What can we say about last night's season finale of Real Housewives of Orange County except those ladies need to re-evaluate their choices in men! Dang girls… Dr. V needs to get in there and do a summit on low self-esteem and co-dependent entanglements. I mean, that was a m.e.s.s. And not a fun one!
We're all back in the fabricated winter wonderland ofVicki Gunvalson's back yard. Despite the warm California breeze, glitterfied snow is everywhere. Suddenly the air turns icy… Gretchen Rossi has arrived. On her arm, an abominable faux man – Slave Smiley. While Gretchen pageant glides, in smiling engagingly at the Styrofoam penguin statues and paper mache snowmen, the other ladies are gorging themselves on a 'We hate Gretchen' buffet of snide comments and frosty complaints.
Poor Gretchen, the wool was pulled over her eyes because she had no idea the entertainment for the evening was pelting her with verbal snowballs and stealing her mittens.
And meanwhile, some other backstabbing was taking place at the party! See Vicki has a son-in-law FROM HELL and he was melting all the cute little decorations with his vendetta of mean. There he was shuffling around the party, drink in hand, complaining about Vicki, hinting at all the dirt he has on Brooks, and boasting that he basically controls Vicki's house by refusing to let Brooks in. Good lord! Shut. Up. Was Ryan auditioning for RHOC to replace Tamra Barney as next season's villain?
Our favorite reality TV stars cannot get enough of the spotlight during their regularly scheduled time slots, so they take to Twitter to share even more of their daily lives with us. And we love them for it! Here's a roundup of some of our favorite photos from the Twitterverse this week! Enjoy!
Well, we alllll knew it was coming! Tamra Barney and Gretchen Rossi's short-lived friendship is now officially kaput! I wonder if Gretchen returned the friendship bracelet?
Tamra says the bottom really fell out at the recently filmed Real Housewives of Orange County reunion. The nail in the coffin? Weddings wars, of course! And by wedding wars, I mean spinoff competitions.
"We were friends until we shot the reunion show," Tamraconfessed to TVGuide. "It stirred up a lot. They talked about the past and Andy [Cohen] went deep, so it brought back a bunch of nonsense that didn't need to be brought up."
While Vicki and Brooks' relationship appears to be as on-and-off as a light switch, Lauri is Waring wary that the couple's recent break-up may not be what it seems. She is speculating that the pair is using the story of a turbulent love affair to appease family and friends when they are actually quite happy together behind closed doors.
Say what? A housewife manipulating her relationship status to stay in the spotlight? Unheard of!
If ever there was a reason to say no to a proposal, it was an autotune-botched warbling of a wannabe Taylor Swift. And that proposal came courtesy of Gretchen Rossi. But of course Slade Smiley, who has been practicing the trickling of a single tear in the mirror for weeks, did not say no. Oh no … HE said yes! And it was all over-acted to puke-fection.
So yeah, let's start there shall we with the Real Housewives of Orange County proposal that just went on and on and on and on. Phase One: Slade at work at his radio station pretending he has a job like doing things on the radio. I was always convinced he just put up some microphones in Gretchen's overly cluttered garage, but apparently Radio Slade is a for realz thing.
Slade's partner announces a new song. A voice, a voice like mystic magic floating over clouds of heaven comes soaring over the airways. 'That sound…' gasps Slade staring off into the distance. I think someone has been watching The Sound Of Music… That voice, that he does not recognize because even WITH heavily deployed autotune it still sounds flat, plastic, and phony as hell (not unlike its owner), is Gretchen. And that song is asking him to marry him.
I'm sure you've heard that for a hot minute Vicki Gunvalson's business partner, Robert Williamson III, was suing her alleging that she attempted to defraud him of partial ownership of Vicki's Vodka.
It turned out the Real Housewives of Orange County star "gifted" Brooks Ayers 16.67% of her stake of the company and then Brooks proceeded to re-sell that percentage to Robert for $50,000 right out from under Vicki's surgically altered nose!
Long story short, Vicki and Robert worked out their issue, he appeared on last week's episode of RHOC (convenient timing, no?) and dropped the suit against Vicki. But he is still suing Brooks! For what, I don't know? Maybe Brooks can sell him a pair of slightly used veneers. Or some ocean front property in Mississippi.
Brooks is responding to Robert's allegations and finding that Hallmark cards and petty threats don't always make the bad guys go away, but he wants the suit dismissed anyway. He also admits that sure he sold his shares, but it was to help his child Your Honor!
In her Bravo blog, Lydia discusses returning from the Great White North to a sense of normalcy. She writes, "Coming off of the girls trip to Canada, it was good to get back to our normal routines. This episode really showed all of our personal lives rather then our relationships with one another. . .and I kind of liked that." You know, of all these women, I think Lydia is the only one who truly does enjoy being normal and drama-free!
Last night's episode of Real Housewives of Orange County was pretty boring. And by boring I mean tragic. And deafening. Gretchen Rossi tried to sing but she forgot to bring the big, pink plastic handbag holding her autotune with her. Oh the results were more tragic than a Made in Sweatshop plasticine Gretchen Christine handbag. Also plastic her face and now her lips. We'll discuss in a minute…
Moving on to other adventures in RHOC things, are still a mess betweenVicki Gunvalson and Brooks. And by a mess I mean Vicki's life and hair are sadly reflecting her inner life. Get a brush and comb things out. Seriously – get a smoothing serum too. And call Dr. V.
So let's begin… Gretchen has returned from Whistler and her friendship with Tamra Barney is as frozen and icy as her face. Did I mention her hair doesn't move either but it permanently looks wind swept? How? Mystery of science if I've ever seen one. Let's call Myth Busters!