On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County the ladies went back in time to their golden years. Aaaahhh… the ’80s; before botox, satin cocktail dresses, orange tans, and TV friendships took over their dreary lives. To a time when they were young, free, and filled their heads with hairspray instead of restylane.
Things begin with Gretchen and Slave driving somewhere. Slave has found his calling of the week in comedy. He says, making jokes helps him escape his problems and he now wants to pursue this. Even Gretchen is like, ‘gimme a break!’ Gretchen asks him not to make future acts center around her co-tarts. There goes Slave’s interest in comedy, because what other material can the man come up with?!
Heather and Tamra meet for lunch. I love Heather’s dress. We find out Terry is from Van Nuys and his father lives in the OC, which explains how east coast Heather ended up in a nouveau, riche, trashy, beach-side, suburb of LA, nearby the likes of Gretchen and Alexis. Kidding, I have family in the OC and it’s beautiful there.
CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON TO READ THE REST!
Anyways, over lunch Tamra and Heather talk about her upcoming Bunco party. It’s an ’80s themed shin-dig because Tamra wants to keep the focus on the silly and keep people throwing dice, not jabs. A novel idea. She has invited everyone–even Lex–as an act of goodwill towards Gretch, of course. Didn’t you know Tamra’s practically a diplomat – a diplomat of raunchy comments, wine, and sex toys.
Heather informs Tamra that Alexis is telling people she’s a newscaster, even though she does a beauty segment once a week for five minutes. It’s all Tamra can do to keep her composure and not burst out laughing; spraying her wine all over Heather. Alexis has the IQ of a Cocker Spaniel and Tamra’s twelve-year-old is smarter. I love when the real Tamra comes out to play. She’s trashy, delightful, and full of piss and vinegar. And, I imagine her smelling like Designer Imposters perfume.
Heather spills the beans about Slave‘s comedy fete, letting Tamra know he called her fat on stage, and henceforth, on national television. Tamra would rather be fat than be a deadbeat. Which is a good point. Tamra is understandably upset and wonders how Slave’s
refusal to get on board with the plot line orchestrated by Bravo negativity will affect her friendship with Gretchen? Heather is too mature for this show, she encourages Tamra to reach out to Slade and make him feel welcomed and included. Kill em’ with kindness, as they say!
Alexis is at Dr. Niccole‘s office for a nose consultation. She has a deviated septum, and her airway is obstructed because of her sinuses. While they’re in there, she wants a nose job, because she hates the bump on her nose something awful, and is tired of looking like Toucan Sam. Personally, I like Alexis’ nose – it gives her face some character, but she is pretty either way.
Alexis has a hard time handling all the information about the procedure and breaks down crying with anxiety. She apparently believes her nose will be taken off–Mrs. Potatohead-style–and glued back on. Was she this worked up about her totally elective boob job? Or was she thanking God for her rocking bod? Dr. Niccole does his best to reassure her, but she all but pees herself on his expensive sofa, and he’s a bit worried about the upholstery. Next consultation I’m predicting he’ll put a pee pad down. I’m with Alexis, though – medical stuff creeps me out and makes my stomach churn.
After her nose job counsel, Alexis fixes her make-up and meets up with Gretch for some gosifee (that’s gossip mixed with coffee in my friend group). Gretchen is jealous that she doesn’t have a reason to get her own honker whittled down. Alexis must have had a brain transplant at Dr. Niccole‘s because she is suddenly the voice of reason and tells Gretchen she needs to call Tamra about the comedy routine. I totally agree, Lex! Gretchen wants to stay out of it because it’s between Tamra, Slade, and Vicki but it’s not possible because, well, she’s directly in the middle. Was anyone else completely distracted by Alexis’ bra being visible through her wife beater?
Vicki is at work and she is a hot mess of anxiety and disorganization. She is stressed about Briana‘s health and the division of assets related to her divorce. She is having forensic accounting done to avoid paying Donn spousal support, but she wants him to remain a part of her kids’ lives. She’s taking all her crankiness out on her poor assistant, who isn’t allowed to sniffle. Now she’s micromanaging bodily functions. No wonder her love tank was empty!
