It’s official, Vanderpump Rules fans– Brittany Cartwright and Jax Taylor are hitched! The couple made it official on June 29 and got married at the Kentucky Castle. Nearly every Pumps Rules star was at the wedding. Tom Schwartz and Tom Sandoval performed “best men” duties, while Lala’s fiancé, Randall Emmett, and SUR manager Peter Madrigal stood up for Jax. Katie Maloney attended Brittany as her matron of honor. Lala Kent, Ariana Madix, Scheana Marie, Stassi Schroeder and Kristin Doute served as members of the bridal party. Other Bravo guests included former Summer House stars Stephen McGee and Lauren Wirkus and Southern Charm star Shep Rose.
John Legend and his wife, Chrissy Teigen, are such fans of the show that they were invited to the wedding. Alas, the superstars didn’t attend. Can you imagine if they had been there, and John serenaded the couple at their reception?
Congratulations to the new Mr. and Mrs. Cauchi. Cauchi is Jax Taylor’s actual last name in case anyone forgot. And, yes, Jax and Brittany Cartwright tied the knot during a weekend-long extravaganza in a Kentucky castle.
Every single Vanderpump Rules cast member was a part of the wedding. Well, except for James Kennedy, Raquel Leviss, and Billie Lee, who were not invited, obviously. Other than that, Kentucky was full of Bravolebrities.
LA Pride has become a staple on each Vanderpump Rules season. Every year, Lisa Vanderpump and the rest of the cast members go all out for Pride. Every single one of them gets in on the celebration.
And, for the most part, they all dress up in some festive outfits, especially the ladies. And Tom Sandoval, of course. He always comes through for a thematic event and Pride is no exception.
Since Katie Maloney and Tom Schwartz’s joint bachelor/bachelorette party went so well, the Vanderpump Rules cast decided to apply the same concept in honor of Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright’s big day. In case you didn’t detect my sarcasm, or if you’re a new viewer, Tom and Katie’s party was a complete and total shit show.
Yes, in a fun way, but also in a cringe-worthy way, i.e. the arguments. It was rough to see Tom and Katie arguing just before they tied the knot. Who could ever forget Tom Sandoval dressed in drag yelling about how Schwartz is a “battered wife”? Let’s hope that Jax and Brittany’s joint party was not reminiscent of Tom and Katie’s trip.
Whew – we have crossed the finish line with season 7 of Vanderpump Rules and I am here to report that this reunion did not need to be 3 parts. There – recap done!
OK, kidding. I actually felt there were some illuminating moments. Like the glimpse of Katie Maloney‘s hubris. Wowee-wow-WOW. Katie literally always sees herself as the victim. She blames James Kennedy for the internet hating her but the internet rightfully hated Katie long before her antics this season! As Tom 1 never really got a chance to say courtesy of James’ interrupitis – a germ passed from Kristen Doute – Katie has been a rancid bottle of ranch dressing since season 1. Katie’s OWN putrid behavior is the reason the Twitterverse rails on her – it has nothing to do with James or her weight (or her husband’s manhood – how is that not also body shaming?). Let’s just say Katie is giving marriage, ranch dressing, the internet, and humanity a bad name. Oh, and also clothing.
I’m having a visceral reaction to part 2 of the Vanderpump Rules reunion. It’s like Lord Of The Flies. James Kennedy is the pig they’re chasing across the island of the doomed until somebody, (probably Tom 2 if we’re being honest) winds up dismembered. Remember when this show was so fun?!
What I’ve come to realize is that these people – chiefly Katie Maloney, Jax Taylor, and Kristen Doute – live in an echo chamber of their own delusions. They can’t learn from experiences because they’ve blocked all the dissenting voices. Instead, they are deafened by the vortex of praise they offer each other. James isn’t even allowed to speak without Kristen cutting him off and screaming him down with some accusation or insult. Andy Cohen wonders why James so angry. Lisa Vanderpump decides it’s because James had a drink at lunch. Or maybe it’s as James said: so many people yelling at him constantly that he can’t breathe.
Last night was the Met Gala and also someone was thrown out of a PTA meeting at my kids’ school when things erupted into a full-on screaming match. Fittingly, it was also part 1 of Vanderpump Rules reunion – so yeah, busy night!
Also as if trying to straddle two events, like she straddles two worlds on Vanderpump Rules, Raquel Leviss‘s reunion dress was the very definition of the Met Gala theme “Camp,” boasting uber-exaggerated shoulders accented by a full duvet of ruffles. It was like a super amped up version of an Alice In Wonderland dress. I loved it. It was almost a perfect representation for the ridiculousness of this show. Raquel came to make a statement that she is here to stay.
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away a foolish princess sat in her WeHo walkup, and pledged her love to Jax Taylor, a pile of mashed potatoes that sometimes took on human-esque features and pretended to have a heart, but mostly just oozed brown puss. This princess of purgatory is Brittany Cartwright and on last night’s Vanderpump Rules she had an engagement party
This party seemed like it was supposed to be a wedding, until producers decided to drag out the drama by turning it into an engagement party last minute. Like they expected a huge blowout where Brittany’s dad confronted her about what an insipid ass Jax is. Or Jax and the Toms got in a fight with Brittany’s brothers. Instead, the biggest drama was Scheana Marie crying in a corner because Adam Spott rejected her adopt-a-penguin apology gift.
Also Ariana Madix nervously confronted Lisa Vanderpump‘s about treating the Toms like grownups because then, like, maybe they might, like, act, like, one. Or Tom 1 will at least.