Reality Tea is ranking ALL the Housewives from every season and every city! Our list is broken down into three parts with Housewives ranked from worst to ‘best’ (or best of the worst, if you will). Below is Part 1.
What makes a superior species of Housewives? Is it class? Money? Fabulous plastic surgery and good shoes? Beautiful home? A revolving door of crazy that keeps us on our cheaply-clad toes? Is it a supportive husband? An in-home zoo of fabulous miniature fluff balls clad in their own designer wardrobe? Is it a witty zinger or indispensable advice? Is it their ability to rewrite history without irony? To crack open the egg of their emotional travails in front of cameras? Or is it their ability to deftly control the scenery while cracking a Chanel whip?
CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON FOR THE LIST!
It is an un-quantifiable measure which makes a Housewife great – something uncanny and un-discernable that makes us salivate in front of the TV. For some Housewives it is their ability to remain a witty detachment in the form of omnipotent narrator; for others it is their sheer inability to stop imploding on national TV; and still for another group it is their courting of controversy that seems at once fabricated and foolish. And for most it is their ability to last the test of Bravo’s time: steadfast, consistent, and bizarre.
We’re ranking ALL the Housewives from Real Housewives Of New Jersey, Real Housewives Of Atlanta, Real Housewives Of Potomac, Real Housewives Of New York, Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills, Real Housewives Of Dallas, Real Housewives of Miami, and Real Housewives Of Orange County. We’re skipping the short-lived Real Housewives Of DC, because no one even remembers who they are. Well except for one…
As one of Bravo's first Housewives ever, Kimberly gets props for explaining the boob job phenomena in Orange County.
Kimberly battled a skin cancer scare, and then decided to leave for her health, but also because her family moved to the midwest. That was probably a blessing in disguise for this nice lady.
One half of the Dunkin-Dipshit Twins, the only thing Nicole did during her short-lived RHONJ experience was remind us that Dunkin' Donuts has good coffee. And also that it's apparently the Tinder of Middle-Aged women from upper class NJ.
Nicole was also the sig-fig of Bathroom-Dweller Bobby.
Katie, a former model and the ex of Russell Simmons (she published a blog about his cheating on her), cared only about two things: 1) convincing Andrew to propose; and 2) throwing ill-conceived galas, and attending better ones.
Katie finally convinced Andrew to pop the question, only to have the engagement called off by the reunion. Oops.
She's not returning to Real Housewives Of Potomac next season - I doubt anyone is sad.
Tiffany loves headscarfs, and Jesus too.
The dull Real Housewives Of Dallas star relocated from LA with her musician hubby Keith Suburban (Aaron), and all Tiffany talked about was her so-called fabulous LA life, and Aaron's once fabulous career. I was so perplexed by her immaculately frozen face and how anyone could be friends with LeeAnne Locken for that long. Apparently it's not possible unless you try to shove LeeAnne into on-coming traffic during a roadside screaming fight.
The only thing Snarlton contributed during her one season on Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills was annoying the Bejesus out of Kyle, whom she may have put a curse on!
Never has a Housewife descended from favorite to reviled so quickly! Brandi's mouth, her lewd behavior, her inability to have any sort of filter seemed fun in the beginning, until her craziness and lies caught up with her.
Despite all the drama she churned out, Brandi winds up at the bottom for squandering our good graces.
related - Brandi: A Retrospective
[Photo Credit: Bravo]
Ahhhh... Kristen, her beautiful clothes and her beautiful face (almost destroyed by one of Pinot Singer's wine glasses!) was a thing of beauty. But alas, Kristen was too normal for RHONY - until her terrible husband Josh got caught with an Ashley Madison account! When Kristen decided not to make that a RHONY storyline, she got the axe.
Despite being boring Kathy has continued her 15 minutes by exploiting Teresa's personal dramas. Which is gross. Also gross: her husband Richie. [shudder]
Manic Pixie Dream Darling Lydia, was the Jesus Skipper to Alexis' Jesus Barbie.
Kind, sensible, and in love with her husband, Lydia made the decision to leave RHOC because it was too negative. This was after Vicki's son-in-law berated Lydia's hippie mom Judy, and Slade body-shamed Lydia!
We love you Lydia - and we also love that money couldn't make you stay (cause you didn't need it...)
Unfortunately Jules' eating disorder, her instability, and her crumbling marriage meant she wasn't exactly the right fit for RHONY.
Different time; different place Jules may have been a great addition to the cast!
Unfortunately Lizzie turned out to be a one-season wonder more interested in her business and family than stirring up drama on RHOC.
Kathryn's down-to-earth openess, and pick and choose her battles nature got lost in the weeds of Lyme-Liars, Manipulations, and Lisa-dramas on RHOBH. Which is a shame because I enjoyed her perspective and her hot hubby!
Unafraid to expose all the skeletons in her closet (except her financial and legal woes) - and everyone else's - Jacqueline's crazy has never been a secret. Which makes her a great Housewife in some ways.
TELL US – WHO DO YOU THINK IS THE ‘WORST’ HOUSEWIFE IN HISTORY?
[Main photo credit: Bravo]