It's a Dance Mom's extravaganza! Lifetime knows a good thing when it pas de bourées in the ratings, and the network is going to milk this cash cow for all it's worth. You know what that means? It means that last night you were treated to two and half hours of Abby Lee Miller and the drama mamas. It felt like Christmas all over again, didn't it?
In the hour leading up to the season three premiere, Jeff Collins returned to lead yet another reunion type show, only this time the ladies would be highlighting the upcoming drama instead of rehashing the past. Let's see how this works. Abby is wearing a lot of sequins and bling and spray tan. Taking a few questions from the studio audience, she reveals that she has a special man in her life, and the mothers are the most selfish people on the planet. Okey, dokey. Poor Jeff looks one Ambien shy of hibernation, but luckily the stage setting mirrors (literally!) Abby's outfit, so all the twinkling should keep him awake at least until the premiere begins. He is going to bring out the moms to have some one-on-one time with Abby and the audience.
Holly is the first to untangle her way through the sequined streamers, and she is wearing a tomato red number that seems to combine the finest vinyl with raw silk. Abby immediately comments about it under her breath to Jeff. Holly often gets on Abby's nerves, what with her professional demeanor and her need to analyze things. Holly takes one audience member's question, and responds with a non-answer before making a swift exit.
This week's episode starts with GG and Omid Kalantari out on a date. While GG munches on a big sausage, Omid admits that he has been partying with her friends without her. GG takes it well. GG says that her friends could combine their money, diamonds, houses, etc. and still not have enough money to buy any class, adding, "They call themselves classy… they put the ass in class."
Omid goes on to tell GG that her friends told him that he's delicious and well-behaved when he's not around GG. To the camera, GG says, "I'm shocked. For real. Take the botox away, and I'm shocked." Not that much later, GG learns more about what went down between MJ and Lilly Ghalichi / Reza at the bar, and she says the night would have gotten "so dirty" if she had been there. Yet, she's shocked to hear that her friends don't want to party with her.
Someone needs to tell GG: when life gets tough, the saying is "just keep swimming" not "just keep drinking."
Last night was the season finale of Sister Wives followed by a family interview. We watched Logan head off to college, and we were teased with a Kody Brown haircut. I can't say I'm sad to see it end…for now.
Christine is freaking out about the closings of the homes. Kody reveals that the family has yet to qualify for their loans. Um, why are they doing this again if they can't afford it? Kody and his wives head to the bank to pick out their options for their homes. One at a time, the ladies pour over carpet colors and countertops. Robyn is up first, and she's quick to make her decisions. Meri is up next, and she's already over budget. Meri is stressed about the money, but she still wants to see any potential upgrades. Are you kidding me? Kody is quickly getting frustrated because he thinks that a washer and dryer is way more important than special countertops. Meri is on the defensive, and she's over it. She leaves, allowing her sister wives to pick their options.
Last night on Real Housewives of Atlanta lots of things were exposed. Some of those things had no business making it to the light. Some things should stay tucked away in the deep, dark hole of a strip club and be buried there underneath the layers of spilled bottom shelf liquor and old glitter. But alas dirt doesn't usually stay underground forever.
Things begin with NeNe Leakes having a little come to Jesus talk with Kenya Moore. The best part of the whole scene was that NeNe kept her giant Elvis-in-the-seventies sunglasses on the entire time. NeNe tells us that her feelings on Kenya can be summed up with the word "delusional." Um – check.
NeNe wonders about what is going on with this Walter person and if perhaps Kenya missed a a few editions of Cosmo – you know the ones where they talked about how to keep a man and how not to make him run as fast as his legs can carry him. Kenya is confused – she thought throwing herself at Walter would make her more desirable. NeNe is like, 'No. You have been begging this man for sperm something so desperate it reeks of curdled milk and that is not attractive.'
Kenya she starts warbling about how Walter's behavior in Anguilla scared her because she was in an abusive relationship once and she is at the age where she needs a commitment.
Last time on Teen Mom 2, Leah Messer and Jeremy Calvert made their relationship official. Kailyn Lowry dumped Jordan in favor of getting back togeher with Jo Rivera, while Chelsea Houska agreed to give therapy a try in order to (finally!) get over Adam Lind. Finally, Jenelle Evans managed to avoid jail time after failing a drug test and met a new guy, Josh.
