Stassi Schroeder & Kyle Cooke

Stassi Schroeder had Kyle Cooke as her most recent podcast guest. Kyle is the blonde guy from Summer House who compared Stassi (in her turtleneck swimsuit) to Steve Jobs. “That scene made my year,” Stassi laughs. Kyle actually wore a turtleneck to the interview.

Apparently, Kyle is more than just a drunken womanizer! He’s a businessman who is starting an app to provide dating advice in 2017. Stassi quizzed him, and they dished on their disastrous ‘hook-up attempt’ in Montauk, some behind-the-scenes Jax Taylor gossip, and Kyle’s various business ventures. (Yes, he already has products for the Bravo Home Shopping Network!).

Kyle is very well-spoken and sounds thoughtful and intelligent. I actually enjoyed listening to his perspectives.


On the Turtleneck Hot Tub Scene, Kyle acknowledges he was a mess. “At the time it was a drunk compliment, but I wanna help you make white turtlenecks great again,” he jokes. “I went down in a blaze of glory. I don’t know if it was glory – it was a blaze of something. I wasn’t tying to diss you or put you in your place, I was literally trying to flirt with you.”

“You’re really not a douchebag,” Stassi agrees. “I mean you can be, but you’re a really cool person.” She adds that Kyle has “kind of have Patrick Bateman vibe” (From American Psycho) and teases that he totally looks like he could murder someone.

This is a compliment, by the way. Kyle confirms he’s heard that comparison before. And also young Robert Redford.

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Kyle had no idea Stassi had just split with Patrick when they met. “I had such high hopes for you that day. I was newly single. I had major anxiety about it. When we finally got in the hot tub, I’m like, oh – f–k this is the kind of shit I was nervous about. You terrified me! You made it so hard for me to get back out there,” she laughs.

“When I watched that hot tub scene, obviously some cringe-worthy moments,” Kyle admits. “People, generally speaking, seemed to have thought it was funny. And that’s really all I care about. I love making people laugh – even if it’s at my own expense.”

Kyle swears he doesn’t have ‘game’ with girls, tries to be himself, and insists, “Guys love over-thinking this shit.” Stassi is shocked.

Kyle was planned to start a dating app at one point, and joined “all of them” as “field research.” After everything he learned, now he’s decided to start an app coaching women on how to use apps to date, starting with critiquing the photos they submit to dating profiles – the first impression! (I think he’s serious about this? It’s an interesting idea…)

He explains, “9 out of 10 girls think they’re picking their best photos and they’re not at all.” Kyle warns to avoid group photos and says modeling photos should be “used sparingly,” especially if you’re not actually a model – also, no SnapChat filters.

Stassi bemoans dating in LA, which is impossible because everyone “thinks they’re a model.”

“And now I feel like everyone is because they’re Instagram models!” she continues. “And they’re all 19.” Stassi relays an anecdote about meeting a 19-year-old model at a party who was so cool and funny it made her lose hope. “This is what’s out there?! This is what guys can get?! Who’s gonna want a washed up 28-year-old?!” Kyle reassures her, and they joke that 32-year-olds are true actual ancient lost-causes. (Hmmm… sounds like Stassi’s hatred of Lala has some roots…)

Stassi has been kicked off Raya – again – for talking about Raya. “Raya can suck a dick!” she exclaims. Kyle was “waitlisted” on Raya for not having the “cred” of an Instagram profile. From guys he knows who are on it, Kyle says, “It sounds horrible.” And is filled with vapid wannabe models and trophy wives constantly trying to connect.

“It was horrible,” agrees Stassi. “I loathed it, but it was like my only outlet because I’m not, like, that social when I’m in Los Angeles. I just like being at home. LA sucks! You’re never really meeting people.” Kyle believes it’s so much easier to meet people and go on dates in NYC. (I actually agree. OMG – LA).

Stassi also got off Bumble, because she doesn’t want to write the guy first. “I think it sets the tone… that the woman’s gonna have to pursue. And I don’t have the energy.” Stassi gets anxiety over phones, texting, social media, etc.

