Last night was the first part of the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion. Right off the bat the vibe was immediately much different than last years – which was awesome. Teresa Giudice seemed relaxed-ish and confident. Jacqueline Laurita had great hair. And Caroline Manzo's head wasn't smoking. So yay for progress. Everyone was very orange though, but you know it could've been my TV.
Andy Cohen jumps right in. It's clear that some people really either took to heart the therapy and forgiveness, while others cannot and will not let go. Maybe some people really do value their friendships over a show, or maybe it's because they're leaving they want to go out on a good note – whatever.
Caroline has definitely decided that since she is officially done with this show, it's time to get. honest. And getting honest means calling Melissa Gorgaout! Caroline points out that Melissa and Teresa are eerily similar in many ways. While Teresa blinks profusely and thinks carefully about what the word "similar" means, Melissa gets combative and denies, denies, denies! "We're nothing alike. If we were alike, we'd be able to get along," she insists. Melissa insists that at their core she and Teresa are different people. Good thing she cleared that up cause on the surface they're both materialistic, self-absorbed, attention whores! And at their core, they're both rotten!
Last night'sI Dream of NeNe shifted the drama and cattiness from Gregg Leakes' kids and plops it right on top of NeNe Leakes' bridesmaids. The only constant throughout it all? The Neenster's larger than life ego stays totally intact! Also, if I wanted to make this a drinking game, I'd have you chug your vino every time NeNe talked about her bride-maids. Am I crazy for thinking there should be an "s" in there?
Gregg is running interference with son Damien while NeNe schools her remaining adult step-children. Dr. Jeff is hoping he can help the family move forward, and all of Gregg's kids (sans Damien) seem just plain confused by the situation. Look at NeNe's flowing locks in her interview sessions! Work! Dr. Jeff thinks that the major issue is between Gregg and the kids instead of NeNe and the kids. Oh, Bravo editing…now NeNe's interview session hair is in sort of an Adam Lambert-esque bob.
NeNe is hoping that Gregg's only daughter Katrina will be the voice of reason. She feels that Katrina's feelings get lost among her boisterous brothers. Katrina reveals that she doesn't have much of a relationship with her father because he only responded to her when she asked for money. She wanted a more emotional and supportive role in her dad's life. NeNe bonds with Katrina over her own absent father. Katrina seems to have gotten through to Gregg and he promises to rectify their relationship.
We begin with Evelyn and Tami are dishing on all things Tasha and Big Diva. Tami understands what Tasha is trying to do, but she thinks she should perhaps be better advised in her business ventures. Evelyn jokes about kicking Big Diva in the throat, but at least she didn't say anything about head-butting. Thankfully, Tami's eyes are free from asbestos poisoning, and she reveals to Evelyn that Tasha tried to come for her when she regretted to the party. Oh, is that what happened? Evelyn admits that she, Shaunie, and Suzie left long before Tasha arrived.
Shaunie is throwing her son Shareef a thirteenth birthday party that she has dubbed the Bro Mitzvah. He wants over a hundred and fifty guests, video vixens on each arm, big name rappers performing, and a fiery entrance. Shaunie is going to do her best. Whatever happened to a sheet cake and a roller skating rink? And we wonder why kids today are so entitled. Sorry, I think I morphed into my grandmother for a second there.
Last night on Real Housewives of Miami bridges to the past were burned as everyone focused on getting over it, moving forward, and embracing the positive. Except for Lenny Hochstein – he embraced the liposuction and actualized his dream of looking like Romain Zago of being a swimsuit model.
Things begin with Adriana de Moura and Joanna Krupa meeting for breakfast to discuss why they hate each other. Joanna stuck to non-alcoholic beverages and that ensured that no eggs were thrown in anyone's face (boring!) despite Adriana being an hour late. In the end Adriana apologizes for calling Joanna "Ho-anna" and insinuating she was an escort, although she tries to blame the whole thing on Lea Black! All is good… for now! Personally I don't know how Joanna resisted the urge to knock that goofy white hat off Adriana's head.
Last night was the season finale of Real Housewives of New Jersey. I don't know why they bothered taping one this season since it was pretty much a complete rehash of last season's! Of course things ended on a much better note, so there's that – and it seemed as if Teresa Giudice and Joe Gorga had finally taken the steps towards the slow, treacly path to rebuilding… But then we saw WWHL. So, anyway – Deja-Jersey!
Apparently all things Jersey must end with Posche. #Posche4Life. Kim D has some magic clutches on the producers of RHONJ – I mean how on earth has she roped them into filming her event three seasons running?! It starts with Penny Karagiorgis squaring off against Teresa. Did Teresa tell Penny all about the misdeeds of her sister-in-law Melissa Gorga? Penny says yes, Teresa says no. I say (as does Joe Giudice): "Who cares?!"
Penny reveals she has Teresa's phone number in her phone but there's no proof they've communicated as she doesn't save "texez" – or "Texas" if you're Teresa. Then Johnny, Penny's large, not in charge, husband appears to defend his wife and take Poison down to size (invisible?), or something. He's got texas and tweets galore and he's also got Poison breathing down his neck like a steroid-engineered gnome. Little man feisty. Little man get mad. Little man attack. Rawr!
Last night'sI Dream of NeNe was more therapy, drama, and famous friends ofNeNe Leakes. When it begins, the Neenster is reuniting with the Donald, and I'll be damned. They have the same hairstyle. Trump wants NeNe to judge the Miss USA pageant. After their mutual admiration club, Donald shares with NeNe that he's read that she's getting remarried to her ex-husband. She reveals that her first divorce from Greggwasn't amicable…in fact, it was hostile. Basically, Donald advises NeNe to get Gregg to sign the pre-nup or he's fired. She also tries to get Donald's advice on blending families, but of course, it all boils down to her getting an extra nice wedding gift from the Donald.
Cynthia Bailey's husband Peter Thomas has bonded with Gregg, and Gregg is looking to his new biffle for guidance as to how to blend his family. Luckily for Gregg, Peter has a lot of opinions given the fact he has five children that aren't with his current wife. Peter urges his friend to make sure that everyone gets along.
This week, Mackenzie finds tumbling practice to be more exhausting than it used to be. Coach tries to put things into perspective for the young mom – she has the potential to cheer on a college level but she needs to be able to 1) practice on a that level while attending classes and taking care of Gannon and 2) pay for college. Mackenzie's banking on Josh McKee (and his already scrambled brains) on winning rodeos so she can be a cheerleader.
Next Katie discovers that Joey Maes overdrew their checking account, costing them $90 in bank fees, and she worries he's using their grocery money to buy drugs. Katie gets on Joey's case the second he walks through the door, as per usual, and he blows her off to play with Molli. Katie throws bank statements at Joey (and Molli) and they argue for the 300th time since the premiere.
And just like that, Evelyn's tears fall like rain (again) and she exits the restaurant with the Puppet Master running after her friend. "Am I being dramatic?" Evelyn asks. Finally, a question we all want to answer.
Later, Evelyn is shooting the cover for Vibe Vixen, and she questions Tami as to whether she overreacted to Tasha's joke. Tami understands why her friend is upset and suggests that Evelyn have a talk with Tasha about her hurt feelings. She is actually proud of Evelyn as last season's variety would have thrown a drink (or a chair, or a shoe, or a wine bottle) at anyone who looked at her the wrong way. I guess we all just pretend that Tami didn't just pop off on Evelyn during lunch for a misplaced hand. Okay, I'll play that game.