Oh, Sister Wives! Thank you so much for introducing me to the Dargers. TLC, what do you say about a Darger spin-off? Kody Brown would be livid!
We started last night with Kody going over plans for each of the four homes. How are these people affording these homes? The wives, except Janelle, are all getting totally greedy with their need for extra bedrooms and wet bars and offices. I am predicting this season doesn't end well for the Browns.
After squaring away the blueprints, the family can look forward to their family vacation with some polygamist friends…because that's normal! The Dargers aren't the same faith as the Browns. Instead they are "independent polygamists" which must be some kind of code for dude who wanted to marry more than one lady. Joe Darger married two women, Alina and Vicki, on the same day, one of whom looked to be about fourteen at the time, and then ten years later married Val who is Vicki's twin sister. Talk about sharing everything! I'm more than a tad skeezed out because not only will they actually be SISTER wives, the kids will be sibling-cousin hybrids…and among the three of them, there are twenty-three children. The double marriage was arranged by Joe's mom. Lovely.
So last night Real Housewives of Atlanta was filled with Wig People Problems. Oh, wigs were disappearing and telling tall tales and making excuses and dealing with dog poop and storming out and doing some math wrong and disappearing. There were wignanigans all over the place.
And luckily NeNe Leakes was on hand to provide riotous commentary on every last wigantic. And she finally got to use her Wig Be Gone (sold separately, includes S&H) – and poof! Kim Zolciak, her wig collection, and her stories that change as often as said wigs fled in the wake of a Housewives revolt. And we bid her adieu. Will we miss her? Sure. I mean, she is a snark lovers dream!
Other things happened last night, Kenya Moore's crazy got even MORE crazy as she turned her attentions towards another lady's man. Cynthia Bailey tried to pretend that going on vacation with all the ladies of the RHOA was her dream come true. Yeah, but instead of speaker phone invites (the classic!) we got sit down personalized invites.
A mortified Leslie proceeded to distract her friends with massive amounts of alcohol and the promise of a trip to New Orleans. Despite no Rip, good times were had by all until Bonnie's husband Jason picked a fight with Leslie's son Tyler. And yet another episode ended with an embarrassed Leslie dragging one of her real/borrowed children to the car.
Naturally, the women need new used clothes for their upcoming trip to New Orleans, so they go to Connie Dieb's shop. They're very excited about the trip… Bonnie wants to party on Bourbon Street and Connie and DeAynni practically salivate just thinking about the food. Since Connie always misses the disastrous parties – is she really always busy or purposely keeping away from the drama? – she asks for the lowdown on Leslie's engagement party. Bonnie tells Connie that Tyler disrespected Cindy Davis, Jason stood up for Cindy, Jason threatened to break Tyler's jaw, and Leslie acted crazy.
Connie is like, Well, that's nice…. off to New Orleans where us girls are gonna go wild! I get the impression that Connie couldn't care less about what she misses at these parties… her script simply dictates that she ask for a recap.
The meatballs decide to have a dressy dinner date since Jionni is too preoccupied with his softball game to come visit Snooki.Rawn decides it's the perfect opportunity to put on a giant gorilla suit and scare the crap out of a napping Jenni. The gang is heading to dinner (minus the meatballs), and Jenni shares her scare with Sam. Mike wonders why Snooki can't just smile and have a good time with the roommates. Rawn totally disapproves of Jionni putting softball before his pregnant fiance.
Snooki and Deena are enjoying a chill meatball evening. Snooki is glad that they can still have fun without being blackout drunk and getting arrested. She asks Deena to accompany her to the baby store the following day after work. Deena hems and haws about how she already promised Sam she'd go with her to the grocery store. She can't let Snooki go shopping for the baby when they've already bought her everything for her surprise shower. Great save there, Deena! She manages to change the subject to not sleeping naked because she's terrified of bugs laying eggs in her Britney. It's perfectly acceptable dinner conversation, right?
Last night on Real Housewives of Miami we were exposed to the parental lineage of the Housewives clan. No not just Mama Elsa, but we met Fembot Fakenstein's in-laws and Joanna Krupa's mama. And Adriana de Moura hosted an anniversary party for the parents of the man she's been stringing along for years and will probably never marry until Bravo agrees to shell-out for the wedding and a spinoff.