For reasons unknown, MTV decided to air Teen Mom 2 on Christmas Eve and began with Chelsea. Said in my best whiny Chelsea voice… uh-ugh…. Chelsea brings her orange skin, raccoon eyes, bleached-to-death hair, and frosty lips to the nail salon. Luckily, Chelsea and mom Mary have both removed their hair feathers, so there's room in the car for Aubree. Thank goodness for small favors. For a while there, I expected to see the hair feathers listed in the opening credits.
I'm elated Aubree comes to the nail salon. She is adorable and makes Chelsea's scenes bearable. I digress. While Chelsea, Mary, and Aubree get manicures, Chelsea announces that she's dropping out of therapy. She doesn't think she needs to go because the therapist didn't tell her anything she doesn't already know. Chelsea is all like, Everything she told me about boundaries and healthy and unhealthy relationships, I've already heard from every other person in my life. Basically, Chelsea doesn't want one more person – a person with a "dishing out advice" degree to boot – telling her that Ad-dumm is no good for her.
Last night on the Real Housewives of Miami reunion some serious grievances were aired. I mean grievances I didn't even know existed! Somewhere like a shot in the dark Ana Quincoces developed a case of the haters for Lea Black. Did I miss something here? Supposedly the tift originated from a blog Lea did snarking on Ana's kids. Whatever spurned this, it got nasty – not nasty nice – just straight up nasty. To me it reeked of eau de desperate to salvage a S3 contract!
Something about Ana speaking over people, speaking constantly forMarysol Patton, and suddenly developing a sneering distaste for everyone last night just didn't resonate well with me. I mean who died and made her Andy Cohen moderator of this reunion? Not Andy! I mean maybe she was over the BS all these women spout, but listen lady YOU signed up for reality TV and this is what RH of anywhere is. If you can't take the heat, maybe stop quooking.
There's telling the truth and then there's being an ass. And what was that folder Ana was waving around that was swiftly snatched away in the editing portion of the show? Rumors speculate it was "proof" that Lea was up to some salacious behaviors prior to becoming the illustrious Mrs. Black. Other rumors speculate it exposed details of the Black's financials, including those pertaining to the The Black Gala that could discredit the event.
This week, instead of personally introducing the quickfire challenge, Padma Lakshmi and Emeril Lagasse leave a note. The note directs the chefs to take three Toyotas (ohh! ahh!) to Taylor Shellfish Farm.
When Josie Malave gets stuck in quicksand, Micah Fields and Stefan Richter come to her rescue. I don't know why. She's super annoying, nobody can stand her, and proving to be impossible to eliminate. Overall, the chefs are excited to harvest fresh oysters. They take their time, enjoying every second of the experience and slurping up fresh oysters as they go.
The challenge: the chefs must prepare an oyster dish for Emeril. In the kitchen, there are five red aprons and five blue aprons. Red aprons will prepare hot dishes and the blue aprons will prepare cold dishes. The winner gets $5000.
Well it's the day before Christmas, commonly known as Christmas Eve, and all anyone on the island of Anguilla wants is for Kenya Moore to get some help – and go home! Going on vacation with crazy people is one of those unfortunate drawbacks of being on Real Housewives of Atlanta, I s'pose.
Things begin with Kenya storming away after her massive argument with Porsha Stewart. Alas, no one could agree on who is the real tramp so they both stood up and started bickering about who is more fabulous. Answer: None of the above.
NeNe Leakes is cackling so loud that her evil plan to expose the real Kenya worked that I thought lightening would descend from the sky. Far more generously, Cynthia Bailey admits that a lot of the stuff Porsha said about Kenya's age would have made her flip out too.
NeNe is pleased as punch that there goes Kenya letting her crazy sprinkle out and finally explode all over the place. But Kenya has another surprising ally in Phaedra Parks. Phaedra admits that Kenya's ghetto behavior was out of line, but she likes Kenya and thinks she just lacks appropriate communication skills. Poor Kandi Burruss was in the hot tub and missed the whole thing. #priorities #kandikoatednights