We know we’re over the work week hump when we get another episode of the Real Housewives of New Jersey! Fresh off placing third in a body-building competition, Teresa Giudice wants to celebrate her feat with some tequila and a girls’ trip. And what better place for tequila and drama than an all expenses paid (by Bravo) getaway to Mexico?
Seriously, what could go wrong?
(Ask any of the RHOC ladies…) Unfortunately for Margaret Josephs, she has managed to parlay her feud with Danielle Staub into a threesome of threats with Danielle’s new bestie Jennifer Aydin thanks in big part to necklace-gate. After one too many heated dinners, she even memorializes the demise of her friendships with a toast–right into Danielle’s face. It’s this season’s birthday cake…or table. Take your pick! Oh, and did I mention the camels? The exotic creatures are right at home hanging out with a monkey’s a$$hole.
We begin last night’s episode of RHONJ as the ladies catch up with their families in the wake of Jennifer’s tantrum. In the light of morning, Jennifer blames tequila for her actions. She is still irate over Margaret trashing her looks. It was below the belt, but so was Jennifer’s behavior. The topic of several conversations is the monkey’s bum comments as Melissa Gorga and Jackie Goldschneider rehash Teresa’s reaction over breakfast. Shouldn’t she have stood up for her necklace?
Luckily, there is plenty to do in Cabo, so the women can go their separate ways. Dolores Catania, Margaret, and Jackie head for the pool. Meanwhile, Teresa, Melissa, Jennifer, and Danielle go shopping. Jackie discusses her eating disorder. This prompts Dolores shares a rail-thin photo of herself. She says she also struggled with an unhealthy relationship with food.
Over lunch, Tre is plying Jennifer with tequila shots because last night was so much fun. Melissa wonders Teresa is trying to wake the beast. Back at the pool, Dolores believes both Margaret and Jennifer should issue apologies for their harsh words. She also needs to know what a monkey’s butthole looks like. Thank goodness for Google!
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While shopping, Jennifer addresses the comparison. She is still livid. Melissa reminds her that, although it doesn’t excuse Margaret’s mouth, Jennifer said some pretty vile things as well. Teresa jumps in to clarify that Margaret didn’t even think to use Jennifer’s brother’s jewelry store to make the necklace. She is missing the point entirely. There is no way Melissa is going to hold her own as the voice of reason in a group that includes Danielle.
Danielle is going off about Margaret being a horrible mom. Melissa tries to shut her down. Kids are off limits. Danielle doesn’t care. For a split second, you can see on Jennifer’s face that she’s realized just how crazy her new ally may actually be. Danielle does not pass go and does not collect two hundred dollars before retreating to her favorite place…victimdom. She storms off, ranting that she’s never done anything to warrant Melissa’s defense of her nemesis. Melissa heads in the opposite direction. She warns Teresa to spare any words in defense of Danielle.
Teresa chases down Melissa and tries to explain away Danielle’s words. Danielle was simply pointing out that she’s always with her girls while Margaret’s kids are nowhere to be found. Melissa doesn’t buy Teresa’s pretend ditziness.
They both know if anyone made the slightest comment about Teresa’s kids, she would lose her mind. Jennifer tracks down Danielle and tries to pacify her. Still, knows better to do anything other than agree with this woman. She offers up a hug after reminding Danielle that Melissa has obviously sided with Margaret. She’s a compassionate person, after all.
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Before dinner, the women who are festering manage to avoid each other. Melissa has no plans of telling Margaret what Danielle said. She’d like a pleasant dinner for once. At the restaurant, Jackie announces she’s planned a fun excursion for the following day…a camel ride! The excitement quickly fades when Jennifer orders a tequila. Melissa mutters, “Here we go,” before being challenged by Jennifer to discuss the elephant in the room. Camels and elephants and monkeys–oh my!
Jennifer accuses Margaret of constantly attacking her. Margaret retorts that Jennifer hasn’t held back talking smack about her mother. Jennifer cites that Margaret comes from a culture of cheating, along with some more colorful insults. Margaret calmly claps back that Jennifer’s husband sleeps in the pool house. nad word on the street is that he has someone on the side. If we thought necklace Jennifer was bad, we could have never imagined the wrath of pool house Jennifer!
