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Okay, so I guess it's time to say good-bye to Vinny Guadagnino, DJ Pauly D Devecchio, Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, Jenni "JWoww" Farley, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, Ronni Ortiz-Magro, Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola, and Deena Cortese.  I feel like I'm slowly bidding farewell to cousins I don't acknowledge.  Three episodes left?  It's devastating, y'all!

We resume the Jersey Shore with Vinny trying to make amends with Snooki's fiance Jionni…at his future son's baby shower no less.  It's super awkward.  Jionni questions Vinny about joking that Vin is the actual dad.  The conversation is seamless, and all is good in the land of Jionni and Vin.  Really?  I thought that MTV would have sprung for more drama.  Thankfully Jionni's insecurities don't get in the way of a bottle chugging contest.  Rawn wins.  Who is shocked?

Snooki loves unwrapping baby clothes, champagne, and wine, typical baby shower gifts.   Jenni asks Jionni to come around more often which basically calls him out for not being present up to this point.  Snooki is just thrilled for a baby day.  While she still can't look at Mike, she's excited about all of her presents.  Mike is planning his entrance for when he can finally make amends with Snooki.  After a Mike-Snooki video montage, Sitch heads to Nicole's apartment.  I'm unsure as to whether this is part of his twelve step program.  Yikes.

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Last week on Top Chef, John Tesar and Josh Valentine created so much drama, Kristen Kish won $10,000 for her extra special mushrooms, Tyler Wiard brought the Eeyore impressions, and Chrissy Camba and Carla Pellegrino were eliminated for soggy salad and undercooked squab, respectively. 

Immediately following last week's elimination, the fourteen remaining cheftestants soak in the "Carla's gone" silence, Josh whines because he sucks, and Stefan Richter worries about the season five birthday curse.  

Tyler laments, "Being on top today doesn't mean shit. I better continue to do the best I can, because, tomorrow, I could be gone." So goes the Top Chef Seattle kiss of death… Jeffrey Jew excelled in week one and was eliminated in week two. Kuniko Yagi won the elimination challenge in week two and was eliminated in week three. Carla Pellegrino won the elimination challenge in week three and was eliminated in week four. Last week, Lizzie Binder, Kristen, Tyler, and Stefan served the best dishes. As I mentioned above, Kristen rocked the mushrooms and took the prize for the week.  

So, what does all of this mean? I have no idea. :) Will Kristen break the curse? Does Tyler have a reason to be worried? Will Stefan lose because it's his birthday? Will John and Josh keep away from each other this week? Let's find out!

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Yesterday Jeff Lewis was on Watch What Happens Live with the extremely annoying Lisa Rinna. After the requisite debates about Jeff possibly wearing a wig and having lip implants/injections, the Flipping Out star responded to questions about the lawsuit with Jenni Pulos over a book she's writing which may or may not have juicy details about working with him.

If you recall Jenni has a book in the works that discusses dealing with difficult bosses and workplace dramas, among other things. Jeff requested a copy of the manuscript from Jenni's publishing house and was denied. He since filed a suit to stop the publication.  

As always Jeff was completely blunt. He said his attorney didn't want him discussing the matter, but oh well! "I'm still in a state of disbelief over this whole thing," Jeff said. "It was a last resort. I tried to work out every possible reconciliation." 

He believes he was forced to file the suit after trying repeatedly to negotiate with Jenni over the content. "A book was written without my knowledge," Jeff said. He maintains that he encourages Jenni to pursue opportunities outside of the show but he needs to protect the confidentiality of his clients and his business.

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Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills the ladies got wild and out in Ojai. I have to say last night was one of the most fun episodes ever and it makes you think if they all got their panties out of a wad, relaxed, and spoke to each other like normal people instead of obsessing over petty drama they'd all get along and be fun. But alas, that would be too easy and far too mature. 

Things begin with the girls still in Ojai where Brandi Glanville has just dropped the eff-bomb at Buckingham Palace in front of Queen Elizabeth and her corgis. Oh, wait –  no she didn't. She just said it to Adrienne Maloof, but the way these ninnies were acting you'd think this was the most official, classy, elegant prestigious dinner in all the world. I don't know why they were all getting up on their high horses acting like they've never said F-U before when we all know they use it. Right, Splits Richards?

Anyway, Brandi and Kim Richards were doing a big Ojai love-in and pouring their hearts out when Adrienne gets on the intercom with her whiny, donkey voice to announce that someone is crying in Aisle 5 and clean-up is required. Repeat, someone – ahem KIM – is crying!

So Brandi was forced to tell Adrienne to eff off and everyones' heads snapped around like Adrienne just announced that someone was peeing on a Chanel bag. Their mouths dropped, and they glared at Brandi as if she was pee culprit desecrating the holy statue. 

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With each season and every episode, Teen Mom 2 just gets more and more depressing.  I honestly don't think that Leah Messer, Kailyn Lowry, or Chelsea Houska are getting any more mature…their kids are just getting older.  Notice I didn't even mention Jenelle Evans.  Seriously, what's the point anymore with that one? 

