Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Recap: Love, Light, And Inappropriate Cocktail Parties

Last night’s season finale episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills brought us back to the show we know and love with an over-the-top wedding featuring all the trimmings those of us in the real world could never afford. It was beautiful, it was captivating, it was pink, and most importantly, it was drama free! I think it was a perfect season finale — until the last fifteen minutes, which I’ll pretend never happened.

It’s the day before Pandora’s pinksplosion fantasy wedding. As planned, the Vanderfabulous-Todds have converted part of their tennis court into the wedding site complete with a massive white tent that ensconces every surface in dangling crystals. While everything is carrying on as scheduled, Kevin Lee is apparently out of town! Kevin’s assistant is there in his absence and while she lacks Kevin’s bling, bling, she seems far more efficient.


So efficient you would never know this wedding is happening on a tennis court, save for the poles that hold the nets jutting up from the floor. No problem, Lisa has a creative solution – stripper poles! Lisa demos Camille’s dance moves on the pole as proof that they have an important role in the wedding proceedings. Priceless.

Lisa and Pandora are panicking over last minute wedding details, when Ken comes home to check in. Lisa tires to put him to work after complaining about how he’s not helpful. Ken shuffles around trying to appease his stressed out wife to no avail. Finally, Ken decides to go back to work, which seems fine for the over-worked ladies. Aaaahhh… last minute wedding freak-outs!

Paul is getting colonoscopy. Great story line. Luckily, Adrienne is on hand for the enema assist… Adrienne quickly realizes she’s more of the moral support type after all and opts to hang out in the waiting room in her Chiquita Banana costume. Paul’s colon is fine, which is great, and Adrienne wishes Paul could have a perma-Valium drip so he would always be this quiet.

Some unfortunate side effects of the procedure; farting and mumbling like Kim. Adrienne can’t help giggling as Paul tells her over and over again that air is coming out of his butt! After being reassured by the doctor that being full of hot air is completely normal – and not just because it’s Paul – she’s off!

On the day of the wedding everything looks absolutely stunning! Predictably Lisa is micromanaging every single detail in a fretful manner. Lisa looks very pretty (and much younger) with less make-up and less fluffy hair. Lisa needs Kevin to take over bossing everyone around so she can relax just a smidge, except Kevin is still MIA.

Planning what to wear, Kyle demos lots of dresses to her husband – all of them uglier than the next – before discovering Mauricio doesn’t have a tuxedo or anything suitable for black tie. Navy it is then!

Camille still hasn’t chosen a gown either, but has much better options than Kyle. Camille’s closet – oh lord, that’s reason enough to keep her on the show because I want to see more of that! Camille predicts the wedding will be just as Vanderfabulous as its hostess.

Talking to her friend, Camille becomes misty-eyed thinking of her daughter getting married some day. And speaking of marrying, Camille reveals she is dating someone again, but definitely isn’t ready to get serious until everything is worked out with her divorce – including the custody dispute. Camille still believes in love, so you never know!

Kevin finally arrives looking totes disco fabulous and rocking some serious polka dots! Kevin gets Lisa off his case by throwing a martini her way and repeating “shi, shi, shi!” Do you think that’s always his Facebook status?

Uhhh… Kyle Richards TurboTax commercial. Big No. Is anyone entering that sweepstakes!?

Lisa temporarily caused a bridal suite panic by revealing she has only hired ONE make-up artist. True to form, she has a trick up her sleeve and actually hired an identical triplet make-up team — all whom are dressed the same for added fun.

Poor Max walks in right at the wrong time! Or maybe it was the perfect time, since he immediately gets fussed over by all the girls. Max agrees to have an emergency mohawk shaving to appease his over-bearing mama. Max is so adorable. I’ve heard he’s really shy and doesn’t like being filmed, which is why we don’t see more of him.

The most pressing last minute preparation concerns what Giggy will be wearing to satisfy the black tie requirement. Why, a mini tux of course! Now onto other business, Ken has not written his speech and Lisa doesn’t want any part of helping her befuddled husband. This is pretty much the first time she hasn’t wanted to put words in Ken’s mouth!

Pandora wants Lisa to wear a tiara, along with a pink sequined gown, and of course the queen mum obliged! Pandora still lives in a Barbie World, doesn’t she? Lisa claims she would wear her knickers on her head if Pandora requested. Gosh – this wedding is S-T-U-N-N-I-N-G! Lisa looks beautiful. Ken also looks marvelous! And Pandora looks breathtaking. What a beautiful and emotional moment watching her descend the stairs.

Meanwhile at Adrienne’s, the other ladies have convened for a pre-wedding drink. Adrienne’s hair looks like a rat’s nest and she is wearing an olive green garbage bag. Oh, Adrienne, I love you, but please for the love of sanity go on What Not To Wear!

The wedding is divine and no detail has been left untouched. I love weddings something fierce and this one does not disappoint! So beautiful. One small quibble, Lisa’s dress was too tight for her to effectively walk down the aisle! Instead of giving his daughter away to Jason, Ken explains he is sharing her. So sweet.

The reception is equally sensational and everyone was dancing like crazy – even Adrienne and Paul, who looked like they were having a blast! Good for them, I like a happy Adrienne and Paul. LaToya Jackson made an appearance and was dancing with Mauricio. Kyle isn’t going to like that – is she going to rip LaToya away from Mauricio and throw her out ala White Parties past?

Camille is blown away by how lovely everything was and called it a million dollar wedding, no matter what Lisa really spent. Kyle described it as a five-star event. Kyle was probably dreaming of the weddings she will get to throw for her daughters in the future.

