Farrah Abraham on Brandi Glanville Unfiltered

Farrah Abraham meets Brandi Glanville – no further introduction needed.

Brandi admits she’s never seen Farrah on Teen Mom, Couples Therapy, or Celebrity Big Brother. And it becomes apparent that Brandi never bothered to research Farrah beyond the tabloid gossip. Brandi begins, “You’ve been on a lot of f–king shows,” adding, “I have only been on two but I started later in life. This is something that happened to you really young.”

16 and Pregnant is where I found my start,” explains Farrah. “I actually was doing modeling and acting and I accidentally got pregnant. One of my coaches at the time was like, ‘Farrah, you need to keep going, we’ll find you something even if you’re pregnant.’ She sent me an MTV casting. They were looking for women who were 16 and pregnant. I sent it in, and within a week, the show got picked up. It’s been back and forth from 16 and Pregnant, Teen Mom, and now Teen Mom OG. We’re finishing filming the next season of OG, set for Spring.”

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Farrah continues, “It’s been a lot of work, being a parent and being on TV, but [Teen Mom] is something I’m very happy to still stay a part of because I think it really helps a lot of generations of women who are having children.”

Proving she did no research beyond her “trashy tabloids” comprehension level, Brandi asks, “When you do these shows, where’s your son?” Farrah replies, “I actually have a girl, Sophia.” A conversation between Mothers of the Year Two Thousand and Never ensues.

Farrah: “Tell me about your kids. You look like a fun mom. I want to hang out with you.”

Brandi: “I’m a little more strict than their dad.” Farrah: “I’m strict too.”

Brandi: “They know with me, I give the a look and I will smack them upside their head.” Farrah: “That’s right. Mommy control.”

Brandi: “They are terrors. They beat the sh-t our of each other all day. If I don’t scream and scare them a little, it’s chaos at all times.”

Coming back to her original question, Brandi adds, “It’s hard, though, when I’m shooting. When I had to go to New York to do Apprentice, they came out a few times, but I couldn’t be with them. It was really hard. How do you do that?”

Farrah claims she brings Sophia, as well as her mom or dad, with her as often as possible. “On the next season of Teen Mom OG, you will see me dragging myself ragged trying to really have my family and my daughter with me, with all of my work and club appearances and everything that I’m doing,” she shares. “I really get to the point where I miss my family and I miss my daughter.”

“You have to do what you have to do to take care of them,” relates Brandi, “and put food on the table and a roof over their heads.” (In Brandi’s case, roof after roof after roof after roof…) “You fell into this industry at 16, and once you’re in, it is hard to ever imagine not having people covet you and want you to do club appearances. What’s your plan for when that’s finished?”

Farrah, who sounds utterly exhausted, says, “Well, I am making it be finished, more so with the club appearances and those things. I’m tailoring off to owning different businesses within entertainment and just being more of producing and whatnot with the shows and everything that I do so it’s less work. There’s a dynamic shift with Sophia getting older and I see that I need to be there more.”

Brandi, who comes across as jealous of the fact that Farrah is “so young” and gets more attention than Brandi – who is desperate for it – could ever dream of, seems bothered by Farrah’s answers. Brandi needs Farrah to know she won’t be coveted forever; Farrah says walking away from the demand. Brandi wants Farrah to dish on porn; Farrah rambles on about being not-a-porn-star Farrah. So… Brandi gets snotty and calls out Farrah’s lack of eye contact.

Farrah: “I am focusing on how I feel so you can understand my feelings towards it. I don’t want to hurt anyone who listens to this.”

Brandi: “I just noticed that you weren’t making eye contact.”

Farrah: “Sorry. I was just thinking deep there for a second.”

Brandi: “It is just… for someone who is always used to being on camera and not obviously shy about their body and doing porn…”

Farrah interrupts, “I don’t really think I am part of porn, but if others would like to view that as that, that’s their own opinions. I have a sex tape, and that is in someone else’s hands, it’s not in my hands. I’ve moved on from that. Now I do novelty toys, which I am in charge of, an I have a female line and a male line. And I started my own webcam company, Farrah’s Friends Live, which is doing amazing. I like to keep it sexy and fun, how I like it.”

Brandi points out, when Farrah says “novelty toys,” she means “sex toys.”

Brandi asks Farrah when she lost her virginity. “It was at prom,” she says. “It was May 8th, and my birthday is May 31st, so I was still 15.” Brandi uses this opportunity to complain about Twitterverse attacking her for telling Mason, 12, to ask his girlfriends if they’re virgins.

Circling back to the porn debate, Brandi says, “As far as not doing porn… I’m sorry, but I’m obsessed with this. I looked at it a little bit of it. I feel like you’re in a little bit of denial. You say you’re not in porn, but then Vivid has two porns.”

