Vanderpump Rules - Season 5

Trouble in SURidise? Not for Katie Maloney and Tom Schwartz. They’re no Scheana Marie and Shay ready for divorce months after tying the knot on Vanderpump Rules. The never-before-happy couple now claims marriage has changed all that.

The cast recently attended a celebration for jewelry designer Kyle Chan where everyone reveled in romantic happiness. Who are these people??? What doppelgangers invaded SUR? Lisa Vanderpump…. are you out there?! Step away from the dogs for a second to save these people!

First, Katie and Tom and doing amazing! “Everyone says the first year of marriage is the hardest, but it’s been like 89 percent blissful,” shared Katie. Um… interesting math there, K-Hulk!

“We are madly in love. I feel like marriage really suits us,” she gushed. “We’ve been through so much, especially since last summer.” Did Tom 2 recently undergo a lobotomy?

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“It’s been smooth sailing,” Tom agreed. “We like to think that we exercised all the bad stuff. We got about 15 years worth of fighting out in about three years, so we’re good now. We’re not pretending that we’re perfect. We have our ups and downs, but for the most part—at least relatively speaking in comparison to our earlier relationship—it’s been blissful.”

Tom and Katie credit the prying eyes of cameras for helping them realize how f–ked up their relationship was.

“It’s the pressure to really not run from the issues and really have to face them,” Katie explained to E! News. “It’s cathartic in a lot of ways. I think having us put our stuff out there on the show, we can’t leave any questions unanswered or any rock unturned. We really have to explore it and dive in, and its scary to do that. But I think because we’ve had to do that that, we’ve been able to do a lot of work on ourselves and in our relationship.”

Despite barely settling her divorce from Shay, and then immediately jumping into the social media whoring arms of new man Robert Valetta, the ever-narcissistic Scheana Marie may be ready for another trip down the aisle. Kill me if I have to suffer through another one of her atrocious wedding get-ups! I haven’t even recovered from Katie’s human-sized doily and pantyhose contraption.

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Jax Taylor joked that Scheana and Rob may be getting hitched sooner than we think. “According to her, they’re already married,” he teased. “I’m just kidding.” Or not…

“I’ve never been happier,” Scheana concurred. “We’re so in love.” As for Shay, that is like SOOOO in the past. Like so last season! Like OMG – it’s time for Scheana to focus on Scheana and how happy Scheana is. “We haven’t spoken at all, not since the reunion. I don’t have any ties to him anymore, so I just want him to be OK.” Cause like Scheana she is more than OK, because Rob, he’s like, “amazing!”

Brittany Cartwright hopes the next Pump Rules wedding will be hers. She’s planning away now that she’s snagged her Jax In The Box Prince Charming. Can you even imagine that wedding gown?! I have the vapors…

TELL US – DO YOU BELIEVE KATIE AND TOM ARE SO HAPPY? WHO WILL GET MARRIED NEXT: SCHEANA OR JAX AND BRITTANY?

[Photo Credit: Brian Baer/Bravo]

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