At her messy little hovel, Gretchen looks like prostitute from an old timey brothel, which is appropriate, because her bitch Slave informs her she has just been invited to perform with the Pussycat Dolls in Vegas. Gretchen is like a musical star, y’all. Apparently, she’s had two successful songs? When? Those songs were not successful – the only people downloading them besides Gretch and Lex were people wanting to laugh at her! Slave has committed her whether she wants to or not – c’mon he knew his famewhore girlfriend was definitely in!
Tamra calls while Gretchen is picking outfits for the bunco ’80s bash. I like Gretchen’s maxi dress. Proving she’s changed, Tammie is going straight to the source instead of talking smack to Vicki for the rest of the season. Gretchen handles it maturely; she apologizes and encourages Tamra and Slave to talk and work through their issues.
Tamra retaliates by threatening to kick Slave in the balls. Tamra wonders what on earth Gretch is doing with Slave; I mean he doesn’t have any of the important things: a house, a car, a job, or money, but he’s got a lotta debt and a lot of snarky opinions. And he’s got his jokes, there’s that. Gretchen and Tamra need couples counseling.
Tamra‘s boobs make an appearance at Vicki‘s bearing coffee. Vicki is pretty much on the verge of a nervous breakdown over her worry for Briana and the divorce. Very sad. I’ve never seen Vicki this subdued. In the midst of their wallowing Tamra and Vicki start discussing Slade‘s insults. Vicki calls it right – Slade likes (and needs) to be the center of attention. Poor Vicki is feeling bad about her weight and her face; suggesting she wear a bag over her head. I would laugh, but it’s actually really sad. Slave is an ass, through and through. Tamra is still on her killem’ with kindness kick, but Vicki is not in the mood to treat Slave with kid gloves.
Moving on to happier things, the girls are getting ready for the ’80s party and really getting into the spirit. Loves it! Gretch is going for crimped and crazy and Heather, the Nancy Regan, of the group is going for The Bonfire Of the Vanities with duct tape. For her outfit – not the bedroom. That’s so déclasse. Lex looks amazing! And Tamra desperately wishes she was Jane Fonda, circa the workout video days. She’s gotta pimp that fitness studio she’s opening!
In the limo, Gretch and Lex break down Tamicki vs. Slave. Gretch is shocked that Tamra was so mature by calling her directly. Lex is dubious and unimpressed by the buddy-buddiness. Lex wonders how Gretch’s memory is so short. Too much tanning warps the brain.
Tamra has assembled prize bags complete with sex toys. Tamra’s real motivation for the leotard emerges – Michelin Man she is no more. She has the same butt she had in 1984 before four kids and a whole lotta cheese whiz and wine. Immediately after arriving, Trashy Sue miffs Heather by talking cameltoe and 8o’s bush and yanking her leotard out of her crotch. Memories of why these went out of style came flooding back to every viewer alive in the ’8os. I wonder if Tamra also has her ’84 crotch? She seems the type to get a ladbits rejuvenation, dontcha think?
No one gets Heather‘s outfit as a Robert Palmer video vixen. Doesn’t anyone remember Addicted To Love?
As the bunco gets underway, so does the drama. I love the musak accompanied with the episode. Great touch Bravo editors. Gosh, I love ’80s background musak. This is a fun party idea!
In an effort to kick some booty, Lex is whipping out the Jesus and praying for a win. Heather is shocked by the flagrant disregard for religion. She saves her prayers for the good stuff. And, as a reward for her holy rolling, Alexis gets nipple nibbler; which she confuses for lipgloss and applies liberally. Which then turns into a snarky behind the back convo about how enormous Lex’s nips actually are. Which is apparent, since they always poke out through her shirt. Oh Tamra, trashy to the core! I actually felt bad for Lex in that instance.
Things start to unravel when one of Tamra‘s friends brings up Slave‘s Miss Piggy comments about Vicki. And me thinks it hits very close to home. Tamra tries to abruptly change the subject, but Gretch starts calling the guest out on starting crap! Which, of course, turns into an argument. While Gretchen is trying to exonerate herself from any responsibility, others believe the vintage (as in older than the ’80s) adage of guilty by association.
