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Monday night on Dancing with the Stars All Stars, Kelly Monaco, Melissa Rycroft, and Shawn Johnson danced for the coveted Mirror Ball Trophy.

First, General Hospital star Kelly Monaco and the talented and delicious Valentin Chmerkovskiy danced the paso doble (29.5/30) and a recreation of Dirty Dancing's iconic "(I've Had) The Time of My Life" dance for their freestyle (29.5/30). Kelly and Val's combined score for the night was 59/60. 
 
The Bachelor's Melissa Rycroft and deserves-to-win Tony Dovolani (he put up with Kate Gosselin!) chose the samba (30/30). The pair took a risk for their freestyle, dancing a contemporary dance. It's safe to say the risk was worth it, as Len was left nearly speechless. The breathtaking dance earned the pair another perfect score. Melissa and Tony's combined score for the night was 60/60.
 
Finally, Olympic gymnast Shawn Johnson and the master of choreography Derek Hough revisited their we're-above-the-rules quickstep (27/30) and danced a fantastic but gymnastics heavy freestyle that incorporated the "Fierce Five" (30/30). Shawn and Derek's combined score for the night was 57/60.
 
For the first time in Dancing with the Stars history, three women and their partners go head to head for the trophy… not just any Mirror Ball Trophy… this is the All Stars Trophy! Who wins?
 
CLICK CONTINUE READING FOR THE RESULTS AND VIDEOS! 

First of all let me apologize for this beast being so late, but good things come to those who wait, right? Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, boy did we witness some groveling. It was down in the dirt, on your knees, begging kind of groveling as Queen Lisa Vanderpump barely acknowledged her subject's pleas for redemption. 

I should say last night's episode was a study in relationship building and friendship, but also in status. New alliances were drawn, and enemy lines began to be sorted out. Also, the ladies took a trip to Ojai where apparently magic happens. But no amount of magic can make these girls behave in public. 

Things begin with two ladies afflicted by a curse of over botoxing and an unfortunate affinity for ugly blouses facing off in a quaint little restaurant. One lady, a benevolent but stern queen, and the other a marginally disgraced princess who is quivering and anxious with anticipation. Yes, Adrienne Maloof has realized she made enemies with the wrong lady, because while Lisa can be sweet as rosé, she will cut a bitch faster than she'll discard a wilting rose. 

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Every week I get a little more frustrated with these girls of Teen Mom 2.  MTV is paying them, and they are learning nothing except how to be more whiny and entitled.  I really think the network should incorporate some kind of weekly therapy session for Jenelle Evans, Chelsea Houska, Leah Messer, and Kailyn Lowry to make it a little more relevant and a little less rewarding immaturity and bad behavior.  Anyone agree?

Case in point, we begin with Chelsea trying to tame her peroxide weave while lamenting about taking her GED practice test in the following week.  She really needs to study, but she has way more important things to do…like plan Aubree's birthday party, attend freeloading Adam Lind's motocross race, and devise a plan to keep her dad from finding out that Adam is squatting on his dime.  Priorities, of course.  Of course, Chelsea's third priority didn't work out so well because she forgot her dad has a key to her house and decided to take a peek inside when he came to pick up Aubree.  She tries to act indignant, like what are you doing in my house?  I want him to retort with, um, it's actually my house considering I pay for it, but instead Randy promises her they will discuss the situation later.

Oh wait, Chelsea explains that she pays her own rent, so maybe I would be a tad upset if my dad busted in, but still.  She arrives at the race, and it's so pitiful to watch her try to kiss Adam and hold his hand while he totally brushes her off and then walks away.  Chelsea acts totally oblivious to his behavior. 

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I don't know about you, but I've been waiting with baited breath for Jackie Christie's line to debut at New York Fashion Week.  Can you even fathom the insanity that is going to head down that runway.  Well, on last night's Basketball Wives LA, the ladies let it all hang out while working that catwalk.  Apparently Jackie's line doesn't include a bra big enough to tame Brooke Bailey's giant chest, so she commandos it down the runway.  Laura Govan follows in braless suit, but she's thankfully not about to put out her own eye…or anyone else's.  But we'll get to that later…

Draya Michele and Malaysia Pargo are trying on Jackie's fashions for the show.  Draya is beyond impressed with Jackie's pieces.  Why doesn't she wear these kind of clothes in her real life?  Brooke invites the women to a business deal, but she makes sure to get in a dig to Draya about the magazine cover shoot.  Draya can't cover up her jealousy.  Gloria Govan  and Brooke are walking in another show, and Draya, Laura, Jackie, and Malaysia are going to be be supportive.  Draya is confused as to why Jackie and Laura are being so buddy-buddy.  Jackie wishes that Draya would stop butting into her and Laura's friendship.  Laura thinks it's funny that people are concerned about her behavior towards Jackie.  Her master plan isn't going to go down at a fashion show where she's supporting actual friends!

Brooke takes the catwalk…or the slim slice of floor not overrun by revelers looking like a poor man's Nicki Minaj.  I'm sorry, but that wig is all kinds of unfortunate.  Gloria follows suit and she's dressed in the outfit that Hello Kitty would wear if she ever decided to be a construction worker.  Backstage, the women are being supportive of the models, but Draya backs out on a dinner celebration to honor Brooke's magazine cover.  Draya feels like she's being a good friend by not going to the dinner where she'd be sure to be a pouty Debbie Downer.  At Brooke's celebration, the other women wonder about Draya's absence, but Malaysia tries to play devil's advocate on Draya's behalf. 

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"F*** me now, slave – or I'll spend more of your money on Versace china and wigs!" 

