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Real Housewives Of New Jersey Reunion Recap: The Real Spousewives

Congratulations! We’ve survived the the final chapter of the Teresa Giudice Show Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion, although newbies Jennifer Aydin and Jackie Goldscheider definitely made sure their voices were heard. In the ladies fight for relevancy, they were faced with even more competition last night in the form of Danielle Staub and the extra wives husbands of the Garden State. Let’s be honest…these men bring just as much drama as their spray-tanned counterparts, and that is no small feat! Joe Gorga is reveling his second installment of the RHONJ reunion, having been invited early by Andy Cohen to attempt peace talks between his sister and his wife Melissa Gorga. Up to this point, both Margaret Josephs and Dolores Catania have been relatively quiet. I did preface that with relatively… 🙂

Last night begins with a continuation of Andy’s conversation with Teresa in which she admits that she won’t move her family to Italy if husband Joe Giudice is deported. She hedges around the word “divorce” but she won’t endure a long distance marriage. Her friends seem both shocked and sad at this admission. Tre explains that she and Joe have spoken about what will happen, and they agree that they should go their separate ways if he is no longer in the country. Teresa didn’t share this news with any of her friends, but Melissa isn’t surprised–she wants her sister-in-law to be happy, and she can’t imagine having to make that decision.

This is the first time that Dolores is hearing of this decision, and Andy notes that these life long friends rarely discuss deeply emotional issues. Dolores claps back that she isn’t a therapist. When asked what they would do in Teresa’s situation, Margaret says she’d go to Italy with her husband. However, she recognizes that if her children were the same age as Tre’s kids, she wouldn’t uproot them.

Joe Gorga asserts proudly (and tearfully) that he asked his daughter what she would want, and Antonia was quick to make the move to Italy. Um, saying something like that and actually doing it are two completely different things! Teresa has stuck by Joe even during his time in prison when she could have left him. After a long pause, Tre states that she has been faithful to Joe thanks to her trusty vibrator. That said, she was very disappointed when Melania threw it in the pond in the family’s front yard. Too much information…

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Real Housewives Of New Jersey Reunion Recap: The Real Spousewives

Frank Catania, Bill Aydin, Evan Goldschneider, and Joe Benigno join Joe on stage, and Andy recognizes the bromance between the Joe Bros. There is a highlight reel of the spotlight thirsty men, but at least it provides some comic relief. Bill diplomatically disagrees with his wife’s braggadocious behavior regarding their home (SIXTEEN BATHROOMS!) because he wants their kids to grow up knowing the value of earning things through hard work.

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A viewer wonders if Bill wishes he’d test-driven Jennifer before their marriage, but he enjoyed the surprise of the wedding night. Of course, Joe Gorga has plenty of disgusting comments. Joe B. isn’t threatened by Margaret’s strong friendship with her ex-husband because he finds him harmless. When it came to training Teresa for her body-building competition, Frank was floored at what a beast she was. He wasn’t expecting her to have such discipline He also derides chatter of inappropriate spray tan application by reminding everyone he was wearing rubber glove–there was no skin-on-skin action.

Andy is super excited because all of the husbands have made up their own tag-lines. Of course, they have! Bill rhymes, “A nip-tuck a day, allows my wife to spend and play.” Sounds about right! Evan takes a page out of his wife’s playbook by mimicking, “I have four kids, two degrees, and one kick-ass wife.” We see what you did there, Evan! Frank follows next with, “I work hard, I play hard, until I spend all my money on boats and whores.” Joe B. goes for the scandalous by saying, “If you want the job done right, call me and I’ll do…your wife.” Margaret thinks he’s cheeky by his line earns major side-eye from Jennifer.

Finally, Andy calls upon the seventh housewife (that is accurate!), Joe Gorga, who, not shockingly makes a dramatic turn in a table cloth, and who also, not shockingly, has two tag-lines because he’s a special little flower. He exclaims, “I don’t flip tables, I have sex on them,” which garners a laugh from his sister. He follows that with “I’m not a plumber, but I know how to lay pipe.” Always keeping it classy!

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Real Housewives Of New Jersey Reunion Recap: The Real Spousewives

Joe B. loves Margaret’s facelift despite his initial hesitation, and Evan jokes that he never wins a fight with his wife because she is such a good debater. The conversation turns to poor sap Marty Caffrey who was chewed up and spit out by Danielle and lost his position as the Joe Bros.’ overly sensitive tag along. Cue Danielle! She sits down and shares that the marriage only lasted two months, but they are still awkwardly co-habitating despite multiple restraining orders.