Leah is finally getting over the divorce despite the fact that she was once in love with Corey Simms…like the day before this scene was filmed.  If you can get over it in a day and a half, chances are it wasn't true love.  She's ready to focus on getting back into school for nursing. 

Jenelle's friend Tori bails her out of jail, and Jenelle is upset that her mother wouldn't do it.  I'm more upset that Tori does!  I think she begins to regret it when she learns that she'll be responsible for paying $10,000 if Jenelle is a no-show for court.  Given Jenelle's track record, Tori could have a very hefty fine on her hands!  Both girls lament about how horrible Barbara is for taking care of Jace not springing Jenelle from the clink.  Meanwhile, Chelsea is desperate to get out of the house.  She's totally stressed out about not studying for her GED and her relationship woes with Adam.  Now that he's no longer squatting for free at her apartment, he doesn't really want to talk to her.  Not shockingly, her friend isn't that sympathetic, but she does surprise Chelsea with tickets to Deirks Bentley (jealous!) for the night before a practice GED test.  This is what most would call a conundrum…but not Chelsea.  She like so used to totally cry to Deirks' songs when she was pregnant with Aubree and Adam would treat her like crap. 

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Oh good gracious!  Last night's Basketball Wives LA was a virtual assault on the senses.  Jackie Christie raps and flashes her boobs.  Brooke Bailey and Draya Michele are still caught up about the cover of a magazine that apparently doesn't even pay its models.  Malaysia Pargo invites the ladies on a charitable trip to New Orleans, so you know that's going to go over well.  Oh, and we finally find out the deets on the worst kept secret wedding of Gloria Govan.  It's a lot. 

Brooke and Bambi seem to have mended fences as Brooke invites her, Jackie, and Laura Govan over to see her new lingerie line Touche Moi.  She then basically strips down to share a prototype.  Brooke asks the ladies to start trying on things, which they do, so it's basically Bambi and Laura walking around in tank tops and red string bikini underwear.  Didn't they want to wash it first?  I will say, I am really liking Bambi…she seems to be one of the more level headed ladies this franchise has ever had, which is probably why she isn't a full fledged cast member in the credits.  Nostrils O'Neal doesn't like women who are smarter than she is!

Stop the presses!  Jackie is recording an album.  It doesn't matter that she's never sung or rapped or even been in a studio.  Today is a day of firsts for Jackie!  She has asked Bambi and her giant earrings to come by and give her some pointers.  Bambi is shocked to learn that she isn't absolutely horrible (she's not?) and she tells Jackie as much.  Jackie, as you can imagine, basks in the wonderful honesty of her new best friend. 

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This season on Shahs of SunsetReza Farahan faces a "gaylife crisis," Asa Soltan Rahmati redefines "financial crisis," Mercedes "MJ" Javid searches for a man, Golnesa "GG" Gharachedaghi fails to act like a big girl despite pursuing a big-girl job, Mike Shouhed finds "the one," and newcomer Lilly Ghalichi thinks they're all nuts.

Reza Farahan opens season two, gushing about the new girl in his life. She doesn't straighten her hair, she doesn't pluck her eyebrows, she's not hung up on designers clothes… she's GG Asa Soltan Rahmati. Hanging at Asa's reclaimed home, the two bond over floors, unkempt eyebrows, and one very special toilet. Reza spies the work of art, freaks, and says, "This bitch has, like, a $4,000 toilet. That toilet had a little midget in it that will lick your butt clean when you're done pooping." 

Asa is stressed about money. She has $500 in her bank account and needs to find a source of income in the next few days. This admission comes not even a minute after she boasts about tiling her floors in $30,000 worth of gold coins, which she probably washes with diamond water. Rich/not rich people are confusing. 

MJ Javid drives her mom and her Mom's bird off a cliff to the bird sitter's house. After hearing about Vida's upcoming month-long vacation (hence the bird sitter), MJ approaches the idea of a family vacation. Vida tells MJ that she'd rather put needles into her eyes than go on vacation with her. Lovely. To retaliate, MJ encourages her dog to terrorize her mom's bird. Personally, I would have pulled over, while purposely failing to signal, and dumped the mom and her stupid bird on the side of the road. 

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Oh, Sister Wives!  Thank you so much for introducing me to the Dargers.  TLC, what do you say about a Darger spin-off?  Kody Brown would be livid!

We started last night with Kody going over plans for each of the four homes.  How are these people affording these homes?  The wives, except Janelle, are all getting totally greedy with their need for extra bedrooms and wet bars and offices.  I am predicting this season doesn't end well for the Browns.

After squaring away the blueprints, the family can look forward to their family vacation with some polygamist friends…because that's normal!  The Dargers aren't the same faith as the Browns.  Instead they are "independent polygamists" which must be some kind of code for dude who wanted to marry more than one lady.  Joe Darger married two women, Alina and Vicki, on the same day, one of whom looked to be about fourteen at the time, and then ten years later married Val who is Vicki's twin sister.  Talk about sharing everything!  I'm more than a tad skeezed out because not only will they actually be SISTER wives, the kids will be sibling-cousin hybrids…and among the three of them, there are twenty-three children.  The double marriage was arranged by Joe's mom.  Lovely.

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