Last night was part 3 of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion. Which means this season of interminable squabbles about protocol and etiquette at the queen’s court of public opinion, an unintentional farce from the court jester, is over. Thank you Dorit Kemsley for your tragicomic contributions to Reality TV – we salute you with a beer stein filled with cheap champagne.
So last night the ladies of Beverly Hills trotted out their plethora of headache-inducing shiny dresses for the last time to bicker over such impotent social slights as who talks about themselves the most (the answer: always and forever Kyle Richards) and the definition of a liar. For the record, I really dislike recapping reunions. It’s like following a verbal tennis game and I always want to activate closed captioning on my TV to catch all the shady little barbs, except I don’t actually know how to turn that on. Maybe that’s a good thing?
Last night kicked off the Vanderpump Rules reunion and the main topic on the agenda were all the horrible relationships (what else?) floating like backwash in the half-drunk cocktails at SUR. From Tom Sandoval‘s gripes that Lisa Vanderpump doesn’t take him seriously as an entrepreneur and restaurant designer, to the many, many delusional thoughts of Scheana Marie Shay Famewhorini and her ROBsession.
Jax Taylor was on an emotional roller coaster, which wasn’t too different from Jax Taylor-coaster we’ve seen all season, except instead of depending on reiki master Kelsey to feel up his feelings, he was actually mourning the death of his father. Through his tears, Jax describes it as the worst thing that’s ever happened to him but the loss made him realize what an impossible mega-douche he’s been to everyone since, oh, time infinitum. It’s like someone held the evil stepmother’s mirror up to Jax and showed him the truth! That person was not Stassi Schroeder, shockingly.
Thankfully Season 8 of Real Housewives of Beverly Hillsis almost over. It is beyond me how they managed to drag out the discussion of this painfully boring season into a three-part reunion, yet here we are: one episode away from putting this god awful season behind us.
This season has been downright dreadful. Essentially nothing has happened, yet the loyal fans are still here finishing it up watching the reunion episodes. Now Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave is commenting on her tension with Dorit Kemsley– over glassware and tardiness.
Is there a reason the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills reunion is three parts? A good portion of last night was more footage of the ladies doing lunch, albeit backstage where they continued talking about each other’s low-level dramas.
As much as I enjoy watching Lisa Vanderpump sitting around in her bathroom eating salad while counseling DoritKemsley through perceived slights against Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave, it’s evident that this was filler so Bravo could bilk another episode out of the rather lackluster reunion. I’m in the minority, apparently, in not minding that the drama was mostly surface and petty – it’s a nice breather from such heavy seasons about substance abuse and serious family dysfunction (I mean I love that too), but I certainly think they could’ve gotten away with a two-part reunion.
In our newest reality star photo roundup we have a whole lot of Housewives! Erika Jayne and her dancers performed at a party in Palm Springs while her Real Housewives of Beverly Hills co-star Kyle Richards and husband Mauricio hung out at Playboy Presents: No Tie Party at The Living Room in Washington, DC.
Shep admitted that he doesn’t watch Vanderpump Rules and Jax admitted that he doesn’t watch his own show or Southern Charm. Nevertheless, they both had a lot to say about the drama on each other’s shows.
After a long, protracted, repetitive, and drawn-out season, Vanderpump Rules ended where it always does – in the beginning, with a tale of woe of Jax Taylor and Stassi Schroeder; two ships crossing in the night during a tsunami. Jax and Stassi didn’t have drama together (although Jax was gobsmacked by seeing Patrick in the flesh), but the epicenter of this show has always been Jax and Stassi.
Honestly it should because they’re both tragicomic heroes. Two people so miscalculating in their own effects, yet squandering so much potential that it almost makes me feel bad for them. All the characters on this show are like that to a degree, but none so poignantly as Jax or Stassi, one, a star-crossed failure, and the other a star-crossed hater who idealizes murder because she can’t confront her own painful insecurities.