Real Housewives Of Orange County is all about mommy issues this season, isn’t it? From the women having them with their own mothers (Kelly Dodd and Braunwyn Windham-Burke) to having them with their own children (Tamra Judge and Shannon Beador), to being questionable mothers themselves (almost everyone).
Last night Shannon and Braunwyn tried to navigate sending children to college, Tamra sent Ryan Vieth to counseling, and all that was like blah, blah, blah… yada, yada, yada because the truly horrific, scarring, awfulness was the true exposure of just what a terrible person Tamra is. So much so that I actually feel bad for Racist Ryan.
Tamra has just returned from this truly life-altering and earth-shattering vacation in Scottsdale, AZ where she learned a pivotal message about being the leader of the mean girls: you can never turn your back – not even for a day. Not even for a hike with your husband. In Tamra’s absence, she’s gotten a slew of angry text messages from Kelly, and Shannon is basically giving her the silent treatment.
Ahhhh… Bravo is starting the holiday season off early with the gift of Tamra Judge‘s web of deceit, dishonestly, and backstabbing being unraveled! I probably shouldn’t get too excited though because knowing how Real Housewives Of Orange County rolls, Tamra will somehow find a way to get out of this. Snakes can fit through the smallest crevices, after all!
It all starts with Tamra and Shannon Beador heading to dinner with Kelly Dodd. Their plan is to confront Kelly for her comment that the only time she’ll celebrate Vicki Gunvalson is at Vicki’s funeral. Shannon is devastated that Kelly is so callous and diabolical with her words (as if she didn’t have a phony funeral for her marriage a couple seasons back!), but suddenly Tamra – who started all this drama – plays devil’s advocate (cause she’s the devil!) that Kelly has a right to be angry given all the horrible things Vicki has said about her like that train rumor (which Tamra shared with the group many times over)! And most recently when Vicki reveled how Kelly tried to throw her mama from the train. Or was it stairs? Deetails-Schmeetails!
Pinkies were firmly down at this Real Housewives Of Orange County birthday party meant to celebrate the not-yet-deceased phony Queen Victoria. Tensions were firmly up instead!
Well, it’s time to celebrate Vicki Gunvalson‘s birthday, which might as well be a national holiday at this point. If anything good can come from long-term exposure to Vicki it should be a paid day off of work. Insurance, if you will, that we can at least get something out of this. But instead, we got tea party thrown by Tamra Judge‘s most juvenile bullying impulses.
“I get to be queen for a day and all of my girlfriends have to bow down to me. I mean it’s like every girl’s wish, right?!” says an enthusiastic Vicki, who has no idea that buried inside Tamra’s hat is a double-bladed invisibility sword for stabbing your friends in the back while you’re smiling to their faces. Satan is confusing!
At the beginning of this season of the Real Housewives of Orange County, I thought Braunwyn Windham-Burke was going to be an interesting, but sedate addition to the show. She was in a long-time marriage to hubby Sean Burke, had seven children and seemed to be relatively normal. Boy, was I wrong! As we have gotten to know Braunwyn, we have come to find she is not the quiet soccer mom she first appeared to be. In fact, Tamra Judge might finally have a run for her money for the Orange County Exhibitionist Trophy!
Our first clue to Braunwyn not being what she seemed was her odd relationship with her rather unusual mother, Dr. Deb. A second clue was her hot tub escapade with Tamra in Arizona. A third indicator to Braunwyn’s freakiness came when she dressed in black lingerie for family photos–you know, like all our moms did! The final evidence came when Braunwyn engaged in a public, on-camera make out session with fellow married attention seeker Tamra. So, what is behind the make out session and what do the two RHOC cast members really think about each other?
On Real Housewives of Orange County this season, there has been a lot of drama swirling around attorney Emily Simpson, and her
little bitch husband, Shane Simpson. Shane stayed at a hotel to study for the California Bar exam and had no contact with his wife and children. And Shane, and his sarcasm, failed the exam.
Emily surprised her husband with a trip to Las Vegas for their anniversary, where she would perform a sexy dance on-stage. He declined the invitation. Emily went anyway with Kelly Dodd, Braunwyn Windham-Burke, and Shane’s parents. I think she rocked it. I admire her confidence! The dismissive way that Shane treats Emily is apparent to everyone– but Emily.
Aaaaahhh… Real Housewives Of Orange County, trying so hard to make your fetch happen. Especially Braunwyn Windham-Burke. It’s like someone at Bravo told her she had to save this show from itself, which would explain the one-wing short of a hooker angel costume she wore to her TEENAGED DAUGHTER’s Fashion Show.
The saddest thing about Braunwyn is that she has all this baggage from a childhood spent with a self-absorbed attention-seeking mother yet she’s replicating the exact same dynamic with her daughter, Rowan. Instead of 7 zany careers, Braunwyn has 7 kids. Instead of painting your entire body tye-dye and calling it the kiss of the goddess, Braunwyn is kissing other women and braying about sex constantly. Yes, Brown Wind, people are finally looking at you, but they’re looking at you the same way they look at your mother: with pity.
Tamra Judge does three things on Real Housewives of Orange County: 1) take her top off, 2) stir the pot, and 3) make out with women for attention. Last week’s episode was one for the books. For once there was a lot going on in the O.C. I felt genuinely exhausted after watching the women fall off their chairs drunk, dance on the bar, and screech at each other. Among all the chaos, Tamra and Brown-Wind Braunwyn Windham-Burke made out lying down in a bar booth. It was A LOT.
Needless to say, Shannon Beador had a successful 55th birthday party and awkward make-out session. The only person who didn’t appreciate what was going down was Vicki Gunvalson. I do tend to agree with the O.G. of the O.C. that there has recently been an “overload” of “raunchy talk and behavior”. But these women are working for their lives right now! RHOC has been a bore for seasons, and it’s easy to see that these women are working desperately for a comeback. I’m here for it, but could do without Tamra’s attention-seeking behavior.
Watching the Real Housewives of Orange County this week made me a little nostalgic for Housewives days gone by. You remember–when the show was focused on women who lived in beautiful homes, drove fancy cars, took dream trips and shopped for high end clothing and jewelry. Sure, some of it was all smoke and mirrors and a few of the ladies were one credit card transaction ahead of financial disaster, but the show usually delivered as promised.
Somehow, in the intervening years, everything changed. Fights became routine. Screaming came to be the preferred method of communication. Damaging gossip had the potential to ruin lives. Some cast members like Heather Dubrow managed to mostly stay above the fray, but many ladies were only too happy to wallow in the mud. Which leads us to this week’s episode. Married Housewives Tamra Judge and Braunwyn Windham-Burke in a disturbing public make out session. Usually prudish Shannon Beador exchanging spit with a random stranger. How did this all come to be?