Vanderpump Rules season 3 is coming to an end (WAAAAAH! – Don’t leave me!) and we’re counting down the Top 10 most dramatic, most insane, most eye-roll worthy, most delicious moments of the season. And then we’re gonna get the reunion which will surely blow all the other dramatic moments right out of the water!
CLICK CONTINUE READING FOR THE LIST!
10. Stassi Schroeder’s Studio
“Statement Necklace Designer” Stassi, the most mature grown-up in California, showed off her jewelry design “studio” to her few-remaining friends from SUR. The “studio” consisted of a crawlspace in her apartment with one little table strewn with some beads from Michael’s craft store! (Let’s hope Stassi used her 50% coupon!). This was after Stassi finished her diatribe about how amazing, special, and above everyone else she is. Above, as in the loft of her 1-BR apartment? #BigLeagues Where’s her mystery man, again? Is she secretly still dating Jax?!
9. Crop-Toppin’, Booty-Poppin’ Brides
Scheana Marie did a wedding on budget and opted to save money on material by wearing a crop-top wedding gown. It may be the “ugliest f–king wedding dress” Stassi had ever seen, but it was perfect for twerking off into her new life as Mrs. Mike Shay.
8. Emotional Eating
Jax Taylor was tired of dating Carmen, but wanted to let her down gently, so he asked her out for pizza and dumped her over greasy pepperoni at a corner bodega pizza-by-the-slice shop. He was shocked when she didn’t even finish her slice – oh well, more for him! The best part: Jax thought they were gonna keep hooking up… Someone has been eating Mystic Pizza…
7. The Side Ways of Ariana Madix
Ariana is not a girl who deals with the straight and narrow – she’s the queen of the side-braid, the killer side-eye, and artfully side-steps awkward situations with super-stalker Kristen! Interestingly, depending on who you ask (KRISTEN!) Ariana also started out as Tom 1‘s girl on the side…
6. The Walkers
Kristen conspired with Miami Girl and convinced her to claim her 15 minutes by announcing herself the 3 minute one-night-stand of the 3″ d–k of Tom 1. When Tom and Ariana ran, Kristen and co. chased after them, racing through the kitchen of SUR, into the back alley, all while holding their cocktail glasses. A chase scene, in Forever XXII cocktail dresses, while sipping a cosmo, is too hilarious to be real. It was the desperate leading the desperate to eat some soul…
5. Mr. Messy Gets A Date
Peter Madrigal has always been the sexy voice of reason, but all that was undone when ladies everywhere discovered his apartment is as messy as his hair! The nightmare that was those sheets – please call the health department to report a sanitation violation.
Peter’s awkward ways with the ladies make him seem as skeevy as Jax is! Queer Eye For The Straight Guy resurrect yourself and help this man. Save Peter from himself and his inevitable future of living in a bachelor pad with Jax and thousands of piles of dirty laundry!
4. If You Can’t Take The Heat, Get Out Of The Bar
Tom 2 had a panic attack while bartending at PUMP. Seriously – the dude hyperventilated and went home crying to mommy while breathing into a bag and petting his doggy for stress-release. He was supposed to be saving money to buy Katie Maloney an engagement ring… Later he told us he was pre-med in college. Many lives were save by Tom NOT becoming a doctor.
3. Cable Box
Kristen just couldn’t let go of Tom 1, and that meant stalking him to the end of the earth or at lest through is DVR recordings! Months after they broke up, Kristen got all gussied up in a cleavage-baring mini dress to go collect her mail and the cable box they once shared. It resulted in her crying in the living room over Tom’s betrayal while Ariana sat staring her down. Girl – no amount of Girls recordings are worth losing your dignity.
2. She Loves Me, He Loves Me Not…
In Miami for Scheana’s bachelorette penis-straw bonanza (the precursor to crop-top wedding) Tom 1 tried to stop Kristen’s stalking with a heart-to-heart. He heard: I think she’s finally accepted that we’re better off apart and has found closure. She heard: He was crying. He wants me back! Now I just have to kill off Ariana by throwing her in front a bus, or chopping her sidebraid off and choking her with it, or maybe I could just takeover her identity and move in with Tom – I’ve already got the cable box!
And c’mon is that not the best ugly cry face EVER?!
1. Meet Me In Miami…
Miami Girl showed her face – and she should have let us keep the mystique! At the behest of Kristen she confronted Tom about their romantical period sex.
Unfortunately Miami Girl was the scariest thing SUR has ever seen – and that includes years of Kristen’s meltdowns! The ensuing melee of Miami Girl caused a riot of Scheana Marie shrieking, parking lot stalking, a whole lotta silicone and acrylic in the form of nail, hair, and accusation, Kristen finally getting fired (the kitchen staff laughing and doing celebratory dances), James being punched at Scheana’s wedding,
Verizon wireless being subpoenaed in a restraining order case for iPhone stalking, and Jax losing all his friends (and his truck). In short: it was glorious the damage one aging hussy, and a desperate delusional ex-girlfriend can cause.
But in the end true-ish love prevailed and TomRiana moved in together! Hopefully they have blackout blinds and a security system…
And this season was glorious! Can we have another one right now?
TELL US – WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOMENT FROM VANDERPUMP RULES SEASON 3?
[Photo Credit: Tommy Garcia/Bravo & BravoTV]