Farrah repeats, “There’s one sex tape,” adding, “They can break it up. If you want to interview Vivid, you go for that.” Brandi says she’s friends with Steven Hirsch and thinks he’s a nice guy. Farrah insists, “I think think everyone in the industry of porn and adult entertainment is amazing. But I know how I feel. Like I said, opinions are opinions. God bless everyone. That’s how I feel.”

“I’ve done some embarrassing things, on TV and off TV,” shares Brandi. “I’ve written about them in my books. I’m worried that when my kids read this I’m going to be mortified, but at the same time, I think it was important to be honest in the moment. Are you worried about what your daughter’s going to think down the road?”

Farrah is quick to say no. “I do things for certain reasons,” she adds. “And I write my daughter letters. <hope they come with a decoder ring> The letters are for when she’s comfortable reading it to save her from some choices that I’ve made. I think I’m real about how I found myself and I was vulnerable at a certain age or around certain people. It’s very understandable, and I think it’s great if she uses that to better her knowledge and make better choices.”

Brandi asks Farrah if she regrets starting reality TV when she was “so young.” Farrah says no, again, and explains that therapy taught her to have no regrets. “Everything in its own time is where it should be.”

Brandi admits she has regrets and worries about google. “It’s going to be there forever,” she bemoans. “So whether I spout off or I say something I shouldn’t say, guess what, we have to live with it. <and pay for the lawyers> We have to live with all of our decisions. I get a lot of public scrutiny, and I know that you do as well, especially on social media. How have you handled that? I mean, you’re so young.”

Farrah: “I know who I am and I don’t really care about the negativity.”

Brandi: “There’s so much of it though.”

Farrah: “And you gotta love it all. Cause you know what? It makes me a better person. I think we can all take all those harsh things to help us be better. That’s how I utilize all that. It’s great.”

Brandi: “So you don’t deal with the haters. For me, I want to fight back. I am like, ‘You don’t know my story. Walk a day in my shoes. F–k off.'”

Farrah: “I was there a couple years ago. There’s just something new in me that’s like, ‘Thank you for letting me know that. I’m going to keep moving.'”

Brandi reminds Farrah, and us, that Farrah went on Couples Therapy alone. “I had some tragic situation where a boyfriend was f–ked up,” says Farrah. “I’ve been used a lot, as we all have, with relationships. Thinking back to that time, I was just really feeling very f–ked up as a person. It’s very hard for me to have a relationship. I have anxiety towards connecting with people. That’s led to having very wrong people in my life.”

Brandi asks, “Why three boob jobs?” Farrah explains, “This [most recent one] wasn’t just a boob job. I was actually having severe pain and the scarring was building up and I had to fix it all the way up into my armpit. I thought I was having heart attacks every night.” Brandi challenges, “Oh really? It was your left one? Over your heart?” Farrah says, “Yes, my left one.”

Farrah confirms that she gets free plastic surgery in exchange for the publicity her name brings to everything she does. “I’m definitely gifted with free surgery,” Farrah tells Brandi. “God bless it.” Brandi says, “For your age, you’ve done so much, including porn.” Farrah replies, “It has been ironically and oddly blessing how well I’ve done with everything. I’m very blessed.”

Brandi practically begs Farrah to dish on crashing Lisa Vanderpump‘s party in the Hamptons. However, and I don’t know if she does this intentionally or not, Farrah never gives her the satisfaction of mentioning Lisa’s name.

“I just crashed the f–king party,” shares Farrah. “I actually got in, then one lady just had it out for me. She’s like, ‘You’re ruining my party.’ She was crazy. I don’t even know whose party it was.”

Brandi: “I’ve been around those women. When they don’t want you there, it’s not fun.” Farrah: “I still had fun.”

Brandi: “That’s good, because the Beverly Hills bitches can be tough. Everyone is so dramatic. It’s exhausting.”

Farrah: “Everyone loved me and showed me so much love. It was just that one crazy lady.” (I have a feeling “the lady” was a party planner or a publicist, and not Lisa herself, but it seems to irk Brandi that Farrah will not say her name first.)

Instead, Farrah talks about the amazing dress she wore to crash the party, and Brandi asks if her clothes are as free as her surgeries. Farrah says yes.

Brandi reminds Farrah that she’s “so young” and encourages her to “have a backup plan” because “this could be over tomorrow.” Farrah says, “And thank God if it is.” Brandi continues, “No one will be dressing you. No one will be paying you. When this goes, the attention goes. Have a backup plan and save money.”

Farrah tells Brandi that she dabbles in real estate. And guess what?!? Brandi reveals that she, too, is getting her real estate license.

I have to admit that this match up wasn’t quite the train wreck I thought it would be. I expected Brandi to be aggressive with Farrah, and she was, but Farrah never lost her cool. I tuned in to hear Farrah lay into Brandi like ONLY Farrah can do, but, instead, Farrah stayed calm, cool, and collected. In hindsight, I am glad Farrah never gave Brandi the satisfaction. #TeamFarrah

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