Guess what, dear readers! It's the battle of the booties…the donkey booties! Dare I say it's epic! On the latest episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta, tell-it-like-it-is attorney and mortician Phaedra Parks went head to head with the self-proclaimed favorite new cast member Kenya Moore (And twist!) over a butt enhancing "exercise" video. Somewhere, right now, Richard Simmons is wearing short shorts and a puff-painted American flag muscle tee, rocking back and forth in a corner, and screaming, "Why God, why?" Poor man.
In such a assilicious situation, there is sure to be some discord, but, in my opinion, Kenya was pretty out of line with her demands. Phaedra agrees, and I'm certainly not one to go against anyone who spews gems of advice in the form of the most ridiculous life lessons. Let's be honest, only Phaedra can equate a fancy coffin to an opulent life style…while waxing poetic about dill pickles and homemade macaroni and cheese. Girlfriend is one of a kind, and I love her for it!
Last night's episode ofReal Housewives of Atlanta was brought to you by the Bravo Home Shopping Network. We also learned a very good lesson about donkeys – they are stubborn. Very stubborn. And the more expensive the shoe, the more said donkey digs her heels in!
Things begin in normal land, or should I say New Normal land with NeNe Leakes and the family relocating to LA and their temporary home in the Hollywood Hills. Luckily Kenya Moore was on hand to loan NeNe some peeing cupid statues and other hideous faux Versailles pieces. What nothing reminiscent of Gone With The Wind? No massive draperies in velvet? No partially burned in the Civil War looking shabby chic dining room sets? No Rhett Butler portraits? #amateur.
So yeah, NeNe has arrived and she is ready to thrive!
Moving back to the land of ATL, Kandi Burruss is celebrating Todd's birthday by baking him a cake from scratch with her daughter Riley. Kandi was using cooking tools and clearly had a grasp of how they worked. I have to admit I swooned a little at the down-to-earth moment. Riley is talking about how she wants to move into the guest house when she gets older.
"You can't fake emotions," Kenya maintains. "If he was playing games, I wasn't playing games." Uh huh – I think actresses can and do fake emotions all the time, and doesn't Kenya fancy herself an actress?
And after she did that talking bit that we all don't care about, Kenya did the for real important thing and that was to perform LIVE! Yes, LIVE! her new song "Gone With The Wind Fabulous." Is anyone else failing to see what exactly is so fabulous about GWTW? Has Kenya seen the movie? Read the book?
Really? Really? I think I just had a horrible nightmare. Oh it was so bad. There were tone-deaf desperate middle aged women twirling around in too tight clothes, screaming about their butts and security and sperm donors and Gone With The Wind. They were looking for a broken pageant crown. And worst of all… THEY WERE SINGING! They swore people thought they were Beyoncé. More like Beyon-fake.
Then I woke up and realized I was just watching Watch What Happens Live where it was announced that Kenya Moore is releasing a song based on the catchphrase she thinks is going to happen. Yes, below you can listen to the Gone With The Wind Fabulous audio. It sounds like an 80's workout video and the Real Housewives of Atlanta star was erroneously mislead into believing her "rap" is cute.
Real Housewives of Atlanta continues to be a favorite among the Bravo franchise, which is amazing. It's rare that a show can bring in new and volatile cast members and still remain on top of the ratings. If you've been watching RHOA, you know that Kenya Moore fancies herself the show's new break-out star.
Of course, for me, it's refreshing to hear from someone other than Kenya. The usually quiet (give or take a housewives spat) Porsha Stewart has found her voice, and she wants to be known for her philanthropy moreso than any RHOA drama. Can you blame her? In the meantime, Porsha is working really hard to remember how many days are in a year. 365, Porsha, three hundred and sixty-five.
Kenya Moore is playing the age old game of 'No! I broke up with him!' She can keep telling herself that all she wants, but we all saw the last episode ofReal Housewives of Atlanta where Walter Jackson clearly said "This isn't working." Isn't Kenya lucky she has that whole Walter storyline to keep her in limelight?
In a new interview with OK! Magazine, Kenya insists she ended the relationship because Walter wouldn't commit to spending a life with her carrying his balls around and nagging him.
Kenya claims the fishing trip is when she decided it was over. Ya think? "The fishing trip was final closure for me. "
"Relationships don't work out all the time. But I felt deceived because he was not truthful with me," Kenya explains. "He was not a good person to me."
Last night on Real Housewives of Atlanta we learned valuable lessons can be gained from reality TV. Namely how NOT to get a man to marry you.Kenya Moore illustrated that point in the best way possible when she used every man repellant trick in the book to try and bamboozle Walter into dropping down on one knee. Do not beg a man on national TV to marry you – especially when the show you're on falls into the "reality TV" category. #HowNotToBehaveAndWhy
Things begin with NeNe Leakes,Gregg, and some not so subtle hints. Given that they're moving to LA so NeNe can hit the big time in Hollywood, Gregg has fished out their wedding champagne flutes and poured some wine and then Oooohhh… baby! Bryson shows up with his new daughter Bri'Asia and she is too cute. Awww… babies are even making me overlook NeNe's really unflattering, heftybag-looking brown jumpsuit.
NeNe and Gregg double-team Bryson with a Come To Jesus talk about getting a job, earning his own money and not neglecting his responsibilities. I personally love when NeNe and Gregg lecture – they need to do some sort of motivational speaking summit for parents of the wayward, cause they are hilarious. NeNe discusses her own past being a single mom at 21 and how it helped her get her act together. Hopefully the same can be done for Bryson!