Kyle Richards doesn’t care! It’s not her party and she’ll throw tantrums if she wants to, start fights if she wants to, Dorit Kemsley – you would too if happened to you. So that’s pretty much how the season finale of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills went!
All-in-all it was a pretty lackluster season (Lisa Rinna we need you! Like your first and second season you, but I understand you’re scarred after Revenge of the Blue Bunny). When the major drama centers around Dorit’s early on-set dementia (why does this woman never remember anything accurately or at all?!) and hissy fits over etiquette she doesn’t have, or Kyle feeling unsupported, you knew it was gonna end on a fussy note. Which is fine – any time I get to see Kyle act a fool, I kind of relish it.
Also – did I hear correctly that Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave‘s husband did the security for Kyle’s new house? I was wondering if that was after Kyle was robbed, because otherwise yikes – that’s like a reverse business endorsement for Edwin. However on Twitter Kyle clarified that the robbery was “BEFORE. Thankfully we have it all up and running now.”
The first order of business is attending Dorit’s fashion show for Beverly Beach by Dorit. Unlike so many of these made-f0r-TV Housewives product launches and businesses, Dorit’s swimwear line is a legit professional venture. You can buy it, she’s already in plans for subsequent collections, and say what you will about her (and her flighty lack of attachment to reality), but the fashion show and launch came from a woman who knows what she’s doing – or at least had the wherewithal to hire a team that does. Take note Sonja Morgan!
Dorit wanted palm trees to line her runway and Dorit got them. Dorit also wanted a fun evening to celebrate her return to the fashion industry after a 5-year hiatus because PK wanted her barefoot and pregnant. That is just so… I mean, who leaves their professional life because a man who is the equivalent of a nefarious cartoon hippo tells them to? Someone who apparently wants to live that BH trophy wife lifestyle, maybe? Now that PK can’t trap Dorit in the rose gold Bentley, he’s running around controlling her bathing suit empire. Except he can’t control everything – like Kyle ruining Dorit’s happiness with her twatty tantrum!
All the women came to the fashion show to see bathing suits named for their greatness, except Kyle. She came with a vendetta in her beach tote. I think we call that “totes baggage,” and it’s available in clear, puke green, or cranberry.
Kyle is upset about Dorit reigniting pantygate. (YES we are going there. AGAIN.) Kyle wants Erika Girardi‘s reassurance that she had nothing to do with Erika’s reaction after Dorit gifted her the infamous underpants. With this in mind, Kyle endures the runway show, then as Dorit is basking in her post-show success over champagne in proper glasses (cause Dorit understands rules like that) Kyle charges at her. But she comes at her from the side by asking, oh-so-casually, when Lisa Vanderpump is going to run the Beverly Hills Lifestyle Magazine featuring Dorit’s photoshoot.
This puts LVP in the awkward position of having to explain that since Dorit was chronically unhappy with the photos plus a real pill to work with, they decided to do as they do in Britain and chop off her head, reducing the photos to just body shots featuring the jewelry. Then they hired a new model to do another full-body shot. Lisa claims the owner didn’t want any “negativity” surrounding the issue (i.e. Dorit calling him up complaining about the proofs and demanding a re-shoot cause she’s a “perfectionist” – except when it comes to being a friend).
Now, I believe Kyle somehow knew in advance that Lisa had scrapped the photos and intentionally brought it up to create discord. It was a two-for-one takedown with that sideswipe there Kyle, because it ensured by LVP and Dorit! Pretty damn ballsy, but also kind of superbly executed revenge – low-down and dirty like a swimsuit bottom that creeps up your butt crack.
As Dorit is sitting there with her mouth agape trying to process how she got fired from a job she didn’t even know she wanted and subsequently snubbed by a friend in one fell swoop, Kyle eagerly volunteers to be in the magazine any old day of the week and LUUUUURRRVE all the photos! Put on the spot, LVP is also forced to explain why she never informed Dorit that the photos were being cut. So LVP lies that the decision was only made yesterday and hadn’t had the opportunity. Flash to a scene from a month earlier showing LVP and Mark doing a new photoshoot and discussing why they don’t want to use Dorit’s photos. Well, you reap what you sow, Do-Do!
It dawned on Dorit, like a Beverly Beach sunset, that Kyle has some unresolved issues with her, like perhaps even though Kyle said they were “all good,” they weren’t really. So Dorit ovaries up and asks Kyle, who gladly tells her that yes, she said she wanted to move on, but actually her feelings are hurt and she really can’t. Kyle’s main issue is that she believes Dorit is continually trying to cause problems between her and Erika as a way to garner favoritism with Erika. For instance when Dorit told Erika that Kyle was the one complaining about her after she left Teddi’s beach house, and then Pantygate Returns in Berlin.
The sad part is, Kyle is right – Dorit NEVER takes accountability or fessed up. Even during their conversation at the fashion show she tries to flip the narrative claiming she never specifically called out Kyle over the beach house (which she did) and she launches into one of her Dorit gaslighting monologues about how everyone is misrepresenting what she’s is saying. Dorit is the new Rambles Richards when it comes to the truth and backtracking – maybe this is why Kyle takes everything she does so personally – it resonates too deep!
