It’s two weeks until Nationals, so y’all know that means that Abby Lee Miller is on the precipice of turning into Ursula from The Little Mermaid. It’s not going to be pretty folks, and I have a feeling only Maddie will be left with her legs! After returning from a stellar competition, last night’s Dance Moms begins as it always does…the pyramid, complete with the moms muttering under their breath, defeated faces on little girls, and, of course, the fear of facing Candy Apple Cathy! Kendall is on the bottom for being last to the game on an upstand. Chloe follows for “being fine. Just…fine.” MacKenzie rounds out the bottom for not beating her mini counterparts. Nia is second for leading her team to victory in the group dance. Of course, Maddie is on the top for her highest scoring routine.
Abby reveals that Gino will be dancing a solo at the upcoming competition, and she wants Maddie to dance a solo. However, Maddie may have to head to Miami to film a web series on the day of the competition. Abby enlists Chloe and Kendall to be her understudies. If Maddie is unavailable, one of them will take her place. Likewise, Maddie is the lead in the group number. If she’s absent, there will be no lead. Why not just plan as if she’s not going to be there? Or hey, I don’t know, make her pick which one she’d rather do. Perhaps she sacrifices a potential web series to because she is already committed to the ALDC? Not that I expect Maddie to make these decisions, but Abby and Melissa could make this easier on the poor child. Christi and Jill seem to agree. The moms (and dancers, for that matter) can’t believe how much Abby puts her dancers down while praising Maddie. At Holly’s suggestion, the moms start a tally of insults for the team versus compliments for Maddie. The results are not shocking, and it’s no wonder the girls look so defeated.
On this episode of Atlanta Exesthe women vacay in the Cayman Islands, bond over their similar experiences, and attempt to move forward with their lives.
The ladies meet for lunch at Amura Sushi Steak. Torrei has a male friend who says they can use his place in The Cayman Islands. Tameka Raymond wants to know if her friend is married. Where did that come from? Tameka doesn’t want to go to the Caymans because she has been there with her first husband. Sheree wants to swim with the dolphins. Tameka doesn’t want to. Torrei Hart wants to scuba dive. Tameka doesn’t want to do that either. No one is allowing Tameka’s negativity to put a damper on things they just let her be the Debbie Downer that she is and the show flows much better. Side Note: For people who don’t like each other, why are Tameka and Torrei always sitting right next to each other?
The ladies arrive to the white sands and blue waters of the Cayman Islands. Once at the house, with rum punch in hand, they begin the search for their bedrooms. Tameka says that the rooms have to face a certain way towards the looney bin. She also cannot sleep in a bunk bed. Torrei finds the master, but Tameka also has her eyes set on this room. Tameka settles on a room with double beds and everyone says how the room matches her because it is very “Zen.” Seriously???
Third time’s the charm, right? Probably not, but at least last night was the third and final installment of the Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta Reunion. Thank goodness. I really don’t think I could take anymore. On last night’s conclusion, Sommore once again recapped the epic throw down among Joseline Hernandez, Stevie J., Benzino, and Althea, and of course, they finally tackled Mimi Faust’s sex tape with Nikko. I have to laugh as Mimi’s rise to porndom is highlighted. I’d forgotten how innocent she claimed to be about her knowledge of the leak. Mimi stands by Nikko’s claims that he had nothing to do with leaking the video, reminding everyone that she was with Nikko when their luggage was stolen at the airport…and in that luggage was the laptop that contained the footage.
Nikko pretty much shoots himself in the foot as he claims innocence yet refuses to take a lie detector, reiterating that he has nothing to prove. Um, yeah you do, my friend. Yeah. You. Do. Deb wants Nikko to own up to his behavior. The Kardashians owned up to their videoed sexcapades, and Deb believes they are better people for it. Sure, we’ll go with that. Nikko protests that people are buying the tape, so it really doesn’t matter who leaked it. When asked if she’s hurt that Nikko is refusing the polygraph, Mimi sighs that she’s over it. Perhaps she knew of Nikko’s intentions all along. Ariane thinks that Nikko is fake and insincere, and she lays into him about what an ass he is. Rasheeda Frost agrees, wishing that he’d just own up to his actions. Erica Dixon can’t stand the fool either. Mimi doesn’t like being in the middle, but she is extremely defensive about her relationship, and Nikko tries to explain his situation. Sommore jokes that Nikko needs to invest in a lock for his luggage. A show of hands reveals that it’s pretty unanimous among the cast that Nikko leaked the tape. After another offer, Nikko still refuses to take a lie detector test.
