Real Housewives of Atlanta recap

I was actually really pleased by last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta. In addition to the usual drama and bickering, all the ladies came together to film a PSA produced by Kenya Moore about domestic violence. It was thoughtful, emotional, and really prescient – so here’s to RHOA setting a good example for once! Of course we also had to squeeze in some necessary nonsense.

It’s been THREE long weeks since we’ve checked in on our peaches. They went to San Fran, that ended in disaster, and now the disasters have been toted back to Atlanta in borrowed and fake Birkins and trudged on by Jimmy Choos.

Since Sheree Whitfield has been so open about her past with Bob, Kenya decides to ask Sheree to help with the PSA. It turns out there was some wire crossing – Sheree assumed this meant she was sharing equal billing as producer (with what experience?) and Kenya assumed Sheree would be simply filming a segment and rallying the other participants.

Kenya & Sheree

Kenya wants Sheree to stay involved (and she likely doesn’t want anything compromising the project’s famous cameraman), so she puts on her bigger person crown by offering a consolation prize: Sheree can be her intern. So long as Sheree leaves her Kim Zolciak wig in the trashcan from where she dumpster dived it. But Sheree doesn’t work for free. Girl cannot afford to with those mansion taxes and all! Kenya accepts that Sheree can be her intern in spirit. Sheree does work for accolades, so however little work she actually does, as long as she’s passionate about the cause and shows up, she gets the credit.

Of course that doesn’t mean Kenya is actually including Sheree in any of the decision making, which Sheree doesn’t seem to understand. Despite their meeting she’s STILL under the misnomer that she’s part of production. Girl… check yourself!

Also, interestingly, Sheree reminds Kenya that her mocking her for having an abusive partner way-back, is what initially inspired Sheree to share her story. So I guess, that’s one way to turn lemons into vodka soda with lemon. Go Sheree I guess!

Kenya‘s inspired to raise awareness not because Matt Jordan terrorized her last year, but because when she was 16 she was in a physically abusive relationship. All of the sudden, Matt has nothing to do with nothing. Which given his fame hunger, is probably a good thing, but an interesting about-face, right? Just me? I’m mean, I’m fine with leaving any one of Kenya’s fake men in the dust where he belongs.

Cynthia Bailey is at the lake, living mom life. She’s got her cut-offs on, and she’s cooking linguini (or is that angel hair?) for Noelle when Will calls. Noelle and Cynthia act like Obama was on the line, instead of just Will threatening to invite himself over if Cynthia wasn’t making a vegetarian meal. Even though she’s supposed to be ‘dating around and not jumping into a relationship’ she promises him the “whole Thanksgiving turkey” if he wants to drop by right now! Also, Noelle wants to meet him. Ladies – simmer down, your linguini is boiling over! Will doesn’t accept Cynthia’s offer because stage 5 clingers wind up drowning people in their lakes he doesn’t want to drive 200 miles from civilization to interrupt mother-daughter time. So what sides was Cyn gonna offer with that turkey, I wonder?

NeNe Leakes is now BFF with Marlo Hampton. They bonded over the very deep and important things in life: fashion, laughter, and booze. It’s like going back in time to college-friends then you graduate and realize you actually have nothing to talk about but the parties you went to, but we’ll see! Marlo comes over and NeNe fixes her vodka orange in wine glasses, while wearing a kaftan with marabou Choo’s. The whole effect was very Auntie Mame  (old movie and musical – so good. Watch now for amazing fashions).

Since Marlo and NeNe are now BEST FRIENDS, and Marlo is jonseing to be a Housewife, she proposes hosting a tea at her house so NeNe and Porsha Williams can have a conversation and become BEST FRIENDS, too. NeNe goes from eating a chip, to cleaning her ear out, to eating a chip again – because the idea of Porsha makes her itch.

Marlo Hampton

NeNe is also shocked because Marlo never lets anyone enter her lair – lord only knows what she has going on at those ‘Hamptons’? A hidden sweat shop? Marlo is actually a vampire, which is how she looks so young? She has geriatric male sugar daddies strapped into a bondage cage while she beats them with Hermes belts and Louboutin Pigalles? Anyway, NeNe will finally get in there – and Porsha is worth that.

Marlo also decides to invite Cynthia as the peace maker. Someone sane has to be there to make sure the whole place doesn’t go up in smoke when Marlo tries to turn the kettle on!

Porsha accepts the invitation, because she and Marlo tentatively started to become friends – over boogers – in San Fran. Also, Porsha gets Marlo’s call while she’s at work and was in a good mood after some heavy-duty flirting with her co-host Rickey. Yes, Rickey of Rickey Smiley. Porsha insists they’re just friends who regularly give each other the sniff test, but after her disastrous blind date Rickey is looking – and smelling – pretty damn good. They did seem to have chemistry.

