Comscore

Peter Madrigal

Tom Sandoval Regrets Yelling At Katie Maloney & Stassi Schroeder Over Jeremy Madix

Let’s be honest: Vanderpump Rules is the gift that keeps on giving. Don’t get me wrong, I love (almost) every single show on Bravo, but I don’t “like” them all equally. Some of them have been slacking with the recent seasons.

Vanderpump Rules has more going on in one episode than most Real Housewives shows do in an entire season. I’m looking at you, Beverly Hills Housewives. The story lines just keep on coming. So of course, Tom Sandoval was asked about 98484838737 different topics during his appearance on Watch What Happens Live last night. There was just so much to address from this season alone.

Brittany and Adam

Here’s what I was doing instead of writing a Vanderpump Rules recap: researching Captain Picard cookie cutters on the internet. But honestly, that might not be so far off-base. Any Star Trek TNG fans out there? Well, you should be – it would be super great if Captain Picard could beam down and save this mess from itself, because NO ONE interesting this season. Except James Kennedy, but that’s beside the point.

I’m supposed to be all bent out of shape and emotionally invested because Jax Taylor finally manned up enough to dump Brittany Cartwright. She reacted by storming out of their apartment amid a stream of twang-laced obscenities (which sounds like what happens when you mix Tang with beer from an aluminum can) and Jax reacted by stress-eating himself a piece of greasy leftover pizza then strolling down the hall to Tom and Katie’s.

Instagram Roundup

A picture is worth a thousand words, rights? So what does it say when Cameran Eubanks, Whitney Sudler-Smith, Shep Rose, Kathryn Dennis, and Patricia Altschul all post the same photo of Cameran, Whitney, Shep, and Kathryn with Cameran’s daughter Palmer? I’m sure that they were all excited to meet the new baby, but are they also sending a message about the “teams” for the rest of Southern Charm Season 5? Or maybe I’m just being presumptuous… Then again, take a look at Thomas Ravenel’s Twitter account and it’s very clear that he and Patricia are feuding these days. We shall see what happens as the season continues….

Tom Sandoval 'proposes' to Tom Schwartz

While Tom Sandoval was giving Tom Schwartz an ‘I promise you an eternity of booze’ ring, Jax Taylor finally yanked the bandaid off and dumped Brittany Cartwright on last night’s Vanderpump Rules.

All it took for Jax to reach this inevitable conclusion was cheating with a friend, several screaming fights, a threatened moved to Florida for a fake job, a meltdown that nearly got him fired, meddling friends, a fake first date with a fake crush, the return to an abandoned identity, and one reiki instructor who fled to Africa! I mean would you stick around for the fall-out of that mess? 

Jax Taylor Flips Off SUR

I’m beginning to worry that Tom Sandoval and Jax Taylor have been on Vanderpump Rules for so long they now need hearing aids in addition to emotional crutches, because overnight Jax has turned into a crotchety old man with a hearing problem waving his finger around and complaining about bad kids with a turn up problem.

Everyone is still in Mexico (apparently a purgatory of all reality TV eternity) where Kristen Doute is flinging drinks at James Kennedy and Lala Kent, you know because they need a cold shower and to cool off. Or possibly for Raquel Leviss‘s sake. Or perhaps Kristen thought James’s bronzer was too intense? Actually that’s just James’s naturally perfect skin (I am obsessed and so jealous. It is PORELESS like a Noxema ad from 1992).

Whatever Kristen’s reasons for tossing a perfectly good cocktail has absolutely nothing to do with Kristen believing that James started a rumor that they hooked up. A rumor that Jax, not James, actually started and which James denied several times. James adds the only way he would’ve said anything of the sort is if he was drunk and joking.

Kristen Doute Denies Hooking Up With James Kennedy; Blames Jax Taylor & Tom Sandoval For Spreading That Rumor

I would have loved to be a fly on the wall when the Vanderpump Rules cast members watched the last episode for the first time. James Kennedy very clearly stated that he “hung out” with ex girlfriend Kristen Doute. Nevertheless, Jax Taylor, Tom Sandoval, Tom Schwartz, and Peter Madrigal were adamant that he said he “hooked up with” her. They called him out for it and spread that rumor to the rest of the cast members.

Throughout the whole episode they truly believed that they heard him correctly. I don’t know if it was the booze, the British accent, or just a confirmation bias to put the spotlight on someone else, but none of the guys were on James‘ side.

Kristen Doute

Did I miss something on last night’s Vanderpump Rules? Did James Kennedy admit to hooking up “just a little” with Kristen Doute? Even more curious – did the cameras actually miss James and Kristen drunkenly hooking up?!

What I think I observed was a drunken game of telephone. Or whatever it’s called in the iPhone era. Probably something to do with Snapchatting and then sharing Snaps that were deleted and how you thought you were sexting your boyfriend SUPER ROB when in fact you were sending a disgraced Nigerian prince $300 to get his crown out of hock and on a plane to LA to bar tend into his future at SUR. I mean this could finally be the man for Scheana Marie!

Anyway! Using delightful time lapse, the episode opens hours early with Stassi Schroeder sitting on a beach with Katie Maloney and Kristen. The sand is soft and fuzzy – just like their drink-addled memories from every day the night before.  

Instagram Roundup: Luann de Lesseps, Kenya Moore, Cameran Eubanks, Jersey Shore Cast, & More!

A lot of your favorite reality stars were all about the family time this past week on Instagram. Teen Mom star Leah Messer rooting for her daughters at cheer. Southern Charm cast member Kathryn Dennis celebrated her daughter Kensie’s 4th birthday. New York Housewife Ramona Singer hung out with her daughter Avery Singer. Luann de Lesseps saw Kinky Boots on Broadway with her kids. Tiny Harris celebrated her daughter Heiress’ birthday.

In other reality TV news, the Vanderpump Rules cast gathered to celebrate Lala Kent’s man Randall Emmett’s birthday. Wow. Things really can change in a year.