Kyle expects Erika to speak up to say that Kyle never influenced her reaction to pantygate, but apparently Kyle forgot that Erika has never even bothered to google the definition of “friendship.” When Erika doesn’t defend her, and everyone else sits silently as well, Kyle storms off because she can’t stand phony, ass-kissers. Of course, that doesn’t stop Kyle from disingenuously kissing Dorit’s cheek to say goodbye and even Dorit has the good sense to call the move “too Beverly Hills for my liking.”
Kyle actually got so irate she stormed out of the party venting and name-calling to Mauricio about how fake everyone is. She was so upset even Erika was knocked out of her self-absorbed stupor and tried to go after her, it was too late so she calls instead, but Kyle is now screening everyone. She’ll speak to them again when it’s time to promote American Woman.
The only person who sticks up for Kyle is Teddi. Apparently Teddi has become Kyle’s wing woman or something (like a kaftan that’s not a good look).
Dorit is left reeling that this is the second time Kyle usurped one of her important events with a tantrums – first the Bella Magazine party; now her fashion show. Dorit insists she would never do something like that which is gobsmackingly hysterically delusional. One of her many! The thing is both Kyle and Dorit are in the right. It’s never clear if Dorit truly does believe her own BS, or her delusion is intentional to distort reality and divert attention. Dorit does regularly backstab her friends, then tries to hide her hand behind ‘pretend amnesia,’ and Kyle is right to call her out. However wrong time; wrong place. Kyle also has a history of over-reacting and making everything about herself. Even Camille Grammer‘s engagement is cue for Kyle to start crying and talking about how Kyle feels about Camille being engaged, but she never asks about the proposal or wedding plans, etc.
Yes, congratulations Camille! And beautiful ring. <3
The next day Kyle meets Teddi for some good old-fashioned calisthenics of the Jane Fonda era, but their mouths are doing most of the working out. Kyle is still upset – and not just at Dorit, but now at Erika also.
Over in wherever it is Lipsa lives, her hairdresser does house calls and she pats herself on the back for staying out of all the petty drama this season. Lipsa does at least correctly assess that Kyle’s dysfunctional and unstable family situation is part of the reason she’s such an impossible and needy friend. Lipsa intuits this because she’s morphed in the Yoda of Beverly Hills, a 900-year-old guru above bad behavior and food intake. #Goals
At Villa Rosa, LVP adopts yet another dog and decides to name it Binky Boo. Soon she’s gonna have to call them Pinky 1, Pinky 2, Pinky 3, and I seriously am concerned that she’s becoming an animal hoarder.
The women all reconvene at Kyle’s new house to watch the premiere of American Woman. I’m shocked Kyle wasn’t wearing a full ensemble of American Woman labeled clothing – including a customized Birkin!
Over pre-show drinks, Kyle addresses the elephant in the room: her own bad behavior at Beverly Beach! She owns up to it and apologizes to Dorit. Which prompts Erika to announce, once and for all, that Kyle is exonerated from pantygate. Eh, just blame the whole thing on Eileen Davidson – she’s not here anymore.
Dorit accepts Kyle’s apology but now finds herself being ‘The Kyle’ – not exactly ready to forgive, but saying she’ll move on for the sake of the situation. Right move probably, but this means three-fourths of the reunion will be spent discussing this nonsense. Yay us. (Sarcasm).
Then they all toast with mismatched champagne glasses since Kyle hasn’t unpacked enough to have things put away correctly. Erika ends up with a port glass, which somehow, I don’t know, seems to be just what she deserves.
Kyle gives the tour of her house which has a rather sad closet situation and the predictable gauche and gaudy Faye Resnick decor. UGH. American Woman gets a good response from the ladies – even if Kyle’s sisters haven’t exactly been supportive (or want to see it).
So yay, everyone ended as friends. I may be in the minority, but I really enjoy the ladies getting along. I want to see fabulous lifestyles, over-the-top lavish parties, spending and other ridiculous nonsense (like hairdressers who make house calls!). I’d also like to see an entire shelf of Birkins collapse on top of Kyle in the world’s most epic and expensive crapalanche.
In the end notes we learn Dorit’s swimsuits are selling out and being featured in Sports Illustrated. Good for her! Also, for some mysterious reason she did not name a suit after Teddi. No explanation has been given, but it’s strange for a couple reasons: A) Teddi is the most into fitness and you could do a super hot suit around that; B) it seems like she and Dorit genuinely put their pettiness aside. Dorit released her line pre-reunion so that’s especially curious.
LVP is still rescuing dogs galore until her entire house will morph into a giant pile of fur. Kyle’s sitcom will premiere on Paramount Network any day now, and unfortunately many Birkins were casualties of her massive home robbery – but now Edwin has installed super high-end security. Lipsa has learned to pick and choose her battles and in doing so chose the being in a coma option. We really do need her drama. Teddi moved into a huge new home – and no doubt Mauricio was her real estate agent. And Erika’s book hit the best seller list.
TELL US – DID KYLE MAKE THE RIGHT MOVE IN CONFRONTING DORIT? WHAT DID YOU THINK OF BEVERLY BEACH?
[Photo Credits: Bravo]