Had you been waiting with bated breath like me for last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey? All week I pondered who would prevail in the battle of Envy by Melissa Gorga and Jennifer Aydin’s tacky Chanel. Frankly, I wouldn’t put my money on either of them to throw down after Margaret Josephs doused Danielle Staub with Dolores Catania’s wine, but crazier things have happened in Cabo! Also, I appreciate the RHONJ’s producers for giving us a “to be continued” episode last week. What’s that old saying? People in garish houses shouldn’t throw glass? Jennifer gets in Melissa’s face, and Melissa quickly retreats. Dolores steps in to intimidate Jennifer, and Danielle intervenes. No matter how much Danielle hates Dolores, she respects her ability to beat Jennifer’s monkey’s ass lip liner.
Dolores takes a walk to cool off. Margaret confides in Jackie Goldschneider about how disappointed she is in Teresa Giudice’s behavior. She thought they were friends. Why is Teresa condoning Danielle (and subsequently Jennifer’s) abhorrent behavior? Teresa chases down Melissa who is disgusted by her sister-in-law’s loyalty. Dolores approaches to second Melissa’s assertions. Tre is peeved by their statements while Melissa and Dolores find Jackie and Margaret to share what escalated. At the bar, Teresa, Jennifer, and Danielle defend their actions. At least Teresa tries to show Jennifer the error of her ways…sort of.
A part of me feels bad about the demise of Margaret Josephs and Danielle Staub’sfriendship. But, a significantly larger part of me is just grateful for the entertainment. This season of Real Housewives of New Jersey has truly delivered. We have Margaret vs. Danielle to thank for a lot of the season’s best moments.
Danielle had several bridezilla freakouts because she wanted the most expensive gifts and all of the attention on her (at all times). She forced middle age women to wear “bride squad” bathing suits for a photo shoot. She flipped out when the ladies showed up with freshly washed hair before the wedding. Danielle was downright searching for storylines, I mean problems, this season. Now, their tension has turned into a full-on feud. Margaret even threw a glass of red wine at Danielle during last night’s episode.
Seriously, what could go wrong? (Ask any of the RHOC ladies…) Unfortunately for Margaret Josephs, she has managed to parlay her feud with Danielle Staub into a threesome of threats with Danielle’s new bestie Jennifer Aydin thanks in big part to necklace-gate. After one too many heated dinners, she even memorializes the demise of her friendships with a toast–right into Danielle’s face. It’s this season’s birthday cake…or table. Take your pick! Oh, and did I mention the camels? The exotic creatures are right at home hanging out with a monkey’s a$$hole.
Real Housewives of New Jersey star Teresa Giudice has built quite an impressive resume over the years. Reality television icon. Check. Mother of four. Check. Best selling author. Check. Teresa can now add bodybuilding contestant to that ever-growing list of achievements. Is there anything the table-flipping Jersey Housewife can’t accomplish? Ever since Teresa’s husband Joe Giudice went away, she seems to be living life on her own terms. Teresa says Joe was always against her competing in a contest like this, but now she’s doing it.
Teresa underwent a complete lifestyle overhaul preparing for her very first bodybuilding competition. In order to do this, she couldn’t eat anything her costars were eating when they went out. Worst of all, Teresa had to sit through most of this epic season completely sober. To get into the best shape of her life, Teresa turned to a familiar face for help. Teresa enlisted New Jersey’s favorite ex-husband Frank Cataniato get her in tip-top shape for her first competition.
So last night’s Real Housewives of New Jersey welcomed Teresa Giudice back into the land of tequila with minimal drama (that’s saved for next week!). Margaret Josephs does her best to be relevant, and while I really like her, she’s sinking down to a level she shouldn’t…or maybe she’s required to–this is reality television after all! Thankfully the kids scenes were kept to a minimum. I know several readers didn’t appreciate my snarky request not to snark on the kids, but we can all agree we are here to snark…I just like keeping it to the adults who signed up for this circus! As always, thank you for reading, and now, let’s get to slinging super bronzed snark!
The RHONJ episode opens with the ladies and their families prepping for their day a la Southern Charm’s formula. Teresa is sharing her very tiny wardrobe for the upcoming bodybuilding competition with daughters Audriana, Gabriella, and Gia. Audriana calls it like she sees it. The outfit is gross and is certainly going to go up her mom’s butt. Teresa shares that she was nervous to tell incarcerated husband Joe Guidice that she was participating in such an event due to his jealous tendencies. She’s relieved that he is not only supportive, but he hopes she wins. Realizing she can’t change her mother’s tiny-weeny-bikini choices, Audriana remembers the ol’ “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em” mantra and models some seriously killer poses her mom should use on the catwalk.
A very huge thank you to The Marvelous Mrs. Mary for covering the Real Housewives of New Jersey recap last week when I was traveling for my day job. She always calls it like she sees it, and these women require a lot of attention. Finally, Teresa Giudice seems to be getting along with sister-in-law Melissa Gorga and Jackie Goldschneider, the newbie who broke Tre code early on in the season. Jennifer Aydin is still harping on Jackie’s stupid article in the wake of her trip to Turkey. Give it up, already! Does anyone even read this paper they keep mentioning? Sheesh. Even Margaret Josephs has sunk below the fray with her recent comments about Jennifer’s brother’s engagements. Can’t we all just get along? No. I know the answer will always be “no.”
That said, I’d give my eye teeth to watch a Dolores Catania/Danielle Staub smackdown to energize this RHONJ lull! If we can’t have that nugget, I guess I’ll settle for a Marty Caffrey/Joe Benigno Italian grinder seasoned with a Joe Gorga voice of reason. For dessert? A heaping portion of Milania Giudice’s rap debut–mad props to her for having the guts to perform in front of all of those people! I’m full…but these folks are FULL OF IT!