THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY -- "Housewarming History Lesson" Episode 1304 -- Pictured: (l-r) Danielle Cabral, Teresa Giudice -- (Photo by: Eugene Gologursky/Bravo)

Real Housewives Of New Jersey Season 13 Episode 7 Recap: Danielle Cabral Gives Us A Taste Of Her Staten Island Side

One thing we can always guarantee from the Real Housewives of New Jersey is that they know how to throw a party. The ladies, actually it’s really mostly the HouseHusbands, love a good tequila shot and sloppy get-together. Unless you’re Margaret Josephs, who’d rather be Miss Judgy and look down on her “disheveled” friends like Jennifer Aydin. No one likes a stick in the mud, and I’m not just saying that because Marge abstains from drinking. It’s her attitude that’s the problem.

The latest RHONJ episode is party central. Melissa Gorga and Joe Gorga threw a luau down at their Jersey Shore house which is a party for the ages. Obviously, any get-together at the Gorgas isn’t without its drama. This time around, Danielle Cabral is at the center of it all like the Staten Island version of Teresa Giudice. Here are five of the main takeaways from the latest RHONJ episode, “Shots and Shade.”

Dolores Enters Her Apathetic Era

Dolores Catania is continuing her trend of focusing on one thing and one thing only — herself. She’s done catering to the needs of her ex-husband Frank Catania. Dolo has a new man Paul Connell and that’s all she’s concerned about. It’s rubbing Frank the wrong way that he doesn’t have Dolores to cater to his every need, but she couldn’t care less. Exhibit A: during the trip to the Jersey Shore, where Dolo opts to stay at Rachel Fuda’s house. It’s the first trip in a long time she didn’t stay at Frank’s place. To make it worse, Paul doesn’t even show up on the trip so it adds fuel to Frank’s conspiracy that he’s avoiding him. Hey, I’d avoid Frank too if I was Paul dealing with his childlike behavior. Exhibit B: the Toy Story digs.

At Melissa’s party, Dolores and Frank get a minute to speak one-on-one about their relationship. Frank tells his ex-wife that it’s on her to push Paul to spend more time with him. Dolo is just happy to have a boyfriend who, in her own words, finally doesn’t want to “sleep” with Frank. She’s not wrong. Dolo exits the conversation before her Paterson side came out, which is probably for the best. I’m loving selfish Dolo in all its glory. As she said, Frank has a hot blonde girlfriend he should be preoccupied with anyway.

Luis Looks Good On Tre

Tre and Luis Ruelas are in the thick of wedding planning. We get a glimpse during the episode when Tre begins to mentally create her Leaning Tower of Paterson wedding hair for the big day. They’re also still dealing with the Gorga drama. Luis and Tre obviously are invited and attended the Gorga’s luau. However, they weren’t invited to stay at the Gorgas’ shore house, instead staying with the Aydins. Tre revealed that her brother has never invited her to stay overnight. She claims that one time Gia Giudice asked if she could sleep at the place and MelGo said no. It’s all veryyy suspicious.

At the party, Tre and Luis come face-to-face with MelGo’s mom. If you remember, there’s been drama that Melissa’s family isn’t invited to the wedding of the year. Tre says it wasn’t an oversight that she wasn’t on the list — Tre has years of beef with Melissa’s family. Without Tre’s knowledge, Luis goes up to Melissa’s mom at the party and apologizes. Tre tries to hide the fact that she’s mad that Luis didn’t ask her first, but the namaste takes over. Tre is feeling so good off of her tequila and pineapples that she even tells Luis he can invite Melissa’s mom to the wedding, which sends him over the moon. Luis might rub me the wrong way but his actions on the season are showing that he’s just trying to make Tre better. It’s about time someone comes into her life and encourages a little growth. I’m just as shocked as anyone that it was Luis.

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Melissa Should Stick To Party Planning

Most of the episode takes place at Melissa’s luau, so it’s only right to properly analyze the party we were subjected to “being” at. Missy G’s shore house, while it might be cringy in name, is undoubtedly beautiful. Melissa does it well for her luau by hiring the best of the best, Real Housewives style. She has hula dancers, cigar rollers, caterers, and the list goes on. Every corner of the party has something eye-catching to stare at. Melissa might only be good at one aspect of the Real Housewives game — throwing a party.

Otherwise, Melissa is (again) forgettable in this episode. MelGo tries to riff on Tre’s ditsy charm by telling Margaret that she has no idea what an “arsenal” is. “Her and Teresa are a lot more alike than they think they are,” Marge jokes during a confessional. She even is given opportunities to organically move the story along but just drops the ball. We see it at the end of the episode when she spills tea to Danielle in the most anticlimactic way ever. Maybe RHONJ should just hire MelGo as the resident party planner BEHIND the scenes. She would be much more successful at it.

So. Many. Shots.

It feels like we watched more people take shots during this RHONJ episode than we saw actual drama. We know Joe Gorga has a fetish for getting people drunk and this party is his playground. He’s pouring shots directly into everyone’s mouths and making them get as sloppy as can be. It’s the one and only time we see Joey and Jennifer Aydin get along since they both love to be the life of the party. Bill Aydin also lets loose almost immediately, crawling on the floor and doing Jennifer proud. “Of course, Bill’s wasted how else could he stand being around Jennifer,” Marge says. Not nice. Funny, but not nice.

Near the end of the night, the HouseHusbands decide to properly initiate John Fuda into the group. Joe Gorga whips out some hot wax and decides, in the middle of a party, to wax Rachel’s husband’s chest. He does a horribly haphazard job with it. We also learn that Joe Gorga shaves his “entire body,” which I feel is a personality trait that insinuates a lot about who he is. Anyway, it was just another night of debauchery down at the shore for our RHONJ crew.

Staten Island Danielle Has Arrived

It feels like Danielle has been slowly heating up to unleash her Teresa Giudice side on RHONJ. We’ve learned a lot about her in a few short episodes, particularly her complicated relationship with her own brother. At the luau, Danielle overhears a group of ladies, led by Jackie Goldschneider, mentioning her name in conversation. The ladies are talking about Danielle and her brother’s relationship. Jackie believes there’s more to the story than Danielle is letting on. Danielle starts getting heated but ultimately tries to stay calm since she doesn’t know exactly what is being said.

The calm Danielle doesn’t last long. Melissa decides to come over and tell Danielle everything that the ladies are talking about. “My insides are ready to go nuclear,” Danielle says. She leaves the party without confronting the ladies as she’s worried she’ll go overboard if she tries to speak to them now. In the sprinter van on the way home, she opens up to Jennifer Aydin and Tre about how it made her feel like a child being bullied. I’m loving that Danielle is a new girl doing her own thing. Instead of getting caught up with the Jennifer and Margaret of it all, she has her sights set on Jackie and her petty comments about Danielle being “A Snooki.” I already know I’m going to like Danielle more and more. And this episode solidified it.


[Photo Credit: Eugene Gologursky/Bravo]