Aaahhhh… One major holiday down, only Christmas and Hanukkah to go! Which got me thinking … what should our favorite reality TV stars be hoping to receive this year, besides coal of course?!
It’s been a year of ups and downs, and some surprising turn arounds (Ms. Kenya Moore‘s twirl of redemption, anyone?!) for our favorite reality stars. Some of them have been very good: Ho, Ho, HO! and for that they deserve a little love, but some of them deserve only coal. Below is our roundup of reality TV stars Christmas lists. Let’s hope some of them get their wishes!
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Non-alcoholic wine and a gag order. Perhaps if Brandi was forced to keep her mouth shut she'd be able to keep some friends and some dignity. Of course she also wouldn't be able to consume so much wine...
Farrah, Farrah, Farrah... she already has everything! A thriving movie career, coochie molds, FAME and fortune (in the best school district!), reality TV success, friends and more friends, delusion abound... yeah, she doesn't need anything else but an ounce of self respect! Santa, can you hook a girl up?! She'll be stripping - as research - if you need to find her.
Or you could just buy her something off her Amazon wish list!
[Photo by Jason Kempin/FSA/Getty Images]
"Dear Santa, I reawry, reawry need some leopard-print prison garb, an entire container of Fellonlini, and my Milania Hair Care line - the curling irons can double as weapons - along with Milania who will also be my bodyguard and protect me from any prostitution whores I might meet in prison. Also my ghostwriter shipped to Danbury Correctional Facility, Cellblock EVERYTHINGS FIIIIIINE!
Puh-leaze don't let the IRS know about the monie-thingies I hid in the Fellonlini containers and in the chicken coop. Also, please send Joew some of Brandi's non-alcoholic wine and do not let Melissa, that on display snake, steal any of m Melissa, that on display snake, steal any of my amazing bikinis and sequined high-heels while I'm gone. Love, Tre!
For the 8 days of Hanukkah we hope Heather receives: 1. an ego deflation 2. a role on a sitcom people actually watch 3. Some manners - you know real ones, not the pretend ones she's always preaching about 4. a dictionary that defines "yelling" 5. my address so she can send me all her fabulous clothes 6. her very own specially monogrammed chair - just in case someone *SHANNON* tries to steal it! 7. a home security system that keeps out the riffraff 8. a lifetime of friendship with Tamra, cause you know: Karma!
A match.com account. And plane ticket to Planet Trash.
credit: Michael Carpenter/WENN.com
Kenya's boyfriends seem to come from the Harlequin Romance Collection of Fantasy Fellows. Let's see if she gets her Christmas miracle and receives a REAL man, who will actually appear in public with her - without being paid! Until then maybe Phaedra Parks' amazing Mr. Chocolate is free - I heard Pheadra moved on to Mr. Goodbar!
I also think Kenya should ask for a collection of RHOA reunion protection accessories - preferably SWAT level. Bullet-proof pageant gown?!
"Mommy - is that you?" Most kids believe Santa is magical; flying across the sky, appearing only sometimes and for a brief moment, but for poor North West, it's actually her parents that are the magical fantasy that comes once a year! I bet Nori believes in dinosaurs' existence more than she does Kanye's!
A tubal ligation?! I kid, I kid... (pun intended!) What do you get the wig-addicted stay-at-home mom who has everything - including nannies? How about lottery tickets: because how else Wigs & Cigs gonna pay for the nannies required to tend that herd?!
Kim should ask for a wigcam, cause I would love to see that.
A kaftan intervention and a haircut. Kyle ditched the splits, but let's also ditch the hair flips. I would kill to see her rock a sleek bob.
Credit: Brian To/WENN.com
A Pom army to destroy Planet Trash! And a new color scheme. As much as we love Pinky Panderpump, Lisa looks ravishing in bold colors and should reinvent!
Melissa should ask for a reason to return to RHONJ. Like perhaps she should get a hobby (and a storyline). Also, mold remediation and a good plumber.
A real Mr. Goodbar. She's already had Mr. Good and Behind Bars...
Exile to The Berkshires. Where she is forced to drink Skinnygirl Margaritas only.
A reality check - made out in the amount of $20,000 to the Detroit Public Schools Foundation.
To be blocked from Twitter. I hope that when Jacqueline opens her stocking this beautiful Christmas morning, inside is a note from Twitter itself warning her that she has been banned for life. Where would she go from there, I wonder?! How about Reddit!
A prosthetic brain, emancipation from George, and a decent ghostwriter. Aviva should hire Carole Radziwill.
A real, live business! Every time a bell rings, Sonja gets another intern and a new business. You know, Pickles and Toothless And Commando And Vixen! Toaster And Nigerian Perfume and Cupid Condoms and Blitzen Drunken Wine... But do you recall? Anything you've done at all? The most recent: Rudolph the Red-Blooded Boytoy.
I would say he already got his wish: Freedom from Queen Cheeto and the Amazing Technicolor Fried Hair. #FreeGermy
Real Housewives Of New Jersey
An overhaul. A complete and utter overhaul.
A Costco-sized pack of tissues, to go with the river of tears she has fake cried on 'True Tori'
A lifetime supply of vaseline. Given the 'break the internet'
size status of her butt on Paper Magazine, I anticipate she'll be wearing thong bikinis and chaps everywhere she goes!
Foundation undergarments, an everlasting supply of affirmations, and a patent for the phrase "WOO HOO!"
Vicki should also ask everyone to get over the fact that she's dating Brooks Ayers. I mean, hey - that means he's off the market from trying to cozy up to the rest of us!
credit: Alberto Reyes/WENN.com
Jax Taylor's hand in marriage. Let's face it - these two are soul mates, meant to be, and perfect for each other. A match made in delusion, ammoral, obsessive, and dense heaven. Stassi Schroeder can plan their wedding, Tom 1 can officiate, and Scheana Marie can sing!
Look, we know Bruce is going through The Change, but could someone please help a sister out with a better wig and a proper manicure!? He's a Kardashian for goodness sakes, doesn't he have a makeup artist living in his spare bedroom?
Teresa Aprea & Nicole Napolitano
A new job. PleaseDontComeBack! PleaseDontComeBack! PleaseDontComeBack! No Twinning on RHONJ. Bravo - pay attention puh-leaze!
credit: Derrick Salters/WENN.com
Humble pie. Oh Bethenny, we know you rarely indulge in more than a bite or two of
food dessert, but make the exception this year and serve yourself a heaping serving of humble pie. I hear Real Housewives Of New York offers up a good one - that's why you went back, right?! Pinot added!
credit: Rob Rich/WENN.com
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