RHOBH Recap

Dorit Kemsley

I’m having a total about face when it comes to Dorit Kemsley. Actually, given Dorit’s confusing hair and wardrobe this season of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills, I’d say she’s having a total about face about her own self! Something seems very off with her, and she’s driving everything to hell in a designer handbag!

Dorit lives in a fake prosperous world where she is your fun, eccentric friend doing zany but delightful things. The kind of friend who cosplays Erika Girardi (not Jayne!) and has NO idea how insanely insane she comes across. I think that instead I’ll just focus on Ken gently placing a newborn dog inside his shirt, kangaroo pouch-style, and softly holding it there until the puppy dozed off. It belongs on an Anne Geddes calendar, or in one of Lisa Rinna‘s bubbles of white light, because it was perfection. 

Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave

Last season of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills I suspected something was misfiring inside Dorit Kemsley‘s brain because she just didn’t seem to ‘get’ certain things. Now I wonder if the reason she changes her hair so much is because instead of a brain her head is filled with extra pieces of hair. It’s plausible, right? And yes, once again last night was The Dorit Show, and I dunno… Lisa Rinna is a better TV host!

You guys – I am about to make a startling confession and I fully expect to be stoned with carbohydrates and Payless Shoes for this, but I have to do it. So here it goes: I truly believe the Housewife most like myself is Lisa Rinna.

No, I have not secretly written a book on how to suck D (yet! *wink, wink*), but when it comes to getting a tasty piece of gossip or knowing something I shouldn’t, I, like Lipsa, cannot help but blurt it out at inopportune times.

Lisa Rinna

There are so many things you don’t want to learn from a Real Housewife. The list honestly is endless, however, I never thought I’d have to add “blow job tips” to that already overwhelming list. Apparently I do, and it falls right under “money management” and above “drinking habits.” As always: Thanks Lisa Rinna! So that’s just a preview of last night’s raunchy, ribald, and Do-RITNOWSHUTYOURMOUTH’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills.

And just when I was starting to like Dorit Kemsley… it turns out SHE’S the bad guy!

While most of these women are stuck in California with construction, heat waves, and the crushing woes of work, Lipsa and Erika Girardi are headed to Japan where apparently The Daughters Rinna are big-time celebrities. I’m pretty sure Lipsa hired paparazzi and a roving pack of obsessed fans to follow Delilah and Amelia around, but there was a huge crowd to greet them at the airport and an impromptu red carpet, as Lipsa stood idly by babysitting 300 pieces of luggage and being ignored.

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills Recap: Bad, Bad, Bad, Bad Guys

Last night on Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills everyone opened up, although some people should’ve kept their mouths closed (ahem Dorit Kemsely). At least Dorit’s son Jagger knows the truth: nearly everyone is a bad guy here. Shockingly, Lisa Rinna wasn’t – she was actually OK last night.

I am so back and forth with Dorit. On the one hand I find her zany and cute; on the other I find her over-bearing and try-hard. Last week I liked her; this week NOPE to her and her phony whack-ccent, and her husband licking a $900 plate clean.

Is Erika Jayne

Viva Las Vegas, right?! Everyone was being backed into walls on last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills – from Lisa Rinna in a Ferris Wheel (with a bar); to Erika Girardi into a designer makeup counter. Won’t you just be Lisa Vanderpump‘s friend?!

It’s dark and scary days as Lipsa is among them. Dorit Kemsley is afraid. What will Lipsa’s evil, vicious, devil’s tongue say next?! Will she be hiding a Blue Bunny in Kyle RichardsBlue Birkin? Or will she come in peace?

RHOBH season 8 premiere

YAY! The best holiday gift ever is Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills being back. Lisa Vanderpump bring your diamonds… oh, and also the ace from your Birkin, because we have much to discuss.

One thing I love about this show is that I can always expect Kyle Richards to be not only badly and unfortunately dressed (what is she thinking with all these muumuu-sized sleeves – just wear a kaftan already!), but also grasping for acceptance. Only Kyle would get excited about swinging a Birkin around years after everyone has gotten over them. And yes, it’s a lovely color, and it’s still obviously an extremely expensive bag, but girl, just like we have MOVED ON from Kim Richards drama, we have moved on from Birkin worship. Except Kyle has done neither. We do not need an opening episode that drags Rambles up from the dregs, but apparently Kyle thinks we do.

Eileen

It always pains me to see Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills go. Like a visit from a pesky sibling who annoys you the whole time they’re there, but the second they leave it’s like awwwww… but you guys have big diamonds, mini ponies, glam squads, and travel to fancy destinations, and I miss you already. I should note that no siblings of mine have any of the aforementioned things but my sister-in-law does work for Disney World.

Alas, my love-hate relationship with the ladies of Beverly Hills goes deep and none so illustrates this point better than Lisa Rinna. That woman! One part high-octane insanity, one part sensible bluff caller, one part, well, a concoction not currently identifiable. But as Lisa Vanderpump agreed, there’s something lovable about Lipsa!

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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion

On last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills reunion, Kim Richards de-gifted the blue bunny Lisa Rinna gave her as a peace offering baby gift for her grandson.

Like WHO does that? Can you even imagine the behind-the-scenes of this blue bunny? Of how Kim has kept it stashed away somewhere for months and months, just plotting how she can use it to best Lipsa. Probably talking about it ad nauseum to Kyle Richards, and her poor daughter Brooke, constantly pretending to listen to the travail of Rambles and Lipsa and Bad Vibes Bunny. Kim moving in to her new condo and bringing the bunny with her, making a big deal to hide it from Kingsley, (I mean and Hucksley); planning and plotting to de-gift it and then WHOOSH – making it reappear at the reunion.

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