Real Housewives Of New Jersey Recap: The Calm Before a Season of Storms

Welcome to the ninth season of Real Housewives Of New Jersey, which opens up with Melissa Gorga talking about how rough things were with Teresa Guidice back in 2012, when the relationship was violent and scary. She said things were better at some point, but hey it’s 2018 and something tells me that things will end up back to the way they were.

Teresa is sitting in the kitchen with her father Giacinto Gorga and she’s making lunches for the girls — 17-year-old daughter Gia Giudice, 14-year-old Gabriella Giudice, 12-year-old Milania Giudice, and 8-year-old Audriana Giudice. Milania talks to Teresa about emailing with Joe Guidice, her father, who is serving the last year of his current jail sentence. Teresa talks about the first year her dad had to live without her mom and how hard it has been on him. She also talks about how hard it’s been on her to be without Joe and taking care of the children all by herself.

Giacinto is upset that it’s been two weeks since his son, Joe Gorga, has called. “When I die, he will cry,” he said.

Margaret Josephs and Joe Benigno start the show off in bed discussing ‘coffee,’ and how Joe thinks it’s the code word for sex. Margaret is exhausted and doesn’t want sex and is stressed that her home is still not finished. Joe wants a new motorcycle and he would work harder in getting the home done. Margaret says if he gets a motorcycle, then she gets a new face.

Related: Dolores says it’d be WWIII if Caroline & Jacqueline returned to The Real Housewives of New Jersey

Dolores Catania, on the phone with Frank Catania, talks about needing new windows. She also talks about going from being busy with children for 20 years to having an empty house. Dolores gets candid about Frank being disbarred because he borrowed money from his client’s trust account. Dolores calls her son Frankie at Sacred Heart University and she misses him visiting. She is alone in an empty house. She begs him to come home, but he says she’ll be okay.

At Melissa and Joe Gorga’s house, Melissa is thrilled to be getting ready for her 39th birthday party. She’s excited to have everyone coming over for her birthday, but of course, birthday parties plus any of the Gorga family usually ends up as the next WWE Smackdown drag-out battle royale — with cake. For the sake of her birthday, Melissa wants everyone to get along, but wanting world peace would’ve been easier to ask for.

At the gym, Teresa shows up for training with Tara. With Joe Giudice being away, Teresa says it’s stressful taking care of the kids, so she wanted to enter a bikini fitness competition, something she wanted to do for herself. She has been training for 3-1/2 months. She talks about how Joe always told her she’s not doing this and she admits to Tara that she hasn’t told Joe that she’s doing this yet. She’s getting used to her independence, something she never had. Teresa is adamant that she’s doing it for her, not Joe or anyone else. The competition is 12 weeks away.

Talk about TMI: Margaret’s mother, Marge Sr., is having a vaginal rejuvenation to get ready for the dating market. Later, a facelift.

Dolores is driving with her ex-husband Frank. He broke her trust 20 years ago when he cheated on her. When Frank was disbarred she found out about it on national television and it hurt her. She worries about being financially okay after he lost his license, so now they are flipping houses together. They are on their second house. Frank talks about staying on a budget together and Dolores says she has fears and that Frank needs to be straight up with her. Dolores is afraid and Frank reassures her that it’s going to be okay. Famous last words? She says if he ever keeps something from her again, she’ll never trust him and will walk. More famous last words?

Margaret and Joe Benigno are talking to the personal chefs they hired. Melissa and Joe Gorga stop by and they all start dishing on Danielle Staub’s wedding and her current status as a bridezilla. Margaret talks about the pajama party she had for her pajama line. Joe suggests she make a sex-friendly pajama pant with a slit in the pants. Dolores and Margaret were super cordial recently, so she invited her to the pj party that she had. However, she’s more concerned about Danielle Staub and Dolores. Flashback to Danielle telling them how Frank got disbarred and Melissa talks about how if Danielle brings it up and causes a problem at her party, she’s going to throw her out.

Real Housewives Of New Jersey Recap: The Calm Before a Season of Storms

Dolores and Teresa meet for lunch. Teresa is not allowed to eat certain foods because of her competition, so she brought her own to add to the mixed greens order. Dolores confirms that she’s still with David and she has free time and wants to see David. Teresa talks about Danielle and she says that Danielle brought up Dolores and how Frank was disbarred. Dolores talks about how if Italians want to share something they’ll share it. She calls Teresa a troublemaker and says she’s either going to ignore Danielle or go after her at Melissa’s party.

Joe brings Melissa some champagne for her birthday. It’s party time! Dolores tells Frank that Danielle is talking about his disbarment. “At least let me finish my dinner before you go after her,” Frank says.

The guests show up and Jennifer Aydin tells the story about how she was once in an arranged marriage, but she didn’t like the person who was picked out for her. She did a chaperoned date when she met the guy she wanted to meet.

Dolores talks about how she can’t promise that she’ll keep her cool when Danielle shows up. Dolores is already expecting that Danielle will say something to piss her off.

When left with Danielle at the table of people, Dolores actually walks away! Margaret and Dolores talk about how she says it’s not the reflection of her about what Danielle says. Dolores tells them about a hatchet throwing bar party she is hosting — now that is going to make for good television!

Real Housewives Of New Jersey Recap: The Calm Before a Season of Storms

Melissa is drunk and starts telling Joe Gorga that he brings the crumbs and she brings the cake.

Speaking of cake, her gorgeous silver cake shows up. Danielle throws the cake into Joe’s face because he wasn’t there last year in Boca when everyone got pissed off and threw cake. It’s all in fun. There weren’t any knockdown fights, but hang on — it’s only episode one of the new season!

Did you enjoy this episode? It’s the calm before the storm. Welcome back RHONJ!


[Photo Credit: Bravo]