Things begin with Lea Black having a birthday party for her eleven-year-old son RJ. They've decided to host the party at the "new house" on Star Island which they are planning to gut renovate so it doesn't matter if the wild boys tear up the joint. And since this is how Housewives roll Lea decides to invite some of her fellow-Housewives, plus Elaine Lancaster, to cause some drama.
Fembot shows up first, very early, and nervy beans but ready to rip on Lea's not-yet-redone home. Then Alexia Echevarria, Elaine, and Lisa Pliner (who whaddya wanna bet is auditioning for next season's cast). Immediately talk turns to Marysol Patton and the drama at Lisa's party last week.
Lisa P is still Team Elaine and maintains that Marysol tried to convince her to hire someone else over Elaine, citing it would be free. Elaine/James is highly incensed and everyone bickers back and forth about Marysol's motives. Lisa perceived it as Marysol was attacking her. Alexia defended Marysol as being non-confrontational. It's so rare to see Housewives defend each other. #shocking
Right from the get-go these two couples clashed with each other and expended just as much energy butting heads as they did dealing with their own marital issues.
Last night Courtney's pimpmomager KristaKeller returned and the unorthodox mother-daughter duo sat down with Dr. Jenn to discuss their relationship and the handling of Courtney's premature sexual expression.
Krista, who previously insisted she adored Doug and was thrilled Courtney married him, continued to maintain that Courtney's provocative behavior wasn't influenced by her and is just a reflection of Courtney's natural desires. Dr. Jenn wasn't buying it and neither is anyone but the clearly besotted and duped Doug.
This week's "throwback" episode of Top Chef Seattlebrings us drama, beef, a pair of pissed off glasses, a foot rub, a tightly wound mustache, mushrooms, and a double elimination.
Immediately following Kuniko Yagi's Turkeypocalypseelimination, John"my forehead needs glasses"Tesar disses Kuniko's raw potatoes. He says, "You can do potatoes in your sleep as a chef." John's negativity puts everyone on the defense.
C.J. Jacobson is like, Dude, why you gotta do this while we're pretending to be sad about Kuniko going home? John is like, She had five hours to taste those potatoes! And, by the way, you're full of s**t right now. Feeling left out in Seattle, Josh "my mustache is twisty" Valentine tells John that he doesn't have any tact, and then this happens:
Glasses: And Oklahoma has a lot of tact?
Mustache: You’re an a**hole.
Glasses: Thank you.
Mustache: Don’t f***ing say another word to me. There’s a reason you’re the most hated chef. It’s cause you’re a prigg. (does he say prigg or prick?)
Glasses: I’m not a prick. (Ah, prigg is Oklahoman for prick..filing that away for future reference. John and Josh fail Communication 101.) I’m truthful.
It's the season finale of Flipping Out, y'all, and the drama from last night's show is palpitating. Poor Monkey the cat is sick, and Jeff Lewis thinks that maybe he should take his pet to Dr. Donna so they can work out their issues. I mean, I think the cat is the last living thing at JLD (save for Vanina who never talks) who has yet to meet the therapist. Gage Edward and Zoila Chavez are surprised to learn that Jenni Pulos hasn't given Jeff the apology he so desperately needs for Cabo-gate. Sure, she's said she's sorry for hurting his feelings or sorry for not telling him…but she still isn't sorry she used the house.
For once, Gage encourages Jeff to try to work things out with Jenni, and Zoila is worried that Jenni is going to get fired. Jeff takes Andrew and Vanina to Gramercy while chatting with his realtor on the phone. He thinks Gramercy isn't selling because it's not furnished. His plan is now to sell Spring Oak, move to Gramercy, and then try to sell it again once he's furnished it. Gage is beside himself, and he is hopeful that once they move in, Jeff will change his mind about keeping Gramercy on the market. If they stay in Gramercy, Gage is convinced that they will be able to finally start a family.
Meanwhile, Monkey's vet makes a house call. Jeff tells him of the emergency surgery that yielded nothing in his stomach but gas bubbles. The poor cat is then diagnosed with herpes of the eye. What? How does that even happen to a cat?