Last night's episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta was a lesson in living large, but not necessarily in charge. We spent our last day in Casa de Eviction where the Zolciak-Biermann fam was unceremoniously tossed out, left to the mercies of a generic moving company and schlepping 17,000 square feet of wigs back to Big Poppa's condo. Le sigh. My how the delusions of grandeur have fallen. 

Elsewhere Kenya Moore continued to rock crazy like it's a pair of Louboutins. I would say she wears it well, but she doesn't. Instead she comes off looking the girl in foolboutins. I think they sell them at Payless. BOGO bitches!

Things begin at Casa de Eviction, where Kim Zolciak, wig askew, is like freaking out. She's got a whole house to move and one day to do it and no one is helping her. So she storms around ranting and blaming the movers for everything. Sweetie is shockingly the voice of reason as she tries to steer Kim in the direction of focusing on the important things – packing her wigs and makeup. Apparently Sweetie wants to spare us a Kim sans her face. 

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It seems that Kody Brown has gotten some sort of hairstyle/hairdo/haircut situation since last week's Sister Wives premiere.  His bowl-cut/mullet hybrid seems more tame.  Is he not watching these old home videos of himself that we're forced to watch?  He's actually not bad looking with shorter hair.  I don't know if I'll ever get over his mane situation.  Kody drones on and on about how many polygamists don't raise their children in such a public manner due to the stigma of the lifestyle.  Of course Kody wants to be front and center with each of his bazillion kids so they realize how strong the family bond is.  

Kody and his wives are heading to the high school for a parent(s)-teacher conference.  Oddly enough, they opt for the mini-van instead of Kody's convertible.  Strange.  The first meeting is with Mariah's Spanish teacher.  Mariah reminds us that she was inducted into the National Honor Society…last episode year.  A little editing problem there, TLC?  That would explain Kody's haircut.  Anyhoo, the Spanish teacher is meeting with three of the kids moms.  It's funny watching the wives pretend like they understand Spanish.  Christine thinks that Senora Hess is hot.  She would totally learn Spanish from her…and there is next season's story line–recruiting Senora Hess as the next wife.

Next, the women meet with the P.E. teacher.  While she's only teaching Aspyn this year, she had many of the daughters last year.  Aspyn likes to skip P.E. a lot, but she's making up the work to increase her grade.  Christine allows Aspyn to skip school a lot because she's such a good student.  That's good…it's totally like that in the work force too, so kudos to you Christine for preparing her for real life.  Meri admits that Mariah often tries to skip citing Chistine's lax nature with Aspyn, but Meri won't stand for it.  However, like Mariah, Aspyn also wants to be in a plural marriage like her parents.

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Last week on Top Chef Seattle, the cheftestants' challenges revolved around regional ingredients. The episode was very fishy. Seattle chef Tom Douglas joined the judges' table inside the Space Needle.

Three past Top Chef competitors, Josie Smith-Malave (season 2), C.J. Jacobsen (season 3), and Stefan Richter (season 5), joined the competition. Sadly, Jeffrey Jew failed to impress the judges and was eliminated. 

Quickfire Challenge

The challenge: Create an authentic international dumpling. Working individually, each contestant must pick a country (Africa? It's a loose interpretation of "country," I guess), and then make the dough-wrapped ball of food associated with that country. Padma Lakshmi tells the chefs that they will be gifted five minutes with a Kindle Fire, the Top Chef product of the week, to research their dumpling. 
 
Dana Cowin, Editor-in-chief of Food & Wine Magazine, will judge the challenge. Dana explains that she will look to see how each chef handles a wrapper, stuffing, and sauce, adding that she has eaten her weight in dumplings. No pressure, but she knows her dumplings.
 
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Last night's Flipping Out continued the insanity with Jeff Lewis, Jenni Pulos, Gage Edward, Zoila Chavez, and crazy Andrew.  Actually though, the episode was really sad.  It seems to be the downfall of Jenni and Jeff's friendship, which of course would mean the demise of their long-time working relationship.  There is jealousy and deception from both sides, and if it continues, it's easy to see why it was so easy for Jeff to slap Jenni with that lawsuit.  It was actually kind of heartbreaking to watch. 

Right off the bat, Zoila announces her fake pregnancy while Jenni's alter ego Deb calls Eddie the carpenter.  She's hilarious.  Just start with the craziness…do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars.  Poor Eddie is stuck coaching t-ball while getting hazed by Deb.  Jeff loves that Jenni doesn't care at all about what people think of her.  Jenni and Jeff head out to their project.  Jeff is surprised to learn that Jenni wants to start trying to get pregnant immediately.  She gives us a quick lesson on how to make a baby.  Jeff isn't ready for a Jenni pregnancy.  He still hasn't recovered from Jenni's wedding.  They arrive at Jeanne's house, and poor Jenni plays a prank on her husband Tommy Shaw, front man of Styx.  Jeff feels like he's doing a lot of free consultations for Jeanne to repay Tommy for singing for free at Jenni's wedding.  Jeanne hasn't asked for the extra perks, but Jeff feels guilty that Jenni took advantage of their clients.  Jeff tries his hardest to convince Jeanne that she needs to do further renovations to increase their property value.

Jenni, Jeff, and Vanina are discussing Jeff's new paint line.  He and Gage are partnering with paint company Dunn-Edwards.  Jenni hopes he'll name a color after her and call it Cougar.  The rest of the names they come up with I would blush if I had to type here.  DTF is the tamest of them all.  At Spring Oak, Gage and Jeff are awaiting a representative from Dunn-Edwards to come meet with them about the line.  Gage is hoping that the paint will be a new form of revenue that will free up Jeff to start thinking about starting a family.  Jenni is all dolled up for the meeting, and both she and Gage are hoping Jeff won't make things uncomfortable for the rep with his inappropriate humor.  The group toasts the deal, and Jeff starts in on paint names.  Gage is freaking out about the names, as he should be. 

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