RHOBH Recap

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Recap: Ladies Who Lapdance

by Mary on December 13th, 2011

Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Buzz Kills it was more of the same: Taylor whining, Kim freaking out, Kyle seeking attention and everyone else trying to act like the reality world isn’t imploding. It was nice to see some fun and fluff with Pandora’s bachelorette party, but that was about the only bright spot in this morose wasteland of the rich, the wannabe rich, and the completely depressing.

Things start out with new Beverly besties Lisa and Taylor meeting for lunch. Lisa just wants to help Taylor. Taylor just wants to ensnare a kind-hearted Lisa in her web of lies and deceit now that Camille is wise to her game. Taylor downplays the disaster at Malibu beach as if she were just a girl who had too many drinks and acted a little cray-cray instead of being one step away from Beverly Mental Hospital. Was anyone else distracted by Taylor’s brows?

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Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Recap: The Ladies Face Off – Nipples Blazing!

by Mary on December 6th, 2011

Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was just – sad, and it’s hard to know what to think. I was expecting a welcome break from the trauma (not to be confused with drama), but my hopes were dashed as the Taylor show came crashing into us harder than Malibu waves. Which reminds me, according to Bruce Jenner’s bespangled and fabulous ex-wife Linda Thompson, the ocean is going to be there long after all of us are gone, so I probably shouldn’t get too worked out about the problems of Housewives.

Anyway things started out on a truly lovely note with Wedding Planner to the Insane Kevin Lee organizing some tablescapes for Lisa and Pandora to choose from – well really Lisa, because after all it’s her wedding!

The ladies were excited, gracious and truly wowed, and after doing some finagling and maneuvering around they put their stamp of approval on the over-the-top fabudiculous arrangements (I made up a new word. Call me Teresa Giudice).

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Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Recap: Walk A Mile In Adrienne’s Shoes & Taylor Wants A Clean Slate

by Mary on November 29th, 2011

Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was a shoe spectacular! And oh man was I jealous over Adrienne’s collection. Adrienne hosted a fashion show to showcase her new shoe line as well as raise money for a charity that’s close to her sole (see what I did there?). Lisa and Adrienne exchanged words and Taylor continued her crusade against Camille. All in all it was a pretty good episode that was light on Richards’ drama and Taylor-Traumas!

Things begin with Lisa rushing in the door and she’s late, late, late for a meeting with wedding planner to the insane Kevin Lee. Kevin has apparently convinced Lisa and Pandora to surrender their brains, because as the invitations are unveiled my heart sank when I saw the ridiculous Michael’s craft project gift box. Did I mention those boxes cost $150 a pop? I apparently missed my calling and shall be quitting RT to race to Beverly Hills and design chintzy wedding invites. At least it was a slightly better color combo. As Lisa and Pandora gush over the boxitations, Ken looks slightly confused about what the eff he just paid for.

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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,Recaps

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Recap: Who Knows What To Think About Taylor’s Crazy Ways!

by Mary on November 22nd, 2011

On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills I came to the conclusion that I am just so burned out on the Taylor, Taylor, Taylor show. And this show in general. Perhaps it’s a symptom of my profession that I watch too much Housewives!

Things pick up where they left off with Tea Party Part Deux and Camille confronting Taylor about her allegations of abuse. Camille is confused about how Taylor expects her friends to be all ecstatic about her husband when she is telling them he abuses her, yet no one sees any signs of said abuse – physical or otherwise.

Taylor calls Camille “uncool” for outing her marital issues, but Camille seems nonplussed and continues asking Taylor about the inconsistencies going on. Then, Camille pulls a total Dynasty diva moment and storms out! I wish there would be an exciting and frivolous Dynasty-style catfight on this show already. Full-scale hair pulling, sequined gown ripping, destroying of manicured lawns, all out bitch-queen catfight. Can we get on scripting this, Bravo? kthx!

