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RHOBH

know what they say…if you're not being featured on every episode of a reality show, the best thing you can do is make the media rounds so people either A) don't forget about you, or B) (in the case of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' "star" Marisa Zanuck) know who you are before you're ever seen on the small screen.  We won't see Marisa until the eighth episode of RHOBH (yes, you read that correctly…THE EIGHTH!!  That's not even a friend of a housewife, is it Dana Wilkey?), but she's bombarding our favorite blogs with controversial interviews.  I may just like her.  :) 

You may recall Marisa has already talked smack about Real Housewives of New Jersey's Teresa Giudice and revealed that Lisa Vanderpump is nice…when the cameras are rolling.  Now, she's talking about how awful her co-star Taylor Armstrong is.  The lady is all about making friends, isn't she?  Not that I blame her…with the exception of my pink puff of fabulousness known as Jiggy's mom, I think she's probably spot-on with her personality perceptions.

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Who has colored clip in extensions, glittery make-up, a hoof-tastic shoe line, a wardrobe that belongs on the Love Boat, and fancies herself a Louis Vuitton?  Why, it's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' Adrienne Maloof, of course! 

After quite a bitter divorce battle, it's nice that Adrienne has something to focus on, even if it is an overly tacky handbag line.  Bless her heart.  Adrienne sported one of her new bags to a recent Lakers game, and she tweeted a picture of the pocketbook, commenting, "Took one of my new Adrienne Maloof handbags out for a spin last night at the Lakers game!"

I can only imagine how much Adrienne is charging for these initialed wonders, but she's certainly giving Gretchen Christine a run for the money in ridiculousness!

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Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills the ladies bored us to death and then got crotchety and bitchy at Portia's fourth birthday party. I don't know about you, but I always aim to get my drunk on and cause some trouble near the ring-around-the-faux-unicorn corral. Don't step in the shit, girls! 

Before all that there were Househusbands in heels, some really bizarre timing, and a peace offering tree trunk that landed like deadweight and the fall was heard round the BH. Oh, and stage moms from hell! Weeee!

Watching this show makes me think that the zombie apocalypse will come from fillers and Botox eating the brains of the living and causing us to look like melted wax-faced drones incapable of moving our faces and conveying emotions. Brainless and melty faced, the streets of Beverly Hills will be filled with ladies hobbling around similarly to the way Paul Nassif and Mauricio Umansky did in their heels. 

So things begin with Kyle Richards and Adrienne Maloof spending my yearly paycheck on clothes for Portia. Is $300 the standard budget for a birthday present there or is this just price inflation at work because four-year-olds spill a lot and do not need zillion dollar wardrobes (or birthday parties).

Of course the real reason for this shopping trip had absolutely nothing to do with poor scapegoated Portia; the real reason was so Adrienne could talk about her nemesis, Lisa Vanderpump. Apparently Adrienne is ready to put the past behind her but Lisa is unwilling to forgive, that makes Lisa "childish."

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I just don't know what to say about these two. One minute after Adrienne Maloof and Paul Nassif settled their divorce which apparently included a close to 50/50 custody split the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star rushed her son to the hospital. 

Adrienne claimed her six-year-old son Christian had several broken fingers after being with Paul and she not only took him to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, but she involved LA Child Services to investigate the matter!

According to TMZ, Adrienne told doctors the injuries were sustained when Paul and their son were "playfully kicking each other" and then Paul pushed Christian to the ground causing the injuries. 

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It's been quite a roller coaster ride lately for Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' Brandi Glanville.  After being rushed to the hospital late last week, the reality star has been recovering at home presumably with her new bestie Lisa Vanderpump by her side.

The scariest part of the ordeal is that doctors still don't know what is wrong with Brandi.  After suffering from chest pains and finding a benign lump under her arm, there is still no diagnosis for the brash mother of two.  While the hospital trip doesn't seem to be slowing Brandi down–she's still going to be on Watch What Happens Live tonight–it still has to be unnerving to have such a health scare.

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Brandi Glanville has been battling an infection in her boob – and it's gotten really severe! The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star has been updating fans on twitter about her illness and yesterday went to the hospital in an ambulance. Luckily for Brandi co-star Lisa Vanderpump was right by her side! 

Brandi announced that she had a mammogram on October 25th and was "cancer free" but unfortunately the cause of the lump is unknown. 

Unfortunately Brandi has been back and forth to the "lump doctor" ever since. "Back at boob doctor again!!! Grrrrrr Possible gland infection feeling like shizat," she revealed on November 6th. 

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After months of acrimonious (and scandalous) accusations at the hand of one chef, one Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star, and several gossip stories later, Paul Nassif and Adrienne Maloof came to a divorce settlement quickly, quietly, and without much fanfare!

Sources tell TMZ that once the money matter was settled, the parties agreed to dissolve their marriage no problem! Apparently the secret sauce to working things out was getting extended families involve. Both Paul's brother Chris Nassif and Adrienne's brother Joe Maloof led the pair through financial mediation so no one felt they were getting screwed. 

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See, Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries, divorces don't need to drag on and on and on!  In what started out as a very bitter break up between Adrienne Maloof and Paul Nassif has taken a turn for the better.  The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills stars have hashed out their divorce details and agreed on a settlement already! 

The former couple released a joint statement today:

"We're happy to announce we have reached agreement on a settlement.  There has been so much untrue negative innuendo and destructive rumors beyond our control … We want the best for each other and we're confident we can help each other make a continuing positive impact with our children. Our goal is for our children to have stable and nurturing relationships with both of us so we can all find as much happiness as possible. We appreciate the good wishes we continue to receive from our supporters around the world."

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