Tamra is now trapped in the middle between her two BFFLs. Vicki is hurt that Tamra doesn’t have her back and is suddenly sporting an I <3 Gretchen 4 eva badge. I think Tamra needs to listen to the Girl Scouts song, “Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the others gold.” I know she wants to keep the peace, but she doesn’t need to allow Slade to mistreat her friends – or her!
Heather tries to smooth things over by downplaying the vitriol in Slave‘s act. Gretchen needs to stop with her ‘I don’t want to be in the middle’ nonsense. She’s not going to be friends with Tamra if Slave hates her and this reeks of manufactured drama to me. Her boyfriend was hateful and insulting (for his own gain) at her friend’s and co-star’s expense and she needs to handle it, either by facilitating a conversation or accepting some responsibility for what went on. I am so over her and Slave. I would rather watch Alexis yammer on about Jesus and hair extensions for an hour than see these two parade their pathetic moneygrubbing lifestyle around like they’re the pinnacle of class and sweetness. If Gretchen is sick of taking heat for Slave’s actions, don’t date such a loser!
Tamra tries to bring the fun back with jazz hands, shushing and distracting with a surprise! It’s husbands and boyfriends all dressed to impress in their finest ’80s garb! Unfortunately, a be-mulleted Slave is also included in the gag, which is not setting well with Vicki, who starts to cry. Tamra is being selfish.
Next Week: Gretchen and Vicki go head to head, Alexis gets her nose job and Jimblob appears on film (again!), and Briana’s health problems escalate. Sadly.
Watch What Happens Live with Alexis and Lisa Rinna; two women who are very closely acquainted with plastic surgery. She does look much prettier, sans liplants (hint, hint Taylor!) Alexis debuts her new nose – and she’s right; she doesn’t look like she had a nose job. I like it. Andy rehashes Trashy Sue‘s crotch grabs. Alexis is confused about the Tamretchen friendship. Me too, girl!
Andy‘s mom isn’t impressed with Andy going Bethenny-style with his raunchy humor! hehe. Alexis calls Tamra a “bully” and handles the barrage of insults pretty classily. Honey Badger is the bartender. WOO HOO RANDALL! And he has a new book out. Sold!
Lisa is up first for Plead The Fifth. Lisa thinks Taylor needs a lip reduction and reveals that Star Jones‘ breathing drives her crazy. The brave girl did not plead!
Dr. Dubrow tweets wondering how Alexis could be so clueless about her nose job when she works for Dr. Niccole “selling surgery.” Alexis is confused; she doesn’t sell surgery – she just looks good and that sells itself! Ironically after this weeks nipple talk, her’s are on full display during WWHL! They are hooge.
Alexis is up next for Plead The Fifth, and apparently, even if Alexis doesn’t like her co-tarts, she still wants them to rock the Alexis Couture! She compliments Peggy‘s vitamin taking. Alexis hints there is more to the Tamretchen friendship than meets the eye and doesn’t buy this friendship as authentic. She has heard some things (What things?!). She basically commented that there are ulterior motives. Is it odd that I’m liking Alexis more and more these days?
The game is, Let’s Get Quzzical with Randall playing host! It’s a trivia game with even Andy competing. Lisa can robot. Alexis can not. Alexis’ Michael Jackson/Blanket impression was hilarious. I actually LOL’d. Thanks, Lex! Lisa wins an ’80s style Mazel sweatshirt.
Alexis defends Slave and Gretchen‘s relationship, and says they have a cute dynamic. She admits his comments about Tamicki were mean, but they have badgered him a lot.
Poll Question: Should Tamra have invited Slade to the party? Yes or No? 61% say NO, Slave shouldn’t have been invited in light of what happened! My vote was no, but I’m sure the producers voted yes to get the drama bumping bigger than an Olivia Newton John video.
THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE? IS EVERYONE OVER-REACTING TO SLAVE’S COMEDY ACT? HOW FUN WAS THE 80′S ATTIRE? SHOULD TAMRA HAVE INVITED SLADE?