So last night on Real Housewives of New Jersey the producers teased us with progress, yet again, but then we all ended up right back where we started with some sort of family drama nonsense.
Gaaawd. Gawwwwwd. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaawd. It's all sooooo boring. We don't care. And you know what, it doesn't even seem believable anymore. Ugh. That's like all I have to muster. Recap over. Bye! Just kidding, but I'm gonna go ahead and say the highlight of last night's show was Penny Drossos-Karagiorgis' 10 foot long ponytail extension from the My Little Pony Weave Collection! Seriously that synthetic tail she was sporting was the color of Kraft Mac & Cheese and looked like straight up plastic Easter grass. As RuPaul would say: 'Grrrrrrrrllllll…'
My other favorite part of the episode: Melissa Gorga's "singing". Her music career is about as believable as Penny's hair. Alright let's dive in!
So Teresa Giudice is pimping out Skinny Italian foods. She's got some sort of "store" where she has all the packages displayed. Is it edible? Apparently she's saving pasta from being boring by dumping a bunch of love in some pre-packaged rigatoni. Whatever. The real point of this meeting is so she can discuss the Melissa drama with her mom and mother-in-law. I'm not gonna snark – the mommies are adorable. They encourage Teresa to invite Joe and Melissa for a family lunch. Alls good now… for less time than it takes to boil a pot of spaghetti!
Melissa and Joe attended a McDonald's event that kicked off the start of the NFL season by launching the new "Mighty Wings". She Tweeted, "Are you watching football?!!! Have you tried @mcdonalds new #mightywings they are Delish!!! Just left their launch party!"
Other celebs pretending to eat on the red carpet: Jenny McCarthy, Adrienne Bailon, True Blood hottie Joe Manganiello, and rapper Eve.
I'm sure Teresa Giudice will be attending an event for Burger King later this week…. stay tuned!
In her Bravo blog, Caroline addresses the multiple family bonding, therapy sessions, and misguided team-building exercises. It was so much more believable when these folks weren't getting along? How much more passive aggressiveness between Melissa Gorga and Teresa Giudice can the viewing audience take? Give us (and the poor therapy horse!) a break, Bravo!
The Manzo matriarch begins by stating the obvious, writing, "The past two episodes of RHONJ were pretty intense, wouldn't you agree? As promised, the viewing audience witnessed a few very real and emotional moments from cast members that you would least expect, my husband Albert being one of them. I'm not gonna lie, that knocked me for a loop, I wasn't expecting that at all."
Melissa Gorga, Jacqueline Laurita, and Marysol Patton turned up last night at the Us magazine "Most Stylish New Yorkers" party. Yes, really. Contain your laughter. Maybe the reality stars and Bravolebrities were just there to support the real guests of honor. You know, the people who actually live in New York and, um, have style.
Also in attendance: Andy Cohen, Kevin Jonas and pregnant wife Danielle, among others. Take a peek at the pictures and let us know who was showing some "style" at the event.
Melissa took to her blog to explain that she didn't purposely exclude certain people at her birthday dinner raising of the glass. "I was grateful for the opportunity to thank our family and friends at my birthday dinner. I addressed individuals as part of a couple and I gave extra love to those who needed the positive attention and appreciation. Joe Giudice, Kathy, and Rosie really opened up in Arizona. They showed their hearts. I was proud of them for it, and said so. Somehow, my singling out some with special admiration got twisted into “snubbing” others. That was not the vibe in the room or my intention. Frankly, I was upset to hear that anyone interpreted it that way."
Teresa first shares that she and her cast mates are competitive, "Zen tennis wasn't very zen for me because I'm too competitive. I think we all are! And I've never played tennis before in my entire life. Swear! But it was fun and great exercise — a full body workout! I really like it. Maybe when Audriana goes to school, I'll take lessons or something." Not sure if they'll offer those in federal prison? But what do I know? They might!
Things begin with yet another fight about Melissa Gorga allegedly cheating on Joe Gorga. I was rolling my eyes and guzzling my wine with my Milania Hair Care Hairmuffs on so I really don't know what that man was yammering on about. I was all prepared to throw my wine glass at the TV in my own Incredible Hulk Man-angsty moment when Bravo flashed us back 12 hours earlier.
And I really wish I had been prepared with my blinders on! We are greeted by Poison grinding his junk in Melissa's face. 'Happy Birthday baby – just call me Justin Timberlake cause I got you some d*ck in a box!' Melissa is like 'Where? I don't see it… Oh. Yeah that little guy. Awwww… thanks… Hi TUHREEEZA!" If I got Poison's junk in my face for a birthday gift I would cancel birthdays for the rest of my life. And Melissa had never been so happy to see her sister-in-law.