss is too upset by the accusations to ride home on the communal bus. Or maybe she was scared she have to confront further issues? One person, Cynthia Bailey, is relieved to be away from pu$$y-related problems, but alas that escape will be short-lived and come right back at Cynthia like getting struck by lightening.
While Marlo Hampton, stirrer of trouble and bubbles, busies herself with selfies, Sheree Whitfield plots and ponders. Specifically she wonders why Phaedra Parks, one of the originators of the ‘Kandi hooks up with girls’ rumors, never backed her bestie Porsha Williams. But for now Porsha is willing to sit in the hotseat alone, except for her girls ‘Coco and Chanel.’
Poor Kandi Burruss. These lesbian rumors just won’t stop even though she only just heard about them during the last RHOA episode thanks to wannabe Housewife Marlo Hampton. This chatter has been going on for multiple episodes, yet this is the first time Kandi found out about it – in a group setting and in front of the cameras, of course.
Poor Cynthia Bailey‘s divorce progress got pushed to the back burner as soon as Marlo decided to put Kandi on blast after repeating what Sheree Whitfield told her. Still, Cynthia actually did feel the love from the RHOA ladies when she made her announcement. Cynthia discussed the progress of her divorce, the support from her cast members, and this chatter about Kandi and her her alleged secret sex life with Bravo.
I could not control my laughter when Porsha Williams gasped and over exaggerated in response to Marlo Hampton talking about the Kandi Burruss lesbian rumors after Sheree Whitfield spilled some tea to her in private. Porsha was a major part of that initial conversation and threw her best friend Shamea Morton under the bus in the process. It was hilarious when she tried to distance herself from that conversation while Phaedra Parks was sweating bullets hoping not to get called out as well.
Now, Porsha has decided that her dating life is off limits. This is pretty absurd given that she is a star of a reality show and doesn’t really have a story line (other than spreading other people’s business and denying her well-documented anger issues) and because she talks about everyone else’s romances and sexual dalliances. So, why should she get a free pass? Yeah, I can’t think of a reason either.
Last night we learned a few important lessons, mostly that we should never ever let the Real Housewives of any ilk attempt the outdoors. Like nice try Phaedra Parks, but just like your maxi dress, the Real Housewives aren’t a right fit for tents.
Getting out of Atlanta is itself a travail after Porsha Williams has surprise invited her sister Lauren to act as a human security blanket against Porsha’s highly tuned rage. While Porsha and Kenya Moore argue about the merits of their communication styles, Prophet Parks interjects commanding them to STOP and to remember they are all strong personalities who act out. Constantly.
This Real Housewives of Atlanta has to be the toughest one yet for Kandi Burruss. She is really in the thick of it going against the self-proclaimed “Frick and Frack” duo Phaedra Parks and Porsha Williams. Not only are these two arguing with Kandi whenever possible, but they’re really pushing the Kandi and Shamea Morton lesbian affair rumors. As scandalous as that all is, the saddest part of this season is seeing how far Kandi and Phaedra have come from their former best friendship. Kandi even thinks their relationship is worse thanks to the show.
I feel like Kandi is going to have a lot to address whenever they film the RHOAreunion this year. She is somehow involved in just about every story line this year minus the beyond annoying battle between Chateau Sheree and Moore Manor. So of course, Kandi has a lot to say about the drama so far this season.
Reality Tea is ranking of every, single Housewife from every, single season from almost every Real Housewives franchise. You can find Part 1 of our rankings here. Now we finally return with Part 2 (aka the big ole mush in the middle)!
In Part 1 we mostly covered most Housewives who were either too crazy to be legit, or didn’t make much of an impact, or were just so miscast and off it was painful. Some of them were too nice, or too timid, or not rich enough, or too desperate. If she’s only a Housewife for a season, there’s usually a reason!
It doesn’t matter that the very thought of latrines and paper plates nearly drove everyone to blows over dinner, Phaedra Parks has decided “roughing it” on a glamping trip is just what the group needs to work through their issues. And if not, she’ll put them on toilet digging duty or have them get lost in the woods. Unfortunately, Porsha has been avoiding Phaedra since dinner, over her possible allegiance to Kenya. So, Phaedra decides the thing to do is meet Kenya on mutual territory to discuss how an anger management conversation got so, well, angry.
Kenya Moore returns home from Charlotte, to find her house vandalized. It seems MattJordan is made of magic carpets, because after driving ALL night to Charlotte where he harassed Kenya at Club One, he turned right around and drove all night back to ATL to smash in Kenya’s garage windows, sprinkle (was that juice? blood? droplets of rage?), break her car window and her back door, and spray paint over her security cameras. Dang – hell hath no fury like a man scorned.