“I can’t do dating in 2017! It f–king sucks,” Stassi laughs. Kyle complains about the cost of ‘dating budgets’ with first dates, and Stassi chimes in that first dates are exhausting.

“Filming a reality show, doing a podcast, then doing press – all I do is talk and talk and talk. The last thing I want to f–king do is go on a first date and talk some more. And I don’t actually feel like listening to anybody’s lame stories,” she rants. “I haven’t been on a date in like months because I’m too tired. People really are boring.”

Stassi describes coffee dates as terrible. She and Kyle are both totally against them for being too sober and boring. They collectively joke, “If you don’t drink… then don’t talk to us!” Her other deal-breaker is gym selfies, and launches into a story about Jax.

“When I was dating Jax he used to post them, and I would hack into his Facebook and delete them. And then we would just get in major fights 24/7 because then he would re-do them, and then I would just hack in again. It’s like ‘You’re a reflection on me – can you not look like a dick?’ It just looks like I’m dating a douchebag, which I was…”

Kyle defends Jax as “a good guy” and wants to know if he still posts gym selfies. Stassi imagines he does, and decides, “Brittany doesn’t seem like the ‘hackery’ type, though.”

In another Jax story, “Once we got into a fight I hacked into his twitter and I renamed it ‘@Mr. Stassi Schroeder.’ Then I took his credit card and bought myself jewelry. That was my fave. Our relationship was worse before there even was a show.”

Jax and I get along civilly now,” Stassi clarifies. “Now we’re friends. I’m friends with every single ex except for the one who tried to sell my sex tape.”

Moving onto Summer House, she laments that the cast is so outrageous it’s made her job harder. “Now I’m gonna have to up my game,” she laughs to Kyle, “cause you had had sex on camera!”

Kyle confesses he wasn’t thinking about it at the time. “I kinda have to remind myself I’m not doing a porno. Yeah, the cameras are always there.”

“I would have to be on like mad-amounts of Xanax if I was filmed 24/7,” says Stassi. Kyle has never taken Xanax – he also doesn’t smoke weed, because it doesn’t chill him out. Stassi is aghast at this. She loves Xanax and smokes weed before bed. “That’s how I go to sleep,” she reveals.

Stassi then talks about ‘edibles‘ (aka, pot you ingest) – she always takes them before she flies. Stassi recounts her experience with “weed tea.” The bottle contained 10 servings, so she was pouring a little bit of the weed tea into her regular tea every morning. Kyle is confused (he thinks pot is to make you relax), so Stassi explains, “It’s like a wake-you-up-kind of whatever. I just wanted to try it – I’m a newly Stoner Stassi.”

The day the tea ran out, Stassi learned it was concentrated the hard way.

“On the last day, I had a full day of interviews [for Vanderpump Rules] and then I had to go do press right after. I didn’t realize that I was supposed to be shaking [the weed tea] the whole entire time, so when I finally got to where I was, I couldn’t function. I lost, like, my motor skills and production had to come pick me up and drive me around. I threw up in the back of a Bristol Farms, in a dumpster. Like, it was the worst day of my life. They were able to sit me up for like 20 minutes and then I was like so out of it they were like ‘Can you talk about how you’re high so if we air any of this it doesn’t look like you’re f–king insane.’ It was the worst.”

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Kyle wasn’t impressed. They then play the world’s longest game of “Would You Rather…” and close by discussing Kyle’s other endeavors.

Kyle has a line of shorts for guys who don’t want to wear underwear. Not kidding. He’s also working on a weight loss app which he promotes to Stassi as “maybe more up your demographic’s alley…” cause SUMMER BODIES 2017! It’s called “Fenix.”

You can listen to the full interview here.

Tonight is an all new episode of Vanderpump Rules and the “official” kick off of Summer House. Join us here in the comments to dish!


[Photo Credit: Instagram]