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The Celebrity Apprentice - Season 15

Brandi Glanville has a perpetual bone to pick with Lisa Vanderpump – she is still spitting and slapping mad that Lisa won’t own up to hurting her feelings and forcing her to interact with Eddie’s mistress Scheana Marie. Brandi just wants you all to know that Lisa did horrible things to her and she is owed and apology too! 

Throwing shade at Lisa, and also her new enemy Kyle Richards, Brandi also compares herself to Yolanda Foster‘s middle daughter Bella. I’m sure Yo just loooooves that and considers it a real compliment! Right now Yolanda is rocking and sobbing on the star deck of private space shuttle, hovering over the rings of Saturn, clutching a lemon and sobbing, “Where did I go wrong?! Are you there My Love, it’s me YoFridgidaire…”

Anyway, back to Brandi because this is supposed to be about her. “Watching Yolanda with Bella, I feel I have a special connection with her, because like her, I too am a middle child with an older sister and a younger brother. We are not the firstborns, and we are not the babies,” the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills star reflects. “I feel, much like her, I am a bit of a rebel and don’t like it when people try and tell me what to do. I’m sure Bella will find her fair share of trouble as she grows into a strong woman, but I also know she will come out on top in the end, because us middle children are built tough.” 

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Now onto Kyle… “I see that Kyle’s family is gearing up for another vacation! Wow! I feel like they just got back from Tahoe, which must have been rigorous! Alas, this time they won’t be taking a private plane as they have decided to get a private yacht!” Brandi complains, seething in jealousy from the patio of her latest rental in the valley. Jealous of Kyle.. she’s really sunk loooow.  

But at least Kyle and Brandi can commiserate on the challenges of raising the entitled child! “It’s hard raising kids in this town of entitlement, something I know firsthand, but as I always say, no one is allowed to say anything bad about my kids except for me and their father! So I will hold my tongue on how anyone else is raising their own children.” Subtle shade – that’s a first for Brandi. 

Brandi also dishes out some subtle shade to new castmemer Eileen Davidson, whom Brandi previously said was hard to get to know. “I actually watched her on Days of Our Lives growing up and always “loved to hate her,” for breaking up Roman and Marlena. She said in her interviews she really liked attention, but then she also really didn’t like attention. I’m confused,” Brandi wonders. “After all, she did join Housewives, a cult pop culture series that gets a lot of attention. Maybe she is confused or, much like the character she plays, has an evil twin somewhere with a more outgoing personality. Or maybe she was being a smartass like me.”

RHOBH is a “cult pop culture series?” Brandi – please locate a dictionary and look-up “cult”. Then promptly join one that focuses on chastity, modesty, morality, and teetotalling. Are the Duggars open for new members? 

Of course, Brandi has no subtle shade for Eddie, whom she accuses of stealing money from her children. Continuing with the same song and dance we’ve been hearing for years, Brandi claims she’s trying to do the right thing and everyone is against her – literally.”I am really trying to find peace and happiness in my life, even when it comes to my ex husband. It’s been five long years since we split, and I would really like the fighting to just stop.” Then why bring it up every. single. second.?

Eddie decided after my second best-selling book Drinking and Dating was released, that he had overpaid me in child support and alimony over the past five years and would like to be reimbursed for the back payments–already spent on rent, food, and clothing to raise our children. Since I didn’t have the cash lying around, he was happy to take it from my tiny retirement fund, a small $114k,” explains Brandi. “I had no choice but to hire a lawyer to fight for my retirement. Although I’m not going to just roll over and let him take my retirement account, I’m also bummed that this fighting continues. One thousand a month in L.A. is kinda sad for a guy who can earn $300k a year only working part time.” 

Finally, finally – the moment you’ve all been waiting for: Brandi reveals just what horrible offenses Lisa committed against her! I know you’ve been on the edge of your seats… 

“While hiking with Kyle, she gave me the extra needed support to call Lisa V. The first call since the reunion, the reunion where she said she would forgive me. We all just want to get along. So I took a breath and decided to call Lisa V. and just go for it and ask her about coming to my housewarming party.”

“So this week was me, yet again, trying to make amends with old friends that have now fallen out,” Brandi says. “I take responsibility for my fair part in any fallout with a friend. However, ‘it takes two.’ I want to move forward, and I try, with Adrienne last week, which was successful, and with Lisa V. this week, which was not.” 

“I admit I am not perfect. Yes, I was upset last season, and when I’m upset, I retaliate with not-so-nice comments,” Brandi continues. “It’s a defense when I’m hurt. It’ s not always right or smart. But, you have to have been done wrong by someone you truly care about to become so emotional that you verbally retaliate in the first place.” 

Then Brandi accuses Lisa of trying to steal her thunder as the perpetual victim! I think Brandi needs to be canonized for sainthood after all she has endured, stoically and equanimously.  

“It’s hard and frustrating to watch Lisa V. still playing the victim as though she never did a thing wrong,” Brandi accuses. “We were both hurt. Me from her actions, her from my reactions to her actions. I would like to move on, like Kyle and Lisa V. did. The past is the past, but while I ‘ve put it behind me, it did happen.” 

Then Brandi rehashes just how she was hurt  – it was all because of Scheana Marie Almost Famous! Hey – no one argues with her that Scheana doesn’t suck! “I loved Todd (Brandi’s typo – I assume she meant “Ken” here?) and Lisa V. They were very important to me. Lisa asked me to have a sit down with the woman who was my husband’s mistress for three years, throughout my entire second pregnancy! This woman announced the affair on national TV, not to me, not to confess, not to apologize, but on Access Hollywood, for fame. That’s how I found out my old life had ended,” Brandi reminds us.

“So, with great reluctance for my new ‘good’ friend, Lisa V., I threw myself on my sword and did it. It was hard. It was the first scene on Vanderpump Rules, the crossover. It was a onetime favor. Or it was supposed to be,” Brandi laments. “You’ve all seen Lisa V. throwing that beautiful catered engagement party for that mistress at her house. Treating the mistress like family. It happened a lot. A lot.” 

And Brandi leaves us with an insightful takeaway message to ponder: “So, here’s my take or example or whatever: Do you think any of Princess Diana’s really ‘good’ friends ever threw catered engagement parties at their big houses for Camilla Parker-Bowles?”

I’m thinking Princess Diana wouldn’t still be obsessing about this ish 300,000 years later because she was too busy polishing her diamonds, jet-setting, and getting the last laugh. Life isn’t all diamonds and rosé – but it sure is a helluva a lot closer if you play your cards right! 

Look – sure Lisa used Brandi in that instance, but Brandi also used Lisa for the popularity, to keep her job on RHOBH – and Lisa went to bat for her big time when Adrienne, Kyle, Kim, and Taylor were all trying to get Brandi fired – it was mutually beneficial.

Brandi knew all along that LVP was a producer for Pump Rules and that Scheana is on that show – and that Lisa would be interacting with her on that show. I don’t think Lisa is perfect – I think she is smart, fun, and delicious to watch in that she represents that BH lifestyle viewers want to see and Lisa has fun with life – which is what makes her popular! Brandi should use Lisa as an example and focus on living her own fabulous life – not on the past which she cannot and will not let go of. No wonder she gets along so well with Rambles

TELL US – HAS BRANDI CONVINCED YOU THAT LISA DID HER WRONG AS A FRIEND AND OWES HER AN APOLOGY? OR DO WE JUST NOT CARE WHAT BRANDI THINKS ANYMORE?

 [Photo Credit: Michael Carpenter/WENN.com]

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