NeNe Leakes

Of course, the tea was a straight up fiasco. Marlo’s house is amazing, though, and I think based upon her decor and her rather impressive diplomatic skills they should just make her a Housewife already. Unfortunately, neither Porsha nor NeNe were in forgiving moods. Even if Marlo spiked the tea cups with Vodka Cranberry, and Cynthia’s nipple fell out before dessert, dubbing her “Titty Cent.”

Porsha Williams

NeNe is STILL mad because she was there for Porsha during her divorce, but Porhsa dropped her like last year’s It Bag when her life turned around. NeNe is clutching at two unanswered texts as proof that Porsha didn’t appreciate her enough. Porsha thinks because she tweeted about NeNe’s accomplishment and visited her on Broadway, that they were all-good. Which is shitty friendship politics, of course, but you know I really don’t care. AT ALL. Because it was SO FREAKING LONG AGO. And you know what, Porsha is right – NeNe doesn’t care either, and neither does she!

All NeNe’s heat is for show and it’s obvious, so I’m glad Porsha called her out on this fake outrage and pointed out how stupidly immature and petty it all is. After the disastrous meeting, Marlo sighs that she will never again open up her home to these bad guests. Well, there goes our chance of checking out her basement diamond mine.

Kandi & Todd have OLG issues

Kandi Burruss is having OLG Restaurant issues. Again. They had to fire the general manager and now the actual OLG gang is full of complaints about such trivial maters as the chef’s pants being dirty (they’re COOKING), the location of the hostess stand, and the uniforms. Todd and Don Juan are acting as interim managers but not managing things too adequately from the bar with free drinks, so they bring in a potential candidate who is so sweet, but resembles a potato.

The interviewee did all his OLG homework, though, including pointing out that their Yelp reviews are like 70% 3-stars or less, which means they need Todd to step away from the OLG and back to doing whatever it is Todd does elsewhere. Kandi and the krew appreciate the candidate’s readiness but aren’t sure he can handle taking-on Mama Joyce and Aunt Bertha (who could?!), and we all know Kandi will do anything and everything for her mama.

Kandi also visits Sheree at the Chateau in the one room Sheree’s permitted to enter. I swear the rest is rented out on Air B&B. Anyway, Kandi shares that NeNe has been gossiping that Sheree’s man is a con-artist. Which um, YEAH HE PRETTY MUCH IS, but Sheree is in denial and instead reminds us that both NeNe and Gregg have mugshots in their past, and those in glass houses – or houses made of sticks, other people’s money, and Rent-A-Center shouldn’t throw stones. Wait – am I talking about Sheree or NeNe? I’m getting all my tax issues confused, clearly.

Sheree defends Tyrone

At least Sheree won’t be inviting Tyrone to move into the Chateau upon his release from prison! She ain’t that big a fool. So she claims. Although Kandi admits that she once was. Um, why wasn’t Mama Joyce standing guard?! Or maybe that’s why Mama Joyce IS always standing guard?! Fool her once – you will never get near Kandi’s money again!

Shamea Morton

For the PSA, Kenya has Shamea Morton and Cynthia’s mother share their stories, and all the Housewives read a statistic about domestic violence from a script Kenya wrote. Some, like NeNe and Sheree, have dealt with partner violence, while others merely have known other women who have, but they’re all participating equally. And this non-drama day came together beautifully as a tribute to the support of women when they put aside their Housewives egos and desperation to impress Andy Cohen as juicy peaches.

Cynthia's mother opens up about her past

Cynthia’s father was so abusive, her mother once pulled a knife on him but stopped herself from using it for the sake of her children, and I cried along with Cynthia. I understand more clearly why Cynthia’s mother had so many reservations about her marriage to Peter. Not that Peter was abusive – at all – but I can see why her mom would be wary of her children’s romantic partners given her past. Cynthia hugging her mom and telling her how proud she was, was a beautiful and earnest moment.

Kenya learns Sheree was in a car accident

Unfortunately, Sheree was in a car accident on the way to the shoot, injuring her already damaged back, when a woman rear ended her. Kenya got the call in hair and makeup. Just when they assumed she would miss the filming, a tearful and emotional Sheree arrived, barely hanging on. After some hair and makeup, plus support from Cynthia and Kenya, Sheree rallied to do her portion.

Sheree finally makes it to the set

Afterwards, the women all hugged and stood together to film the final message. It was emotional and I’m proud of Kenya for pulling this together. I can’t wait to watch it – on national TV, where I think it definitely belongs. Unlike Life Twirls On.

Despite Hanging Out With Will Regularly, Cynthia Still Considers Herself Single & Is Focusing On Her Friend’s Love Lives… 


[Photo Credits: Bravo]

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