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Peter Madrigal

Vanderpump Rules Tom Sandoval Ariana Madix Jax Taylor Brittany Cartwright

Ugh – I am losing my patience for “Jax Taylor‘s show.” Jax needs to get off his high – very, very <snort, snort> high horse, and take Lisa Vanderpump‘s advice to “SHUT UP.” Lala Kent needs to come down with him. I do not need to see this jump off, with a face so inflated with fillers she looks like a balloon, tell anyone how to live. So are the days of Vanderpump Rules when the most awful people sanctimoniously judge others.

So much chaos in a zoom reunion. Even more so than in a regular old ‘on the stage’ reunion. The best though t’was Lisa chastising Andy Cohen for essentially showing up in his sweats. At the very least he could put on a low-cut satin blouse!

Jax and Tom Sandoval are rocking some serious facial hair. Is it like some sort of sign that they’re going to fight? Like they will start by throwing chairs at their computer screens, then throw the actual computers, then mutually run out their neighboring homes, race across the street and start brawling in the front lawn until they’re ticketed for breaking quarantine?

Jax Taylor Brittany Cartwright Vanderpump Rules reunion

The Vanderpump Rules Season 8 reunion kicks off tonight. Andy Cohen meets with the many Vanderpump Rules cast members via video chat to dish on the most interesting moments of the season and to drop some truth bombs about some tea none of us knew about.

Of course, we will see Jax Taylor and Tom Sandoval’s feud play out, for the 100th time. And, most likely, they’ll be “best friends” again next season. However, I’m sure they’re gonna revisit the “pre-bachelor party” drama and the dueling pool parties.

Vanderpump Rules Season Finale

Last night’s Vanderpump Rules finale truly felt like it was the end of an era. And I’m ready to send Jax Taylor off into the abyss, where surely he will go after yelling in Lisa Vanderpump‘s face that this is ‘his show’. Lisa has already endured that type of malarky with Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills so she’ll certainly not put up with it from underling upstarts living in Valley Village (ahem.. Brandi!)

Tom 1 and Tom 2, by compression, are now well on their way to being restaurant moguls after signing onto the expansion of Tom Tom. They are moving into adulthood (finally!), while Jax, don’t bother blessing his cold dead heart, isn’t moving at all. He’s trapped in a fishbowl of his own drool, constantly regurgitating his own nonsense.

Jax can pretend all he wants that he’s tired of Tom 1, but what Jax is really tired of is Tom 1 being successful. Tom and Jax came up together as bartenders at SUR. For most of Vanderpump Rules Jax’s drama has driven things; yet it is Tom who was given the nudge by Lisa.

Vanderpump Rules Jax Taylor

Well, hell hath surely frozen over and the next thing we’ll be celebrating on Vanderpump Rules is an ice skating party because I actually liked Katie Maloney this episode. Hold me – I am fainting from the vapors!

At least I’m reassured that the constant is my complete and utter disgust of Jax Taylor! Accidentally taking a bite of that moldy lasagna found in the back of your fridge during a dunk binge eat is more desirable!

After Jax went on a rage-text tirade and uninvited everyone from his pool party (like anyone wanted to go to begin with) Tom Sandoval decided to host his own party for the rejects. Unfortunately the list of rejects grew and grew until it was revenge of the rejects with Tom and Ariana Madix winding up with an amazing party while Jax and Brittany Cartwright had one of the sad little get-togethers you see at the end of an HGTV House Hunters episode when the couple claims they “LOVE” to entertain.

Vanderpump Rules Jax Taylor

This season seems to be a reckoning on Vanderpump Rules. A washing the slate clean to prepare for the new and fresh, and the people getting hit the hardest are Jax Taylor and Scheana Marie. I welcome this.

For some bizarro reason Max Boyens hosts a beach clean-up at a public beach that gets regularly cleaned by the city. Then, because this makes total logical sense, everyone who shows up is swilling wine out of plastic solo cups. Erm. Look – I get it, they need to give Max something to DO besides women, but how about we get a little more filler about his backstory? Like who is this guy other than the person who’s presumably replacing Jax as the Number 3 guy in the TomSquared concoction.

Speaking of Jax, he does not attend because he it’s ridiculous to have to drive “4 hours,” polluting the environment to clean up a beach. He’s not wrong, but of course Brittany Cartwright is there. They could’ve taken the car pool lane, y’all!

Vanderpump Rules Scheana Marie

During last week’s episode of Vanderpump Rules, Beau Clark proposed to Stassi Schroeder in a graveyard. This week, they’re still living it up in their engagement, but most likely, that will included continued bitching about Kristen Doute, the one (main) cast member excluded fromtheir celebration.

Scheana Marie asks Brett Caprioni to be her love interest in her music video. Most likely, she did this to bother Dayna Kathan, who has been seeing Brett. That’s probably going tot backfire on Scheana. The girl is having a rough season when it comes to her issues with Dayna.

Vanderpump Rules Stassi Schroeder Engagement Ring

You guys we just got through another Vanderpump Rules wedding, and now we’re rushed right into another engagement. I just… don’t… think… I … can… take… it. I am fatigued, y’all. Fatigued! I feel about these weddings the way everyone else on this show feels about their friendships with Kristen Doute. I am wrung out on made-for-TV pseudo-happiness and forever afters.

The latest couple to plod towards the aisle escorted by all the Bravo trappings is Stassi Schroeder and Beau Clark. Blah, blah, blah – beautiful proposal, fabulous vintage Tiffany ring (omg – swoon), followed by a fantastic surprise engagement party thrown by Lisa Vanderpump at Villa Rosa which made Brittany Cartwright, former princess bridezilla, jealous. Worth it just for that!

See Brittany is done bride-ing, and is now riding Jax Taylor for the rest of live-long days. She wanted a frog who turned into a prince, but what she got was a frog who turned into an ogre. But at least that ogre can push a lawnmower! 

Stassi Schroeder Vanderpump Rules

After over a month of Vanderpump Rules episodes leading up to this moment, Beau Clark finally proposes to Stassi Schroeder tonight. The big moment is actually the most Stassi proposal ever, in a graveyard, and filmed by a camera crew, of course.

Most of the cast is invited to celebrate the engagement at Lisa Vanderpump’s house. However, Kristen Doute did not make the cut, yet there’s an empty chair there, for everyone to awkwardly feel her presence. Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright try to comfort Kristen for feeling left out, but something tells me she’s still going to be upset regardless.