Danielle finds it tacky that Marty is rehashing their divorce on social media while she’s trying to keep things out of the public eye. However, her co-stars remind her that she’s been giving interview to TMZ about their divorce. Their disastrous destination wedding is highlighted. Danielle paid $35,000 for her dress. Danielle can admit that her behavior was deplorable, but she is still peeved that the Joe Bros were talking smack about her to Marty the day before the wedding.

Joe G. brushes off the banter as ball busting bachelor party teasing. When asked about his opinion of Marty’s treatment of Margaret, Joe B. recognizes now that Marty was just defending his wife. Joe believes Marty’s hateful words came straight from Danielle’s mouth because Marty never spoke like that before she came into the picture. Andy is happy to learn that the Joe Bros have welcomed Marty back into the fold with open arms.

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The topic turns to Danielle stating on an after-show that Melissa has nothing going for her except for Teresa. Tre tries very hard, but she is unable to keep the smile from crossing her face when Andy brings up this tidbit. Danielle retorts that Melissa has said negative things about her too. When Melissa requests an example of one such instance, Danielle can only respond that Joe G. talked an awful lot about her vagina. He interrupts to exclaim he was complimenting her. A viewer wonders why Danielle didn’t try to bridge the rift between her and Marty’s kids. Danielle is adamant that she never wanted Marty to choose her over his children. Margaret claims that Danielle only had the wedding to get back on Bravo. Danielle turns on the waterworks about not knowing what love looks like, and Dolores announces that Danielle is just a crazy wackadoo who has pooped all over her parade one too many times.

Real Housewives Of New Jersey Reunion Recap: The Real Spousewives

Speaking of people trying to get back onto Bravo, Andy has a question from Kim G. who wants to know why Danielle took a dig about Jackie and Melissa’s lesbian vibe when she herself pretended to be a lesbian to get attention. Jackie finds it gross that Danielle would use one’s sexual orientation as an insult, and Danielle clarifies that she’s always been bisexual. She doesn’t like Kim’s insinuation that she was trying to extend her fifteen minutes. The breakdown of Margaret and Danielle’s friendship is rehashed, complete with glass throwing and pool pushing. A viewer reminds Margaret that Dolores warned her about Danielle.

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Margaret wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, and they dissolve into accusations. Teresa refuses to take sides despite Dolores’ massive eye rolls. Margaret wishes that Teresa would stop defending Danielle. Danielle then brings up that Margaret is trash for having an affair. Margaret counters that Danielle has also been with married men…after all, she was once allegedly a prostitute and met her second husband when she was a stripper…and he was married at the time. Jennifer can’t believe her ears. Dolores challenges Jennifer to ask Danielle if these accusations are true. PornHub is thrown around, and I think Jennifer’s head may explode. The next thing you know, she’s going to say she’s never heard of the table flip!

Danielle calls out Margaret for bringing up her past, but Margaret reminds her that she put it all in her book. When Andy asks Danielle point blank if these stories were in her book, she doesn’t say no. Jennifer’s facial expressions as she finds out about Danielle’s Pandora’s Box of crazy are absolutely priceless. Danielle insulting Margaret’s parenting leads into Jennifer breaking the glass and Teresa not backing up Melissa. In light of Teresa’s utter meltdown over loyalty because Melissa wouldn’t de-friend Jackie for a comment, I’d say Melissa has a valid point. Jennifer admits that maybe her behavior was a tad aggressive. Melissa calls Teresa a hypocrite, and Tre delves into being without a husband and having a hard time.

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Real Housewives Of New Jersey Reunion Recap: The Real Spousewives

Melissa tries in vain to explain what deflection is to Teresa until Andy gets bored and brings up the pool push. Danielle explains that Marty could have gotten hurt in the shallow pool, but ol’ Sixteen Bathrooms has a nine foot deep end. She also didn’t want to get sued. It won’t surprise anyone to learn that Danielle and Margaret won’t be making amends any time soon. Danielle then gifts Teresa with a Tiffany necklace sporting the initial T and D.

Danielle is also wearing one, which I guess is better than her wearing Teresa’s skin. Andy notes that Teresa seems uncomfortable by this display, and he’s definitely onto something! Not to be outdone, Jennifer hands Tre a framed picture of Teresa and her mom. The frame came from her brother’s store, obvs. Teresa than has Joe bring out a surprise for Andy–a Jersey baby Benz and tracksuit for his son. The women then shower Andy with parenting advice, and it’s nice to end this crapfest on a positive note!

TELL US – WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT THE FINAL HOUR OF THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY REUNION? WHICH FEUDS WERE YOUR FAVORITE? WHO SHOULD RETURN FOR THE NEXT SEASON OF REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY?

[Photo Credit: Greg Endries/Bravo]

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