After praying to God, Teresa Giudice put on her best purple fur coat, forced husband Joe to color-coordinate in a show of solidarity and admitted that you know, maaaaaaaybe, ok posssssssilby, well actually definitely she bought too many sequined bikinis with money illegally obtained. But it’s like Oops – lots of people do this – lots of people commit mortgage fraud so they can have big fancy re-done house showy-offy parties for houses they can’t afford, so why is this happening to her?! WHY?! Why is the government making Gia cry by demanding her parents go to court and possibly jail. Like UGH. But Teresa being Teresa, she just buries her head in a vat of sequins and covers her eyes with her hairline, and drinks another glass of Fabellini.
With all of that said and done, Melissa Gorga and Dina Manzo feel sorry for Teresa that she’s under so much stress so they decide to plan a vacation to Florida. Like hey, you broke the law – let’s celebrate!
On this week’s episode of The Real Housewives of Melbourne, Chyka Keebaugh has invited all the ladies to a much-needed beach getaway. Jackie Gillies and Lydia Schiavello kick things off with a shopping spree to stock up on zebra-patterned caftans from a nearby caftan specialty boutique (these exist). Lydia models a modest Grecian dress and a Jackie steps out in a teeny, tiny leopard-print mini spandex dress and aptly pokes fun at herself by saying she looks like “a stick with big tits”. Ha! Meanwhile, Lydia can only muster, “Oh Wow” (remember, she is just sooooo articulate) the entire time they shop.
Andrea Moss finishes up her packing, ensures her nanny has the 735-point checklist and off they go to airport where the group will be taking private helicopters to Queensland for their vacay. Surprise, surprise Gina Liano is late. Again. Janet Roach is about to cut a b*#%h if Gina doesn’t arrive in like 5 seconds. Gina rolls up (how many colbalt blue dresses can one have in their wardrobe anyway??!!) and is hoping everyone is chill for the trip.
This weekend Alexis Bellino renewed her vows to Jim Bellino in an over-the-top wedding that wasn’t a wedding on David Tutera‘s CELEBrations. And I can see why all of Alexis’ Real Housewives of Orange County castmates couldn’t stand her because Alexis needs sedatives – or some sort of psychiatric drugs. She constantly throws tantrums and is mega attention seeking!
Alexis wants David at her beck and call and treats him like ‘the help’. Two queens don’t make a right! To add to the drama, David is also in the middle of planning his daughter Cielo’s first birthday party and is strapped for time.
Jim surprised Alexis with the concept of a ten-year anniversary renewal by hiring poor to David show up at their house unannounced while Alexis was ‘reading’ the Bible (translation: looking at a children’s picture book version of a Bible while wearing knock-off Chanel). Jim’s surprise gift is that he wants the party to be in a week and he wants something classy and elegant – the irony of classy and elegant being used to describe anything related to Alexis does not escape me. Or David, who smirks at the correlation.
Even if you can’t stand Eddie Cibrian and LeAnn Rimes, I recommend giving this episode of LeAnn and Eddie a shot. It features the couple taking a family vacation to Hawaii. Both sets of parents are really likable and the scenery is gorgeous. Just do your best to ignore the fake pregnancy storyline.
While the family is boarding a helicopter in Hawaii, we learn a little bit about the parents. Eddie’s parents have been married for over 40 years. LeAnn’s mom and stepfather, Ted, have been married for about 13 years. Leann says that she couldn’t ask for a better stepfather. From the minute the parents are in the picture, the show becomes ten times more entertaining. They all have strong personalities that are just hilarious.
This week we find James Harris at home in his bathrobe, still moping from last weeks’ spat with David Parnes over the marketing of Faring, their $48m listing in Holmby Hills . His pretty South American (?) wife, Valeria, finally speaks and offers some tough love with a bit of ego stroking to get him back on track and earning the bacon. She seems to know how to handle her husband!
Josh Flagghas returned to the Dolce Vita restaurant, where he is carted in by Colton in a golden wheelchair. Yes, a Golden Wheelchair! Who knew those even existed??? Josh tells him that he fell in their yard. Pruning trees. Colton, who apparently was not around at the time of the incident, is not buying it and wants to know what really happened. Josh sheepishly tells him that he was standing on a stool dusting dirty vodka bottles, which upset his sciatic nerve. This makes more sense. He needs a drink now – a dirty martini! Colton gives him the side eye about drinking when he is on painkillers, while Josh asks him for a walking cane to go with his wheelchair. Colton is so sweet. I often wonder if he ever takes Josh’s’ dry sense of humor at face value?