Kim Zolciak Biermann

Kim Zolciak

No, no, no. Just no. Just because you’re good at something doesn’t necessarily mean you have to make into a second (or third, or fourth) source of revenue. Who am I kidding? Of course it does, especially if you’re a reality star, and even more so if you’re a Bravo-lebrity. As I sit at my computer, I can see the bottle of Kim Zolciak Biermann’s Viva Diva sparking mango moscato that sits on my bar cart…a reminder of the perks of blogging and why I love this gig so much. And in case you’re wondering, it’s unopened – surely it will get better with age!

So, I guess it shouldn’t shock me that the Don’t Be Tardy matriarch has her sights set on yet another money-maker. Hocking wigs and wine and skincare while attempting to be a momager to son KJ and her twin of a daughter Brielle isn’t enough for Kim. She wants to be the next Jeff Lewis

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Kim Zolciak & Brielle Biermann

So, I don’t know what you did last night, but I fell down a rabbit hole which caused my IQ to drop to the single digits while perusing Brielle Biermann’s Twitter feed and catching up with Kim Zolciak-Biermann on Instagram. To be honest, I may have been looking at the same person’s social media presence. I can’t tell if Brielle is morphing into her mother or vice versa, but I did a double take on a photo of Kim that I could have sworn was Brielle. Also, take a peek at Brielle’s Twitter profile picture…is it of her or Kim. I can’t be sure…but remember, I’m lacking much of my brain capacity just to bring you this story. 🙂 

The Don’t Be Tardy stars love being on your small screen, but they are both hoping to branch out from Bravo…Kim as a stage mom for the next generation of Biermann babies and Brielle as the most dramatic (and ridiculous) Bachelor contestant ever to grace the presence of Chris Harrison. So, I guess that E! co-hosting gig didn’t work out? 

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Kim Zolciak

As if the Biermann house wasn’t full enough, Don’t Be Tardy star Kim Zolciak has adopted a black lab puppy named Norma Jean.

The Atlanta Humane Society tweeted “Happy Adoption Day” to Kim and Kroy on Twitter, adding, “We’re so happy you found love at Atlanta Humane!” As you can tell by the less-than-thrilled look on his face, Kroy needed to be convinced that adding a puppy to the already crazy household was a good idea. “Yay! We are SO happy for all of you!” they tweeted. “Glad you, Brielle, and Ariana were able to convince Kroy!!” Ha! How long until Kroy offers himself up for adoption?

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kim-zolciak

After a mini stroke gave her a new perspective, Kim Zolciak decided to rebrand herself as a motivational speaker and launched the ‘Ask Believe Receive’ tour to share the secrets of her successful gold digging with the masses. But did Kim cancel the entire thing without speaking a word?

As you recall “Ask, Believe, and Receive” has become Kim’s motto after she asked Jesus for a man with a perfect ass and found Kroy Biermann. Four kids, a successful spinoff, and a stint on Dancing With The Stars later Kim was ready to impart her wisdom. I guess, her Asking and Believing got some Receiving, so it worked – Kim went from being a bewigged mistress of Big Poppa living in a townhouse, to the wife of an NFL player living in a custom re-done house that has her own wig emporium. So Ask and Believe on, y’all! 

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kim-zolciak

After getting over her intense fear of speaking in public, Kim Zolciak shared last month that she’s embarking on a nationwide 20 city motivational speaking tourKim announced that tickets are on sale starting today for the Ask Believe Receive Tour!  And they can be yours for the low low price of $125.  Or $175 if you want the true VIP experience! 

Kim’s tour will kick off in Duluth, Georgia in December.   Venue to be announced to ticket buyers via email two weeks before the event.  Likely so she can wait to determine what size space to rent – a stadium or the back room at the local Applebee’s. 

dont be tardy kroy kite

Finally. Last night was the season finale of Don’t Be Tardy, so we had to bid farewell to chef Tracy. Don’t cry. It’s Bravo. She’ll be back. They’ll all be back. That said, if Brielle gets a job at E! News, I officially give up…on everything. Plus, I have a big birthday coming up, and every time I watch this show and remember that Kim Zolciak Biermann claims to be is a few years younger than I am, I want drown my sorrows in some of her sparkling raspberry moscato. If you’ve had it, you know how badly this realization is for me.

The episode begins with KJ and Kroy building a kite. Kroy is heading off to camp with the Falcons which makes KJ the f$%#&* head of the household. KJ has it covered. He plans to chain Brielle in her room for at least a week. Smart kid. Meanwhile, Brielle and Slade are debating how much a ton weighs, and Kim and Kroy are taking the couple to Kim’s favorite psychic, Rose, so they can figure out the future of their relationship. Kim loves the psychic so much, Kaia’s middle name is Rose. Rose predicts that Brielle will have three kids, a wonderful husband and good fortune…and it’s starting next year. Rose reads Slade’s palm and also sees a marriage within a year. Slade jokes that it will be a really tiny ring then.

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dont be tardy brielle guiliana

We are one episode away from the Don’t Be Tardy finale. Are y’all as stoked as I am? That said, after next week, I’ll spend months wondering if Brielle is really trying navigate Los Angeles all by her lonesome, as well as what curse words KJ has added to his vocabulary! Let’s get started with the recap, shall we? 

On the eve of their trip to Los Angeles, Shun swings by the Zolciak-Biermann abode to help style Brielle for her big break. Kim reveals that not only will the mother-daughter duo be visiting E! News, they will also be apartment hunting. Kim divides her time between fawning over Brielle’s fashion and hounding Slade about he’ll survive if his lady love moves permanently to the West Coast. Gloria is taking some time off from being Kim’s bitch assistant so that she can get married. While it’s the most inopportune time for Kim, she’s happy for Gloria. Chef Tracy goad Gloria about how easy her job is, and she offers to do it ten times better in Gloria’s absence. Gloria wishes her luck with an eye roll. Who thinks this chick will make it another season? Wait, why do I expect there to be another season?

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dont be tardy brielle slade

So, I’m going to go out on a limb here…Kim Zolciak Biermann wants oldest daughter Brielle to excel in Hollywood (attain her goals with no work, if you will), so she’s decided to make this season of Don’t Be Tardy Brielle’s swan song. Why else would the eighteen-year-old carrot expert and her beau Slade be featured so often? Three seasons from now, it’s going to be all about cursing KJ. The writing is already on the wall people!

Last night’s episode followed Kim and family as they spent the weekend at Slade’s folks’ lake house on Lake Keowee (my stomping ground when I’m home in the Upstate–and my friends with lake houses invite me for an always fun weekend on the water!). Before heading to South Carolina, Kim, who is clearly NOT sporting a new nose…not at all, Brielle and Slade meet with Kim and Kroy to discuss their plans for co-habitating in California. She can’t even make her point before Kroy is dying laughing and Kim saying she won’t fund Brielle giving away her milk for free. Maybe Slade can join her when he pops the question. Silly Kim, Brielle doesn’t drink milk! When she realizes her mother is making a sexual reference, Brielle is grossed out that Slade would want breast milk. Even worse than that statement? Kroy trying to figure out the “why buy the cow” analogy with the help of a producer.

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