Yay! We’re back just in time to watch Tom Sandoval bounce around and sing creepy songs about his best friend’s mother. The moment we’ve all been waiting for!
More importantly, Katie Maloney just got done calling Scheana Shay a troll. Simply for supporting a Raquel Leviss and Tom Schwartz hook-up. Katie follows up by storming out of filming because she feels like she doesn’t belong. For her part, Scheana doesn’t really care about Katie feeling outcasted. Shi-shu feels like Katie has been trying to marginalize her since day one. Imagine treating one of your founding mothers with such disrespect. Let’s get into it.
Do You Wanna Make Out?
“Do you wanna make out?” Raquel asked Schwartzy directly. These five words changed everything for Vanderpump Rules. Not only have we officially entered the VPR comeback era as Raquel takes center stage, but we actually had a fourth-wall break during this scene. Reality TV doesn’t get any better than that.
After Tom’s cover band was done performing, Raquel used a bit of liquid courage to ask Schwartzy if he wanted to put on their own show. Schwartz heavily considers before doing a 360 turn and asking, “Are we still filming?” Tragically, he catches the cameraman, and we don’t get the make-out clip loyal viewers deserve. CLEARLY, things are going on outside of filming, though. So much was said, with so few words. And if they’re going to edit so much it looks like there’s a glowing-fuzzy filter over Lisa Vanderpump’s face, can we at least get some behind-the-scenes action? Balance.
Scheana And The Toms
Scheaner and Sandy pay a visit to Schwartz’s frumpy apartment. It feels like a wellness check. I assume this place has one pillow on the full-size bed, no hand towels, and a cheese drawer with two slices of rancid deli meat. Scheana and Tom start making visual to-do lists, motivating Schwartz to tidy up, and basically all the things parents do for their pre-teen children. My favorite part was the note about playing pickleball with Kyle. It’s all about the pickleball for this ragamuffin!
Schwartz tells Scheana that during Tom’s show, Katie asked him to stop hanging out with her. Scheana starts to cry and says if Katie is worried about her picking sides, then fine. She picks Tom.
James’ Love Bomb Explodes
During the cover band show, Raquel pulled Ally Lewber aside to talk about James Kennedy’s admission during their doggie visitation from last week. James had acknowledged his drunken hookup with Lala Kent while he was early in his relationship with Raquel. Ally surprisingly reveals James has already told her all about his mistake and says she was really upset with him when she found out.
In her confessional, Ally tells us that she thinks Raquel is simply acting like a girl’s girl for warning her about James. At least for now. But the ice is thinning. Ally also admits she’s concerned about James’ re-entry into drinking. That makes all of us.
RELATED: Scheana Shay Says Her Friendship With Katie Maloney Is Over After “Troll” Diss
Later in the episode, we learn that after filming had finished, James and Ally got into an explosive fight over Ally’s conversation with Raquel. Apparently, James had to be removed by security for trying to force Ally into leaving. No doubt the Pumptinis and pasta were flowing. I’m rooting for you James. Seek help.
Katie Storms Out…Again
In a confessional, Katie tries to justify her anger with Tom by saying she has abided by their pact to keep hook-ups outside the friend group. How kind of her to leave Peter Madrigal alone like that. Katie is worried her friends are going to pick Tom over her as this goes on. It’s really sad, and probably why she stayed in such a miserable marriage for so long.
Throughout the show, Katie vacillates between low self-esteem and trying to overcompensate with grandiose declarations of freedom and power. At one point she threatens to get back at Tom by “running the train” with his bar employees. How is that a threat and not just another way for her to mortify herself? Where is Stassi Schroeder with a violent intrusive thought when you need her?
At yet another Schwartz and Sandy’s event, Tom approaches Katie about Scheana’s tears at his apartment. During their conversation, Katie swipes someone away who tries to approach Tom for a greeting. Tom snaps at Katie for this and tells her she can’t treat people like that. Katie looks upset for being scolded, but more subtly for making an ass out of herself. Once again she storms out of a Tom event.
Whine And Cheese
For whatever reason, Katie finds herself on a wine and cheese date with Ariana Madix, and THE Raquel Leviss of all people. Raquel confesses to Katie that she approached Tom for a make-out on camera. Katie questions, “Why would you do that?”
Raquel admits that Scheana gave her the idea to make out with Schwartzy, and Katie loses it. In her confessional, Katie says Raquel could never come up with this idea on her own because she’s the “human equivalent to cotton candy.” It feels like Katie thinks this was a plot against her, not just a misguided attraction. I’m still not sure.
The episode ends with Tom and Tom learning their business partner Greg may not have their best interests at heart. Time for momma Liser to launch a Bar Rescue franchise!
TELL US – ARE YOU TEAM SCHWARTZ OR TEAM KATIE? DO YOU THINK RAQUEL AND SCHEANA ARE ACTIVELY PLOTTING AGAINST KATIE? DID YOU MISS SEEING LALA IN THIS EPISODE?
[Photo Credit: Tommy Garcia/Bravo]