Despite writing his speech a mere hour or two before the ceremony, Ken’s words were touching and heart-felt. Simply divine, in fact! After the couples dance, Pandora and Jason drift away through an aisle of sparklers. Oh what a lovely shot. Sorry, I really, really love weddings and these two seem very in love.

Sadly, the show cannot end on that beautiful and positive note because Kyle is throwing an inappropriately timed party, which is actually a get together to check in with Taylor a mere three weeks following Russell‘s death. Kyle says none of the ladies have seen Taylor much since Russell’s passing. Didn’t Taylor say she was having sleep-overs at Kyle’s all the time?

Adrienne, Camille and Lisa arrive first. Immediately the ladies dish on Camille’s new boyfriend, who is not disappointing in the big hands department! Taylor arrives last with her poor little daughter Kennedy and the mood in the room visibly shifts. Taylor seems, shockingly, the same.

I find this get together incredibly inappropriate. It seems far too soon to be having a girls night out. Russell apparently died a month before this was filmed and here they are laughing and giggling over frivolous things.

The other women are incredibly supportive and kind to Taylor, but the mood is forced. Furthermore, it seems cavalier to be having drinks and gossiping in light of what happened. I’m surprised, frankly. Everyone grieves differently, I suppose.

Kim is, of course, not attending the ‘Oh whoops, Russell died – who wants a drink?’ party. Kyle explains that her relationship with Kim remains strained because she isn’t able to be honest with her sister about anything, and when she is honest it results in a fight. Adrienne is disappointed Kim will not be there and she is likely the only one.

Adrienne must know a different Kim than we do, because she mentions that once Kim goes out she has fun. More like once Kim goes out, she goes crazy and has a complete meltdown, or spends the evening in the bathroom.

Lisa changes the subject by pulling out some wedding photos. Lisa fills Taylor in on all the wedding details. After ooohhhing and aaahhing over the photos, the ladies discuss how things are going with Taylor. Taylor says things are getting better every day. Taylor describes the ladies as her family and explains they love each other dearly – which is why they get angry with each other. She seems happy and relaxed, and I hope things are going well for her and Kennedy.

Taylor’s end update describes that due to the financial and legal troubles she is facing she has opted to write a book – which is due out next month. I know you are all planning to advance order your copy!

Camille shows off photos of her sexy new boyfriend – and his six-pack! Camille feels the ladies have grown closer after what they’ve been through and it made them realize how important life is. And she is finally getting some hot sex after a decade with Kelsey!

Lisa reflects on the journey that has been this past season, and warns us not to judge people too quickly. Lisa is putting an addition on her new 10,000 square-foot home – which is still considered downsizing compared to the size of her old home!

Adrienne is doling out shoes. And Kim, well, Kim is not pregnant, but she did enter rehab which she has subsequently completed. The status of her relationship with Ken 2.0 is not revealed, but I hope it’s officially over! They seem toxic for each other.

Kyle is thankful for her friends and feels fortunate to have the ladies in her life. Kyle explains that while she loves Kim, her attempts to help backfire. Hopefully these two can move forward in a more positive direction.

The ladies toast to friendship and Beverly Hills; and I will say, at least these ladies still enjoy each other! Unlike every other franchise in Housewivesville!

Next Week: The explosive reunion, part one! And these ladies are fired up!

Watch What Happens Live: Lisa and Brandi are the guests for the Shi, Shi, Shi Spectacular! The guest bartender is Kevin Lee, himself, making million dollar Shi, Shi-tinis! Lisa isn’t admitting how much Pandora‘s wedding cost, but we all really, really want to know!

Paul calls in to defend his post-coloscopy footage and justified his gassing as out of his control! Lisa is up first for Plead The Fifth. She shockingly reveals she would choose Ken over Giggy! Lisa also calls out Kim as the Housewife most in need of a make-over. Why can’t anyone just say Adrienne? Although Kim is a good, very good, close second! Lisa forgot to plead the fifth and actually admits she would have a key party with Joe and Melissa Gorga. #thingsthatmakemesick Melissa is up for husband swap, but she wants Giggy, not Ken!

Brandi reveals that her Xanax moment from the Hawaii trip is her biggest regret of the season. Lisa shows off her donkey booty and lets Andy have a squeeze! I hear it’s very firm!

Brandi is up next for Plead The Fifth! Brandi immediately pleads the fifth on what she would do to husband-stealer LeAnn Rimes if she had ten minutes in a room alone with her! Good call, Brandi. Sadly, she is then forced to admit her most famous celebrity hook-up, which is Gerard Butler! Shi, shi, shi! Brandi rates the hook-up as an 11 on a scale of one-to-ten, and claims the fling happened over the summer! I want Brandi’s life!

The game is Beverly Hills Arithmechicks! Kyle only cried 11 times this season. Are we sure? Lisa gives Andy a little reproach over the Cedric SUR crash when she quips, “I wasn’t happy about it,” referring to his appearance. No one can believe Kyle only did 2 splits this season, because really it seemed like so many more! Lisa wins and her prize is a bedazzled pink calculator!

Lisa won’t reveal whether or not she misses Adrienne as her neighbor and Andy warns us to watch the reunion! That gives me the sads. I want them to be friends!

Poll Question: Who was YOUR favorite this season? And no surprise, Lisa wins! Amazingly, Brandi, Kyle, and Camille nearly tied for second place. Also not surprising, Taylor and Dana battling it out for last place.