Last night on 16 and Pregnant, we met Arianna and Maurice, who made a baby after dating for only six weeks. MTV tells us that Arianna is an artsy – cause half her hair is dyed green? – high school senior who can't forgive her boyfriend for impregnating her. Um, she was there too, right? Arianna reminds me of Princess Briana fromTeen Mom 3 – she constantly preaches about what others should be doing while she doesn't do much else besides preach.
Arianna's father took off shortly after she was born – I think she takes her own daddy anger out on Maurice – and her mom was a teen mom. Arianna doesn't like her mom's new husband, so she lives with her grandmother in tiny one-bedroom apartment. Despite everything, Arianna is on track to graduate high school early. She wanted to get her PhD in Psychology prior to becoming pregnant, but due to the time that takes, she now wants to be an RN. Good for her… admirable profession and light years beyond many of her MTV co-stars.
Last night on Real Housewives of Orange County we met newbie Lizzie Rovsek, who definitely proved she's no trophy wife! Other newbie Danielle Gregorio hosted an Ugly Sweater Christmas party, which college kids have been doing since the dawn of Greek civilization. Instead of cranberry Jello shots, Danielle is serving cranberry champagne punch with very expensive 'champs', something that really chaps Heather Dubrow's notion of propriety. She's going to have to send Danielle an instructional guide to Champs, complete with illustrations.
Tamra Barney is pretty bent out of shape about having to participate in an ugly sweater affair – this coming from the woman who hosted an 80's themed Bunko party. "I'm not really into ugly," Tamra complains. I guess Tamra only supports ugly when it comes to her own ugly personality!
My, oh my! I'd forgotten so much about how last season's Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta ended, so I was like a kid at Christmas watching the highlights. The three-way proposal! The three-way three-way! If this season is half as dramatic as last, we are in for a train wreck. Last night's premiere didn't disappoint. Stevie J. is certainly stepping up in the world, isn't he? He's living in the White House with Joseline Hernandez. Their shared mansion is 18,000 square feet, and the pair pour champagne for breakfast. It's a long way from Benzino's sofa! Joseline reveals that the couple got married in a courthouse, and she's ready for a lavish wedding. The dress she wants is only $25,000. A steal! Stevie wants a wedding celebration too, but first he'd like to focus on a shared birthday party since they were born one day apart.
Rasheeda and Kirk Frost are "back together" for the sake of their son Carter. Of course, by "back together" I mean they are living in the same house and co-parenting their newborn, but Rasheeda has banished him to a separate bedroom and I can guarantee you he's not getting any love from her. I'm sure he's keeping himself sane courtesy of the threesome memories from No Neck's cabin. Here's hoping Kirk doesn't act like as much of a douche as he did last season!
Despite her cancer scare Lisa Nicole Cloud is going through with the WEN (Women's Empowerment Network) conference because she needs a distraction. Of course her first mistake was including her co-workers in the guest list. She describes the conference as a "who's-who" event, so naturally she left Mariah off the guest list. Lisa Nicole shares that the event raises 5-figures annually for charities benefiting women and children. And after this year all of those good deeds will be eclipsed by ill-behaving Bravo famewhores! Reality TV – gotta love it!
Toya Bush-Harris and Eugene put a deposit down on a house. Ever the planner, Toya is already decorating the house they do not own yet! Toya says her new high is shopping for furniture. Let's be real – Toya's high has always been spending Eugene's money!
Is it true? Has the day really come? Can I finally stop talking about the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion? I mean, how many hours of this three-ring circus have we been subjected to? What was last night hour 475? I chugged a 5 Hour Energy drink vodka soda and settled in for two hours of she-said/she-said-you're dumb-annnnd now here comes the husbands! Oh and the husbands, they sure showed up. Or at least Apollo Nida did. He was gunning for Kenya Moore's title as Queen of the Krazies!
Of all the things that happened last night it was the deafening silence of Kenya in the wake of Phaedra Parks' atomic bomb of verbal destruction. At some point, Kenya, realizing she had not a friend in the eaves, gave up. She just resorted to the silent game, but it was because she was trying not to cry.
Kenya can match any of these broads with her outlandishness, wild accusations, and sheer commitment to getting the job done. NeNe Leakes is easy – she's all loud buffoonery and nebulous threats. Kandi Burruss is just gonna say her bit – loudly – and then get teary eyed, but nobody hates Kandi enough to truly come for her. Cynthia Bailey perpetually wears an expression that says, 'Please don't kick me – I'm already down!" there's no satisfaction in gunning for her. And Porsha Stewart, well, she just gets louder and wilder and self-destructs on a comical level. But Phaedra… Phaedra does not shake.
Did the entire cast of Real Housewives of New York lose their minds (I mean, that's insinuating they had minds to begin with, but…) – someone must have spiked the pinot! Sonja Morgan is in hot water – and I don't mean in the spa hot tub. She's got a mess of financial issues that are literally drowning her. Because Ramona Singer has issues of her own, she's decided to ignore them and focus all of her animosity on taking care of Sonja. It doesn't bode well for Ramonja! Is Turtle Time dead? (Please say yes!).
Sonja has a pool day, so she and her intern hit up the local Whole Foods some refreshments and then hire a the DJ/Bar Tender. The guests? Sonja, Aviva Drescher, and Ramona. Yes – Sonja hired a DJ and bar tender for this. "If you don't feel decadent, you're doing something wrong!" Sonja explains. Something wrong like spending money on things like DJs when your iPod playlist will do just fine? Something like that decadence? #ThisIsWhyYoureBankrupt
On last night's 16 And Pregnant, seventeen-year-old Millina Kacmar and boyfriend Trevor dealt with trying to parent son Kayden and parent their own mothers who were at least as immature and needy as the infant, right?
Millina's mom is in jail for drugs and her father is flaky and broke (and in the past he was abusive), so she and her younger brother Moses live with their grandmother Nan. Millina is dating Trevor – and his pornstache – but has trouble trusting him because of her rocky childhood. As a result of her mom's issues Millina dropped out of school and fell into the rave scene including all the drugs, alcohol, hideous neon fashions, piercings, and all-nighters it had to offer. That's also where she met Trevor.
Millina realizes she has to give up the party scene for her son because she worries about turning into her mom and losing her son to Child Protective Services. She confides in her friend Haley that she freaks out about this daily.
We're still at Shannon's dinner party and tensions are running high. I blame Shannon and her non-organic vodka and her totally toxic marriage, despite the efforts of radiation detectors. Where's the detector that detects the bad vibes Shannon radiates?! She's got everyone gripping their knives for protection and wondering when the next onslaught is going to come. At least the food was good – everyone talks about the food – and the house.
Heather is most on edge of all. Fancy Pants doesn't like the new girl with her shi-shi-shi house giving her a run for her fancy pants money. To assert her crown Heather starts taking it out on the little people. She tells Vicki to hush (which finally, somebody did!) and stop interrupting while Shannon tells her Unhappily Married Support Group opener about how she was the girl who could never be alone and then she married David because well, he said hey!