The Real Housewives of Atlanta are still in Mexico. And they're still on the Krayonce Moore Does Mexico Tour which includes several events with misguided purposes, layered and shaded in ulterior motives and sneaky behavior. You know, the usual!
We left off with Kenya and Apollo having a "chat" and in walks Phaedra Parks rocking a stare that would turn any inappropriate-acting Housewife to stone. As the other ladies watch, frozen, Phaedra asks Apollo what he's doing with Kenya and then Phaedra storms off.
NeNe Leakes and Porsha Stewart explain to Apollo that he has no business talking to Kenya because his wife asked him not to and that is disrespectful to his marriage. If you think that made sense to Apollo, you're wrong. It didn't. Meanwhile, Kenya was on the other side of the Interviews With A Sexter party gloating to Lawrence.
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Apollo finds Phaedra sulking outside their hotel room door (rightfully so). She doesn't have a key and can't get in. Apollo says he was just being "juvial" by talking to Kenya, Phaedra corrects him – the word is "jovial" and he shouldn't be being anything with Kenya except invisible.
Like all her other men! Juvial, Jovial… Cheating, Conversation… let's call the whole thing off!
Apollo leaves Phaedra to rejoin the party. The next day things are still icy. They talk while Phaedra is studying for her mortuary finals - she's furious and trying to explain why Apollo was disrespectful and foolish by conversing with Kenya. "I want to slap the dog piss out of her," Phaedra seethes. Apollo is dead silent, which is interesting because he had pleeeeeenty to say to Kenya!
Meanwhile on the beach Miss Lawrence is flailing around in a burqa and Kenya is wearing a predatory leopard-print one piece. Cynthia Bailey and Peter join them. After complimenting Lawrence's "frock" they all get down to the business of discussing Phaedra and Apollo. Lawrence gets starry eyed describing the chemistry between Kenya and Apollo. "They're like the new Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie," he gushes. Alright, Brangelina of Reality TV. Let's call them Kenyollo.
I have to hand it to Peter for calling Kenya out on her ulterior motives. Kenya says she doesn't need someone else's man. In fact she has the opposite problem: everywhere she goes she's fighting off "d–k"; the hardware store, the supermarket, the deep recesses of her over-active imagination. "I got 99 problems but d–k ain't one," she laughs. Krayonce certainly does have 99 problems. And finding a a REAL d–k IS one!
Since it's Phaedra's birthday Apollo plans a surprise party. I wish he would have surprised her with better pants – I was waiting for those things to burst! He blindfolds her and SURPRISE! it's a pinata. And the RHOA crew. Yes, even Krayonce. The pinata, was shaped like a donkey, naturally, (and not Kenya, surprisingly). Porsha gets over-zealous and knocks over the cake. Inside the pinata are tons of condoms. Was Apollo giving Phaedra a "pass" for her birthday?
Or maybe he didn't want her to find his vacation stash and needed a way to cover them up?
The next day the Krayonce Does Mexico Tour continues. The group goes boating, but Phaedra and Apollo stay at the hotel. I guess they put the condoms to good use…
That night Kenya hosts a party. It's a Pillow Talk Party Redux. If this sounds like a bad idea, you're right – it was! Let's call this segment: To Catch A Cheat.
Porsha gets a question about liking kinky sex vs. romantic sex. She says old men have romantic sex, and that's like boring. NeNe takes personal offense to her "ignorance". Suddenly NeNe is arguing with Kandi Burruss for asking her if she still got her period. NENE IS NOT OLD, Y'ALL. She's a mature and refined lady gently waltzing into her middle years. Don't call her a grandma, call her a glam'ma. Kandi barely remembers the Aunt Flo conversation and is annoyed that NeNe is forever calling everyone out.
Peter inserts himself into the ladies discussion because he knows some things; both about older gentlemen and their sextyimes - and that time of the month. NeNe doesn't like when Peetaah acts like "Patricia" and thinks he needs to stay out of "women bidness".
Cause Kenya definitely has no ulterior motives she asks if Phaedra and Apollo think cheating is ever OK. Lawrence chimes in that he expects it in a relationship. Phaedra is totally against it and claims she would leave someone who cheated (#WeDontBelieveYou!). Apollo feels it happens and goes on extended ramble about "marriage insurance" because he doesn't believe faithfulness is guaranteed.
Apollo this so-called "cheating insurance" you speak of is called a prenup, and I certainly hope Phaedra has one! I guess we know why he was handing out condoms for his wife's birthday!
After getting Apollo and his "Don Julio" to run his mouth, Krayonce cackles that it's time for the menfolk to retreat to her room where all their fantasies will come true. Meanwhile she wants to iron out differences with the ladies so they return to Atlanta without unresolved issues.
Of course Kenya and Phaedra almost immediately get into an argument about her "ratchet booty's" involvement with Phaedra's husband. Phaedra does not want her having anything to do with Apollo, because they don't want to be friends with her. Kenya interjects that APOLLO actually does want to be her friend. Phaedra remarks that she's ready to smack the dog piss out of Kenya and they bite back-n-forth until Porsha jumps in to defend Phaedra.
"You've never been married," she reminds Kenya. Kenya shouts that Porsha's "marriage for a paycheck" is hardly what anyone would call a real marriage, so therefore she's never been married either. The other ladies lob their eyes back and forth trying to keep up. Here in lies Kenya's number one problem (no, not d–k procurement or twerking with purpose), but that she can never stay out of other people's marriage!
Meanwhile, the Mr. Peaches are having issues in the Krayonce Quarters, just like mother hate-ure intended! Gregg has a bone to pick with Peter, he apparently "stepped" to NeNe after Kenya's masquerade ball and Gregg didn't appreciate Peter getting in his wife's face. They erupt into a heated argument that includes neanderthal chest clashing until Todd is forced to break them up. Poor Todd – always the peacemaker.
While Todd patrols Patricia and Greggorgina, the ladies decide to mutually agree to disagree when they hear the commotion from the husbands. NeNe storms up to Peter and calls him a "bitch" who can't stay out of the lady's issues. Cynthia stands idly by gawking behind her giant glasses.
Personally, I like the special flavor "Patricia's" comments bring to RHOA.
[Photo Credits: BravoTV.com]
TELL US – IS PETER A BITCH? DOES KENYA NEED TO STAY AWAY FROM APOLLO?