Real Housewives Of Dallas came to an end last night in a dramatic and intense reunion focused on whether or not LeeAnne Locken is racist.
We all knew that the bulk of Part 2 was going to be spent on this subject. So after D’Andra Simmons was given a platform to gush about turning around Hard Night Good Morning and salvaging her relationship with Mama Dee, Andy Cohen got right into the matter of LeeAnne’s behavior in Thailand and the racially charged comments she made about Kary Brittingham.
First of all, Andy is FED. UP! I’ve never seen him so combative or out and out confrontational towards a Real Housewife as he was with LeeAnne last night. Of course, LeeAnne was trying to blame production for everything she did, and if there’s one thing Andy despises it’s a Housewife who tries to blame Bravo for her actions. I’m surprised LeeAnne didn’t accuse editing of dubbing the phrase “chirpy Mexican” into her mouth.
Last night was part 1 of the Real Housewives Of Dallas reunion and it was more than abundantly clear that everyone was ready for the LeeAnne Locken stranglehold to end. Those hands… they are stuffed and swollen with filler and cannot hold on!! Even Andy Cohen was geared up for battle.
And then there was Kameron Westcott who made up her own language, which was a combination of gibberish and pig latin, and I’m pretty sure she prepared for this reunion by watching Legally Blonde and believing she was winning at court. (She wasn’t).
First Brandi Redmond updates everyone on the status of adopting Bruin’s sibling. Brandi and Bryan had made the decision to go through with the adoption but the birth mother unfortunately lost the baby. Brandi took the news hard and the only person she told was real-life BFF Stephanie Hollman.
Last night was the season finale of Real Housewives Of Dallas and I’m gonna miss these girls. Well except for LeeAnne Locken. I won’t miss her.
Last night showed us The Rise of The Kam as Kameron Westcott, our tall beautiful starling soared free from the barbed wire nest LeeAnne built for her on the side of a Highland Park mansion. HA — as if LeeANne could afford anything but a bus stop in Highland Park! Well, we know why the caged bird sings about baby elephants, right.
In Thailand, where LeeAnne’s xenophobia reared it’s ugly be-weaved and overly injected head, Kam wrestled with her conscience about whether or not to tell Kary Brittingham that LeeAnne not only called her THE C WORD, but made multiple slurs about her being Mexican. Like that little gem when LeeAnne affected an overplayed Mexican accent and asked Stephanie Hollman if Kary might be able to understand them better if they “spoke Mexican.” Newp – not racist at all!
Last night’s Real Housewives Of Dallas took me on an emotional journey. I don’t know who’s more manipulative LeeAnne Locken or Kameron Westcott, but at least Kameron has pretty clothes and can talk about something other than a carny childhood.
LeeAnne is certifiably exhausting and I honestly don’t even want to waste breath (words) on more of her broken-down rusty nonsense. My natural hair follicles are tired! My diva cup is tired! And like Brandi Redmond, my patience is more tired than if I had just spent the day babysitting Brooklyn.
Brandi just wants to eat a freaking dinner without having to endure a tirade of fake tears watering down the cocktails. The best thing Brandi did was totally disengaging from that shit-storm of emotional BS that is Life Of Locken. And the best thing D’Andra Simmons did was sit there, stay the course, and remind us of why we initially liked her. This is a new D’Andra. A D’Andra who recognizes herself in Kameron as the friend who was constantly LeeAnne’s emotional stomping ground, her therapy dog, always on the hook for dealing with the drama. Now D’Andra has been released from this silk purse made from a piece of pleather that was masquerading as a relationship.
You guys LeeAnne Locken is the most exhausting person I have ever encountered! I was literally so drained by her negativity and attention-seeking antics I had to lie down after last night’s episode of Real Housewives Of Dallas.
So everyone is in Thailand and addressing the L’Infinity Dress drama that will never end. Just like tales of woe from LeeAnne’s childhood, this dress and this saga have 1000 different reiterations and incarnations including that when LeeAnne was living at the carnival she was training gorillas. Girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrllllllllllllllllllll….
How come in Season 1 and 2 LeeAnne was mostly raised by her grandparents after being abandoned by her mother but now she’s wrangling elephants in an RV? Little LeeAnne … literally raised by animals to be a feral child. I think there’s a famous book about that, turned into a couple Disney movies..
Last night the Real Housewives Of Dallas headed to Thailand where no amount of Buddhism, zen, or Xanax could mellow out their animosity towards each other.
Truthfully by the exemplary behavior of Stephanie Hollman and Kameron Westcott you’d never know they were ‘surface’ friends! On the 20-something hour travel day Kameron did it up right by handing out gold face masks and Xanax. Therefore no one even remembers being transported to the Thai future on Kameron’s magic pills. I really need to see this adventure animated in technicolor interspersed with the Baby Elephant song as sung by Steve Miller, with the Real Housewives Of Dallas as cult-y back-up singers for the chorus. I imagine it like Like Indiana Jones meets Scooby Doo meets Kameron’s Amazing Technicolor Dream Pajamas.
Everyone was on this wonderland trip except for D’Andra Simmons. She got drug-defying hot flashes as penance for mocking Mama Dee‘s age. And also took a flight sans underwear. BAARF.
Last night’s Real Housewives Of Dallas was memorable for a couple of things. Like that Rodney Atkins can be rented for $75k and that Stephanie Hollman is so stinkin’ rich it’s totally affordable it to hire a country superstar to play while your friends get wasted in over-the-hill sorostitute Halloween costumes.
However, the most memorable thing that happened was learning that Mama Dee Simmons wears a wig. And not just one wig, but she has over 100 platinum blonde bullet shaped prosthetic hair caps. Are they mating? Does that make Dee’s wig room the biggest wig room on Bravo? Are some of them long-haired? Why is Dee not selling a wig collection on Christian television?
On last night’s Real Housewives Of Dallas LeeAnne Locken tied the knot to Rich Emberlin and treated her wedding ceremony like the sideshow act at a carnival. She then treated her wedding guests like they needed to pay for their own corndogs.
LeeAnne also insulted her own mother from the altar, because what better opportunity to say your piece to your mother when she can’t interrupt than during your own wedding vows?!
LeeAnne’s mother, Margaret, did in fact make it to the wedding. Right on time, in fact, and wearing a gold sequined dress. LeeAnne then proceeded to spend the entire ceremony and reception ignoring her. Margaret even had to beg for a photograph with her own daughter!