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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap


I. Love. Brandi Glanville. If Brandi doesn’t return next season, can Bravo please hire her to conduct these reunions, because girl is not afraid to bring it. Last night’s Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion was explosive, dishy, and far superior to any reunion I’ve ever seen. I’m giving credit where credit is due, so thank you, Brandi, and thank you also, Camille!

Things start out with Andy recapping Brandi‘s intro into the exclusive social club known as high school students masquerading as adult women. Forty going on fourteen! Brandi dispels rumors that she’s a slut, but wishes she was because sex is fun. Camille confirms Brandi is just joking about her sexual proclivities. The KyTayAdrienne sofa is practically hyperventilating over talk of Brandi’s swimsuits and outlandish jokes. They are, like, the most square sofa in reunion history!

Kyle admits that her behavior towards Brandi was ridiculous and insecure, stating she was afraid of Brandi’s entry into the group because Brandi is hot. Andy demonstrates just how ridiculous and immature Kyle was by bringing up the infamous Game Night. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never looked at Taboo! the same way since!

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I have to admit, I both love and hate reunions. I love them because of the unexpectedness and I hate them because Andy overly screens the questions and nothing much gets resolved or answered.

Last night’s Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion begins with Andy questioning Kyle about Kim entering rehab, Kyle demurs (for once) that Andy should talk to Kim about it. Which I think was a tactful and appropriate answer. Lisa and Adrienne speak for the group, describing that they all knew something was amiss and Adrienne thinks it took a lot of courage for Kim to seek help.

Adrienne’s parachute or whatever the hell she has on her arm is distracting – more distracting than her totally Tiffany hair. Adrienne always looks like my Barbie collection circa 1991.

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Last night’s season finale episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills brought us back to the show we know and love with an over-the-top wedding featuring all the trimmings those of us in the real world could never afford. It was beautiful, it was captivating, it was pink, and most importantly, it was drama free! I think it was a perfect season finale — until the last fifteen minutes, which I’ll pretend never happened.

It’s the day before Pandora’s pinksplosion fantasy wedding. As planned, the Vanderfabulous-Todds have converted part of their tennis court into the wedding site complete with a massive white tent that ensconces every surface in dangling crystals. While everything is carrying on as scheduled, Kevin Lee is apparently out of town! Kevin’s assistant is there in his absence and while she lacks Kevin’s bling, bling, she seems far more efficient.

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Last night’s episode of the Real Trainwrecks of Beverly Hills contained a whole lotta drama that belongs on a different show. Lisa opened SUR, Kim had some sort of ongoing cray-cray with Ken, whom she is now leaving, and Taylor begged the ladies to love her in what I’m sure she believes is a good rendition of Sally Fields’ ‘You really like me…’ Oscar speech.

Things start off with Kyle getting ready for the SUR launch party with her eldest daughter Farrah. After chasing Portia around, Kyle lets a bored seeming Farrah know that Taylor has left Russell and that she and Kim are still fighting. Farrah wonders why Kyle hasn’t figured out how to manage her relationship with Kim already. Why is Farrah more mature than Kyle?

Meanwhile Lisa is putting the finishing touches on SUR and running around in a panic micromanaging every detail before ditching Ken to finish the job and blowing out the door without so much as a kiss. Poor Ken will have to wait until next year for a cuddle. Lisa needs to accept her life is on camera and not be embarrassed to show affection to her husband.

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Last night on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, the power of an email haunts Kyle’s infamous White Party. Aaaahhh… The white party. The party of parties of parties. Known throughout the BH as the fete of the year. It’s dashing, it’s whimsical — it’s a slew of wealthy ladies in sequined bed sheets berating each other! Just another Beverly Hills evening, nothing to see here folks!

Things start out with Adrienne breezing into Paul’s office to regale him with the story of litigious emails. Apparently after Camille outed Taylor’s claims to the world, Taylor raced back home and told Russell that Camille has been spilling lies and Russell dashed off his version of a pleasant email to Camille and threatened to sue her for “false and slanderous remarks that could damage his business.”

Adrienne sums it up thusly: “Friends don’t sue friends. Or threaten to sue friends.” Perhaps this is how you figure out who your real friends are in the ol’ BH. If you don’t get slapped with a lawsuit or a sis and desis you’re besties!

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Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Buzz Kills it was more of the same: Taylor whining, Kim freaking out, Kyle seeking attention and everyone else trying to act like the reality world isn’t imploding. It was nice to see some fun and fluff with Pandora’s bachelorette party, but that was about the only bright spot in this morose wasteland of the rich, the wannabe rich, and the completely depressing.

Things start out with new Beverly besties Lisa and Taylor meeting for lunch. Lisa just wants to help Taylor. Taylor just wants to ensnare a kind-hearted Lisa in her web of lies and deceit now that Camille is wise to her game. Taylor downplays the disaster at Malibu beach as if she were just a girl who had too many drinks and acted a little cray-cray instead of being one step away from Beverly Mental Hospital. Was anyone else distracted by Taylor’s brows?

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Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was just – sad, and it’s hard to know what to think. I was expecting a welcome break from the trauma (not to be confused with drama), but my hopes were dashed as the Taylor show came crashing into us harder than Malibu waves. Which reminds me, according to Bruce Jenner’s bespangled and fabulous ex-wife Linda Thompson, the ocean is going to be there long after all of us are gone, so I probably shouldn’t get too worked out about the problems of Housewives.

Anyway things started out on a truly lovely note with Wedding Planner to the Insane Kevin Lee organizing some tablescapes for Lisa and Pandora to choose from – well really Lisa, because after all it’s her wedding!

The ladies were excited, gracious and truly wowed, and after doing some finagling and maneuvering around they put their stamp of approval on the over-the-top fabudiculous arrangements (I made up a new word. Call me Teresa Giudice).

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Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was a shoe spectacular! And oh man was I jealous over Adrienne’s collection. Adrienne hosted a fashion show to showcase her new shoe line as well as raise money for a charity that’s close to her sole (see what I did there?). Lisa and Adrienne exchanged words and Taylor continued her crusade against Camille. All in all it was a pretty good episode that was light on Richards’ drama and Taylor-Traumas!

Things begin with Lisa rushing in the door and she’s late, late, late for a meeting with wedding planner to the insane Kevin Lee. Kevin has apparently convinced Lisa and Pandora to surrender their brains, because as the invitations are unveiled my heart sank when I saw the ridiculous Michael’s craft project gift box. Did I mention those boxes cost $150 a pop? I apparently missed my calling and shall be quitting RT to race to Beverly Hills and design chintzy wedding invites. At least it was a slightly better color combo. As Lisa and Pandora gush over the boxitations, Ken looks slightly confused about what the eff he just paid for.

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