Newbie Adam Spott, who is on board for a much needed infusion of hotness this season, was there to mix it up with the veterans. Stassi Schroeder brought her new boyfriend, Beau, and they worked roller skates.
A lot of your favorite reality TV stars enjoyed their Monday off for Memorial Day. Many of them shared photos hanging out with family and friends and sweet sentiments honoring the troops in their captions.
As always, I think the Secrets Revealed episodes are better than most of what we’ve seen throughout season. And Vanderpump Rules was no exception!
Jax Taylor is totally having a pre-midlife crisis. He’s too old for a quarter-life crisis (let’s be honest, no one expects him to live to be 120 years old) and technically he’s too young for a mid-life crisis, so he’s in a 2/3 life crisis, which means having 400 birthday parties dedicated to doing things kids should do. Like the trampoline park where Tom 1 suggests they play dodgeball on teams of Jax plus all the women he’s slept with, vs. Tom and all the people Jax hasn’t slept with! Bouncing boobs of many incarnations (Jax being the biggest boob of all).
Actually, it was the season of Jax, and, it was totally too much Jax (his shenanigans have overstayed their welcome), but here we go again! At least for the last time.
Last night was the final episode in this endless season of Vanderpump Rules. I celebrated making it to the end with a Vanderpump Rules worthy fancy cocktail of my own creation.
Oftentimes while watching this show, I mentally compare it to The Wizard of Oz. I imagine all these aimless WeHo-ers, orange as oompah-loompas, wandering the LA scene asking The Wizard, Lisa Vanderpump, for some guidance, but even Lisa doesn’t know what to do with these half-humans and sometimes must simply order them to “shut up.”
So last night Lala Kent got a conscience, Jax Taylor pretended he got a heart, and Scheana Marie demonstrated that selling her soul to
Andy Cohen the reality TV satan granted her eternal selfishness. Congrats!
I know we’ve all referred to the stars of Vanderpump Rules as “Vanderpump Fools” but you know, if the condom fits! Happily some of these people have taken the tentative steps towards adulthood, however most of them are still mixing reiki with booze and wondering why their back hurts.
On part 2 of the reunion, Jax Taylor continued to be confused about, well, everything. Lala Kent defined feminism and her finances, and Katie Maloney cried about how amazing Tom Schwartz is. Regardless of how flawed it may be, it’s nice to finally see these two happy – especially considering how unhappy their wedding was!
Last night kicked off the Vanderpump Rules reunion and the main topic on the agenda were all the horrible relationships (what else?) floating like backwash in the half-drunk cocktails at SUR. From Tom Sandoval‘s gripes that Lisa Vanderpump doesn’t take him seriously as an entrepreneur and restaurant designer, to the many, many delusional thoughts of Scheana Marie Shay Famewhorini and her ROBsession.
Jax Taylor was on an emotional roller coaster, which wasn’t too different from Jax Taylor-coaster we’ve seen all season, except instead of depending on reiki master Kelsey to feel up his feelings, he was actually mourning the death of his father. Through his tears, Jax describes it as the worst thing that’s ever happened to him but the loss made him realize what an impossible mega-douche he’s been to everyone since, oh, time infinitum. It’s like someone held the evil stepmother’s mirror up to Jax and showed him the truth! That person was not Stassi Schroeder, shockingly.
After a long, protracted, repetitive, and drawn-out season, Vanderpump Rules ended where it always does – in the beginning, with a tale of woe of Jax Taylor and Stassi Schroeder; two ships crossing in the night during a tsunami. Jax and Stassi didn’t have drama together (although Jax was gobsmacked by seeing Patrick in the flesh), but the epicenter of this show has always been Jax and Stassi.
Honestly it should because they’re both tragicomic heroes. Two people so miscalculating in their own effects, yet squandering so much potential that it almost makes me feel bad for them. All the characters on this show are like that to a degree, but none so poignantly as Jax or Stassi, one, a star-crossed failure, and the other a star-crossed hater who idealizes murder because she can’t confront her own painful insecurities.
Let’s be honest: Vanderpump Rules is the gift that keeps on giving. Don’t get me wrong, I love (almost) every single show on Bravo, but I don’t “like” them all equally. Some of them have been slacking with the recent seasons.
Vanderpump Rules has more going on in one episode than most Real Housewives shows do in an entire season. I’m looking at you, Beverly Hills Housewives. The story lines just keep on coming. So of course, Tom Sandoval was asked about 98484838737 different topics during his appearance on Watch What Happens Live last night. There was just so much to address from this season alone.