Kim Zolciak Biermann

WATCH WHAT HAPPENS LIVE WITH ANDY COHEN -- Episode 14082 -- Pictured: Kim Zolciak-Biermann -- (Photo by: Charles Sykes/Bravo)

I don’t think I will ever get over that last part of the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion. I got no closure so I was putting a lot of stock into the Watch What Happens Live episode that followed. Ideally, Porsha Williams would have been on to spill some tea on Phaedra Parks, but Kim Zolciak Biermann came through to shade her former RHOA costar.

As per usual, Kim denied getting her nose done and threw some insults at Kenya Moore. She addressed her son Kash‘s trip to the emergency room after he was attacked by a dog. She also attempted to clear up that weird tweet she sent to Chrissy Teigen offering up her daughter Brielle Biermann for oral sex to get John Legend tickets. Basically, she was laying the framework to return to Real Housewives of Atlanta next year.

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Kim-Zolciak-bikini-line

It was only a matter of time before Kim Zolciak put her name on a swimwear line. After years of posting mirror selfies of her bikini body, capitalizing on her social media following to start a bikini line is a logical next step. Sure, “swimsuit designer” is a common occupation among the Real Housewives, so I don’t feel like the world is lacking when it comes to bathing suit options “designed by” reality TV stars, but she does have six kids to feed.

It feels like Kim is currently endorsing or “designing” every type of product under the sun, so I’m really not shocked that she will now be selling bikinis. It’s pretty easy to make fun of Kim for her constant promotion, but to be honest, if I could make a shit ton of money by posting about brands on Instagram and putting my name on random products, I would do it too. Get after it while you can, Kim.

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Kim-Zolciak-Vacation4

I figured with Kroy Biermann’s former team the Atlanta Falcons headed for the Super Bowl this Sunday that he and Kim Zolciak would be around to support the team, but the Don’t Be Tardy stars are enjoying some relaxation on the beach instead.

For all I know, they are headed straight to Houston to root for Kroy’s old team. Although Kroy doesn’t seem to be anything but supportive of the Falcons, I am definitely feeling some jealousy…about their beach vacation while I am stuck in the winter weather. In true Kim fashion, she made sure to post a ton of photos to document their trip

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Don't Be Tardy season finale

OK, Don’t Be Tardy fans and haters, we made it through another season of Kim Zolciak Biermann’s life, just barely. Between health scares and the stress of just living la vida Kim, some episodes, we were hanging on by a thread. Or so Kim would have us believe. She still managed to deliver us her most expensive baby yet, her skincare line Kashmere, which I’m sure is selling like hot cakes in the link of her Instagram bio. As for long suffering husband Kroy Biermann, his football career still hangs in the balance (although if you follow any Kim news at all, you already know he was signed and then released from the Buffalo Bills).

Since the launch of Kashmere, Kim has been having some “weird” symptoms that she’s chalking up to the stress of self promoting a skincare line while simultaneously having a birthday party. I mean, can you guys imagine the stress? And you thought your life was hectic *snort*. Anyway, this brings Kim to an appointment with her cardiologist.

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Don't Be Tardy Recap - Kim Zolciak

Don’t Be Tardy opens with just another day at the Beirmann house and Kim Zolciak Biermann having a topless photo shoot in her pool as her four year old son watches. Kim is FINALLY ready to launch her new skincare line and of course, who would be a better spokesperson than her? Don’t answer that – it was a rhetorical question.

Since Kim is hosting a bunch of people from her skincare team in L.A., she has Tracey pull out the best conch possible to feed and entertain them by the same pool she just floated topless in. Kim goes on and on about how hard she has been working on this skincare line and how it’s a huge accomplishment for her to launch it. Never mind that we haven’t seen one second of footage of her working on any of it. I’m sure Kim’s idea of hard work is much different than the masses. I’m having a hard time concentrating on anything else about this scene after catching the sight of Kroy Biermann dressed in cut off jean shorts, or jorts, if you will.

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Don't Be Tardy recap

This week’s episode of Don’t Be Tardy is ripe with all kinds of change in the air. Kim Zolciak Biermann and Kroy Biermann are anxiously waiting to hear where Kroy will end up playing and the whole family is a tad on edge with the unknown. The only solution seems to be to throw money at the problem, which sounds about right.

Despite the stress going on around her, Tracey is cool as a cucumber, thanks to a new online relationship with a gal named Lexi. She met her on Instagram and apparently, knows almost nothing about her, even though they have been talking for a month and a half. Lexi lives in New York and Tracey has yet to join the year 2016 FaceTime her. Brielle Biermann expertly points out that Tracey is “SO old” and decides to move this relationship along with a FaceTime call. One fun fact Tracey forgot to ask in her relationship is how old Lexi is (25) and both Brielle and Tracey are shocked by this news but recover quickly enough to invite Lexi to Atlanta to see this sh*t show first hand spend some much needed time together.

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DBT Kim

Last night’s Don’t Be Tardy showcased a stressful time in the Zolciak-Biermann household. Teen angst was at an all time high. Kim and Kroy didn’t see eye-to-eye. Red solo cups were flung around with reckless abandon, and the phrase of all phrases was born (and continues to echo through my brain). Thank you, Bravo. Just thank you.

The episode begins with Kim and crew heading to an Atlanta studio. Kim has used Instagram to set up a dance lesson for Brielle, Chef Tracey, and Shun. Everyone is wearing sexy heels, but poor Tracey is having a very hard time with her footwear. The lesson for today is some stripper dancing, and Kim is ecstatic that she can finally hang out with Brielle as besties and not just in the mother-daughter capacity. Not to mention, Kim loves some gyrating!

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Don't Be Tardy recap

Last night’s Don’t Be Tardy incorporated so many of our favorite reality shows into a single episode: Top Chef inspired dishes, a RuPaul’s Drag Race inspired game of bingo, and the language heard on any given installment of Mob Wives. It was pretty amazing.

We begin with Access Hollywood’s Anthony, who introduces Brielle Biermann to Liz Hernandez, and she is beyond impressed by the fact Liz interviewed Oprah–the world’s most famous interviewer becomes interviewee! As Liz inquires about Brielle’s education, Brielle dodges questions about college. Liz tells Kim’s mini-me that she got her start at a college internship. Not shockingly, this revelation doesn’t send Brielle into an application frenzy.

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