Oh my God, just shut up about it already! I enjoy a lingerie party as much as the next gal (false!), but I'm so tired of Joanna Krupa talking about getting slapped by Adriana DeMoura. I'd rather poke out my eye with sharp pencil or read through my Facebook news feed the day after the election. It's all equally painful!
The Real Housewives of Miami star had my support after the initial episode aired, but then I watched her on Watch What Happens Live. At that point I lost whatever respect I had for her, and this is even after I saw the picture of her in a see-through shirt. I mean, who are these people?
Last night on Real Housewives of Miami there were dueling psychics, dueling ladies in formal wear, and um… yeah just a lot of straight up unhappiness. If last week's episode was all the debauchery, hedonism, and human sacrifices of Ancient Rome, last night's episode was the aftermath of war.
It's the day of the annual Blacks Gala and everyone is quite positive no one's nipples will hang out, no one will be thrown into pool Dynasty style, and no one will be doing tequila shots or getting slapped in the face. Oh, no instead they'll be milling around in couture gowns and spending $14,000 bidding on an evening at the Playboy Mansion. The only thing Fembot Fakenstein's boobgerie slapfest has in common with the Black Gala is some of the attendees – and that includes Joe "Cameratime" Francis. Doesn't he have some checks to be writing to Steve Wynn? $40 Million of them to be exact.
In preparation for the gala, Lea Black is rushing around clutching a bright pink Birkin as if it's an extra appendage. A third arm that is merely a formality and is crap at the useful things like moving tables and directing quack psychics on how to turn glass into music and peace.
In addition to be a Housewife (and housewife), Lea is also an author with her first novel coming soon, a serious philanthropist, and a skin care maven. Lea is frank, funny, and exactly as she comes across on the show – meaning she's very 'take me as I am' and very fun.
An excerpt from our conversation is below.
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Together the two ladies partied at the Bowery Hotel while waiting out the storm – and lucky for them they had some run-ins with celebrities Denise Richards and and Michelle Rodriguez (of course Karent tweeted about it and posted a ton of photos!) The Real Housewives of Miami stars spent their downtime posting zillions of pictures of their forced slumberparty and now claim they are "closer than ever." Below are photos of the ladies hunkered down and braving #Sandy.
So last night was really something! Was this DYNASTY orReal Housewives of Miami? I mean a pool fight between queens? Angry ladies in negligees screaming? Champagne glasses being flung? Bitchslapping and accusations flying? Booze and bitching galore? I love it
And in the center of it all stood a series of blurred out nipples over surgically altered boobs. Just the casualties of a lingerie party, I suppose.
Joanna Krupa is a curious case, isn't she? She's pretty as an angel but she's like a Transformer. She appears like an apparition all soft blonde light and sparkling blue eyes, sweet pink pout and then BOOM! Her hair turns to razor blades that will slice you, her mouth is filled with fire, bullets flying from her nipples (all three of them!), and her eyes become like shards of glass. Joanna will cut a bitch. She will stalk her prey and maul them like a wild beast hungry for dinner. Maybe that's the problem – none of these ladies eat enough and the hunger drives them crazy.
Of course, we all know that ol' Splits McGee loves the limelight almost as much as Adriana despises Karent Sierra. However, if Kyle's latest antics are true, she may have moved to the top of Adriana's most hated list. Part of me really wants this to be legit!