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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: The Mirror Has New Faces

by Mary on November 8th, 2011

Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills dealt with both the past and future as Kyle hosted a séance, the ladies got their faces touched up and reapplied, and Kim finally confessed that she is moving in with her secret boyfriend, Ken much to Kyle’s shock!

Dr. Paul hosts a Night of Beauty at his plastic surgery office. Kyle wants to do a little laser muffin top removal. Kyle is excited, yet nervous about being subjected to the chub-munching octopus, but threatens to move into Paul’s office if it works. Paul tells her to relax and then the torture of lying there while some little red swirls dance across her mythical fat roll begins.

Lisa is wandering through the labyrinth of Botox and laser treatments looking for Kyle when she stumbles across Taylor. Taylor has snacks and is waiting with some sort of weird numbing goop smeared all over her face as she is prepping to get some new fillers in her cheeks. Lisa advises her to skip the procedures and go straight for the food, which is untouched. Taylor informs us that she has a “genetically thin face” and no matter how much she eats she always looks like Skeletor.

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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: Wild Times In Faux-rocco And Kim’s Secret Man Revealed!

by Mary on November 1st, 2011

On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills things got wild Moroccan style at Pandora’s insane, incredible, fantastic engagement party. Can Mohammed be my godfather? Kim debuted her new man who is also a Ken! And Taylor and Russell got a little threatastic with the tabloids. Oh, and Taylor started planning another Birthday Party for Kennedy!

Lisa is driving through her hood amidst the palm trees, Bentleys, designer logos, and mega-mansions casually calling all her friends to remind them that the party of the year will be happening on Tuesday so they better show up. Sadly, everyone is screening her calls. No interest in the British accent today, co-stars? Finally Kyle answers and is wondering what on earth to wear?! Something fun and something ball gown. Lisa fills Kyle in on her little cooking lesson with Adrienne. They are both surprised Adrienne didn’t rub some hand lotion on the poor chicken!

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Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Recap: The Least Relaxing Spa Day In History

by Mary on October 25th, 2011

Last night on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills everybody got pampered and relaxed and got along swimmingly. Oh, wait – wrong show! The ladies continued their trip back in time to Beverly Hills High with Kyle playing the real-life all grown up Brenda Walsh, and Kim as her sidekick, and poor Brandi the victim of all their immaturity. I give Brandi credit – she stood her ground while retaining her dignity and did not bend to the almighty queens of bitchery.

Things start off with a little cooking lesson. Lisa has decided she can bear no more of Adrienne’s inadequacies in the kitchen and simply must teach her to roast a chicken. After everyone puts on their surgical gloves, they begin washing the chicken with dish soap – for anti-bacterial purposes. Then they stuff things up his bum after removing his guts. I guess Lisa was practicing for her treatment of Brandi later on! Adrienne is absolutely hopeless in the kitchen – hence the reason she has a chef – can’t find the salt and pepper or any of her three fridges, and just isn’t having fun. Was anyone else surprised they were stuffing a chicken’s butt with all their jewelry on?

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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: The Hills Are Alive With The Sound of Bickering

by Mary on October 18th, 2011

On last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, the ladies just couldn’t seem to get along and Brandi was again an outsider with only Adrienne and Taylor willing to be her friend – but only when no one else was looking! It kinda reminded me of Heathers! Watch your drink, Kyle!

Game night continues to rage on at Dana’s. Brandi tries to call a “Time-Out” but the Richards are in full attack mode, Winston Churchill be damned; they subscribe to Napoleonic tactics! Kyle is still upset Brandi let her son pee on Adrienne’s grass – ok, it’s tacky, but c’mon! Brandi is furious that Kyle is talking about her kids, but Kyle is actually talking about Brandi’s bad mothering!

Camille admits Kyle can be a B-I-T-C-H. Sick of the Richards’ superior attitude, a sniffling Brandi snaps that everyone else is trailer park and they’re Queens of England. Um…no, Kim redirects, only Brandi is trailer park! And Kyle’s not wearing a tiara! Duh! Well, I kinda think Kyle wears one at home when no one is looking, don’t you?

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