Tom Schwartz on the Stars on Mars red carpet
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What Chance Does Tom Schwartz Have of Winning Stars on Mars

The concept of Stars on Mars is a bit, well, out there. In this far-out competition, 12 contestants live together in a space compound located in a desert. Their surroundings will simulate the actual conditions on Mars. Vanderpump Rules star Tom Schwartz is on Stars on Mars, but it remains to see how he will do on this ridiculous show.

The show’s goal? To see who is “the brightest star in the galaxy.” If Big Brother and Survivor had an intergalactic baby, it would be this gloriously campy show. And every 48 hours, one contestant is sucked back to Earth after being deemed “not critical” to the mission.

Tom Schwartz Is Ready for Blast Off

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Let’s face it. Schwartz found himself on the wrong side of Scandoval. And if he could relocate to Mars, he would be scheduling transport right now.

His bestie, Tom Sandoval, cheated on his girlfriend of almost a decade, Ariana Madix. Sandoval had an affair with Ariana’s good friend, Raquel Leviss. Sandoval told Schwartz about the romance. Of course, Sandoval didn’t come clean before Ariana discovered the affair. Oops!

The entire VPR cast turned on Sandoval and Raquel, except for Schwartz. He tried to defend his friend and took some shots for not revealing the truth to Ariana.

He also took some Xanax while cameras rolled during the contentious Pump Rules reunion. Once the reunion ended, Schwartz prepared for his mission into fake space. Far from Sandoval’s reach and manipulation.

“So, I chose to do this little Stars on Mars experiment [because] maybe ironically, I needed a break from reality, specifically my reality,” Schwartz explained during the premiere episode.

Why Tom Schwartz Might Win Stars on Mars

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Schwartz, I must admit, is quite charming. He has a childlike and sweet demeanor. And he can be funny. All in all, he is the kind of guy who would help your grandma across the street.

And Schwartz is loyal to a fault. In his friendship with Sandoval, he blindly trusted him. Schwartz recently called out Sandoval for abusing his friendship.

In fact, Schwartz was more loyal to Sandoval than to his now ex-wife, Katie Maloney. His inability to put her first was the downfall of their marriage. So, if alliances come into play while Schwartz is on Stars on Mars, he is the person you want in your corner. Pinky-swear.

Schwartz will take orders from anyone. Unless your name is Katie, then it’s a hard pass. But as far as performing missions, he will do as instructed. During the first task, he was an important part of repairing the communication tower. In the end, Schwartz performed.

Why Tom Schwartz Won’t Win Stars on Mars

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Schwartz isn’t a born leader. He tends to be passive and looks to others for direction. He hasn’t had to be base commander yet, but that could be a hot mess. I’m not sure that he is the person you want to assign tasks and lead a mission. Unless you want to be stranded on Mars, alone, with just your galaxy light.

If alliances do come into play, Schwartz would be the easiest person to blindside. Schwartz has faith in everyone. He would ask if you were going to vote him out, then be shocked if he was sent home.

Although, Schwartz has lied in the past. When drunk, he was prone to kiss women other than his significant other. But he isn’t a good liar.  

How Schwartz Performed on Stars on Mars Episode 1

During the mission to repair the communications tower, it took Schwartz a few minutes to adjust to the windstorm. He also didn’t answer the base commander when he tried to speak with him. But once he became acclimated, he kicked it into gear.

Most importantly, during the premiere episode, Schwartz landed in the bottom three. That meant he was considered “not critical” for the group’s survival on Mars and in danger of being sent back to Earth. And Tom Sandoval.

In the end, Schwartz was spared, and actor Christopher Mintz-Plasse was sent home from the intergalactic mission. Leaving Schwartz to nervously touch his face and wonder about the status of the food rations.

Tom Schwartz’s run on Stars on Mars will probably end soon, and it’s unlikely that he has any shot of winning this competition. Schwartz is the fun buddy that you want to hang out with. But it will quickly become apparent that he isn’t vital to this mission.

He fulfilled his duties back on Earth helping Sandoval hide his shocking affair. And now there is no escaping it.