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Kyle Richards

Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills we were treated to a feast of crazy. Newbie Yolanda Foster tells us her biggest problem in life is having too many lemons about her house (she has an orchard of lemon trees), and after last night's dinner party I think  that very well may be the case. Sometimes friendships go sour, and sometimes sour grapes ruin a friendship before it even begins. 

Things begin with Kim Richards getting her youngest daughter Kimberly ready for prom. Kim is breathless with anxiety and is taking out her stress by molesting a vat of chicken salad for 100 while Kimberly gets her hair done. Kim comes out with this bowl that weighs as much as she does and sets it down in the middle of some banquet feast saying she just wants everything to be perfect.

It was literally the chicken salad that ate Kim Richards and she was running her fingers through it, caressing it, just praying on this chicken mess that everything would go perfectly. 

Kimberly's boyfriend shows up and he's 20 to her 16. What?! Maybe they should stay home and eat chicken salad. How exactly did this man meet this teenager and who exactly is condoning this? Well, besides Bravo and Kim, obviously. I'll try not to judge… I have to say I cannot get over how gorgeous Kimberly is and how much she looks like a young Kim. 

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We can always count on Brandi Glanville to say what we're all thinking. That's why we love her, right?! In this case the outspoken Real Housewives of Beverly HIlls star is commenting on Taylor Armstrong's behavior at Portia's fourth birthday party in last week's episode. 

If you recall, shortly after Brandi high-tailed it out of there fearing the crazy would be unleashed, Taylor started loose-lipping salacious gossip about Brandi to anyone that would listen. Taking to her Bravo blog, Brandi says she's pretty sure Taylor's behavior was spurned by drunkeness – and she was prepared!

"When Taylor arrived seemingly drunk to a four years birthday party I had a good idea that s— was gonna go down. So after hearing some of the things she was starting to talk about and also seeing her passive aggressively ignore me as she spoke to both of people sitting on either side of me, I decided to get gone," Brandi recalls

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know what they say…if you're not being featured on every episode of a reality show, the best thing you can do is make the media rounds so people either A) don't forget about you, or B) (in the case of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' "star" Marisa Zanuck) know who you are before you're ever seen on the small screen.  We won't see Marisa until the eighth episode of RHOBH (yes, you read that correctly…THE EIGHTH!!  That's not even a friend of a housewife, is it Dana Wilkey?), but she's bombarding our favorite blogs with controversial interviews.  I may just like her.  :) 

You may recall Marisa has already talked smack about Real Housewives of New Jersey's Teresa Giudice and revealed that Lisa Vanderpump is nice…when the cameras are rolling.  Now, she's talking about how awful her co-star Taylor Armstrong is.  The lady is all about making friends, isn't she?  Not that I blame her…with the exception of my pink puff of fabulousness known as Jiggy's mom, I think she's probably spot-on with her personality perceptions.

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Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills the ladies bored us to death and then got crotchety and bitchy at Portia's fourth birthday party. I don't know about you, but I always aim to get my drunk on and cause some trouble near the ring-around-the-faux-unicorn corral. Don't step in the shit, girls! 

Before all that there were Househusbands in heels, some really bizarre timing, and a peace offering tree trunk that landed like deadweight and the fall was heard round the BH. Oh, and stage moms from hell! Weeee!

Watching this show makes me think that the zombie apocalypse will come from fillers and Botox eating the brains of the living and causing us to look like melted wax-faced drones incapable of moving our faces and conveying emotions. Brainless and melty faced, the streets of Beverly Hills will be filled with ladies hobbling around similarly to the way Paul Nassif and Mauricio Umansky did in their heels. 

So things begin with Kyle Richards and Adrienne Maloof spending my yearly paycheck on clothes for Portia. Is $300 the standard budget for a birthday present there or is this just price inflation at work because four-year-olds spill a lot and do not need zillion dollar wardrobes (or birthday parties).

Of course the real reason for this shopping trip had absolutely nothing to do with poor scapegoated Portia; the real reason was so Adrienne could talk about her nemesis, Lisa Vanderpump. Apparently Adrienne is ready to put the past behind her but Lisa is unwilling to forgive, that makes Lisa "childish."

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Our favorite reality TV stars can’t get enough of the spotlight during their regularly scheduled time slots, so they take to Twitter to share even more of their daily lives with us. And we love them for it! Here’s a roundup of some of our favorite photos from the Twitterverse this week! Enjoy!
 
Above: Real Housewives of Miami's Lisa Hochstein tweeted, "‏#h&m VIP grande flagship store opening with @adrianathereal."
 
Below you’ll find Twitter pics from Bethenny Frankel, Cynthia Bailey, Jennifer Williams, Kenya Moore, Kris Jenner, Melissa GorgaRachel Zoe, and more.
 
 
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Finally, a new housewife that I'm super excited to see!  I have always held a special place in my heart for the ladies of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.  It's not because I like their personalities more than the women of the other franchises.  I think I'm just enthralled with their amazing lifestyles.  They are head and shoulders above the other housewives when it comes to vacation homes, couture, and bling.  I'm addicted!

What's even more exciting about the RHOBH cast is that the newbies are stirring up more drama than their veteran counterparts.  You have to love when a new addition comes into the situation with guns blazing.  It's awesome.  Having already decided that Yolanda Foster was going to be my dark horse favorite, I am disappointed in myself for not giving more credit to Marisa Zanuck.  As viewers, we haven't been introduced to this firecracker yet, but she's already schooled in working the media.  How can you not respect that?

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Oh, what's a reality show without a meltdown? I mean really. Can you imagine? There have been big ones, little ones, and epic ones and we here at Reality Tea mostly care about the epic ones.

You know, the meltdowns that result in flipped tables, country club stalking, slapped faces, thrown bottles, and wardrobe malfunctions. A fractured relationship doesn't hurt either! 

Below is our list of top meltdowns. Be warned: these are all of soap opera proportions!

Above, the Jersey Shore ladies lose it as Snooki and JWoww double-team poor Sammi

[Photo Credit: MTV.com]

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Dear ladies of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,

Smearing a bunch of concealer on your lips is not cute – it's disturbing. Just as wearing "suntan" pantyhose is not cute. Why do you want to look lip-less? Especially when you've surgically enhanced them already?

I'm beginning to think that Bravo's wealthiest zip code is about to need a MAC Cosmetics intervention. Let's get the stars of RuPaul's Drag Race in there and show these girls how it's done. Adrienne Maloof, Yolanda Foster, and Taylor Armstrong – I am looking at you. 

On the bright note, Splits Richards only wore ONE caftan-y garment last night. That's like some kind of reality TV milestone, right?

Also what think you of the intros. I thought they were all cute, HOWEVER Taylor's about 'working too hard for this zip code' was not appropriate in my opinion. 

So let us begin… Lisa Vanderpump levitates above these ladies like the fabulous beacon of pink glow that she is. She is the goddess of this bunch, like Glenda The Good Witch on Wizard of Oz. And now she has moved to a fabulous new home – far more chic than her old overblown digs. That closet. Her glow-y, plush bedroom. I really wish Lisa would adopt me and then I could throw away all her pink satin blouses embellished by Pandora's bedazzler and we'd be one big happy, wine-sipping family. 

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