Jennifer bolts from the table with Danielle close behind. The women question Margaret about what she knows. Margaret states that she hasn’t heard a word about Jennifer’s husband. She was purposely hitting below the belt, and she clearly hit a nerve. Teresa and Melissa chastise Margaret’s bad behavior. It wasn’t okay for Jennifer to insult Marge, Sr. Dolores and Jackie chime in that two wrongs don’t make a right.
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Margaret crossed so far over the line, she can’t see it anymore. Jennifer and Danielle return to the table as if nothing happened. I have to say, I’m impressed with her ability to regain her composure. Margaret speaks up that she knows nothing about Jennifer’s marriage. Her words were solely to be hurtful. After a sincere apology, Jennifer follows suit.
The next morning, the women recap the evening with their roomies. Danielle calls on Teresa to defend Jennifer. Dolores subtly cautions Jennifer not to trust Danielle. Regardless, Margaret greets Jennifer with a kiss in the hotel lobby. I’m not going to lie. I’m not sure what I’d wear to ride a camel, but I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be tight, holey jeans and a crocheted bikini top. That’s just me, though.
The ladies bond with the camels over kisses and string cheese. Tre gets her own animal. Margaret jokes that Jennifer needs to get her kids a camel. Danielle is disgusted that the ladies are pretending like nothing happened the night before. Me? I’m a tad grossed out by all the talk about Teresa’ dormant Britney being awakened by the hump.
At lunch, Teresa is talking about Joe Giudice’s release. Dolores warns her not to get too comfortable. Joe may seem humbled and devoted now, but he’s bound to turn back into the domineering husband Teresa learned to tolerate. Teresa isn’t very keen on her friend’s insight, but she lets it slide.
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During some downtime, Danielle and Teresa take shots in their room. Jennifer and Dolores relax and the spa. Margaret, Melissa, and Jackie lounge on their balcony longing for a drama-free meal. Everyone is in good spirits for a pre-dinner cocktail. Melissa’s drink of choice switches between red wine and a martini thanks so some faulty editing. At dinner, Jennifer tells the girls about her upcoming red party. Everyone must wear red!
The conversation quickly turns to arranged marriages and whether a tiny peen discovered post-marriage would be a deal breaker. Jennifer is knee deep in tequila. Thankfully, this time she has a sense of humor. She jokes about how much her husband loves her giant lips, and everyone (well almost everyone) is glad she can laugh off Margaret’s crude comment.
Danielle cannot stand the sight of everyone getting along. Doesn’t this group recall Margaret’s scathing insults? Margaret brushes aside Danielle’s whining by saying no one cares about her. Teresa interrupts. She cares about Danielle. Margaret needs to play nice. Margaret calls Danielle a liar. Tre counters that Margaret lied about Jen’s husband the night before.
The women remind Teresa that both Margaret and Jennifer copped to saying hurtful things and that apologies were issued. All is well, right Jennifer? Um, maybe not. Jennifer is rocking back and forth in her chair like she’s in the corner of a padded cell. She regains her composure. Jennifer wonders why this subject is being revisited. The conversation quickly escalates to the epic proportions that Danielle hoped. She’s screaming about how Margaret shouldn’t have been in her wedding, and what an awful person her former friend is.
Tre is backing Danielle in this feud. Danielle goes a step further, screeching that if Margaret was a decent human being, maybe her kids would want a relationship with her and maybe she’d be allowed to see her grandchildren. Ouch. Melissa steps in once again to say that kids are off limits. She’s met with Teresa asserting that Danielle is simply trying to make a point. Sheesh, Tre, what dirt does Danielle have on you?
Danielle’s yelling gets louder and more vicious until Margaret retaliates with a glass of wine. Not to be outdone, Danielle throws a glass. And that’s not even the craziest part! Margaret retreats with Jackie. Teresa and Melissa are left fighting over which friend the other should be backing. Dolores is dumbfounded by Teresa’s blind loyalty to Danielle.
Somewhere in the fray, Jennifer is in a tequila-filled frenzy because Melissa believes the glass thrown came from her. If Jennifer’s going to throw a glass, she’s not going to miss. She accentuates her point by breaking a glass on the table. Melissa charges her before Bravo can tease us with a “To be continued…”
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TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK OF LAST NIGHT’S REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY EPISODE? DID DANIELLE DESERVE THE COCKTAIL CHAOS THAT WAS THROWN HER WAY?
[Photo Credit: Bravo]